So, let’s dive right into some of the reasons why you struggle so much to get this girl out of your head.
1. She is your only option
If a girl occupies your entire mind, then is it really a surprise that you can’t get her out of your head?
The less option you have in your dating life, the more you will start to obsess over one girl.
The same idea applies for a friendship or any other form of relationship for that matter.
If you rely your happiness on one person (or just a few), then your emotions will always be at the mercy of how that person treats you.
When he or she treats you nicely, you will feel great.
But as soon as that person treats you poorly, you will feel like crap.
This is the reason why you do not want to put all of your eggs in one basket even when it comes to relationship.
This may not be the most politically correct thing to say but it is ideal if you can have ‘alternatives’ in your dating life.
This does not mean I recommend you go out and cheat on your girl tonight.
That being said, I do recommend you keep in touch with your female friends and acquaintances.
This will allow you to feel more abundance rather than scarcity, and you won’t be so easily tempted to give your power away to a woman just because you feel the urge to get your private part wet.
2. You believe she is the best you will do
This is similar to what we had discussed in the first section, but a little different.
You may understand that there is a plenty of fish in the sea, but you may still believe (consciously or subconsciously) she is the best you will ever do.
And I’m sure a lot of men feel this way after a rough break-up.
When you are feeling the pain of a break up, your brain plays tricks on you to make you believe that you will never ever find another girl with such amazing connection.
And I can tell you how half of the earth’s population is made up of women and the chances of her being your most ideal woman out of billions of women is very slim, but it is likely not going to make you feel any better.
So, what is the best way to get out of such an illusion?
It is to channel all of your energy on self-improvement.
The more you develop yourself (It can be your fitness, your knowledge, or your career…), the more your brain will become re-wired to believe that you deserve a woman who is better than her.
The best way for you to re-gain confidence at this point of time is to actually become a man who is worthy of possessing a high level of confidence.
Your physical appearance is one of the easier things to fix immediately (apart from improving your body composition which takes some time and work).
Go get a fresh haircut and buy a new wardrobe that fits your body properly.
You also want to work on developing your mind muscle via meditation and reading.
This will help you from falling into a trap of obsessing over your physical appearance alone (Balance is the key…).
When you take care of your body and you are on an upward slope in terms of your career and life in general, you will be hard-pressed to not feel like you are a catch.
3. You do nothing else with your life
The more you let your mind freely wander, the more your mind will engage in useless thoughts (i.e. the thought of a girl you are obsessing over at this moment…).
There are a few things you can do to occupy your mind during these tough times.
For my first breakup, I decided to go out every single night and talk to new girls.
I wasn’t necessarily having sex with girls on a nightly basis (since I was still not that great with women at the time), but these constant encounters with women were enough to keep my mind from obsessing over my ex.
During my most recent breakup, I decided to spend all of my time working.
I was working (mostly physical labor) 12 hours a day on average, and this absolutely prevented me from dwelling over my ex since I was just too damn exhausted do anything apart from working and sleeping.
I’ve also used intense physical exercises (hitting the gym daily for hours or learning martial arts) as a way to successfully get over my ex in the past.
It really is up to you to decide what method best suits you given your current situation.
But whatever you decide to do, you want to make sure it forces you to focus on task at hand, and it sufficiently exhausts you to the point that you have no capacity left to dwell over her when you are alone.
4. You relied on just her for emotional support
This is especially a common mistake you are likely to make if you are inexperienced in a relationship department.
When you fall for a girl, you start to revolve your entire life around her.
You eat with your girl, sleep with her, go to the movies with her, and spend every second of your day with her.
You reach a point where you have no desire to spend your time with anyone else because she is the most precious thing in your life.
And your brain will trick you into believing this is perfectly fine and normal when you are in love with a girl.
But you will quickly realize this was a big mistake when you break up with her (which will most likely happen… statistically speaking).
What you did was you essentially trained yourself to only rely on her for emotional support when you guys were together.
Now, you do not know any better than spending your time with her when you are going through a difficult time.
You would’ve had much easier time getting over her if you had not neglected your family and friends while you were with the girl.
So, I hope this serves as an important reminder for your future relationship.
Do not put all of your eggs in one basket.
Do not make a mistake of revolving your entire life around one girl.
Not only is this better for your mental well-being, but you are also doing a service for the girl.
The less you base your life around a girl, the less needy you will become.
I don’t think I need to explain that neediness is possibly one of the most unattractive traits you can possess as a man.
In sum, spend time with your family and friends even when you are in a relationship, have your own free time, and still talk to other ‘girl’ friends.
Not only will these increase your attractiveness in a girl’s eyes, but you also won’t feel so distraught if you do eventually break up with her.
5. You are lonely
You want to be very clear on whether you miss her because you actually genuinely miss her or if it is simply due to loneliness.
Unfortunately, most men are extremely bad at being honest about this matter.
It is hard for a man to admit that he can’t get a girl out of his head because he is a desperate loser without any option.
So, the first step is to be able to view your current situation as it is without lying to yourself.
I can assure you, however, that it is going to be extremely difficult for you to know if you’ve got real feelings for the girl, or if you are just settling for her unless…
You actually have other ‘options’ available to you.
But to be honest, the truth often reveals itself when you are seeing other girls who are as hot (if not hotter) as your ex.
If you hang out with a bunch of hot girls (who are as equally interested in you as you are into them), and you still feel like you can’t get over this girl, then I’ll give you a benefit of doubt that your feelings may very well be genuine.
But my guess is that more than 90% of men would easily move on from their past girl under the scenario I mentioned above.
And they will soon realize what they had initially thought was a ‘special connection’ was merely a confusion in their brain that arose from lack of options in their dating lives.
My advice will always be the same for overcoming your neediness toward a particular girl.
Go find yourself a girl(s) that is as hot (or hotter) than the girl you are obsessed with
Find something you are so passionate about that the female attention no longer becomes the first priority in your life.
There are other things you can do to speed up the process of getting over a girl, but these two are by far the most effective ways to not become so attached to one girl.
6. What you should not do if you can’t get her out of your head
I want to end this article by emphasizing this one point because I see so many men make this devastating mistake when they can’t get over a girl.
What you want to avoid at all cost is initiating contact with her (especially if the girl wanted to stop seeing you first).
If she doesn’t want to see you, the last thing you want to do is to reach out to her first over text or call.
You may wrongly assume that you can change her mind by genuinely expressing your heartfelt message.
But, that isn’t quite the case.
In reality, you are only further cementing your position as a needy, pathetic loser in her mind.
So, the only right move in such a scenario is to cut off contact with her and never look back.
That being said, I want you to be very clear on what sort of mindset you need to adopt when you cut off contact with her.
You are not cutting off contact with her as a way to win her back.
You are going no contact on her as a way to focus on your own life.
When you stop contacting her, just assume she will never come back and focus on living your life.
The sooner you accept this, the faster you are going to move on from her.
A lot of girls will want to chase after your validation once they realize you have completely moved on from them.
When a girl re-initiates contact with you, it is up to you to decide where you want to take that.
But, there is a good chance you will not want her back because you are already happy with your life.
I want you to use this time as an opportunity to learn how to be happy on your own without having to rely on girls to elevate your emotional state.
A girl does not want to date a little puppy that she can control so easily.
The more you can demonstrate you do not need her to be happy (while showing you appreciate her presence), the more she is going to crave for your attention.
Women (and men) naturally want something that is valuable, and it is no different when it comes to our desire for the opposite sex.
If a girl can so easily influence your emotional state, that indirectly communicates to her that you are a low value male, and her attraction for you will naturally fade away over time.
So, it is important that you fill up your schedule with things that you enjoy doing apart from spending all of your time with her.
I’m not the one to advocate men to act like an asshole, but it is crucial you don’t make a mistake of revolving your entire life around her.