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Why is it so darn hard to talk to girls?
Have you seen a man who beams with confidence in all areas of his life but shrivels in front of a woman he finds attractive?
I certainly have.
In fact, it is not uncommon to see a successful man turn into a complete sad case when talking to girls.
So, how can there be such a disconnect?
Let’s talk about that in this article.
You over-think because you put a girl on a pedestal.
You think she is there to judge you.
Do you have a difficult time talking to your mom or sister?
You don’t (or so I hope) often worry about how they perceive you because you know they are not there to scrutinize every one of your behaviors.
When you talk to girls, however, you subconsciously believe you have to “win them over”
“Hey, beautiful girl. What do I need to do get your number?”
“What do I need to do to take you out on a date?”
What do you notice when you read the lines above?
One thing that should immediately stand out to you is, that a man who says those lines, believes he needs to do something to make a girl want to spend time with him.
If you didn’t think there is anything wrong with those lines, then it likely means you subconsciously believe you should chase women to get them.
And that is the type of mentality that prevents you from talking to girls freely.
It is no wonder why you can’t talk to girls when you feel so much pressure to impress them.
You need to shift your perspective from viewing them as a divine being to just a vulnerable girl who wants to be loved.
Think about the last time you tried something for the first time.
How confident did you feel?
Your confidence to talk to girls comes from experience.
“Fake it until you make it” is just a short term strategy (unless it is accompanied by a ton of real-life experience) that is not going to lead to any meaningful changes in your personality.
The best way to gain a “real confidence” is to actually become competent at whatever you are trying to get good at.
So, if you have a hard time talking to girls, then your best cure is to simply talk to more of them.
You are going to suck.
You are going to fumble for words.
But eventually, you will reach a point that you don’t suck so much anymore.
And if you do it long enough, people will start to believe you were always naturally gifted with your ability to charm women.
What a crazy concept, eh?
Most people simply don’t talk enough as they go about their day, so it is no wonder they are terrible at talking to girls and people in general.
This problem has only gotten worse since the rise of social media.
It has gotten to a point that people think it is weird to talk on the phone.
Most young people prefer to text or exchange messages on their social media accounts.
But here is the problem.
You still have to talk to that girl when you meet her in person.
You cannot hide behind your computer if you want to take the interaction further.
You cannot get physically intimate with her over your phone (although you can certainly engage in dirty talking… but that is a topic for another day).
So, here is my suggestion.
Start talking more throughout the day.
When you are having a conversation with another person, make it a point to tell at least one interesting story or a joke.
If you are as socially awkward as I once was, it’s going to be tough.
But I assure you that you will get better over time.
And that short period of humiliation (if you can call it that) is totally worth it when you are able to freely express your thoughts and feelings to the world.
You were taught by your parents to always treat women with respect.
So you always make sure you steer far away from saying any and everything that may potentially offend the girl.
But, this is about the worst advice for a man who can’t talk to girls.
And don’t mistake me for telling you to be a misogynistic pig, who treats women like dirt.
I do firmly believe in mutual respect.
Here is what I mean.
I want you to talk to women just like how you would talk to your best friend.
Do you constantly worry about what to say or wonder if he’s judging every word you say when you talk to your best friend?
You most likely don’t.
You joke around and sometimes, you even say really outlandish things because you know he understands you do not mean anything bad.
You may be thinking, “Wouldn’t she still get offended if she barely knows me and I say something weird?”
That’s a valid point.
And here’s how you can prevent (or minimize) that.
When you talk to her, not only do you “say” things that you would say to your best friends, but you should also say them like “how” you would say to your best friends.
You need to adopt that same carefree vibe you have when talking to your friend.
When you make jokes to your friend, you are not primarily focused on his reaction.
You already know he accepts you for who you are.
Your primary focus is just on sharing that fun and carefree energy.
And that is precisely the same type of mindset you want to have when interacting with girls.
Sometimes, it does not have anything to do with you.
It may very well be there is just nothing between you and her.
You probably put too much pressure on yourself to carry a conversation when talking to girls.
But, you need to realize a good conversation is a two-way street.
The girl is just as responsible as you to make the conversation interesting.
If she is not a willing participant in a conversation, then you can only do so much until it fizzles out.
I still remember the days when I used to put the entire blame on myself when there was no spark between me and the girl. My neediness was evident. And, I constantly felt that urge to do something or say something to impress her and make her want me.
It was as if I indirectly communicated to girls, “Get ready for me to chase you because I’m a low value, beta male”. And they usually went along with it.
Once I became okay with not seeking validation from girls, everything changed for the better.
I was able to talk more freely without hesitation.
And I was able to give enough room for girls to chase me instead of the other way around.
If you suffer from extreme social anxiety, it is going to be really tough for you to talk to girls (especially the ones you find attractive).
Having suffered from serious social anxiety for a long time, I know it can completely destroy the quality of your life.
I mean… it really can’t get much worse than you literally suffocating while you are talking to another person.
If your anxiety is so bad that you can’t even get out of your house, then I would highly advise you seek professional help.
Here is my advice if it is a somewhat manageable form of anxiety.
Start out gradually and build up the nerve.
Practice talking to people who are close to you already: Your family, friends, and people you meet at work.
Your focus should not be on getting a girl’s number or going on a date with a girl at this point.
Your focus should be on being more relaxed around others.
As you get more and more comfortable being around people, you will naturally be able to express yourself in an authentic manner.
You don’t view them as just another human being.
Yeah, sounds ridiculous, huh? But, let me explain.
If you didn’t grow up with girls around you, you most likely do not understand on a deep level that they really are no different than you.
You understand in your head that we are all just human with similar desires but you don’t actually get it.
For example, we all logically understand we should steer away from having prejudices and biases against people of other races.
Why then do a lot of us still have them?
It is because we have never really met enough people of all races to truly understand on a deep level that they are just like us.
Have you personally met and interacted with an African person who puts a smart Asian guy to shame when it comes to academic achievement?
How about an Asian kid who can jump and sprint faster than most African people?
And it was only after those instances that my brain decided to peel away most of the biases that were sitting inside my brain.
It is the same when it comes to how you view girls.
Maybe, you just didn’t have much chance to talk to a lot of girls growing up.
And somewhere along the line, you developed this “idea” of how girls are like, some of them correct, but a lot of them that are far from reality.
I still remember back in my elementary school days, I wondered if attractive girls actually go to the bathroom just like us mere mortals (To be fair, I am sure a lot of kids wondered the same thing…).
As ridiculous as it may sound, that is the real type of thought that can linger in your head if you never had the opportunity to really get to know girls on a deep level.
And when you don’t view them as just another person with similar struggles and challenges as you have, it becomes awkward to talk to them.
It really is no surprise you struggle to talk to girls with such mentality.
It is programmed in your brain to fear the unknown.
And when girls are still “the unknown” in your reality, you are always going to feel that resistance to be yourself around them.
The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to talk to girls without any other ulterior motives.
Do not try to hit on them.
Simply try to get to know them and actually understand their fears and challenges.
Have you ever met a guy who can make girls feel at ease within just a few minutes of meeting him?
When you change your perspective from “them” to “one of us”, you will become that guy.
We briefly touched on this already. But you are hiding your intention.
You are putting on a “nice guy with no penis” façade when your brain is filled with thoughts like, “Damn, she’s got a nice booty”.
For whatever reason, you have this belief in your head that it is creepy to show your true desire to women.
So, you do everything you can to have a platonic conversation, when all you can think of is to just bend her over and be naughty with her.
You really can’t unleash your natural attractive self when you talk to girls with these conflicts in your mind.
You need to learn to be okay with showing girls that you have a penis (Don’t take it literally…) when you talk to her.
In fact, it will make you stand out from most guys who put on a fake mask to slide into a girl’s pants, as long as you communicate your intention in a way that a girl can relate.
Practice aligning your thoughts, actions, and words.
And you will start to glow with an attractive aura that magnetizes people effortlessly.
Anyway, you have no excuse to say you can’t talk to girls at this point.
Go out and prove the world and to yourself that you can indeed talk to girls with no fear!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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