You send a text message to your ex-girlfriend, hoping she would finally reply to your message.
An hour passes by, a day passes by, and even a week passes by, and there is still no reply from her.
This time, you decide to write a long heartfelt message to confess just how much you really care for her, but still nothing in return.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, then trust me, I have been there.
In this article, you will learn the precise reasons why she is ignoring your text, and what exactly you can (or should) do when she is not replying to your text.
Are you ready to face the truth?
Then, let’s get started.
1. She has nothing to say
Think about times when you did not respond to someone’s text messages.
When do you usually “forget” to reply to someone?
Isn’t it usually when you don’t really have much to say to what they wrote?
There can be a few reasons why your ex-girlfriend may feel this way.
The first obvious reason is that she has no feelings left for you.
In such a case, it would only make sense for her to feel like it is a hassle to respond to your text messages.
But, another possibility is that you are sending her such a pointless text that it is difficult for her to reply.
For example, if you text a girl that the weather is nice today, it is unlikely she feels a strong desire to reply unless she likes you a lot.
How about when you text a girl that you really miss her like the example below.
“Hey, baby. I have been thinking about you for the past few days, and the more I think, the more I realize I can’t live without you. I just love you so much”
How do you think a girl would react when she sees that text message?
Do you think the above text message will make her think you are an amazing guy who deserves a second chance, and she will hurriedly reply to your text?
Nope, most likely not.
There is a reason why you guys broke up.
Your ex-girlfriend doesn’t see enough value in you to stay with you for the time being
How do you think she will feel when a man she perceives as a low value clings onto her?
Let me give you an example to better illustrate this point.
Let’s say you are walking down the street, and a homeless guy asks you for money, and you reject his request.
Are you going to be more inspired to give him money if he becomes extremely desperate and needy by following you all the way back to your place?
No, you are most likely going to tell him to get lost or call the police.
You are essentially doing the same thing when you try to hold onto your ex-girlfriend who wanted to break up with you.
If you ever want to have any shot at getting her back (although I generally recommend men to move on from their ex), you need to increase your value in her eyes.
But anyway, let’s get back to talking about what you should avoid texting to prevent a lack of reply from your ex-girlfriend.
A good rule of thumb is to avoid texting anything that doesn’t arouse some sort of emotion in her.
When you send her a boring, pointless text, such as talking about the weather, or how you had a great workout session at the gym, you are pretty much encouraging her to ignore your text.
Instead, you want to keep the following two points in your mind when you text your ex-girlfriend.
First, people are inherently self-interested.
When you write a text message that is relevant to her, you will have much better luck (We will go into more detail on this in the latter part of this article).
Second, you want to make her curious to find out more about what it is that you want to say. Don’t reveal everything you want to say over text. Induce her curiosity by leaving some information out, so she feels a stronger desire to meet you.
2. Your text is just her entertainment
It is also possible she just sees your text as a part of her daily entertainment.
In fact, she may be sharing your heartfelt text message with the rest of her friends, or on the bed of another man.
Women can be incredibly cruel once they do not have any feelings left for you.
When she has moved on from you, you are no longer relevant to her, and she won’t hesitate to chew you up and spit you out.
This degree of disrespect from the person you loved can really hurt and traumatize you.
So, how can you ensure that you don’t become the “loser ex-boyfriend”?
The first step is to avoid sending your ex-girlfriend a lame text message.
So, let’s talk about what falls into the category of “lame texts”.
- Text messages that talk about mundane, boring stuff as we have previously mentioned. These don’t serve any purpose, and it will just look like your crappy attempt at re-initiating contact with her.
- Texts that make you seem desperate and needy. Stay away from “genuinely” communicating your feeling over texts. Your ex-girlfriend doesn’t give two bollocks about your feeling. It will just make you appear emotionally unstable in her eyes, and you are only going to further repel her.
- Texts that are lo in length. Your ex-girlfriend doesn’t have the patience to read long texts from you. You are already emotionally irrelevant in her mind. She is not interested in seeing any more sob message from you. Just a mere fact you took the time out of your day to write a long message communicates to her that you are needy and desperate.
Before you press that send button on your phone, you need to really think about how she would feel every time she goes back to reading your text messages.
If you send her a pathetic text message, then every time she looks at your text, it is going to further reinforce her belief that it was a good decision to drop you.
This is actually one of the reasons why I recommend you to minimize communication over texts, if possible.
Most men are terrible at texting, and their texts will forever serve as a track record for the girl to remind herself to never see them again.
It is always better if you can get her on the phone or talk to her in person.
3. She is scared of you
Be honest with yourself. Did you act a little crazy while you were in a relationship with your ex-girlfriend?
If you have a tendency to lose your cool even when something disturbs you slightly, then that can very well be the reason why she avoids your text messages.
If a girl is attractive enough, she’s likely suffered from having been with more than a handful of men who were the crazy stalker type.
If you ever did or say something that makes her question your mental stability while you guys were in a relationship, there is a good chance she is avoiding you out of fear.
Most women are very easily terrified, and rightfully so. They are physically weaker than men, so they want to make sure that the men they are with are not physically aggressive.
Let’s say you are driving on a highway and some car cuts you off, and you nearly bump into the car.
When this happens, most men will get furious, and they will probably either curse, yell, or honk at the car.
The dominant emotion that a man experiences in such circumstance is anger and rage.
Let’s contrast that with what a woman normally experiences under the same circumstance.
Most women become fearful under the same scenario, and the dominant emotion that they experience is fear.
If you have a history of being emotionally unstable in the presence of your ex-girlfriend, it only makes sense for her to want to avoid you.
Emotional stability is one of the core traits that women look for in men especially when it comes to a relationship.
Why is that?
It goes back to caveman times when women had to rely on men to provide them with resources.
Men who were emotionally stable were able to provide women with consistent, predictable resources whereas men who suffered from emotional instability failed to do so.
It would have been a costly mistake for our ancestral woman and her children to stay with a man who lacked emotional resilience to endure the tough times.
While we no longer live in a caveman time, and a woman rarely has to rely on men to provide her with resources in this day and age, our brain is still wired the same way.
It took millions of years for our brains to evolve, and it is going to take another millions of years for them to change in any substantial way.
4. She lost her phone
This sounds rather stupid, but it happens more often than you would think.
I remember the first time I got a girl’s phone number, and she wanted to meet me, but I lost my phone, and I was never able to contact her again.
She probably assumed I ghosted her, but I simply had no way of contacting her because my phone was nowhere to be found.
Sometimes, the reason why your ex-girlfriend is not replying to your text message may have nothing to do with you.
She could have lost her phone, her phone plan could have expired, or she could be traveling to another country.
There can be a whole host of reasons why your ex-girlfriend is not replying, and that is exactly why it is better for you to stop obsessing over getting a response from your ex-girlfriend.
Because when you do, your brain will often come up with the worst possible explanation as to why she is ignoring you.
5. You are not her priority
She has moved on from you, and she is focused on living her life.
She no longer has any special feelings left for you.
In such a case, it only makes sense for her to not feel a strong urge to respond back to your message.
Just like her, you want to stop prioritizing your ex-girlfriend over other more important things in your life.
You need to realize that a girl does not want you to prioritize her.
She may say she does, but as soon as you put her on a pedestal, she is going to lose interest.
It is in our nature to want things that we can’t readily access.
If you are always so easily accessible to her, you will inevitably lose value in her eyes.
Women are evolutionarily wired to respond to a man who is high in status.
When you are there for her every time she needs you, it communicates to her that you are a low-value male.
So, stop putting her on a pedestal!
6. Her new man tells her to ignore you
I have made my ex-girlfriends do this to her ex-boyfriends the past (Yes… I admit I was a bit of a jealous control freak back in the days).
There were many times when my ex-girlfriend would be contacted by one of the guys she used to see, and I would tell her to cut him off.
In my first relationship, I remember my ex-girlfriend receiving a call from her ex-boyfriend, and I told her to tell her ex-boyfriend that she’s found a new man, so he should stop bothering her (and I made her say that while she was still on the phone with him which I am not too proud of…).
Not to mention many times when a girl I am seeing would get messages from one of her followers on her social media accounts, and we would both laugh at their pathetic attempts at asking her out.
I am sure the last thing you want your ex-girlfriend to do is to share your messages with her new man and use them as a source of their entertainment.
This is why I recommend men to go no-contact on their ex-girlfriends (and you should especially avoid sending text messages).
If you really feel that desire to contact her, make a call.
Your call logs will be pushed down in her phone after a few days, but your messages will forever serve as proof for her to avoid you.
I want you to start filling up your phone contacts with other girl’s phone numbers.
When you are texting 4~5 girls at the same time, you will soon forget why you ever obsessed over your ex-girlfriend.
Desperation is caused by a lack of options.
Use this breakup as a motivation to never ever let yourself run out of options in your dating life.
7. She is doing no contact
Yes, girls also search for dating advice on the internet.
Your ex-girlfriend may have come across an article that encouraged her to not contact her ex-boyfriend, and there is a chance she is using the same exact tactics that you are using on her.
Under such circumstance, it is a simple matter of who caves in first.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage men to focus on their life instead of trying to use a tactic to get their ex-girlfriend back.
When you are focused on living your life, you are naturally not going to contact her, as a by-product.
You will most likely not care much about whether your ex-girlfriend replies to you or not because you are busy with your life.
On the other hand, what happens when you are using no contact as a “tactic”?
You are most likely going to check your phone every few minutes to see if your ex-girlfriend has initiated contact with you.
Your productivity will go out the window, and your attention is solely focused on getting a reply back from your ex-girlfriend.
In such a case, you may be able to exercise no contact for a few days, but your willpower will soon expire, and you will no longer be able to resist your temptation to contact your ex-girlfriend.
So, it is in your best interest to exercise no contact as a way to move on from her, rather than as a way to get her back.
When you do this, you will often end up re-igniting your ex-girlfriend’s attraction toward you.
But guess what?
You likely won’t even want her back at that point.
8. She blocked you
If she blocked you from her phone, she obviously will not be able to see your messages.
As a general rule of thumb, you do not want to be texting her more than two times in a row if she is not replying back to your text.
If she doesn’t respond to you after your first or second text, just assume she has either moved on or blocked you.
Please do not throw away your self-respect for the chance of getting back with your ex-girlfriend.
Even if you somehow convince her to come back, it is not going to last.
In fact, I urge you to go ahead and block her from every possible way she can contact you, including your phone, your email, and your social media accounts.
You need to control your environment, first and foremost, when you are trying to get over your ex-girlfriend.
You wouldn’t try to lose weight while you have a ton of fast food laying around in your house, would you?
It is a foolish attempt to try to “will power” your way out of not contacting your ex-girlfriend when you are constantly reminded of her, from her pictures on her social media accounts, and all of the messages she sent you when you guys were together.
Eliminate any possible triggers that will remind you of her, so she doesn’t constantly circulate in your mind.
9. She is living her life
How pathetic is it for you to be obsessing over your ex-girlfriend when she has moved on, and she is focused on living her life?
Imagine your ex-girlfriend going out and having fun with her friends.
Imagine her going on multiple dates, and going back home with different men every week.
Meanwhile, you are in your room alone beating off to her old picture.
You probably don’t want that, do you?
So, what should you do to start living your life?
Right now, you are addicted to your thoughts of your ex-girlfriend.
So, what is the best way to cure that addiction?
Your current addiction is best replaced with a new addiction.
But, you obviously do not want to replace your toxic addiction with another toxic one.
So, your goal is to find a healthier obsession that can replace your current addiction.
These can include: lifting weights at the gym, practicing daily meditation, signing up for a yoga class, or going on a hike with your friends.
Basically, anything and everything that requires you to move your body is a good bet.
It is hard to remain depressed when you are exercising with intensity.
With that being said, let’s now shift gears a little, and delve even deeper into talking about some of the most critical mistakes that men make when they text their ex-girlfriend.
10. She does not reply because you are too available
Did you make a mistake of replying back to your ex-girlfriend’s text within seconds when she contacted you?
How about when you were in a relationship?
Did you always make sure to reply back to her message as soon as she sent you a text?
If that applies to you, your value has most likely hit rock bottom in your ex-girlfriend’s eyes.
It is true that a girl wants to be with a man who is caring and reliable, but at the same time, she also wants a man who demonstrates attractive qualities, so her child can get the best possible genetic.
When you are always available to a girl, it signals to her brain that you are a low-value male who is at the bottom of the totem pole.
If you are seeing an unattractive woman without a lot of options, she may accept her fate and remain faithful to you.
But, you are unlikely to keep an attractive girl if you don’t strike the right balance between values and reliability.
The short-term solution is to not be so eager to reply back to her text message.
Take at least an hour or two (or even a few hours) before you reply to her.
That will at least give off the impression that you are doing something with your life other than sitting by your phone and waiting for her reply.
But, this is just a “tactic” that will temporarily help your values from dipping further down, but it won’t necessarily help you in the long run.
So, what then is a better long-term strategy to stop obsessing over her texts?
And it is not that complicated.
You find a greater purpose in your life than the woman you are obsessing over.
Why do you think women fawn over rock stars when these rock stars don’t even know about their existence?
It is in a woman’s nature to be attracted to a man who is completely immersed in what he is doing and follows his passion.
11. You share your feelings over text
How many times have you heard a girl say she wants a man who expresses his feelings?
But, here is the truth.
Girls obviously want to know what you are thinking and feeling because it is in their nature to be curious about what is going on in their men’s head.
So, a girl will happily encourage her man to say everything that is on his mind.
But, does that necessarily mean she is going to feel a stronger attraction toward you when you send a long text that expresses your feelings toward her?
The reality is, most girls do not want to hear your sob stories (at least, not too frequently).
Girls do not want to hear about how you were so emotionally distraught by whatever she did or say.
In fact, girls generally want a man who is emotionally stable enough to not experience such an extreme mood swing.
An emotionally unstable man is not a suitable mate because a woman cannot rely on him to remain calm and grounded during tough times.
You do not want to lose your cool at any point when you are talking to a girl.
And for the same reason, you do not want to make a mistake of expressing your emotion too often (You want to be a man who makes a girl experience strong emotions, rather than being the man who is controlled by his emotions).
Your ex-girlfriend (or current girlfriend) will soon get tired of it.
You need to realize that what girls say they want, and what they actually want, can often be completely different.
A girl may say she wants a nice guy, but she will go out on a date with a not-so-nice guy.
She may say she wants a gentleman who treats her well, but she may date a guy who is completely disrespectful toward her.
You always want to look at a girl’s behavior over the words she says.
So, do not ever write a long-winded text message that confesses your genuine love.
I made a mistake of bombarding my ex-girlfriend with paragraphs of heartfelt messages during my first break-up, and every time I would do that, all I would get in return is her telling me that she does not feel the same way about me anymore.
I have also talked to hundreds of girls about their past relationships, and I can’t recall a single case where the girl told me, she decided to go back to her ex-boyfriend because she was moved by his genuine, wordy text messages.
One story that particularly stands out in my mind is of a girl whom I dated for some time.
She told me about her ex-boyfriend who she loved more than anyone else in all of her past relationships.
He ended up moving to another country, and they tried to make it work by getting into a long-distance relationship.
As time passed on, it was clear that things weren’t going to work out, and she eventually tried to break it off with him.
But, when she wanted to end things, he started going crazy and tried to convince her to give him a second chance by texting her tens of times in a row.
When she ignored him, he went as far as threatening to commit suicide, and by that point, she did not want anything to do with him.
Desperation and neediness are the two worst traits you can demonstrate if you want to kill the girl’s attraction completely.
How I got a girl to reply to my text
As a final note, let me share a story of how I got a girl to meet me through text message when all odds were stacked against me.
The lessons in the story will help you to identify what principles are actually important when you are trying to get your ex-girlfriend (or any girl for that matter) to meet you through text message.
This was back when I was going out in Melbourne, Australia.
One of my friends (Let’s call him Sean) was visiting Melbourne from Sydney for a few days. While he was in Melbourne, he approached this one girl (Let’s call her Sara) in front of the library, and he ended up going on a date with her.
They hung out for a couple of days, but he had to leave to Sydney, so he decided to pass her phone number to me and my other friend (Let’s call him John).
So, John and I decided to take a shot at Sara, but since John had already met Sara, he decided to go first (Sean was staying over at his place when he was visiting so he had already met her when they were hanging out)
By the way, I know… We did some weird, messed up things back in the days.
Anyway, John simply invited Sara to come over and hang out with him, and they ended up making love.
So, it was now my turn to make things happen with Sara, but I was fighting an uphill battle since we had never met, and she did not even know about my existence.
To make matters worse, John changed his words and refused to introduce me to Sara after they slept together which he had initially promised.
So, I basically had to come up with a way to get a girl – who did not know anything about me – to come and meet me (I only had her phone number from Sean).
At this point in my life, I would not go out of my way to do such things, but I was still at an “experimental” stage of my dating life back then.
So anyway, here is what I did.
First, I sent a simple text, “Hey, is this Sara?”
She was compelled to reply when she saw my text since it was a message from someone who seemingly knows her.
And she did.
As soon as she replied to my text, I picked up my phone and called her immediately, and she answered
When I got on the phone with her, I pretended as if I knew her by asking how she has been (A little playful role-play can work great to alleviate pressure when you are talking to a girl who does not know you very well).
But, after a few seconds, I quickly transitioned into telling her that I actually called her because I saw her from a distance when Sean approached her, and I wanted to get to know her because I found her somewhat cute.
We talked for a few minutes over the phone while I continued to keep things light and playful, and I suggested we go grab something to drink sometime next week.
She was a little hesitant at first, but I assured her we can just be good friends in the worst-case scenario.
Long story short, she did end up coming out to meet me (which ticked off Sean a little, to say the least), and we ended up making sweet love.
Here is what I want you to take away from the story.
There are actually two major lessons I want to emphasize, which you can easily apply when you are talking to your ex-girlfriend (or any girl) who does not reply.
- First, you always want to spark a girl’s curiosity if your goal is to get her to respond. It is the most powerful psychological trigger to get someone to respond.
- Second, you want to avoid making a big request over text messages. The idea is exactly the same as if you were a salesman trying to sell your product to potential buyers. It is infinitely easier to sell to someone over the phone rather than over text messages, and it will be even easier if you can meet the person in real life. Use text message as a way to get a girl’s interest, but do not make any big requests (such as asking her to come and meet you) until she is, at least, on the phone with you.
Anyway, I hope this article helped you to get a clearer idea of why your ex-girlfriend may not be responding to your text, and what you should do moving forward.