“You should never talk about such and such with the girl you just met…!”
“You should never say this or that on the first date..!”
All of us have heard our friends give their strong opinions about what we can or can’t talk about with girls on our first date.
It’s actually hilarious to see how so many guys think they’ve got all this shit figured out about what they can or can’t say to a girl.
I still vividly remember my friends trying to lecture me on this topic when I had zero experience with girls.
And I felt it’s important to touch on this point before we talk about what to actually talk about with a girl.
Because a mere fact that you are asking this question tells me you already have this idea of what you should or shouldn’t say to a girl.
Polarizing jokes… A big no-no..?
Let me start out by telling you a little story of the incident I had when I had zero clues on what works and what doesn’t when talking to girls.
This one time, I was at the gym and talking to one of my female friends who is mixed (half-black & half-white)
She had a feeling for one of my closest friends (Let’s call him John), who had a thing for just black girls.
Knowing this, I jokingly told her, “I suppose you at least meet half of his requirement since you’re half-black.”
My friend, Chris, overheard me say this and proceeded to lecture me on why I can’t say stuff like that to girls.
At the time, I just took his word for it since I had no experience with girls whatsoever.
So was he right?
“People who think they know it all are the ones that know the least…”
The truth is always somewhere in the middle.
If you make polarizing jokes, you will come across girls who will get offended no matter how good you are at conveying it was just a joke.
You are now then presented with two options:
1. Never ever make jokes that may offend girls. Make it your life mission to conform to what society tells you what you should or shouldn’t do.
2. Be willing to say things that are on your mind even if you think it may offend some, and learn through experience how people respond to certain things you say. Find out through experience what works and what doesn’t yourself.
My personal view on this
Having said that, I’ll offer my personal take on this.
The last thing you want to have happened is for the girl to not have felt anything after the interaction.
It’s a persuasion principle 101.
People make decisions with emotion and justify with logic after.
If you want her to take certain actions you desire, then you NEED to move her emotion.
If you’re a good looking dude who is ok with getting average to somewhat cute girls on a consistent basis, then all you have to do is approach enough times.
If, however, you do not live up to an ideal image fed by our society (which is really who this website is for), then you want to learn to leave an imprint on her mind.
The best way to leave that lasting impression
And the best way I’ve found to accomplish this is by not being afraid to show yourself as exactly who you are.
I wish I can think of a better word to describe this but I can’t think of any.
So let’s just call it being polarizing for now.
But, I’m not just talking about being polarizing in a conversation.
Be polarizing in the way you lead her.
Be polarizing in the way you are not afraid to talk about your vulnerable past.
Be polarizing in the way you are not afraid to ask her to buy you a drink because she showed up few minutes late to a date (Not in a butthurt way but with a playful undertone for fuck sake..)
Now that we’ve covered a fundamental principle, let’s dive into specifics of what you can talk about with a girl
Topic #1 – Your life and her life
Just a pretty standard stuff really.
Where you grew up..
Things you studied..
I’ll add this one thing though.
When you’re talking about some of this rather typical stuff, try telling her what excites you about that.
Say you’re into lifting.
Tell her what it is about lifting that excites you.
What it is about going to the gym that that gets you up at 6 in the morning to exercise.
At the same time, do NOT be afraid to talk about your insecurity.
Maybe, you started out going to the gym because you were insecure about your frail physique and you wanted to impress girls.
Then talk about that.
But, also talk about how you eventually fell in love with seeing progress in the gym.
Seeing your health improve and how that transferred over to every other aspect of your life.
You get the drift.
Doing this will allow her to really experience what type of person you are.
Topic #2 – Time to get to know more about her adventurous side
Now that she feels more comfortable with you, you can turn up a notch a little.
So what can you talk about at this point?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the last 5 months..?
When you ask this question, she will inevitably think about some nasty, nasty things she’s done with other guys in the past.
I hope you realize by now that many girls are as sexual as guys if not more, but most of them are reluctant to overtly admit it due to fear of judgment.
There is a good chance she will give you a very standard answer such as, “Oh.. this one night, me and my friends went skinnydipping after a girl’s night out and it was such a crazy experience..!”
But, she will be thinking about something else in the corner of her mind. Trust me.
And that is good because you want her to feel comfortable thinking and talking about sex when she’s with you.
Topic #3 – Is talking about past relationship always a big no-no?
People have very strong opinions on this.
There are some that argue you should never talk about your past when you’re on your first date.
While you certainly don’t have to purposely steer the conversation into that direction, why not talk about it if it makes sense within the context of the conversation?
Your past relationships can have a big effect on forming the type of person you’ve become today.
And the entire point of the first date is to get to know the person in front of you.
The faster you guys can get to know each other, the better.
That way, you don’t waste each other’s time if it turns out you two are not a good match.
So, do not be so afraid to talk about past relationships with her.
Let me tell you this, however.
Try your best to refrain from talking badly about your ex no matter what a crazy bitch she was.
This won’t serve any purpose other than making you look bitter, and have her think you still haven’t gotten over your ex.
Is talking about your passion really the best way to mesmerize her?
I had to cover this topic because I’ve heard a LOT of dating coaches say this.
“Just talk about your passion because you will brighten up and exude so much positive energy when you do so. She will become hooked and addicted to your passion and liveliness!”
I would first like to note it’s not necessarily a terrible advice especially for a beginner who has trouble coming up with things to talk about.
I do, however, believe there is a better way to view this than to simply talk about your little (or big) passion she could not give a jack.
Just watch American Idol to study what kind of story you should tell?
Let’s take a look at shows like American Idol.
Think of a contestant with a really great singing as equivalent to a really attractive dude.
And the story they present on the show as the story you would be telling a girl.
Why do videos of contestants who have some type of struggling story often go viral over those who’s an amazing singer without any stories to share?
Because we love hearing stories about underdogs especially when it’s something that we can relate to.
So what stories can MOST people relate to?
Any stories related to..
1) Parents – We all (most of us) have parents.
2) Annoying siblings – We all have annoying siblings but we still love them.
3) Pets – Most girls love dogs and cats.
4) Insecurities – Everyone’s insecure about something no matter how much they appear to have everything figured out.
Be mindful of not ending your story with just a sob ending.
Make sure to let her know how you overcame your struggles as well.
Otherwise, she will just feel sorry for you, and I’m sure you probably don’t want her to pity-fuck you.
But wouldn’t talking about deep stuff make her want to hold out on sex..?
I know a handful of people who think showing your vulnerability and talking about your past will make the girl hold out on sex.
Because that apparently make her view you as someone who can potentially be her boyfriend.
I don’t agree with that notion at all.
Are there some girls who just want to fuck your brains out and not want to have anything to do with you after?
Does that represent a majority of girls?
Most girls like to at least fantasize about the possibility of this one night developing into something more meaning than just a one-time thing.
Please don’t twist my word after reading that sentence.
I’m NOT most girls want to get into a relationship with the guys they sleep with.
I’m saying most girls at least like the idea of having a possibility that it can potentially develop into something more meaningful.
When you don’t show any of your vulnerable sides, it makes it that much harder for her to paint that possibility in her mind.
When you are willing to show vulnerability, however, you make it much easier for her to think that you’re not like every other guy who just wants to sleep with her.
Anyway, that’s it for now.
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I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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