That initial excitement has faded away, and the girl seems to have lost all the interest she had toward you. So, what are the steps you can take when a girl loses interest?
There are a couple of things you want to do when a girl loses interest. The first thing you want to do is learn from the experience and reflect back on where it all went downhill. And I advise you to not look back and move onto the next girl since there is no reason for you to hold on to a girl who has no interest. If she still lingers in your head, you may consider giving her the ultimatum. As a last resort, you may use other girls to re-ignite her interest.
If you are ready, let’s get into the details on each one of these.
Learn From It
As Ray Dalio – One of the most successful investors in the world – says, pain plus reflection equals progress.
It is not a pleasant feeling when a girl you like loses interest in you.
But, it would serve you well to learn from whatever unpleasant experiences that induced pain.
Pain is a great motivator to change and not repeat the same mistakes again.
Where did things start going wrong?
At around what point did she start losing interest?
Maybe, it has to do with something you did way before she showed any visible signs of loss of interest.
It is not an easy process to reflect back on memories that cause you pain.
But, it is a necessary process for you to grow to your full potential.
This is how you become a new and better version in the future, so you don’t repeat the same mistake when you meet a girl that really clicks with you.
How often do you see people who have dated a lot of people, but they still end up with the wrong person every single time?
That is just a testament that experience alone does not automatically make you become wiser.
If you navigate through life without ever taking some time to observe your behavioral patterns, then you will most likely be stuck with the same pattern of behaviors.
So, I advise you to take the time to reflect back on what caused her to lose interest.
Was it due to lack of physical chemistry?
Did you play too much “game” which prevented you from forming a genuine connection with her?
Were you too distant (or too clingy)?
When I look back on my early years of meeting girls, it was my lack of boundaries that frequently led them to lose interest.
Any time a girl crossed her line even just by a little, I would let that slide by and didn’t bother expressing my discontent.
When my first girlfriend wanted me to spend more time with her instead of doing things that I actually wanted to do, I would occasionally put her needs before mine.
I had no clear boundary of what I will or will not tolerate in a relationship.
Eventually, my entire life started revolving around her, and I was spending every second of my life with her.
Needless to say, we both quickly lost interest in each other since there was no more anticipation and excitement in our relationship.
But, I took that as an opportunity to learn about my inner problems and used it as a fuel to not repeat the same mistake again in the future.
As a result, I’ve had some amazing relationships with girls who were beautiful inside and out.
Onto The Next Girl
This will always be my primary advice when someone asks me what they should do when a girl loses interest.
When she does not put any effort into reciprocating in a relationship, then you should move on from that person.
It is incredibly bad for your self-esteem to try to hold onto someone who treats you like crap.
It is one thing to be undesired by someone (and it is a terrible feeling no doubt) and totally another to be undesired while you continue to chase her.
Have some respect for yourself and let her go when she is not showing any signs of interest.
When a woman is not interested in you, you should understand that it is simply a mismatch rather than engaging in self-pity.
I know I talked about extracting the lessons from your mistakes in the previous section.
But at the same time, you need to realize she is also human with flaws.
When things don’t work out between you and her, you could have not possibly been the only person at fault.
There is a difference between engaging in “reflection” and “dwelling” on your past.
The first one makes you grow and level up as a person.
The second one brings you further and further down into a rut.
Just realize it was never meant to be, and move onto the next girl.
You will stop obsessing over her when you start going out and meet new girls.
It is very possible you are feeling such a strong attachment toward her out of desperation.
So, what do I mean by that?
Most men simply do not have an abundance of options in their lives.
It is only the males who are in the top percentile of the hierarchy that gets have those luxuries.
It is a lot easier for you to convince yourself into believing that one girl is so special when you do not have any other alternatives in your life.
I honestly do not enjoy talking about this (especially in person) because most men get extremely defensive when they hear this.
No one wants to admit that they are settling for an inferior option.
But if you want to level up, you need to be brutally honest with yourself.
Ask yourself this question.
What is it that is causing you to chase a girl who has no interest in you?
Isn’t it because you have no other alternatives?
If so, it is time for you to change that.
Use this pain you are experiencing as a source of motivation for you to change.
While I do not want you to go into a full pick-up artist mode and start approaching every girl on the street, I do want you to make it a habit to initiate a conversation whenever there is an opportunity.
When you see a girl struggling with using machines at the gym, you can help her out and initiate a conversation.
When you see a girl looking lost, ask her if all is good.
If all this sounds too much, then here is what I suggest, instead.
Just start talking to girls where you frequent most often, whether it is school, work, or gym.
As you surround yourself with more and more girls in your life, you will begin to realize that you really have no patience for girls who do not have an interest in you.
That is when it becomes crystal clear to you that you were feeling attached to her out of neediness and scarce mindset.
One of my ex-girlfriends used to treat me like absolute crap when we were in a relationship.
She lied to me. She talked to her ex-boyfriends whenever we had an argument. She stopped sucking on my tootsie roll (Yes, that is a big deal). She was aggressive both verbally and physically.
And I somehow convinced myself into believing that all of her other positive attributes make up for her flaws (They didn’t).
Throughout our relationship, I brainwashed myself more and more into believing she is special, and that I will never ever be able to find someone like her.
I truly thought I wouldn’t be able to live without her.
But when we broke up, and I started seeing other girls, my feelings for her almost immediately dissipated away.
That is when I realized I was actually never in love with her.
I was simply holding onto a broken relationship out of desperation due to not having any other options in my life.
Give Her the Ultimatum
If you are still struggling to let go of the girl that has no interest in you even after reading the first half of this article, this is the advice I have for you.
I suggest you give her the ultimatum.
And please do not mistake me for telling you to write five pages of essay going into details about how much you are devastated.
I want you to be simple and straightforward with your communication without coming off as passive-aggressive.
Let her know that it is perfectly fine if she is no longer interested, and let her know she can contact you first when she wants to hang out.
But if she doesn’t, you will just accept that as a sign she has moved on, and so will you.
When you do this, you will most likely feel a sense of relief.
This relief comes from not resisting your desire to express yourself honestly.
More importantly, you did not cling onto her desperately and diminished your self-esteem in the process.
This is more for you than it is for her.
It is to help you move on completely by being your truest self.
She may feel that “void” when you express your desire to move on and begin to show more interest out of nowhere.
But that is just a slight chance, and I don’t want you to count on that.
If she was not that emotionally invested in you to start, then it is unlikely her interest level will spike to the point that she will want you back in her life.
However, it can be a different story if you were in a long term relationship with a girl.
Looking back on my past relationships (During the time I was still learning about girls), I realized most girls tended to repel me when I chased them hard.
But when I explicitly told them I am ready to move on, they would often start chasing me all of a sudden.
I was showering them with validation when I was chasing them, but all that validation was taken away as soon as I told them I am ready to move on.
But once again, don’t expect her to do anything when you stop chasing her.
Simply move on with your life.
Use Other Girls
When a girl is not showing any interest, this is the last step (That has the potential to actually work) I would recommend if you just can’t let go of her yet.
So, why is it the “last” step I recommend?
As we’ve discussed earlier, it is just not healthy for your confidence to hold onto a girl who does not show interest in you.
Your primary effort should be focused on moving on and living your own life.
But, I also understand that can be an idealistic view in many cases.
Sometimes, you are just not at that stage where you can move on (And we’ve all been there), and you still need to be burned a little more before you can fully let go.
I want to emphasize one more time that what I’m about to tell you is not an “ideal” way of going about things when a girl loses interest.
I do firmly believe it’s best to just move on from her.
With that being said, this is probably the most effective way to get a girl’s interest back.
So, what is it?
It is to increase your value with social proof (from other girls)
Throughout years of going out, I’ve discovered that nothing really works as well as social proof when it comes to getting girls attracted.
Girls care a lot about what other girls think (More so than men).
When a lot of attractive women show interest in you, then other girls will start to believe you are attractive as well even if you don’t exactly fit their ideal type.
So, how do you put this into practice?
The first step is to actually meet and get to know a lot of girls.
Once that is done, you want to capture moments (Pictures or videos) of you having a blast with these girls.
And you want to post them on your social media accounts for the entire world to see.
Girls love stalking people, and she (The girl who lost interest in you) will most likely stumble upon your social media account at one point or another.
When she comes across your pictures of you hanging out with a bunch of other attractive girls, there is a good chance it will arouse that intense jealousy in her.
And this is often all you need to re-ignite her interest.
Don’t be surprised if she impulsively sends you a private message asking what you are up to.
Anyway, that is about the best advice I can give on what to do when a girl loses interest.
It would be my honor if this article helped you in any way to stop dwelling on her, and helped you find a clearer path to take when a girl loses interest.