If your heart feels like it’s going to rip apart from the girl mistreating you, then this article may be your antidote.
I still remember when my first girlfriend had left my place without notice when we were living together. I came back home from school only to find out she had left with all of her stuff.
The next few days consisted of me blasting her phone trying to get her back and trying to communicate to her just how much I love and care about her.
Then I found out she had started talking to her exes again. And all I heard back from her was that she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore.
I didn’t realize at the time, but it was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. That event motivated me like nothing else to go out of my comfort zone and do things I had never imagined I would do. I created so many memories and amazing experiences I never would have had otherwise.
And I’ve realized this along the way. That whenever there is a traumatizing event that doesn’t kill you, you will always come out on the other side stronger.
You may think this sounds way too idealistic but it has always been true for me with whatever experiences I’ve had in my life.
So if you are going through tough times, just realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and hang in there.
You will be grateful for what you had become as a result of these experiences.
So, what are some lessons I had learned from all of this?
The first lesson I want to share is that..
I know how tempting it is to tell her that you think about her all day, and you can’t imagine a future without her.
The media and our society have done an amazing job at convincing a nice guy like you and me to believe that is how you should communicate to the girl you like.
“Just be genuine and sincere and she will appreciate that..”
Sounds great right?
Unfortunately. that is not exactly how it works especially when she had lost her interest in you.
The mere fact that you’re trying to cling onto her and win her back when she’s mistreating you confirms her suspicion. That you’re just a desperate and low value male. That is what she subconsciously accepts as the truth whether it is true or not.
One of the core desires of females is to be with a strong, grounded, self-sufficient, and masculine male. Sure she wants to be with a guy who can also show his caring side but only if you meet the conditions stated prior.
The fact you are willing to cater to her despite her mistreating you is a perfect way to communicate to her that you are a weak, beta male.
So, what exactly would be the best course of action if you are trying to win the girl back (although I would personally normally recommend a guy to just move on and find a new girl)?
My advice is to be completely indifferent.
Whatever the girl does, whether it’s leaving you, not replying to your text (if she’s your girlfriend), or just randomly giving you a hard time, she’s doing it with the expectation of arousing certain reactions from you in most cases.
When you can demonstrate that you’re emotionally unaffected by her behavior, it accomplishes two things.
1. You are not reinforcing her shitty behavior. If you try to cater to her every time she is being unreasonable, she will learn that is the best way to get what she wants. Soon, your relationship will become a living hell and it’s destined to lead to failure.
2. She will start thinking about you more because we all want to be relevant to someone we are close with. By showing the girl that her shitty behavior doesn’t have any emotional effect on you, it gets the girl chasing you for your validation and reaction. And she will often try to find a different way (often much nicer) to get a response out of you because she will realize that can’t get any response from you by throwing a tantrum.
Just keep this in mind.
You are not doing all these to win her back although it probably is the best way to win her back if that is your goal as well.
Rather, it is because you value yourself, thus you are not willing to let her walk all over you like a doormat.
After reading this, if you still think the best way to win her over is to be extra nicer with flowers and gifts, then go ahead.
Just don’t be surprised when you hear a story of her blowing your best friend’s tootsie roll at a party while you were spending hours on writing a love letter to her.
After taking my advice, If you didn’t end up getting back with her and you guys have both moved on, and you feel that loneliness creeping up on you.
Then, I recommend you to..
There are mixed opinions when it comes to how best to get over your ex-girlfriend or your crush.
Some say you should focus on your own self-improvement while staying away from girls for a while.
Some say you should fill the void by finding another girl that can replace your ex-girlfriend as fast as possible.
I personally think the best way is to just completely occupy your free time with something while you go out and hook-up with bunch of girls.
I wouldn’t recommend you to just jump into another relationship as soon as you get out of your previous one as it’s often easy to make a bad decision during an emotional time.
But, I’ve personally found it helps tremendously to just have fun with other girls with no strings attached.
Most negative thoughts and emotions start to take over your brain when you’re not doing anything and you’re sitting in your room all alone.
Think about the things you do when you’re bored at home and feeling down?
You probably start masturbating more frequently out of boredom. Eat more because you’re bored. Use more drugs or play more video games.
Pretty much nothing good comes out of you being on your own (unless you’re actively working toward your goal from your laptop) when you’re going through tough times emotionally.
It’s a lot easier to keep yourself distracted when you are around the presence of your family and friends.
This is precisely the steps I took whenever I had a rough breakup.
I spent so much of my time outside and filled my mind by always actively doing something (during the initial phase after a breakup), then I’d just collapse to sleep when I came back home.
I simply didn’t give my mind any room to think about ‘what if’s..‘ and dwelling on the past.
Months flew by and before I realized, the image of my ex-girlfriend became a complete blur and my life was completely filled with new experiences and new adventures.
You may have a different opinion on what is the best course of action to take for getting over a break-up or any other emotionally traumatizing experiences, but this is simply what I’ve found to work best for me.
If you believe sitting in your room meditating and reading self-help books for hours is the best remedy. then .by all means, give that a try.
But, I’ve found motion often beats meditation any time of the day. Sure, incorporate 20-30 minutes meditation into your daily regime for that extra boost. But, a bulk of your day should be filled with motion to prevent your brain from pulling you into a depressed state.
Let me finish this article off by telling a little story about what happened after.
The following six months consisted of me experiencing the craziest adventures of my life. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve quite possibly amassed more crazy stories in those 6 months than I had in my entire 28 years of life prior to a breakup.
I’ve hooked up with some of the girls I never thought I would never be able to hook up with in my entire life. I’ve gained an incredible amount of confidence and I was able to kill it in any of the job interviews I applied for. I also made some of the best friends I’ll forever be friends with.
During that time, I’ve received a couple of long essay style messages from my ex-girlfriend wanting to connect with me again. But, my mind had already long left for me to even bother replying to her other than a simple one-word reply.
I just want you to realize this.
If you don’t let emotionally traumatizing experience bring you down, then there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
You may very well look back half a year or a year later and think to yourself, “Holy shit.. I’m totally a different person now..”
Anyway, that’s it for now.
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Till next time..
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