Let’s be real. There really is no glory in being a virgin as a man.
I can tell you all the encouraging words in the world.
I can tell you it is not a big deal, and you will eventually find the right person.
But, at the end of the day, you are still going to feel less of a man if you haven’t lost your virginity as a grown man.
I remember looking into the mirror being a virgin at the age of 26 and thinking to myself, “What the heck is wrong with me?”
I would look at other average or even below average looking men walk around with cute girls, and it puzzled me why I can’t attract any girls to save my life.
And it was only later I found out it had absolutely nothing to do with my looks or race, and everything to do with this one thing I was lacking (which I will soon discuss in this article).
You may relate to this, but I always felt handicapped in any form of social interactions.
Every time my friends (men) talked about different girls that they have been with, my heart would start racing faster at the fear of them possibly finding out I’m a virgin (I made sure to not tell anyone I am a virgin since I was so insecure about it).
I literally had nothing to talk about when it came to my experience with girls (Not only was I a virgin but I was a “kissless virgin” until the age of 26).
This prevented me from freely expressing myself to others, and I failed to connect with people in a meaningful way.
And the situation was not much better with girls.
I still remember when I was 25 years old, and I was attending school at the time, working on my second degree.
One day, I was talking to one of my classmates, and she was extremely stressed out about her upcoming exam.
She began to have a little bit of a mental breakdown in front of me and started tearing up.
I proceeded to awkwardly stand there and told her everything is going to be alright.
But little did I realize it would get even more awkward shortly after.
Once she was done crying, she reached out for a hug and I reciprocated back with the most awkward hug she’s probably ever received in her life.
In fact, she appeared more uncomfortable after I hugged her.
That’s the type of awkward interactions I had with girls on a daily basis as a 26-year-old virgin.
Women were scary creatures that caused anxiety and panic attacks.
I did, however, manage to go from being an awkward 26-year-old virgin to having more experiences with women than I ever thought was possible in my lifetime.
But what meant way more to me than that was the type of person I became during the process of improving my social skill.
And I want to share how I went about transforming my life in this article.
Should you be ashamed to be a virgin as a man?
I want to cut the BS and be straight up honest with you.
Being a virgin as a man in today’s world is not something to brag about.
I do not want you to become apathetic about your situation, but I do want you to have a sense of urgency.
I want you to stop believing in this BS narrative – “Just focus on your career and you will find the right person eventually” – that the society has been feeding you.
If you want to lose your virginity and you want to find the right woman, then you need to specifically put your effort into fixing that issue (since it has not resolved on its’ own at this point).
Stop believing you have to look a certain way or make a certain amount of money for you to be attractive to girls.
There are plenty of losers with no jobs that have no trouble attracting cute girls.
You are most likely not a virgin for the reasons you think.
We will soon discuss specific actions you can take to lose your virginity, so continue reading.
Is it a good idea to tell women you are a virgin?
Is it ever a good idea to tell women you are a virgin?
I do admire your honesty if you believe you should let a girl know you are a virgin.
If you believe in full transparency with the girls you interact, then I have nothing but respect for upholding your own value.
But there is also no reason for you to broadcast your virgin-ness to the world.
Whether you like it or not, there is a lot of negative stigmas attached to being a virgin as a grown man.
And your perceived value is most likely going to dip once the girl finds out you are a virgin.
Some may argue, you wouldn’t want to be with the type of girl who judges you for being a virgin.
And I would say that’s a fair point.
But, I would also say that is an incredibly naïve and idealistic view to adopt.
I am judgmental. You are judgmental. And people are judgmental in general.
There is no reason for you to go out of your way to voluntarily feed their pre-existing bias.
But, if the girl asks if you are a virgin and you believe in full honesty then, by all means, tell the truth.
I’ll be honest. When I got into a relationship with my first girlfriend at the age of 26, I let my insecurity take over, and I did not tell her the truth when she asked me about my past relationships.
I told her I had a couple of flings here and there in the past (which was a lie).
It was a rather comical moment when I first had sex with her, and I almost snuck my tootsie roll into a different entrance while I was going from behind.
But, she never questioned any further about my inexperienced-ness.
In sum, I would advise you to be honest if the girl directly asks you if you are a virgin. But, I would not advise you to go out of your way announce it to every girl you interact with.
How old is too old to be a virgin?
You may perhaps be wondering how old is too old to be a virgin?
And there is no obvious answer to this.
But based on my anecdotal evidence, it would be safe to say most people (both men and women) start worrying about losing their virginity, once they are past the age of 18 in Western countries.
I thought I was a special case to still be a virgin at the age of 26 (and it’s certainly not common by any means).
But throughout my years of going out, I’ve met more than a handful of people who were still virgins in their 30s and even 40s.
So, whatever age you are, realize you are not alone.
Most men just stay away from openly talking about being a virgin because they are ashamed to admit it.
But, I do want to make one point.
Whatever age you are, I want you to stop thinking it is okay to not do anything about it if you are still a virgin (If you are a grown man that is…).
I want you to feel that urgency to make changes. Without feeling that little bit of pressure, you may very well still be a virgin even a decade later.
Why you are still a virgin
Why haven’t you lost your virginity yet?
And I’m just going to assume it has nothing to do with your religious or cultural values since you are reading an article titled, “Why am I STILL a virgin”.
So, let’s talk about some of the possible reasons why you are still a virgin.
You are a virgin because your standard is too high
You may have this ideal image of a girl that you want to date, and you are not willing to compromise your standard under no circumstance.
And I have nothing but respect for guys who have standards.
That is the characteristic that is hard to find in men in this day and age.
But, here is the problem.
Right now, you barely have any experience with women.
What do you think would happen to a newly hired salesman, with no prior sales experience, who decides to set his goals to only do deals that are over a million dollar?
He would most likely not get a single deal during the time he works there, and he would be fired eventually.
He lacks sufficient experience to play in the big leagues.
A better approach would have been for him to slowly build up his skill and accumulate more experience by selling items that are a lower price.
You do not want to be too picky with the women you choose to interact if you are still a virgin.
You don’t necessarily have to try to be physically intimate with every woman you interact with, but it’s a good idea to be willing to have a conversation with a wide range of women.
That will help build up your skill with women a lot faster. And this, in turn, will help you lose your virginity quicker.
You are a virgin because you don’t go out
This is a no brainer.
This would be equivalent to wanting to become a professional football player without ever stepping on the field.
You are not even “in the game”.
And this is one of the major issues why I stayed as a virgin for so long.
I was in my room playing World of Warcraft during my late teens and into my early 20’s.
And I still had the audacity to come up with all the BS excuses for my lack of success with women.
I would spend hours and hours searching for what women like or do not like.
And I would develop this skewed perception of what women want in men, which would further stifle me from going out and talking to girls (Because my head was filled with all the BS information without a clear sense of the truth).
If you don’ take the initiative to go out and approach girls as a man, then you will always be at the mercy of “luck”.
And what does this mean for most guys?
It means you will be lucky to date one girl (and most likely not even the girl you like) every ten years.
And that is for men who are even willing to capitalize on whatever opportunity that comes by.
If you never go out and you are completely oblivious to the signs a girl gives, and you have no clue how to move the interaction forward with girls, then it really is not difficult to stay as a virgin for the rest of your life.
There is going to be a lot of resistance for you to change initially.
We naturally resist changes and have a preference for staying idle.
But, you have to make a simple choice between the two options.
Would you rather live the rest of your life being a virgin and stay in a rut, or are you willing to endure that temporary pain to experience beautiful things that life has to offer?
You are a virgin because you are ugly
It’s unlikely you are a virgin because you are too ugly.
It surely is convenient to blame something that is out of your control, so you don’t have to work.
Go out to any populated areas and observe couples.
There are plenty of men who come in all shapes and sizes, walking around with cute girls.
I’ve witnessed all types of different men get incredible results with women from years of going out…
Short, tall, young, old, bald, Asian, White, Indian, Black, Beard, clean shaven… You name it.
In fact, one of the guys I knew who had the most success with girls was a 5’4 (163 cm) Filipino dude.
No matter how ugly you think you are, there are going to be girls out there who love you for who you are unconditionally (Women have a wide range of preference as much as guys).
But, are you are willing to go through that “filtering process” – while facing countless rejections – to find the one that is compatible with you.
That is the real question.
You are a virgin because of your hygiene
If you want to stop being a virgin, you simply must take care of your hygiene.
If you look like a homeless person and you have a dragon breath that makes run away, then you can kiss your chance goodbye with girls.
For most women, there is nothing less attractive than a man who does not take care of his hygiene.
How can you expect her to value you if you don’t value yourself?
How to lose your virginity as a man
Let’s now get into the specifics of how you can eliminate the curse of being a virgin.
As we said earlier, the first step is to get out of your place and meet people.
So, what is next?
Start with your friends to lose virginity
Don’t look far.
The easiest way to meet girls is through friends.
Some people might argue meeting girls online is the easiest route, but that is not the case if you are an average (or a below average) looking virgin who likely hasn’t yet developed enough awareness to even know what a girl finds attractive.
And even if you rely on online dating apps, you still have to meet girls in real life.
So, you may as well get used to talking to girls in real life first.
If you are physically attracted to your female friend, then show your intention instead of being her little beta orbiter.
You will polarize her and she will either accept your advance or cut ties with you.
And whatever happens, it’s still a win for you.
If you don’t have any female friends, then start doing cool things with your guy friends.
And talk to girls from school or work and invite them out to join you guys.
That is a very low-pressure way of inviting girls out.
By doing this, you will get a chance to be more comfortable with the girl before things progress any further between you and her.
And there will be a lot less awkwardness when you do end up on the bed with her.
Stop hanging out with these people to lose virginity
And when I say “these” people, I mean other virgins
People who you spend the most time with have a big influence on your mindset and behaviors.
If you constantly spend most of your time with other virgin men, then it is easy to fall into the trap of being bitter together without doing anything to improve your situation.
If this applies to you, then it is time for you to find a new group of friends.
You may feel bad about cutting contact with your friends, but you need to realize you are not doing them any service by continually hanging out with them.
You can either all sink together to the rock bottom or you can inspire them and raise them up.
And you do that by taking charge of your life and being an example for them to follow.
Not only will this help you lose your virginity faster, but it will also improve the overall quality of your life, by allowing you to flush away all the toxic mentality.
When you are away from the influence of others, you are able to think more clearly.
And it will be easier for you to have a clearer sense of how you want to live your life as opposed to adopting the view of those around you.
I encourage you to find a cool group of friends who are like-minded and motivated to improve their life. But, it’s absolutely fine if you have to be alone for a while during this process.
Remember this quote, “Eagles fly alone”.
You are much better off being alone than being surrounded by a group of unmotivated people who bring you down.
Improve your sub-communication to lose virginity
I won’t go into great detail on sub-communication in here since I have already written tens of articles on the importance of sub-communication.
Let me just briefly tell you the basic sub-communication you must absolutely master to attract girls.
1. Eye contact – You need to be able to look at a girl in the eye. You are going to be looking into her eyes when you sleep with her (Or hopefully you do…).
Not only does a lack of eye contact communicate a lack of confidence, but it is also difficult to form a connection with a girl when you are not looking at her in the eyes.
2. Vocal tonality – If you speak with a voice tone that goes up at the end of each sentence, eliminate that habit for the rest of your life. This is a sign of trying to seek rapport with the person you interact with.
But, speaking with that tonality is actually going to prevent you from gaining rapport with her. Your neediness will be evident to her. The tone you want to use instead is the “neutral tonality”.
The tone you would normally use when you are talking to your good friends. With this tone, you communicate that you are comfortable around them, and you are not trying hard to impress them.
3. Proximity – You need to get used to standing close to a girl than what you are normally comfortable with. I know this is a big mental hurdle for a lot of men who are inexperienced with women.
But, close proximity leads to increased sexual tension. And you never want to shy away from sexual tension if you want to lose your virginity.
On a side note, you also want to eliminate any sort of “pacifying behaviors”.
This refers to behaviors that are intended to reduce other person’s aggression toward you.
It is basically any behaviors you make to feel more comfortable when you are feeling nervous in front of girls.
This can manifest as blinking too much, tapping your feet, scratching your shoulder or your nose, or moving your hands and feet nervously.
You are likely to display some of these pacifying behaviors if you are a virgin since you probably feel really nervous and tense around women.
You want to be mindful of these little weird things you do when talking to girls, and consciously remove these bad habits one at a time.
Find hobbies to lose your virginity
My hobby has been lifting for a long time.
I naturally spent a lot of my times at the gym and slowly began to make friends with the people there.
And I met my first girlfriend at the gym as well.
Think about where you spend most of your time (other than your place).
Do you have any hobbies where you can interact with a lot of people?
If you do, then start talking to people there.
Socializing this way is the most time-efficient way to improve your people skills
Not only do you have a common interest with them, but they are also much more likely to be receptive toward you since you are familiar with them already.
If you do not have any hobbies, then you just need to have the willingness to try out a lot of different things.
Sign up for gym membership, yoga, meditation club, etc.
And find out what you like.
Ask a girl out to stop being a virgin
Once you have done the previous steps, it is time to man up and ask a girl out.
There is no easy way around this other than you just taking the plunge and going for it.
It is going to be nerve-wracking and your heart is going to beat faster than you ever imagined possible, but you need to go for it.
I remember the first time I asked a girl’s number (apart from my first girlfriend).
She was a tall, beautiful blonde girl I knew from school.
My hands started visibly shaking as I entered her number into my phone.
But, I still went for it.
The pain of reverting back to my old self far outweighed whatever temporary rejection I may face from asking her out.
And I want you to do the same.
If you are a virgin and you have not experienced any meaningful connection with the opposite sex, there is a good chance you have accumulated a lot of pain inside of you.
Do not avoid that pain.
I want you to embrace that pain you feel, and I want you to use it as a fuel to propel yourself forward.
You don’t have to feel inspired to be ready to take action and change yourself.
If being angry at yourself helps you to go out and talk to people, then use that.
If fear motivates you to take action, then use that.
You are going to start feeling more comfortable as you talk to more and more girls.
Eventually, you are going to be able to relax around girls and be your natural attractive self around them.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey to lose your virginity!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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