You were sure you were going to spend the rest of your life together with her. You were sure she was “the one”. But, now it is all over, and you are wondering if she will ever come back.
These are some of the things that will determine if she will ever come back to you. First, it depends on if it was just an impulsive decision on her part. It also matters if she has other options. And, how you conducted yourself after she left will make a big difference on if she decides to come back or not.
So, let’s get into the details about if there is any chance of her coming back to your life
You want to consider if it was an impulsive decision on her part to leave you.
If it was, then there is a chance she will regret her decision once the dust settles, and she will want you back.
Did she have any history of suffering from bouts of depression or anxiety while you guys were together?
Did she struggle with extreme mood swings?
Was she the type to make a decision based on how she feels and regret afterward?
If you can answer these questions, you will be able to somewhat accurately gauge whether she is going to come back to you.
I used to live with one of my ex-girlfriends, and she would pack her stuff and leave to her parent’s place whenever we would fight
But, she would quickly change her mind after a few days and ended up back at our place, and that cycle repeated many times throughout our relationship.
She also tried breaking up multiple times just to see my reaction, and to see if I would cling onto her. Her mood changed on an hourly basis (She suffered from borderline personality disorder).
Based on the history of her behaviors throughout our relationship, I knew she would try to contact me and come back to me even after our break up, and she did.
But, I was ready to completely move on from her.
Looking back, it caused so much emotional distress in my life that I could barely focus on anything else in my life.
So, I want you to ask if you even want a girl like that back in your life.
If she is that mentally unstable, then she has likely caused (and is going to cause) a lot of headaches for you.
When the person close to you has such a negative influence on you constantly, then your life can quickly become a living hell.
So, it would be wiser for you to let her go at this point.
Does She Have Options?
This will also have a big influence on if she decides to come back to you or not.
I am sure you have heard of the term “Orbiters”.
These are the guys who remain as a girl’s friends, and they will try to swoop in like a vulture when the opportunity (to fornicate with her) arises.
Girls usually categorize their orbiters as losers she would not sleep with under most circumstances.
They mainly just use them as a source of validation and her other needs.
But, it can be a different story when she is going through a breakup, and she is craving for that “extra” male validation.
If she has done a good job of keeping her orbiters around while she was in a relationship with you, then she will have an ample source of male validation even after a break-up.
This means it will be easier for her to move on more quickly, which means the chance of her coming back to you is slim.
On the other hand, it is a completely different story if she barely has any friends, she is alone in a foreign country, and you are the only person she is close with.
She may get angry at you and temporarily decide to disappear from your life, but there is a good chance she will want to come back to you eventually.
A person without the option has no power. And when you are powerless, you have no choice but to depend on someone for you to survive.
If you are the only person she can depend on emotionally, then she will inevitably have to come back to you for her to survive.
On the flip side, this is precisely the reason why it is so important for you to strive for an abundance of options in your life as a man.
I want you to please be honest and answer this question.
Would you really be wondering if she will ever come back to your life if you had multiple other girls in your life, who were more attractive and cooler than this girl you are obsessing over?
The answer would be a clear no for most men.
So, isn’t it likely you are feeling such a strong attachment toward her out of neediness and desperation, rather than “love”?
While I would never advise anyone to cheat in a committed relationship (because that is just a scumbag move), I do believe it is a good idea for you to not completely cut all ties with your female friends.
How many times have you heard of a girl going out on the night of her breakup, and she sleeps with another man that same day.
I have seen this more times than I can count during my years of going out and talking to girls.
On the other hand, it is not unusual for men to go months (or even years) until they finally find a woman to fornicate with after their breakup.
The dating game has been heavily skewed in favor of women with the popularity of social media and online dating.
It has become increasingly difficult for average guys to have abundance in their dating lives.
But even ugly females are showered with validation on a daily basis with tens and hundreds of matches they get on online dating apps.
And hundreds and thousands of likes they receive for posting a half-naked picture of themselves on their social media account.
In this day and age, it is imperative for you to keep your options open as a man.
The length of the relationship can determine if she decides to come back.
How long have you guys been together?
If you guys have been dating for several years, then the void she feels from leaving you will be that much bigger (Unless you just kept dragging on a broken relationship, in which case, she may feel more motivated to move on).
It is not easy to just push that delete button on all the memories she shared together with you.
Your thoughts are going to constantly occupy her mind, and she will be thinking about you every time she passes the places you guys had been together.
The depth of the connection between you and her will have a big influence as well.
She may feel like you are the only person who truly understands her.
She may have shared things about her that she never ever shares with anyone else.
She may fear she will never ever find anyone like you.
So, even if she is temporarily angry at you, she will come back once she realizes you are irreplaceable with anyone else.
How You Act After She Left
The things you say and the things you do after she left, can have a serious effect on her desire to come back to you.
I made a mistake of begging for my ex-girlfriend to stay when she wanted to break up with me.
I was completely clueless about the psychology of females since it was my first relationship.
I really believed if I genuinely express how I feel toward her, then she will be moved by my sincere words.
The more I begged her to stay, the more she seemed to become certain that she does not want me.
So, why was that?
I was confirming to her that I am desperate.
By pleading her to stay, it was as if I was admitting that I have no other options if she were to leave me.
She sensed that, and it only repelled her further and further away from me.
Most “nice” guys hold such beliefs.
The nice guy believes that the girl does not want to come back because she does not yet understand just how much he cares for her.
He believes she will change her mind and come back to him if he writes her a long essay professing his unconditional love toward her.
But, this could not be further from the truth.
You have already lost value in her eyes at this point.
Whatever attempt you make to get her back is only seen as desperate and needy.
But here is the funny part (going back to my ex-girlfriend story).
When I decided I was ready to move on and communicated that to her, that is when she had a change of heart.
Only when I stopped chasing her, did she feel the urge to come back to me.
We don’t value something if we don’t have to work for it.
If you constantly chase and validate a girl who is pushing you away, you are voluntarily depreciating your value in her eyes.
On the other hand, when you push her away by refusing to chase her, she is the one who has to win you back.
Your validation is not a cheap commodity anymore.
It is something she has to work for.
This has been a consistent theme among the girls I’ve met throughout my years of going out.
Girls rarely ever appreciated my attempt at flattery, unless it made sense for me to compliment them.
Compliments that were given out to them like candy only backfired.
So, it is incredibly important for you to throw in a good mixture of compliments and takeaways (if the girl does something stupid) if you want your words to hold weight.
Does this mean you have to “consciously” play this game of “push and pull” with the girls you meet?
No. That would be an incredibly draining process and a huge waste of your mental effort.
No high-value man who is on his purpose would put so much of his time and effort into playing such games.
But, if you follow this one principle, you can have the same desired effect on girls without mentally draining yourself.
And that is to “just be yourself”.
As cliché as it sounds, you just need to be yourself with girls.
Let me elaborate a little before you get mad at me for giving the most standard advice ever.
Think about how you act around your family and your best friends.
I’m assuming you are relaxed around them, and you are just yourself for the most part.
You are nice to them at times. And you can be mean to them at times.
You don’t fake how you feel in front of them because there is no reason for you to impress them.
And that is how you want to be in front of girls.
You want to express yourself unapologetically.
When you do this, you will be polarizing.
Some girls will feel intense attraction toward you while others may hate your gut.
And it’s okay.
You want to be either loved or hated.
The person who is “liked” by everyone is the person who is “loved” by none.
Would you rather live the rest of your life having a mediocre relationship with a lot of people, or would you rather form amazing connections with the right people, even if you are hated by some?
I was always the people pleaser type growing up, and I always wondered why I seem to struggle to form a meaningful connection with anyone.
When I made a conscious decision to put myself out there without holding anything back, the world opened up to me.
I was able to form an amazing friendship with great people, and I dated girls that my old self would have thought were completely out of my league.
When you do the same, you will be amazed to see what difference it can make to your life.
More girls around you will start feeling attraction toward you, and the girl that ignored you will, all of a sudden, want to come back to you again.
But more importantly, you will become free from the shackle that was suffocating you.
And you will be able to experience the type of freedom you had never experienced in your life before.