There are a few things in life that can tear a man’s heart apart as badly as his woman cheating on him.
When a girl cheats on you, your confidence as a man will completely plummet, and you will be left with a deep wound that will make it difficult for you to trust any girl in the future.
This article will help you discover the best ways to confront your girlfriend about her cheating, and what exactly you should do with your cheating girlfriend.
So, let’s get started.
1. Identify her tendencies
What do I mean by her “tendencies”?
How did she normally act when you guys had an argument throughout your relationship?
Is your girlfriend the type to always blame your fault while refusing to ever look at her wrongdoings?
Does she always play the victim card instead of trying to take responsibility for her own action?
If that has been a consistent theme for the duration you have known her, then it is going to be difficult for you to have a proper conversation with her when you bring up her cheating.
Most women (and men as well) are great at rationalizing their misconducts.
Many people will readily come up with the reasons why they had to do certain things even (or especially) if they have done the worst possible things.
When I was in a relationship with one of my girlfriends in the past, she would always point fingers at me whenever I brought something up that was bothering me.
Even when I tried to have a calm, civil discussion about how we should improve our relationship, she would instantly take it personally, and engage in personal attacks about how I don’t do this or that in a relationship.
If your girlfriend is anything like that, then the chances of you being able to have a proper discussion with her are slim to none.
Cheating is quite possibly one of the worst things that a woman can do to a man she is with.
If she refuses to take any sort of responsibility for what she has done, then it is only going to exacerbate your pain.
And that is why I urge you to really ponder on what your girlfriend’s personality is like before you even bother engaging in a conversation with her.
Otherwise, there is a good chance you would just be wasting your valuable energy and time.
2. Identify your own tendencies
The second thing you want to consider before bringing up her infidelity is how “you” normally respond to your girlfriend when you guys discuss the problems in your relationship.
Do you normally get extremely emotionally aroused and lose your cool when you are talking about things that hurt you?
Do you let your girlfriend walk all over you whenever you guys have a talk?
It is important you are honest with yourself.
Don’t “assume” you are going to act a certain way. Simply look at how you behaved under a stressful circumstance in the past.
That is probably how you are going to respond when talking to your girlfriend about cheating.
People can change, but people rarely change in a short period of time.
Just because you “think” you will be able to keep your cool when confronting her about her infidelity does not mean you will be able to keep calm in the heat of the moment.
For you to be able to accurately assess your own tendencies, it is vitally important for you to have enough self-awareness.
And the first step really is, to be honest with yourself.
If you know you are just going to yell and be aggressive as soon as you bring up the topic of her cheating, you are probably better off communicating to her without talking to her face-to-face.
As Sun Tzu says, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
If you are honest when assessing how you normally react in this type of situation, and you can also predict how your girlfriend is going to respond, then you are going to be able to come up with the most ideal way to deal with the situation at hand.
3. Decide how you are going to end things
Assuming you have completed the previous two steps before confronting your girlfriend about her cheating, you are in a better position to come up with the best way to deal with this traumatic experience.
So, what should you do?
If your girlfriend tends to play victim game…
You have two options in such a case.
If you decide to talk to her about her infidelity, then here is what you want to do.
You want to be upfront about your intention of bringing up her cheating before you talk about anything else.
In other words, you want to set the frame of the interaction from the get-go, so it doesn’t become a crapshoot.
You do not want to be wasting your time bickering about pointless things.
You are already stressed out enough from her being unfaithful to you. Don’t make it any harder on yourself.
So, what should you tell her?
Let her know that you have no interest in blaming her for what she has done.
Tell her that whatever happened already happened, so there is no point in wasting any energy by pointing fingers at each other.
Afterward, you want to simply communicate to her what you want to do moving forward.
But, I am always the first one to advocate finding things out for yourself and learning from your mistakes.
So, if you decide to give it a second shot, I am not going to be the one to tell you that you shouldn’t.
But, here is what I want you to consider before you make up your mind.
Do you think you can ever trust her again from this point onward?
Think about all of the different scenarios, such as when she is out at the club with her friends, when she is hanging out with her male co-worker, or when she is on a vacation with her friends, and pretty much any time she is not with you.
Do you think you will be able to trust her and remain at peace, or is your mind going to be filled with remorse and negative thoughts about how she is going to cheat on you again?
If you believe the answer is close to the latter, then you may want to seriously reconsider giving it a second chance.
If your relationship constantly makes you feel negative emotion, rather than filling you up with positive thoughts, then it is destined to fail.
If your girlfriend is level-headed (but, she probably wouldn’t have cheated on you if she were…) enough to have a proper conversation with you…
Then, I suggest you calmly bring it up to her (assuming you are going to be able to control your emotion).
Once again, it is up to you to decide what you want to do.
If you believe you want to give it a second shot for you to not leave any regret, then, by all means, go forth with it.
If I had to guess, things are probably not going to work out, but you will have at least learned from your experience.
Anyway, if you decide to give it a second shot, simply let her know what you want to do.
There is no reason for you to bring up her infidelity for the sake of making her feel bad if you decide to try to work things out.
It really is not going to change anything, and you may as well break things off with her now if you are going to do that.
You just want to communicate to her that you are willing to give it a second shot under the condition she is not going to unfaithful again (although, it will be near impossible for you to ever trust her again which is why I recommend you to break things off).
If you have a tendency to get very emotional and aggressive during an argument…
Then, I recommend you to communicate to her through written words (text message or e-mail), rather than in person.
If you have a tendency to get emotional (or even aggressive) every time you have a talk with her, there is not much point in trying to talk in person.
Whatever it is that you want to communicate to her, whether it is breaking up, or telling her to pick her stuff up from your place, it is better if you do it in the absence of her presence.
4. Reflect back on what you could have done better
I know this part may not exactly be what you want to hear.
And, by no means, am I saying what your girlfriend has done (cheating) can be justified under any circumstance.
No matter what sort of mistakes you made in a relationship, you can never justify cheating in a relationship.
If she was that unhappy in a relationship, she should have broken up with you instead of dragging out a relationship while being unfaithful behind your back.
So, I want to be very clear that what she has done to you is inexcusable.
With that being said, as a responsible man who tries to extract lessons from every hardship you face, you can also use this as an opportunity to improve yourself.
I need to warn you, however, that you never want to look back at your memories through the lens of self-condemnation.
You want to reflect back on your past as if you are a scientist analyzing the data. You want to completely detach your emotion during this process.
You should never use this process as an excuse to “dwell” over your past.
The sole purpose of doing this is for you to identify the pattern of mistakes you have repeated in the past, so you don’t make the same mistakes in your future relationships.
So, let’s talk about some of the key factors you want to consider when you reflect back on your past.
Did you neglect your girlfriend when she needed you?
When she reached out to you or when she wanted to see you, were you not there for her?
Were you constantly busy when she needed your emotional support?
How about when you were spending time with her? Did you spend more time looking at your phone rather than giving her full attention?
If she felt like you were not really there for her, then it makes sense she felt the urge to seek validation elsewhere.
This is the mistake I often made in some of my earlier relationships.
When that initial spark died away, I no longer felt the urge to give my girlfriend all of my attention.
I was there but not there, and she felt it.
Did you neglect her physically?
Did you stop touching her in an affectionate way?
Did you stop kissing her passionately?
Maybe, you can barely remember the last time you made love to her?
If any of these applies to you, then it would have caused her to slowly shut off her mind.
Women want to be desired by the man that they love.
If she senses you lost your passion toward her, she is going to seek another man who is going to make her feel desired.
If you are anything like me, you probably had lost some of your physical attraction toward your girlfriend after a few months of dating.
It is important for you to keep that flame alive, or she is going to turn her back away from you when she realizes you do not desire her as strongly as you used to.
Did you drag out the relationship although you knew it’s over?
Be honest with yourself.
Did you only stay in a relationship with her because you felt like you couldn’t do any better?
Or maybe the thought of having to chase another girl felt like too much effort, so you decided to settle for her, and you rationalized staying with her by convincing yourself that she is a gem.
That is exactly what I did in my first relationship.
I dated a girl who was very “objectively” attractive although she wasn’t exactly my type.
And since it was my first relationship, my mind was filled with insecurity and neediness.
So, I kept clinging onto the relationship out of desperation and neediness, although I understood deep down that it was destined to fail.
Did you ignore all of her red flags?
When I was in a toxic relationship with one of my ex-girlfriends, I ignored all of her red flags at the start.
She would contact her ex-boyfriends every time we would get into an argument, but I didn’t assert my boundaries firmly.
She would blatantly flirt with other men in front of me, and I would try to tell myself that I shouldn’t be a jealous boyfriend.
She would get insanely jealous and always accuse me of checking out other women, and I did not stand up for myself.
All of the clues were there from the start.
I just decided to ignore them because I was afraid that she would leave me, and I was afraid I would not be able to find a better option.
While there is a lesson to be learned from any and every relationship, a toxic relationship will do more damage than it is worth, so it is best to spot those red flags early on and run far from a girl who is not worth your time.
5. Move on from her
If you decided to move on from your cheating girlfriend, then I applaud you for it.
In my opinion, this is the only correct way to deal with the situation.
It is only going to kill your self-esteem when you try to hold onto someone who does not respect you (which she clearly demonstrated by cheating on you).
And it is unlikely you are ever going to be able to trust her.
Once trust is broken, it can never be restored.
You are always going to be wondering if she is with another guy when you are not with her.
You are always going to be worried if she is going to cheat on you when she is out at the club with her friends.
So, it is better if you start everything afresh with another person.
Let’s talk about the best ways to move on from your cheating girlfriend now that you have made up your mind.
Write down all of the negative things in your relationship…
Obviously, cheating is the only reason you need to break things off with her.
But, if you still have that slight bit of desire to hold onto her, I suggest you write down all of the undesirable qualities she possesses.
Right now, you may want her because some part of your brain is trying to convince you that she is still a good girl apart from this one incident.
You need to realize it is your brain playing tricks on you.
Your brain is biased in that it often seeks comfort, rather than looking out for your best interest.
She is a comfortable option for you. She is familiar to you. So, your brain tries to convince you to just settle for her.
But, you realize deep down that is not going to make you happier in the long run which is why you decided to move on from her.
You’ve got to actively fight against that little voice in your head by adopting a more balanced view toward her.
So, go ahead and think about all of the negative qualities she has that you never liked in the first place, and write them down.
And look back on it every time you feel that urge to contact her. I assure you it is going to help.
Out of sight, out of mind…
When you don’t see her, she is going to exit your mind faster.
Eliminate any and every trigger from your environment that reminds her of you.
It can be her gifts or it can be her shirts that she left at your place.
It also means blocking her from everything, so there are no possible ways for you guys to contact each other.
If you can afford it, it can be a great idea to travel to a new place you have never visited.
When you completely change your environment, you will naturally become free of any possible trigger that can remind you of her.
Whenever you feel the urge to contact her, don’t forget that your cheating girlfriend does not deserve an ounce of your attention.
Go talk to other girls…
More often than not, the best way to get over someone is to find another person.
When you are busy talking and making love to other girls, you won’t have much room in your brain to constantly dwell over your girlfriend.
You may not feel like going out and hitting on other girls, but force yourself to do it anyway.
That is exactly what I did during my break-up, and I’ve personally found it helped me more than anything else to get over my girlfriend.
I’m not saying you should jump into another relationship, but it is good to get used to talking to girls again as soon as you possibly can.
It will help you increase your confidence and speed up the recovery process.
Anyway, I wish you nothing but the best of luck in the future, and I want you to realize that you will find a girl who is better than her.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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