Hey… I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time. I really like you. Would you go on a date with me?
You finally mustered up the courage to tell her that you really like her.
And her face brightens up with joy and she gives you an ecstatic “YES”!
Fast forward a few years, you guys have beautiful children together and live the rest of your life happily ever after.
At least that is how it usually pans out in the movies…
But what happens when you tell a girl you like her in real life…?
Well, I don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble, but you may not be happy with what you are going to hear if you have been living in fantasy land for most of your life.
So, proceed with caution if you are ready to hear the truth.
Why you should not tell her you like her
“I love a man who says what he wants…”
“I find it really attractive when a guy is honest with his intention”
How many times have you heard women talk about how much they adore a man who is direct with his intent?
So, wouldn’t it make sense to give girls what they say they want?
What’s wrong with honestly communicating to a girl that you like her?
These may be some questions that are lingering in your head.
In a perfect world, girls would know exactly what they want and you would do exactly what they say they want.
And she would become attracted to you and there would be no heartache or confusion.
But, here is the problem.
Most girls (and people in general) do not have enough self-awareness to know what they actually want.
She may think she would be attracted to a man who is bold enough to tell her he likes her, but she may well be turned off by the very same words she said she wanted to hear from him.
So, what are the potential side effects of telling her that you like her?
She will lose interest when you tell her you like her
And no, this is not just for “immature girls” who like to play games.
It is at the core of human nature to not appreciate something as much once we realize we “have” it.
You can train yourself to go against that nature but most girls (and men) do not have enough mental maturity to really appreciate men who genuinely express their liking/love for them.
But girls are not entirely wrong when they say they like men who express their desires honestly.
She does enjoy the validation she gets from you expressing your desire for her (Just like how she obsesses over getting as many “likes” as she can on her social media posts).
She may even proudly tell her friends how much you are obsessed with her.
But her interest level for YOU is most likely going to dip, once you verbalize to her that you like her (unless she is “already” into you).
Many studies show women feel a much stronger attraction toward “mysterious” men.
And a big part of being mysterious is not being so blatantly obvious with your intention.
There is no more excitement and fun for her when you become predictable in her eyes.
Why you think you should tell her you like her and why you still shouldn’t
You may be afraid you would get friend-zoned if you don’t let a girl know you like her.
And that is one of the reasons why a lot of dating coaches recommend being direct with intention when communicating to girls.
You may have even seen a video of an attractive guy approaching a girl by telling her she’s beautiful and even having success with it.
But as I said earlier, if she is already physically attracted to you before you even open your mouth, you can literally say whatever you want and she will still like you.
But does that mean it’s best to verbally communicate your intention? No.
With the “direct” approach, you will make it more difficult for yourself when you are interacting with girls who are somewhat on the fence.
To be fair, I do believe being direct with girls has its place (as a training wheel) for the inexperienced man who hides his intention out of fear.
But, you do not want to be stuck at that stage.
And there is another reason why a lot of men resort into telling a girl, “I like you”.
They are often saying that with the hope that the girl will like them back (by them being “nice” enough to tell a girl that they like her).
I suffered from this problem for the longest time when I was inexperienced with women.
I would resort into complimenting a girl or telling her I like her whenever I did not have any interesting things to say (Or when I just didn’t know how to express my desire in a better way which we will discuss shortly).
It was as if I secretly hoped she would like me back since I was being nice to her.
Although, I wasn’t really being nice since it was not coming from a genuine place.
So, it may be worthwhile for you to examine why you developed such an urge to feel like it’s so necessary for you to be direct with your intent.
Is it because you fear not being taken seriously as a man otherwise?
How you should tell her you like her
There is a better way to go about communicating your intention as opposed to being direct with your words.
And that is using your sub-communication: Your eye contact, body language, vocal tonality, and facial expression.
Once you master your sub-communication, you will be able to communicate your intent to girls without any ambiguity.
When you do not explicitly tell a girl that you like her (while communicating to her that you do ,in fact, like her with your sub-communication), you will be sending “mixed signals” to her.
When you send these mixed signals, you are causing confusion in her brain.
And the more confused she feels, the more she will start thinking about you.
And the more she starts thinking about you, the more she will start to believe she likes you (Her brain will think, why else would I think so much about him if I don’t like him?).
So, master your sub-communication.
It is one of the most powerful tools you can use in your interaction with women.
When should you tell her you like her
But, is there ever a time that you should tell her you like her?
As with anything else in life, nothing is ever black and white.
So the answer is yes.
But, that time is NOT when you meet her for the first time.
Let’s say you meet a girl and you talk to her for a while.
Maybe, she wasn’t quite sure if you are a cool dude initially.
But the more she talks to you, the more she realizes you are a quite attractive man.
And it may even get to a point that she starts to believe you are out of her league.
In such a scenario, you can easily make a mistake of creating a further gap between you and her by keeping your intention ambiguous.
So, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to tell a girl that you find her intriguing in moments like that.
It will be a reassurance to her that she is not going to get hurt, by being the only one invested in whatever relationship you and the girl are forging.
More exceptions to saying you like her
These are, yet another, exceptions to the rule.
And these exceptions even apply when you meet her for the first time.
Here are some of those exceptions:
1. When you tell her you like her with a tone that doesn’t sound so “serious”. You then communicate your intent without putting unnecessary pressure on her (especially if you guys just met).
And she’s not even entirely sure if you really meant it or not. Just make sure you stay away from telling her you like her with a heavy, serious tone. It will backfire in most cases by putting too much pressure on her.
2. When you tell her you like her in combination with “push”. For example, you may tell her, “I like you but I’d like you more if you weren’t so into pineapple pizza (I still don’t understand how people like to have pineapple on their pizza, but to each their own…).” It once again goes back to sending a girl that mixed signal.
On the one hand, you tell her you like her. On the other hand, you communicate to her you are not completely sold on her. Your intention is ambiguous which makes her think more about you. And you already know what happens when a girl starts thinking more about you…
Anyway, I hope I provided you with some cool insights on why you should (or shouldn’t) tell a girl that you like her.
But, it’s up to you to confirm (or refute) what you’ve just read.
Do not ever be afraid to try different things and find out the truth for yourself.