I begged and pleaded for her to stay. I told her how much I miss her.
I even wrote her a long letter telling her how I would treat her with all my love and care if I am given a second chance.
The more I told her how much I love and miss her, the more she drifted away from me.
That sums up the end of my relationship with one of my ex-girlfriends.
So, should you ever tell her you miss her?
Well, let’s talk about that.
Why do you want to tell her you miss her?
What do you want to accomplish by telling her you miss her?
Are you hoping she would come back to you?
Or are you hoping she would say she misses you as well?
Maybe, you feel like you would regret for the rest of your life if you don’t tell her how you truly feel for one last time.
But, then the question is why do you think you would regret?
Because you are hoping for that slight chance that she will want you back (although you probably won’t admit it).
But, how likely are you to get her back by telling her you miss her?
It will make her realize how much she misses you too… or so you hope.
But, it most likely won’t.
It WILL, however, give her that sense of relief.
She will feel very much validated in knowing that you still want her.
So, you will certainly help her sleep better at night by letting her know you miss her.
But it is not suddenly going to make her miss you.
In fact, it will help her move on faster from you (So, if you want to help her move on faster because you are just a genuinely nice guy, then go ahead and tell her you miss her).
She will be relieved to hear you are struggling so much without her.
And she will move onto seeking another source of validation (aka another man) since she’s already squeezed every last drop of validation out of you.
This is something I struggled to understand for the longest time.
Growing up, I was led to believe most girls respond to a genuine expression of feelings.
So, it caused me a lot of confusion when girls seemed to show less and less interest as I expressed more of my feelings.
One of my ex-girlfriends used to always encourage me to share my feelings.
She even told me it is so much more attractive when a guy is able to share his feelings.
And I remember opening up to her about my anxiety that’s plagued my life for a long time.
Guess what she told me?
She was upset that I hadn’t told her earlier into our relationship, and made me realize it was a mistake for me to open up to her.
Now, this is the only point I want you to take away from this story.
What girls say they want and what they actually want are often completely different
Don’t be fooled by what girls (and society) say what they want to hear.
So, is there ever a time you can tell her you miss her?
We have already established it is never a good idea to tell her you miss her as a way of getting a girl back.
But maybe you are still happily in a relationship with a girl (or if the ship has already sailed, you can keep this in mind for a future reference).
And you are wondering if you still should never say that dreaded “M” word.
Let me give you a scenario where you are excused to tell her that you miss her.
You first need to realize that a relationship is a two-way street.
While it is a great feeling to make girls chase in a relationship, she is not going to continue if she gets nothing in return.
If she is the only one who is always telling you that she wants to see you and she misses you, she will eventually get tired of it and stop.
In such a case, it doesn’t hurt to reciprocate by letting her know that you care about her as well.
Paradoxically, the best way to get her back is to completely move on from her.
Do not bombard her with texts telling her how much you miss her. Just move on from her instead.
Have some self-respect to walk away from a girl who doesn’t deserve your love and attention.
Telling a girl you miss her gives her that hit of validation. But moving on from her, as if she’s never existed in your life in the first place, strips away validation.
And she needs that validation from you to feel normal again just like the car that needs fuel to function.
We talked about why you should never use “I miss you” phrase as a way to get her back.
So, let’s talk about some more scenarios where you should absolutely avoid telling her you miss her.
Do not tell her you miss her…
1. When you have been on a date with a girl and she is not replying to your text. It is just going to make her believe you are needy and desperate.
2. When you’ve already been affectionate toward her. Bombarding her with one validation hit after another is not going to make her fall in love with you more. It is just going to make her believe your entire life revolves around her. And she will start to appreciate you less since you (and your validation) are so readily available.
3. When she doesn’t show any sign of affection. There has to be mutual reciprocity in any form of relationship. If she’s not reciprocating any, there is no reason for you to be holding onto a broken relationship.
But, we still haven’t tacked the root of the problem.
You have not taken the time to ask yourself, “Why do I miss her so much that I feel this compulsion to tell her that?”
And this is where you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Isn’t it because, somewhere along the line, she became your entire life?
You may have stopped doing what you enjoy doing.
You may have stopped spending time with your good friends.
And she became your only source of validation.
When she treats you well, you are walking on air. If she treats you badly, your entire day is ruined.
It may or may not sound familiar to you.
But here’s the lesson I want you to take away.
Never ever give up on what you enjoy doing just because you enter a relationship with a girl.
I am all for love and sacrifices and all that stuff.
But, you should never stop doing what truly makes you happy.
Otherwise, it is a relationship that brings you down rather than the one that enhances you.
If you still can’t resist your temptation to tell her that you miss her despite having read this far, please do me a favor and do this one last thing before you proceed.
And that is…
Masturbate before you contact her (I am sort of serious…).
Many men confuse lust with love.
When you are filled with a sexual desire, it can be difficult to see a clear picture.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to simply toss one off.
If you still miss her, then it at least means your feeling is genuine (But that still doesn’t change the fact it is a very poor strategy to get a girl back).
But you may very well realize it was just all lust that was disguised as love.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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