What to Say when Approaching a Girl?

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What exactly are you supposed to say (and talk about) when you first approach a girl?

It is a nerve-wracking experience to initiate a conversation with a beautiful girl you barely know.

Not only are you going to learn what to say in this article, but you will also learn the best type of conversation to have to create a deep connection with a girl.

Make sure you don’t skip the 4th point as it is the most important lesson in this article.

1. Make a comment about your observation

It is important that you first lead the conversation by sharing your thoughts or commenting about what you have observed about her.

When you approach a girl, not only is it anxiety-inducing for yourself, but girls also feel anxious to be approached by a man.

Needless to say, it is difficult for her to talk when she is feeling nervous.

So, it is important that you initially carry the burden of a conversation by making a statement about the reason you approached her.

Ideally, you do not want to be bombarding her with questions as soon as you approach her.

Girls love to talk but only when they are comfortable with the person they are talking to.

It is not going to be too much pressure for her to be bombarded with hundreds of different questions by a stranger she barely knows.

Let’s talk about the different types of statements you want to make when you approach a girl.

Her facial expression

I love to comment about a girl’s facial expression when I first approach her.

It comes off as genuine because you are commenting on what you notice about her at that exact moment.

It also puts a girl in her head a little bit which is not exactly a bad thing because she is more likely to try to justify her behavior (which puts her in the frame of chasing you instead of the other way around).

There is no reason for you to over-think what to say about her facial expression.

You can simply tell her she looks excited, bored, focused, etc.

Her body language

You can also comment on her body language.

It may be the way she is standing, the way she is crossing her arms, or the way she is walking.

One thing I like to do is to mimic a girl’s body language in an exaggerated manner.

This will instantly make a girl laugh and lighten up the mood.

Her outfit

If she is wearing something that stands out, you can make a comment about it.

This is usually my least preferred way of initiating a conversation with a girl out of the three possible options I’ve listed so far in this section.

Based on my experience, girls usually respond better to the first two (comments about their facial expressions or body language) rather than comments about their outfit.

But, it is still not a bad idea to comment about her outfit if you are genuinely intrigued by what she is wearing.

I would, however, avoid using it as a crutch if you could actually care less about what she is wearing.

Should you be direct?

So, is it a good idea to be direct when you approach and talk to a girl?

Generally speaking, I advise you against being direct with a girl you approach.

While we would love to think that a girl loves a confident man who is not afraid to show his intention, it is often not how it works in real-life.

It is true that a girl loves a confident guy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants him to reveal all of his cards from the get-go.

This kills a lot of tensions and curiosity about a guy (which can be an important part of the initial attraction), and she may quickly lose interest as a result.

2. Ask questions about her

So, you started off your interaction by making a statement, and you even managed to make her laugh.

She seems a little less stifled and more open to talk to you.

What is the next step?

Once you get her interest, it is time to ask her questions.

And it only makes sense since you approached her to get to know her better.

You can start off your interaction by asking basic questions, such as where she is from, what she does, and the places she’s traveled.

Some people may think it is lame to ask these questions, and they would rather jump straight to talking about deeper stuff.

But, you need to realize that a girl barely knows anything about you when you first approach her.

She needs to be warmed up to talking about these deeper topics.

This does not mean you want to be forever stuck in this phase of ‘get to know each other’ by asking basic questions.

You want to quickly transition out of it by asking her the type of questions that will allow you to connect with her on a deeper level.

Here are some examples of the questions you can ask.

  1. What makes you most excited to get up in the morning?
  2. What was your childhood like growing up? Were you the popular kid, or the shy one?
  3. When was your first relationship? Why did you guys break up?
  4. What is the most important thing you look for in a guy?

When you ask these questions, I want you to make sure you don’t ask them as if you are interrogating her.

You want to ask them in a manner that makes it sound like these are perfectly normal questions to ask.

3. Relate to her by sharing your story 

But, you obviously don’t want to be asking her one question after another.

There is a better way to connect with a girl than simply bombarding her with questions.

For example, when she answers one of your questions and she opens up a little, you can share your own story to relate to her.

Let’s say you ask her how she was like as a kid, and she tells you that she was more of a shy type growing up.

That is a good opportunity to share your own childhood story.

In such a case, I would personally tell a girl how I suffered from extreme social anxiety growing up and talk about what I did to overcome my anxiety.

You can communicate a lot about yourself by telling a good story.

Whatever qualities you want to demonstrate to a girl, whether it is your resiliency, introspectiveness, or thoughtfulness, it is a lot better when you communicate those qualities via your story.

When you directly tell a girl you are this and that, then it just becomes bragging.

But, when you communicate your qualities with a good story, you are helping her reach her own conclusion about what you are like as a person.

And that is a much more powerful way to elevate your value in a girl’s eyes.

If you apply this approach to your conversation with a girl, then you won’t have to worry too much about ever running out of things to say.

To sum up this section…

  1. Make a statement (ideally, a light-hearted comment that would make her smile or laugh) about her, so she opens up.
  2. Start off with basic questions and slowly transition into deeper questions.
  3. Relate to her by sharing your own story or perspective.

4. Close the deal

So, you mustered up the courage to approach her.

You made her laugh.

You connected with her on a deeper level by asking her questions and sharing stories about yourself.

What now?

You need to take the initiative to progress your interaction at this point.

Even if a girl really likes you, she is usually not going to ask your number or ask you out on a date.

So, it is on you to do what is necessary to make things happen.

I want you to ask her if she wants to hang out with you sometime.

If she says yes, then you want to ask what her plan is for the week (or the weekend).

It’s better if you figure everything out in person as opposed to trying to set up a date over text messages.

You usually end up wasting a lot of time when you are trying to set up a date over text, and neither you nor the girl has to play an unnecessary game of “I’m going to wait for 3 hours before I text so I don’t look desperate” if you sort everything out in person.

Once you figure out her schedule and you guys set up a date to hang out, then it is only natural for you to get her number.

There will be no awkwardness when you ask for her number at that point.

Anyway, I hope this article helped you get a clearer sense of what to say when you approach a girl.

I wish you the best of luck!

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