So in this article, I want to dispel some of the myths of so-called alpha male traits.
There are a lot of different ideas about what makes someone an alpha male.
I’m sure you’ve heard about some of them such as… standing tall, not looking down, taking up space, and the list goes on.
If you’ve ever searched any dating or pick up related stuff on the internet, I am sure you’ve heard of most of them at this point.
But one question still remains.
Will mastering these traits really turn you into an alpha male?
That is precisely what I want to cover in this article.
Here is what I’m going to do.
I will give counter-examples to all the traits that are traditionally known as alpha male traits.
And toward the end of the article, I will reveal the single MOST important trait that makes you an alpha male (as much as I hate this whole alpha and beta BS…) above all else…
So let’s first start with…
It is fair to acknowledge that a good posture is most definitely preferable over a bad posture when it comes to leaving a good first impression.
But let me give you a scenario and you be the judge of the “alphaness” of a person in the given scenario.
Say you are walking down the street and you are looking down as you engage in deep thoughts about your life or business.
Then all of a sudden, you notice some random attractive girl walking toward you.
In order to assume alpha body posture, you stand straight up and make sure your eyes are looking straight ahead.
Now, your entire nerves are focused on looking as “alpha” as you can until the moment she passes you by.
If you thought to yourself, “Yeah… sounds exactly like what an alpha male would do…”, then I’ve got some bad news for you…
But anyway, let’s move onto the second point for now.
The second commonly believed dominant alpha male trait is…
Let me give you a comparison of the two people and you be the judge of who you consider to be more alpha.
Steve Jobs, who did not exactly have the loudest and the deepest voice or a dude who works at Macdonald who yells out orders with his loud deep voice.
Let me just note that it’s not my intention to classify people based on their net worth or the type of work that they do.
But if we define an alpha male as a leader who inspires and influences others, then Steve Jobs would most definitely be right up there.
How ridiculous would it be if Steve Jobs tried to speak with an artificially produced deep voice just so he could appear more alpha?
You probably know one of those people that always try to speak with a deeper tone than what their natural tone is capable of and end up sounding like a goofball.
In their head, they think they are giving off such a masculine presence by speaking with a deeper voice but everyone around him is secretly laughing inside.
Have you ever heard some dating coaches say that you should never ever break your eye contact first?
That you absolutely must maintain your eye contact until the other person looks away!
I sure have.
But let me ask you this.
Can you imagine any man on his purpose wasting his time engaging in a stare down match with random dudes?
Don’t get me wrong.
There’s a difference between abruptly breaking your eye contact because you are scared of confrontation versus casually looking away because you have more important things to worry about than holding eye contact with a random stranger.
You obviously do not want to be breaking eye contact for the first reason.
We so far talked about some traits that are commonly believed to be possessed by your prototypical alpha male
Let me now tell you exactly what can make someone completely beta even if he has mastered all of the “traditional alpha traits”.
You may have gotten the hint already but here is why…
I’ve already mentioned that one of the core traits of an alpha male is to be at the “cause”.
Alpha males are those that inspire and influence others.
A word of caution…
Don’t confuse that with someone who tries to dominate and assert at every chance he gets.
That is just being an insecure little boy who has something to prove.
Inspiring others to do things is completely different than shoving your way down someone’s throat.
So what do you think was the most common “beta” behavior that was repeated over and over again in the aforementioned scenarios?
Here’s your answer…
“Modifying your behavior in the hope of leaving a certain impression on another person.”
As we’ve discussed already, that goes directly against the qualities of an alpha male.
You are changing your behavior as a result of external influence.
You are at the “effect” now.
You are not fully being yourself but trying to act in accordance with what you believe others will perceive you as the most alpha version of yourself.
And that is where the discrepancy lies.
The very act you are putting on to be an alpha male is exactly what turns you into a beta male.
Now you may be thinking…
Does this mean if I have a terrible posture and a weak squeaky voice, I should try not to improve those and stay the way I am because it would otherwise be tryhard?
Here is my suggestion on how you can go after self-improvement while not falling into that trap of obsessing over external validation from others.
Instead of trying to derive most of your fulfillment from external validation by others, try to find most of your joy in seeing yourself transforming into a better version of yourself.
I know it sounds very woo-woo when you put it that way but think about this.
Have you ever met someone who carries himself with a good posture and shows no sign of visible flaws in his body language but you sense there is just something off about him?
You know who I am talking about…
One of those guys who you know is just putting in a lot of effort to maintain the persona they are putting out to the world.
On the other hand, I am sure you have also seen a person who appears to genuinely not give a flying fugg about what others think while still carrying himself in an attractive way.
So where does that difference come from?
And it really comes from having a different mindset.
Are you working on having a better posture because you are obsessed with how others perceive you?
Is it because you want to be the baddest version of yourself before you depart this planet earth?
Hey… make no mistake here.
I’m not denying there’s always going to be some part of us that craves for external validation from others.
It would be foolish to deny that.
But if external validation is the “only” source of your motivation, it will eventually come through in your behaviors.
It’s really hard to fake what’s going on inside your head for any extended period of time.
You can lie with the words you speak.
You can maybe even tweak your body language a little to put on a fake persona.
But others will intuitively realize there is something off about you if they spend enough time with you.
So really… one of the pre-requisites of being the most alpha version of yourself (If there’s such thing) is to be completely comfortable with yourself.
It’s even better if you can completely drop the notion of alpha or beta from your head.
If you have some weird little quirks that you can’t change then just fugging own it.
Any alpha traits that you adopt at the expense of being completely comfortable with yourself will almost always backfire.
But here is one more nuance you need to keep in mind.
We know that when we are adopting new habits, they will always feel unnatural to us at first.
How then do we work on ourselves while not falling into the trap of becoming a try-hard?
This is done by constantly keeping in mind that the end goal is being completely comfortable with yourself while you simultaneously embody your new habit.
If we were to use practicing good posture as an example…
You need to be mindful of the fact that your focus is NOT on just keeping straight posture at all cost while feeling like you have a gigantic dildo up your ass and obsessed with how you look… but to adopt a good posture in an “effortless” manner.
When you get to the point where your new habits become default without you having to think about it or feeling insecure about it, that is when you know you’ve done it right.
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