This is one of the first questions you would be asking when you start out this journey called getting better with girls.
It was not too long ago I was still a virgin and wondered if I would ever be able to find that one special girl who will be by my side through all the ups and downs.
Once I finally decided enough is enough and started approaching girls, I realized there is one big fear that constantly held me back.
That is.. how do I talk to girls? What do I say? This is the right guide for you if you are having that same question in your mind that I had for decades.
It does NOT matter WHAT you say to girls if you don’t get this one thing right
I have to emphasize this point because this is the recurring problem I see over and over again from 99% of the guys who begin approaching girls.
So, what is that ‘one’ thing that you really need to fix if you want girls to listen to what comes out of your mouth?
It’s your damn voice.
If you don’t fix your voice, it does NOT matter what words you say, girls will lose interest FAST unless she is really attracted to you.
So what do I mean by ‘fixing’ your voice?
The girl needs to be able to hear what you say.
Now.. don’t go overboard by trying extra hard to be super loud and confident unless that is how you talk naturally.
Girls can easily sense there is something off, and you are over-compensating. This is a surefire way to annoy girls and everyone around you.
Nonetheless, you need to make sure your voice is clear and loud enough that she doesn’t have to keep asking you to repeat as this will kill the interaction quicker than anything else.
Want to grab her attention? Whatever you say, say it like you mean it when you talk to her
Ever had times when someone was asking you boring questions and it was clear he really didn’t give a shit about the questions he’s asking.
I bet you couldn’t wait for him to leave.
Here’s the truth.
What topics you talk about and what questions you ask her doesn’t matter nearly as much as ‘how you sound‘ when you talk to her.
Why how you speak matters more than what you say
Say there is this beautiful and heart touching lyrics written by the world-class lyricist.
But, it is sung by a singer who is completely tone deaf and off-pitch on every single note he sings.
Do you think he would be able to deliver even 1/10th of emotion that’s contained within the lyrics?
Say you just approached this cute girl at the gym and you ask her,
“Are you from [Whatever city]?”
This rather boring question can elicit a wildly different response from the girl depending on how you say it.
When you say it with a boring and blend tone, she will feel you do not give a damn about the answer and it’s just an excuse for you to creep on her.
On the other hand, when you say it with a tone that contains a genuine curiosity then that alone will increase your odds of drawing her into a conversation by tenfold.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
When you are talking to girls, always make sure these two things are in check:
1. Make sure she can clearly hear what you’re saying. Having to repeat over and over again will kill the vibe of the interaction FAST.
2. Pay much more attention to how you say something rather than what you say
Once you internalize these, girls will never respond to your approach the same way again.
Importance of body language when you talk to her
I can already hear someone saying, “Oh no.. not another one of those stand tall and walk with confidence BS I read in millions of other articles..”
Just hang in there as that is FAR from the point I’ll be emphasizing in this section.
On a side note, have you realized we still have not talked about what to say to a girl on a ‘how to talk to girls’ guide?
Because what you say truthfully does NOT matter until you get all of these points handled.
Contrary to what most other dating or pick up gurus may say, I’m not going to say what you say matters less than 10%. Because that simply is not true.
But, if you don’t meet a minimum requirement (which I can assure you most guys don’t) for vocal tonality, body language, and facial expression then you will never engage girls to the point she would be interested in hearing what you have to say.
It is like applying for a dental or medical school (I’m a dental school dropout thus analogy). Your interview weighs about 50% of the admission process and your GPA around 50% as well.
Although your GPA is as important as your interview for gaining acceptance, they will reject you if you don’t meet a minimum passing score for the interview regardless of how high your GPA is.
A secret key to perfect body posture?
So, what exactly are ideal body languages and facial expressions to have?
A lot of people will tell you some or all of these things
“You need to make sure you stand tall with a straight back to really exude confidence..”
“Make sure you are expressive with your face to appear interesting!”
“You need to walk with conviction to really show her that you are a man with purpose!”
Hey.. don’t get me wrong.
None of these are what I would consider a bad advice.
But, there is one point I want to emphasize above all of those points.
You adopt whatever body language that makes you feel most comfortable and natural when you are talking to girls
If standing tall makes you all tense up, then it’s not an ideal posture for you at least until you learn to stand tall while being relaxed.
If slouching forward a little makes you feel more relaxed, then that is a better posture for you than looking like you have a stick up your ass while standing tall.
Am I saying you need to walk around looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame?
If you can have a perfect straight posture while feeling super relaxed then kudos to you. Don’t change anything.
How to make her feel comfortable around you instantly
So, why exactly is it so important to assume a comfortable and relaxed posture when talking to girls?
Because you want her to feel comfortable and relaxed when you approach her.
Your feelings and emotions are contagious.
What do you feel when you are talking to someone who is extremely stressed and agitated?
You might be able to maintain your bright and bubbly personality for some time.
But eventually, their negativity will slowly but surely sip into you.
The same principle applies when you are talking to girls.
If she doesn’t know you and your energy makes her feel uncomfortable, then her natural reaction is to avoid you.
If, on the other hand, you can quickly make her feel comfortable and relaxed, then she will slowly open up to you and who knows..?
Maybe she will be the mother of your two kids and the owner of half of your net worth in the future.
To sum up this portion, experiment and find that posture which allows you to stay relaxed and comfortable. You will certainly appear much more expressive and confident as a natural side effect.
Disclaimer: Please use common sense and don’t play with your little guy while talking to girls just because it makes you feel relaxed and comfortable.
Ok… enough is enough. Just tell me what to say to a girl when you meet her for the first time!
Oh well. I figured it’s about time your patience starts running out.
I’ll be honest.
This single line alone has contributed to countless memories I shared with girls from all over the world.
This is a secret line that I never revealed to anyone before, but I think it is the right time to share it with the world for a greater cause.
Wait for it..
“Hey, are you from (insert city)?”
Yep, there you go.
No, I am not bullshitting you.
That is precisely the line I used the most when I started approaching girls.
When I first started going out to talk to girls, my brain would freeze to the point I couldn’t think of anything else to say to initiate a conversation.
And I would frequently resort to initiating a conversation by asking her where she is from.
If you are randomly initiating a conversation with a girl, that alone is enough pressure to cloud her brain in that first few seconds.
This is especially true when you approach her during the daytime when she’s not drunk. (Yes.. many girls get as nervous as the guys who approach them..).
What you say is not going to register into her brain much at all in that first few seconds you start talking to her.
What she notices first when you talk to her
Most of what she will feel in that moment is the energy you’re putting out.
So how is your energy felt by the girl?
By the tone of your voice and how comfortable and relaxed you appear.
On a side note, I’ve learned telling guys to be more confident is usually a useless advice because it often results in over-compensation in about every ways the person projects himself.
Also make sure that whatever you say, it’s accompanied by a nice, relaxed smile.
If you still want some ideas for which lines to use, these are some creative (sarcasm) lines you can try to initiate a conversation.
“Hey, are you from [insert city]?”
“Hey, I’m new here and you seem friendly so I wanted to come say hi.”
“Hey, it’s random but you look like you are in real deep thoughts”
“Hey, kind of random but you seem concerned about something. What’s wrong?”
Disclaimer: Probably redundant to emphasize this point but use it on a girl who actually genuinely have a stressed expression on her face. This can easily backfire if your tone is not on point, but can also be brutally effective at having the girl completely open up to you in a matter of minutes.
“Look at you walking like you just won a million dollar. What are you so excited about?”
“Hey, you’re cute..”
Disclaimer: I’ll go into further detail in my other articles but I’m not a big fan of being very direct unless you are an absolute beginner when it comes to talking to girls.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I like to comment on a girl’s facial expression, or how she carries herself.
That way, it comes off as more genuine.
You also have a greater chance of starting a conversation that is already going on in her head which makes it easy for her to open up.
Bonus Tip: How to talk to girls over text
I will briefly touch on the topic of texting in this article as I am planning on writing a separate in-depth article on how to text girls.
Texting is one of those things I ignored and brushed it off as an insignificant part of interaction when I first started approaching girls.
I held a belief that texting is redundant and whether she is willing to see you again is solely determined by the initial face to face interaction you have with girls.
But, that could not be further from the truth.
While your initial interaction certainly has more influence on the girl’s decision to see you again, texting can, in fact, have a very profound impact.
So much so I was able to convince a girl who did not even know my face to come see me on a day she was supposed to go on a date with my friend (who has already slept with her).
Now, you might be thinking I am the biggest piece of shit if you just read that sentence alone.
But it will make more sense once you know the full story of what exactly happened which I will do sometime in the future.
You definitely do not want to be screwing over your friends, or sacrifice your own personal integrity just to get with girls since that simply isn’t worth it.
Anyway, back to the topic.
The two key principles that will forever change the way you text girls
So, what are the two critical principles of texting you should keep in mind for now?
#1 – Don’t use texting to ‘get to know her’
Think about it.
Why did you approach her and get her number in the first place?
I am assuming you want to meet her again in real life to see if there is a good chemistry between the two of you.
When you overly engage her on text, two things happen:
1. You are giving her a validation (or dopamine) hit with each and every text you send
2. You also become predictable in her eyes.
What does this mean?
She no longer has much incentive to want to see you again.
You already gave her most of the things she subconsciously wants from you.
You are as predictable as 1+1 = 2 in her eyes at this point.
Meanwhile, you’re also being grouped as one of the twenty-five different guys that are texting her on her phone, tinder and social media.
For the time being, just remember this.
Do NOT go into this long drawn out text conversation where you ask her what her favorite food is, when is the last time she had sex etc etc..
It is a powerful principle in the world of persuasion.
People can’t help but cling onto every one of your words when you know how to trigger this emotion on demand.
So how exactly do you maintain curiosity over text?
You don’t do this by just completely ignoring her text for days and texting back once every three days.
While you certainly do not want to eagerly reply within 2 seconds of receiving her text, you do not want to be intentionally ignoring her for a long period of time just to try to appear as a high-value male.
After all, you just met her, and you’re most likely not yet relevant in her mind for you to play that kind of game.
So, what are the alternatives?
The best way to really tap into her curiosity is by mentioning something that is relevant to her.
But, here is the catch.
You should NOT fully reveal all the information.
So how powerful is curiosity for attracting girls really?
Let me give you two scenarios that illustrate the power of curiosity in a way that should be easy for you to understand.
Scenario 1: Your boss calls you out of nowhere and tells you “Hey John, I have something important to tell you. Can you come see me at 5 pm tomorrow after your shift?”
Scenario 2: Your girlfriend tells you “Hey John. I’ve got to be honest with you about what happened during my last trip to Vegas. Do you have time to talk for a bit tomorrow?
How do you think you would feel in these scenarios?
Your head would be exploding with anticipation right until the time you meet them, and your entire mind would be occupied with what they will possibly tell you when you finally meet them.
While curiosity can certainly work as even more powerful trigger once you’ve known the person for a while, it is STILL one of the most powerful psychological triggers you can induce on a stranger.
Do you ever stop to stare when you see a stunningly beautiful woman walking by? Most likely not.
How about when you encounter a situation that seems ambiguous and spikes your curiosity? Much more likely I would bet.
The first scenario may give you a slight (or a lot) raise in a heartbeat while the second scenario has the power to make you stop completely and captivate all of your attention.
This is exactly why curiosity can often be a MUCH more powerful trigger than a pure attraction especially when she’s just met you.
And once you gain a deep understanding of female psychology, you can, more often than not, flip that curiosity into attraction.
She will constantly be wondering what the hell you are all about, and all the other guys will become irrelevant in her mind while your words consume her mind entirely.
And guess what?
As Robert Cialdini says in his famous book Pre-suasion, the more we pay attention to something, the more we deem it as important.
Application of principle of curiosity when you talk to her
For the time being, I will leave you with some examples of text messages below to get your creative juices flowing.
Example 1: “I just remembered I completely forgot to tell you about the outfit you were wearing before you left. Did you notice anything after you got back home?”
Example 2: “I just talked to one of my best friends and apparently you guys went to same high school together?! Oh man..the stories she told me about you.. You seem a lot more human to me now haha”
You may be wondering, Ok but what the heck do I do after I spike her curiosity?
No worries. I will be giving you a step-by-step guide on the exact steps you can follow in my in-depth texting guide I will soon post, so stay tuned.
Disclaimer: DO NOT make shit up. Only say things that are true. As I said earlier, don’t sacrifice your personal integrity.
Trust me when I say this. It is not worth feeling like a little slimy manipulative prick just to get with a girl (which you inevitably will feel like if you blatantly lie).
That’s it for now!
Thanks for reading.
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I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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