All I ever wanted was that one sweet girlfriend who would look deep into my eyes and say, “Baby, you are my one and only”.
Fast forward dating a few too many women than I’m proud to admit, I am a little more cynical and jaded about dating.
But, I have learned a thing or two about what it takes to get that beautiful girlfriend who is the right fit for you.
And that is precisely what I want to share in this article.
But before we talk about “how” to get a girlfriend, I want you to be clear about why you want a girlfriend.
Is it because you believe having a girlfriend will make your life infinitely better?
Do you think you will feel more like a man once you have that beautiful girl who you can proudly show the world?
You’ve got to be honest with your motivation.
I beg you to take this step seriously.
There are a lot of tragedies in life.
But, one of the great tragedies is to waste years (or decades) of your life chasing after something you don’t even know why you are chasing, only to find out it was never something that you really wanted.
If you are looking for a girlfriend because you believe it will magically improve your life, then it won’t.
I hate to be the bearer of the bad news, but if your life sucks without a girlfriend, then your life will still suck with a girlfriend.
That temporary dopamine hit (from getting a girlfriend) will wear off soon enough and you will be back to facing reality.
On the other hand, if your life is awesome and you date a girl who will complement your lifestyle, she can certainly be a nice addition to your life.
She should, however, never become your entire life.
But please do not take this the wrong way.
I’m not undermining a potential influence that your girlfriend can have on you.
All of us are greatly influenced by people who we spend the most time with. And your girlfriend (or your future wife) will likely be one of the people who you spend a significant portion of your time with.
So, it is important for you to be extremely picky with who you invite into your life.
In the following sections, I want to help you find that girl who will enhance your life rather than deteriorate it.
The first step is to clearly define “your” ideal girlfriend.
And please stay away from basing this off of who you think your friend (or other people) will find attractive.
It is one thing to spend one night with a pretty girl who you normally can’t stand, it is totally another thing to spend months or even years with the said girl.
Not only should you come up with all the physical traits that are important to you, but you should also come up with all the personality traits (and habits) that are important to you as well.
What are some of the things that you absolutely can’t stand?
Is it when a girl constantly complains about her looks?
Or maybe it is when she shows up late all the time to date.
And what are some things that you absolutely require in a girl you date?
Maybe, you want your girlfriend to be passionate about something.
Maybe, you want a girl who had a good relationship with her parents (aka no daddy issues).
Whatever qualities you look for in a girl, write them down.
Your thoughts only become crystallized when you write them down on paper.
This process of defining your ideal girlfriend also turns you into a man with standards, which is a rare quality among men in this day and age.
How many friends do you know who would happily stick their penis inside whatever girls they come across?
I know far too many.
When you become a man with standards, it will show in the way you communicate with girls.
No. This is not some woo-woo BS that I’m making up.
There are two ways you can go about being an attractive man.
You can either fake it by copying behaviors of an attractive man or you can just embody attractive traits.
So, you can either fake having standards with memorized lines or you can become a man with actual standards.
With the first approach, you will be exposed sooner or later.
But the truth will always shine through when you take the second approach.
This is basic common sense but is often neglected by men (or people in general).
There is a lot of truth in the saying, “You attract who you are”.
If you are not the most attractive dude (and I’m not just talking about your physical attributes), you may be able to get lucky and score a girl who is a few points higher than you here and there, but you will be hard-pressed replicate your success consistently.
If you want to consistently attract a high-quality girl, then you need to become a high-quality man.
The girl may initially be attracted to whatever positive attributes you possess, but once she realizes you have no substance about you, she will very quickly lose all of her interest.
The first thing you can do to improve yourself is to lift regularly.
Your mind and body are connected. If you don’t take care of your body, then your mind will become less clear as well.
Lifting regularly improves your confidence in two important ways.
First, when you are strong and you look better, you can’t help but feel more confident.
Second, it takes a certain degree of discipline to go to the gym regularly.
When you keep promises you make to yourself, your confidence will soar.
There is also one more thing I almost forgot to mention…
You have to endure pain in order for you to grow in the gym.
And that ability to endure pain forms the basis of any and everything you want to excel in life.
Do you want to attract a lot of girls in your life? You will have to endure more rejections in a month than most guys are willing to face in their lifetime.
Do you want to have a successful business? You will have to endure more failures than most men are ever willing to face.
If you’ve got nothing in your brain, you are not going to be able to sustain a relationship with quality girls.
Sure, you can have a short term fling with girls here and there. But, you are going to have a tough time turning them (quality girls) into your girlfriend.
This is also where the standard pick-up advice falls short.
A lot of dating coaches give you all these different pickup lines to spike a girl’s emotion.
They teach you all these different negs, teases, push and pulls, and lines to get her to chase you.
But, they avoid talking about the most important thing – you actually have to become an interesting person – because it’s not a quick fix.
They realize telling people that they actually need to put work into improving themselves won’t sell.
But, you just need to use your common sense and realize this. If being an attractive man were as easy as these dating coaches make it out to be, then every man would be attractive.
And the truth is, it can sometimes take years to change those ingrained habits you have been hoarding for the past decades.
So, how do you take the first step to becoming a more interesting person?
One way is to start reading. Fill your brain up with interesting stories and knowledge.
Reflect back on your world view and develop your own opinions about different issues.
That is how you become an interesting man instead of being a low-value pick-up dude who says nothing of substance.
Unless you are very fixated with a certain type of outfits (and I know most dudes aren’t), dress to attract your type of girls.
If you are into girls who are very active, then you probably want to invest in athletic wear.
If you are into girls who wear classy outfits, you would want to dress accordingly to attract them.
I was never the one to obsess over fashion, but I’ve come to realize it can make a HUGE difference especially for guys who are not stereotypically good looking.
Once you find your fashion and you dial it in, I can almost guarantee it can change your success rate with women overnight.
I do need to emphasize, however, the basis of a good fashion is a good body (as long as you wear clothes that fit your body).
So, don’t forget to hit the gym!
The easiest way to get a girlfriend is through friends.
This is because our brain is hardwired to have an “in-group bias”.
When a girl is introduced to you through her friend, she already starts with a basic level of trust (since we tend to automatically trust what our friend recommends).
Not only that, but she almost feels a bit of obligation to get to know you, no matter how much of a boring PoS you are, because you are a friend of her friend.
In short, you are starting with far more advantages than if you were to try to get to know her as a stranger.
So, don’t be afraid to ask your friend to introduce you to his mom or his sister (Just kidding…).
You do not need an incredible amount of charm to attract girls when you meet girls this way just as you wouldn’t need an impressive resume if you were to get a job through connection.
It does, however, come with its disadvantages…
1. You are limited with your option. There are only so many girls your friend knows.
2. You actually need to have a friend who knows girls. And if you don’t know a lot of girls, your friends probably don’t either (Like attracts like…).
3. Even if your friends know some girls, he may not want to introduce you to them.
If you don’t know any friend who can introduce you to a nice girl, then no worries
You just need to man up and carve your own path to finding that dream girlfriend of yours.
Do not get so fixated with the idea that you can only find your girlfriend at so and so places.
The opportunity is literally everywhere.
Your next girlfriend may be standing beside you in line at a coffee shop.
She may be that girl staring at you with a deep gaze at a bar.
Or a girl at the gym with that perfect and round ass.
Once you realize this, you will start seeing opportunities everywhere as you go about your daily life.
When you are walking down the street and you see a beautiful girl struggling to find directions, you might use that as an opportunity to strike up a conversation with her.
When you see a girl struggling to figure out how to use a leg press machine at the gym, you might playfully tease her about it to initiate a conversation.
Yes, it will take a little bit of courage to approach girls in these types of scenarios.
But, there really is nothing to lose if you think about it logically.
In the best case scenario, you will have met a cool girl who may become your girlfriend in the future.
In the worst case scenario, you will have encountered a not-so-nice girl who is on her period, which isn’t all that bad.
You need to make sure your communication skills meet the minimum standard.
When I say communication, I’m talking both verbal and your body language.
If you want her to be your girlfriend, you better be able to look at her directly in the eyes and maintain eye contact.
You want to talk to her with a relaxed voice tone as opposed to tense, high-pitched, and squeaky tone.
While you do not want to act distant, you also don’t want to be leaning forward so much, showing way too much enthusiasm before you even find out who she is.
Finding that right balance really is the key and it applies to all aspects of your interaction with girls.
You want to communicate to her as a man to a woman.
Do not stay in that safe, platonic conversation mode because you are afraid to show her you have desires.
When you do, you are pretty much asking her to friend-zone you.
Do not be afraid to show your intention when you talk to girls.
Do not be afraid to show you are a man with a sexual desire.
You want to be polarizing. Be either loved or hated. If you want everyone to love you, no one will. Once you become okay with others hating on you, that is when people will become magnetized by your indifference.
It’s okay to talk about sex. It’s okay to talk about what you find sexy in her.
You need to eradicate those limiting beliefs from your head, that it is weird and creepy to show your intention.
Yes… there are ways to go about showing your intention in a way she can relate, without putting too much pressure on her, but the first step is to just start showing your intention unapologetically.
And stop taking her so seriously.
Let’s assume she’s already your girlfriend. How would you talk to her?
Would you say any of those weird try-hard things you were about to say?
No. You would just keep the conversation light and playful. You would stop being so reaction seeking because you already know she accepts you and loves you.
The more you are obsessed about getting a girlfriend, the harder it will be for you to find one.
The less you are attached to dating that one girl, the more she is likely going to chase you.
Neediness is by far one of the most toxic traits you can have as a man.
So, you want to constantly work toward vacuuming that neediness out of your system.
As you transform into a lesser needy version of yourself, you will start to notice it becomes easier and easier to attract and keep the right type of girls you want in your life.
Anyway, that is all the advice I’ve got for you for at this moment.
It is time for you to go out and get a hot girlfriend for yourself and make me jealous!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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