What To Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Ignores Or Avoids You
What To Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Ignores Or Avoids You
It is not a pleasant feeling to be ignored by someone.
And if it is someone you dearly loved that is ignoring you? It can feel like your heart is being ripped apart.
I understand what you are feeling right now.
You probably feel like this pain will persist, and you just want your ex-girlfriend to come back, and you feel everything will be back to normal.
While I am not a big advocate of encouraging men to chase after a woman who has moved on, I also understand you sometimes only learn through experiences.
In this article, you will learn the most important principles for getting your ex-girlfriend to chase you, and also some of the best ways to completely erase her out of your mind if you would rather move on from her.
Here are the 8 things you can do when your ex-girlfriend ignores you.
1. Give her closure
So, why is giving her closure a good idea?
The first reason has to do with you.
It’s good for your own mental well-being to give closure to your ex-girlfriend.
By doing this, you are essentially making a vow to yourself that you will be moving on from your ex-girlfriend.
If you don’t give proper closure, you may want to subconsciously hang onto your ex-girlfriend, although you know it is not the right thing to do (especially when your ex-girlfriend is ignoring you).
Another reason why you may want to consider giving closure is that it can be an effective strategy for getting your ex-girlfriend back.
When your ex-girlfriend feels like there is a possibility you guys can get back together, then it can be easy for her to just ignore you.
We do not value something we feel we can easily access whenever we want to.
When you tell your girlfriend you are going to be moving on from her, you are now giving her a sense of urgency.
People often only take action when they feel like they are about to lose something.
It is not different when it comes to a relationship.
When she feels the pressure of losing you, she is much more likely to want you back.
The good news is, there is only upside to giving her closure at this point.
Your ex-girlfriend is already ignoring you, so really do not have anything to lose.
So, how should you give her closure?
Should you write a few thousands of words message detailing how much you love and care about her, and really let her know she means more than anyone else in your life?
If that is what you want to do, you can go ahead and do that. I am an advocate for learning from your own mistakes.
But I need to warn you, however, you will likely feel distraught by the response you get from your ex-girlfriend.
Actually, you will be lucky to get any response by sending such a text message.
And here is why.
Your ex-girlfriend is already ignoring you which mean she currently has no interest in hearing anything from you.
What do you think will be the outcome when you write a long message to a person who does not want anything to do with you?
Your ex-girlfriend’s brain will conveniently shut off as soon as she sees a big block of text.
That is why you want to keep your messages short and concise when you are giving closure to your ex.
This will make her desire your attention more, and amplify that feeling she is about to really lose you.
Simply let her know in your message that you are ready to fully move on from her, and you will be completely cutting off contact with her.
Just keep it to a few sentences at most.
2. Induce her jealousy
Girls can be extremely jealous, and they can also be extremely competitive when it comes to fighting for attention from the man they desire.
It is in human nature to feel at least a little upset when we feel like someone took away what we deserve.
That is precisely what she is going to feel when she sees you with other girls, or when she sees you living your life to the fullest after you guys broke up.
Let’s be real for a second here.
As much as she may tell you she wants to see you happy (after you guys broke up), she does not actually want to see you being all happy without her.
She wants you to feel like she is the best you could ever get.
She wants you to suffer and lose sleep over how much you want her back.
Because that is what is going to make her feel validated.
So knowing this, the best way you can make her feel de-validated (and, in turn, chase your validation) is to have a blast after you break up with her.
When she sees you having an amazing time with your friends and other girls, she is going to feel like she meant nothing to you.
And that is exactly what you want her to feel if you want there to be any chance of getting back with her.
You want her to realize that you don’t need her to feel happy and live a full life.
The person who is the least attached is the one who has the most power in any form of a relationship.
When she senses you don’t need her, she will start to chase you.
So, what are the best ways to induce jealousy in your ex-girlfriend?
Talk to other girls
If you still see your ex-girlfriend for whatever reason, I recommend you talk to other girls in her presence.
Don’t make it look like you are intentionally talking to other girls to make her feel jealous.
You should actually be focused on having a good conversation while you are talking to other girls, so she can clearly see you are just having an awesome time without being a try-hard.
Do not even look toward your ex-girlfriend’s direction to gauge her reaction.
Be completely present with the girl you are talking to, and put all of your focus on having an amazing conversation with her.
Utilize social media
You also want to use your social media to your advantage.
I would normally recommend men to delete their ex-girlfriend from social media accounts (That is if they are trying to move on. But, if you are hoping to get back with her, your social media account can serve as an incredibly effective tool.
Sooner or later, she is going to stalk you on your social media account, and when she sees new pictures of you looking happy with other attractive girls and your friends, she is not going to be happy with what she sees.
When you pull this off correctly without being a try-hard, she is most likely going to be the first one to contact you and ask how you are doing.
But, even if you initiate contact first, she already knows you weren’t being all sad and pathetic after she broke up with you.
She is not going to view you as being a desperate loser when you initiate contact with her (after she has seen you are enjoying your life from the pictures you have been posting on your social media).
3. Cut off contact with her
I have hammered away at “no contact” in many of my previous articles, so I may sound like a broken record at this point.
But, it is simply THAT effective.
Cutting off contact with your ex-girlfriend serves two major purposes.
One reason why you want to consider not contacting your ex-girlfriend is that it is by far one of the most effective ways to get her back.
When you completely take away all of your attention and validation from your ex-girlfriend, she is going to feel an unbearable amount of pain that she will often be left with no choice but to contact you.
Think about advertisements for typical weight loss pills or programs.
How do they induce a desire for their products in potential customers?
They amplify the potential customer’s emotion by saying any and everything that would get them emotionally riled up until it reaches a tipping point.
When that happens, people rush to buy their products since their logical brain shut off, and they can only think with their emotional brain.
No contact works much the same way in that it will amplify your ex-girlfriend’s emotion to the point that she can no longer think rationally.
Another good reason for going no contact is for you to move on from your ex-girlfriend.
While cutting off contact is, without a doubt, one of the most effective ways to get your ex-girlfriend back, there is still a good chance she will never come back no matter what you do.
This is especially the case in this day and age where women essentially have unlimited options when it comes to dating and hooking up.
All they have to do is to go on online dating apps or message someone on their social media accounts… And Voila! They have got hundreds of thirsty men messaging to ask them out on a date.
So, even if she feels de-validated by your no contact “tactic”, she can easily seek validation from hundreds of other men with the click of a button.
And that is why I recommend you to stay away from using no contact as a tactic.
You should be cutting off contact with your ex-girlfriend with the intention of never seeing her ever again.
You want to completely let go of your attachment toward a certain outcome.
It is much like running on a treadmill.
Let’s say you are running for 30 minutes on a treadmill, and you are looking at the time for the entire duration of your run.
The time is going to pass by incredibly slowly.
On the other hand, if your attention is focused on somewhere else, such as listening to your audiobook or watching tv shows, then the time is going to fly by fast.
If your attention is focused on whether your ex-girlfriend is going to contact you or not, the entire process of no contact is going to be torture until the moment she finally contacts you.
But, if you are focused on living your own life, and come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance you guys will never get back together, you will be able to live your life and move on much faster.
4. Intensify her curiosity
This is one of the last things I would recommend if you are trying to get your ex-girlfriend to respond (The latter part of this article will be focused more on moving on from your ex-girlfriend).
This is not something I would do at this stage of my life, nor would I recommend anyone else to do it, but it is brutally effective in getting someone to respond.
I understand you may be at a point where you feel like you absolutely must contact her for one last time before you can move on.
If that applies to you, then this is what I would recommend you to do.
If she is already ignoring you, then your attempt to re-initiate contact will only seem desperate in her eyes for the most part.
But, it will be near impossible for her not to respond if you know how to intensify her curiosity.
Do you ever see one of those articles with the headlines that reveal “shocking” discoveries when you are browsing news online?
All of those articles aim to spike your curiosity to get you to click on them.
There is a reason why curiosity is the most powerful trigger that is used by top marketers.
If you want your ex-girlfriend to respond to you, there really is nothing better than spiking her curiosity.
She is even more incentivized to respond to you when you get her curious because you are emotionally relevant to her since you were once her boyfriend.
So, how do you put this into practice?
The first step is to send her a text message that is short and ambiguous.
The principle behind the text message you send is to create an “information gap”.
When there is a gap in the information you provide, she is going to feel the need to fill in that gap by contacting you.
Let me give you an example to help you better understand what I mean.
“Hey, you may be upset if I tell you this but…”
Do you see how the above text arouses curiosity, but you are not revealing everything in your text?
You don’t have to send your text exactly like that.
What is important is that whatever texts you send, you arouse her curiosity and leave an informational gap.
So, what do you do when a girl replies back to your text?
You simply pick up the phone and call her.
You want to carry the momentum that has been generated from your text all the way to getting her on the phone.
When she gets on the phone with you, keep your conversation light and playful.
Simply play it off by telling her something silly like how this one time, you ate her favorite chocolate bars when she was asleep.
Once you get enough positive emotion flowing over the phone, you simply ask if she wants to hang out sometime this week as a friend.
By asking to hang out as a friend, you are minimizing the pressure she would feel, and you are also preemptively eliminating a possible excuse she would use to not meet up with you (aka I don’t feel the same way about you… we should move on… etc).
When you are in person with her, you continue to keep things light and playful.
Don’t talk about your break-up, or act all depressed.
You need to realize that you cannot force a girl to do something by trying to logically convince her.
The best you can do is to provide her with a strong positive motion that she starts to see you under a new light.
Don’t set up a second time to meet after you guys are done hanging out.
Don’t talk about getting back together. If you bring that up, it will just make it look like you only wanted to hang out with her for that reason alone.
You should solely focus on having an awesome time together, and leave her on a high note.
The chances are, she is going to be the first one to contact you to hang out again if you pulled this off correctly.
5. Master the art of mindfulness
I still vividly remember my first break up.
It was definitely one of the most painful experiences I ever had to endure.
It felt like the pain was going to last forever, and I did not know what I can do to soothe the pain.
Sure, I had heard of all of that advice, such as spending more time with family and friends, talking to other girls, and not initiating contact with your ex-girlfriend, etc.
But, all that advice went right over my head at the time of a break-up when I was faced with an insurmountable pain.
To make it even worse, it happened during the final exam period, and I was not able to focus on my study at all.
So, what is one thing that helped me to withstand that tough time?
It was mindfulness meditation.
I was able to practice staying more in the present moment with meditation, and it allowed me to create enough space and willpower in my mind to get off my butt and do things that are necessary to get over a break-up.
Whatever that you do to get over your ex-girlfriend, it will be infinitely more effective if you practice being mindful of the thoughts that are looping in your head.
Right now, your brain is filled with anger and remorse.
You are constantly wondering why your ex-girlfriend is ignoring you, and if there is any chance you guys will ever get back together.
In order for you to recover fast from a break-up, you need to learn to let go of those thoughts, and meditation will be one of your best friends for that.
I won’t go into detail on how you should meditate in this article since I don’t claim to be an expert on that.
You can simply look it up on the internet, and you will be presented with thousands of resources.
What is more important is that you actually do it and make it a part of your daily routine.
Just reading about meditation without practicing it yourself would be equivalent to reading about how to get into better shape without going to the gym.
If you are hoping to make a meaningful transformation, you simply have to start “doing”.
6. Move your darn body
There is a reason why a lot of people primarily rely on physical exercises to get over a break-up.
As Tony Robbins says, “Motion creates emotion”.
Sometimes, it is just best to move your darn body to change how you feel rather than sitting there trying to “think” your way out of negative thoughts.
You will also boost your confidence by exercising and getting into a better shape.
As anyone who has been through a tough break-up can attest, there is a good chance your confidence has hit rock bottom, and you are thinking to yourself if you will ever find love again.
Apart from numerous mental benefits of exercising, your confidence is also influenced by how you look.
As petty as it may sound, when you look better, you will feel good about yourself.
While I urge men to not be so obsessed over their looks, it is still in our human nature to care about how we look to others, no matter how much you practice detaching yourself from other’s validation.
You can try to fight against that, or you can accept it as part of our natural desire, and go with the flow.
When I was trying to get over my ex-girlfriend, I used to spend multiple hours at the gym.
It was not only to get into better shape, but it was also a place for me to socialize and make friends.
Gym attracts some of the most beautiful girls, and people you meet there will likely share similar goals, such as eating more healthy food and improving fitness.
And as we have mentioned earlier, you are not going to be thinking about your ex-girlfriend when you are aggressively moving your body.
By the time you get back home, you will be too exhausted to dwell over her, and you will end up falling asleep before you even have a chance to wallow in sorrow.
It does not necessarily have to be lifting weights, but I absolutely urge you to take up some form of physical activity.
As a general rule of thumb, it is better to take up something that is intense and requires you to remain focused.
For example, learning a martial art, such as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu would be good for this reason.
Not only will you be spending a lot of energy when you are going against your rolling (sparring) partner (especially if you are a beginner), but you will also have to stay focused for you to learn new techniques.
It will drain you both mentally and physically, and there will be no room for you to engage in the negative thought loop about your ex-girlfriend afterward.
7. Travel or move to another country
Let’s get this straight. You are obviously looking for advice on what to do when your ex-girlfriend ignores you because you are experiencing a lot of pain at this moment.
So far, we have already discussed different things you can do to maximize your chance of getting your ex-girlfriend back.
The truth is, there is no guarantee she will come back even if you do all the right moves on your part (as with anything else in life).
That is why I advise men to focus on their life after a break up as opposed to obsessing over getting their ex-girlfriend back.
Because when you focus on living your life, your ex-girlfriend will often come back begging for your attention, as a natural by-product.
In my experience, one of the best ways I have found to get over my ex-girlfriend was to travel or move to another country.
At the time of my first break-up, I moved to Australia from Canada to study.
And because most of my attention was focused on adapting to a new environment, I did not have a lot of additional mental reserve left to dwell over my ex-girlfriend.
Everything was completely new, including all of the restaurants I tried, all of the places I visited, and all of the people I met.
There were no traces of memory of my ex-girlfriend in any of the places I had visited, nor any of the people I had met.
My brain was able to conveniently push away my old memories with all of the new memories I was accumulating, and my ex-girlfriend became a memory of the past.
Without any triggers to pull me back to a negative thought loop, I was able to get over my ex-girlfriend much faster than it would otherwise have been.
So, when you are stuck in a rut, go out and meet new people and experience new things.
Your old memory is often best replaced with new memories.
Most people do not acknowledge the power of the environment, and they make a mistake of trying to solve every single one of their problems through sheer willpower.
It is equivalent to you trying to lose weight with a room full of junk foods filled with pizza, fries, and sodas.
An easier way would be to simply remove all of the calorically dense food from your environment, so you are not surrounded by so much temptation that would likely pull you back into your old eating habit.
Not only does this principle apply when it comes to getting over your ex-girlfriend, but it also applies to everything else in life.
Are you trying to run a successful business? Seek out advice from a successful businessman instead of asking for advice from a business professor who has never run a business in his life.
Are you trying to improve your skill at something? Surround yourself with those who are excelling in whatever you are trying to improve instead of hanging out with other mediocre people.
8. Learn from your mistake
Once your pain becomes dull to the point you can reflect back on your relationship without going crazy, it would be worthwhile for you to extract the lessons from your past relationship.
It may be true you and your ex-girlfriend broke up largely because of her fault.
Maybe, she cheated on you, or maybe she was just a psycho.
Regardless of what the reason may be, there is always something you can learn from a break-up.
Sometimes, it may be reflecting back on how you behaved in a relationship, or it may just be a matter of you reminding yourself to be extra thoughtful before you jump into a relationship in the near future.
I am sure you know people who make the same mistakes of getting into a toxic relationship over and over again.
It is not rare to come across a woman who always complains how she can never find a good man.
The first time may be a mistake or just bad luck, but if you start to see a consistent pattern in whom you attract, then you can’t deny you are contributing to your own misery.
As a wise man once said, progress equals pain plus reflection.
Without reflecting back on your past experiences, you are going to be repeating the same mistakes.
This does not mean you should ever dwell over what happened in the past.
Whatever happened already happened. It is a waste of your emotional energy to look back at your past experiences through the lens of regret.
Try to see if you can answer a few of these questions.
What was the major reason for a break-up?
Was it something that progressed over a period of time, or was it a specific incident that tore apart your relationship?
Were you and your ex-girlfriend even compatible, or did you ignore all of the red flags because you were lonely, and you just wanted to be with someone?
Did you let your ex-girlfriend cross your boundaries frequently?
These are all the questions I want you to think about when you are looking back at your past relationships.
Once again, you want to approach this process like a scientist analyzing the data.
When you start thinking you should have done this or that to salvage the relationship, you are only going to drive yourself crazy.
Learn from the mistakes you made, so you don’t repeat them in your future relationships.
By the way, you might think it may be a good idea for you to ask your ex-girlfriend for what you could have done better in a relationship.
But generally speaking, this is useless because most girls won’t tell the truth, or they simply don’t have enough self-awareness to know what exactly made them lose interest in you.
So, unless your ex-girlfriend is one of the rare few who is willing to tell you the truth, AND she has enough self-awareness on top of that, I would advise against asking her for feedback.
Anyway, this is about the best advice I can give you if you are struggling to get over an ex-girlfriend who is ignoring you.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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