I Can’t Talk To Girls!

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Let’s be honest for a moment. There are not that many more frustrating things for a man than lacking the ability to approach and talk to a girl he finds attractive.

As a man, you are expected to take the initiative and lead along every step of your interaction with girls.

If you can’t do that, you are guaranteed to live a very lonely life.

So, let’s talk about why your mind goes completely blank when you try to talk to girls. Because the primary step to transforming yourself is to first become aware of your underlying issues.

These are the 6 reasons why you can’t talk to girls.

1. You lack the experience

If you have barely talked to any girls in your life, how can you possibly expect to be good at talking to them off the bat?

It only makes sense for you to not be great at interacting with girls if you lack the experience.

Think about anything that you are proficient at. It most likely took you a lot of practice and trial and error for you to get to that level of proficiency.

The more you talk to girls and the faster you become okay with making a fool out of yourself, the quicker you are going to get good at talking to girls.

There is no substitute for hard work and experience.

By the way, this does not necessarily mean it has to take you a long time to get good with girls.

If you want to get proficient fast, you just need to be willing to take more focused action in a short period of time than what most are willing to put them through.

I used to go to Muay Thai classes, and there was this kid who had been training there for years, but he still had terrible techniques because he lacked focus and intensity during his practice.

There was another kid who had been training for less than a year, but he had already surpassed a lot of people there who had been training for a longer period.

Needless to say, a large part of his success was due to him taking his training very seriously and never skipping a session.

If you apply the same principle to talking to girls, you are going to be able to accelerate your learning curve.

So, go out there and accumulate those experiences!

2. You care way too much about what she thinks

Another reason why you struggle to talk to girls is that you just care way too much.

You care how you look, you care how your voice sounds, and you care if what you say is going to sound stupid.

Yes, I understand how difficult it is to not care about what an attractive girl thinks about you.

It only makes sense that you want to portray the best version of yourself when you talk to girls.

But, you need to realize the fact that you care so much is exactly why you can’t talk to girls.

What happens when you feel the pressure while interacting with girls?

Your brain freezes up, and you can’t think of anything to say.

As soon as you are able to let go of your attachment for wanting to look a certain way or sound a certain way, you are going to alleviate a lot of pressure off your shoulders.

Instead of thinking she is there to judge every one of your behavior, you want to adopt a new, different mindset that is not so toxic.

You need to understand you are talking to a girl to get to know her and see if you guys are a good fit.

If you guys turn out to be not so great fit for each other, then it is not a big deal.

There are millions of girls out there, so you will never ever run out of girls to talk to in your lifetime.

3. You put them on a pedestal

This is especially prevalent with men who are very deprived of their dating lives.

When they talk to a girl, they treat it as if it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If you put this sort of heavy pressure on yourself, it is only going to make your minds go blank when you talk to girls.

If you feel extremely nervous around attractive women, there is a good chance you view them as being a different creature than men.

You, of course, logically understand that we are all the same human beings and that we are no different from each other.

But, your brain has not processed on a deep, emotional level that women really are no different than men.

And that is precisely why you feel like you need to “perform” or “do” something when you are talking to a girl.

If you did not put women on a pedestal, and you viewed them for who they are (just another vulnerable human being who wants to be loved), would you really have trouble talking to them?

4. You have social anxiety

I suffered from severe social anxiety for my entire life until I was in my late 20s, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

You are living but not living when you suffer from extreme social anxiety.

Just a mere thought of stepping out of your house scares the living crap out of you, and your brain convinces you into believing everyone is judging you.

We already talked about how you probably care way too much about what a girl thinks of you.

Bad social anxiety will make you believe everyone is secretly mocking you and pointing fingers at you.

I remember when I used to struggle to even order food over the phone in my high-school years.

I did not want to open my mouth to talk because I was so afraid the person on the other end of the phone would not be able to hear my voice or understand what I’m saying.

If you have experienced anything similar to what I have described above, I highly recommend you to seek therapy.

That will help you get better at talking to girls than you repeatedly forcing yourself to talk to girls, without treating an underlying issue.

Not only will you gain more confidence with girls when you improve your social anxiety, but it will also improve the quality of your life in general.

Social anxiety affects every area of your life, including but not limited to how you perform at your job interviews, your ability to interact with customers and your co-workers, your romantic life, and much more.

So, please do not take it lightly!

On a side note, I have personally found meditation had a profound effect on reducing my social anxiety, so I recommend you to give it a try if you haven’t.

But, it is still not a substitute for seeking professional help.

5. You try too hard

You may be trying way too hard when you talk to girls.

Maybe, you memorized a couple of pick-up lines or funny jokes on the internet, and you even managed to make her laugh with them.

But, you have no more things to say because you were not really expressing your real self.

You always have to “try” to come up with things to say because you do not put your primary focus on connecting with girls in a meaningful way.

Instead, your focus is on putting on a performance to get a good reaction out of girls.

When you do this, you will, of course, get stuck in your head and run out of things to talk about.

Even if you do manage to keep a conversation going, you are not going to be able to sustain a nice flow while you talk to a girl, and there will be no spark in your interaction.

Once again, you need to change your current mindset when you talk to a girl.

You can’t be so fixated on yourself if you want to have a nice talk with a girl and form a meaningful connection.

You need to shift your focus to actually getting to know a girl.

Get out of your head and look at the girl that is sitting in front of you.

What is she feeling? What makes her happy? What makes her sad?

If you can answer those questions, you will be one step closer to making a girl fall for you.

6. You have an ulterior motive

It is also possible you are entirely focused on getting something out of the interaction when you talk to girls.

You may be thinking about how you can get her number.

Maybe, you are thinking about when is the best time to go in for the kiss.

Or you really want to ask her to come back home with you, but you are trying to figure out the right time to ask, and it is impossible for you to pay attention to anything she is saying.

When you have these ulterior motives in your mind, you are not going to be present in a conversation.

You may think you are good at hiding your intention, but the other person can usually sense something is off by observing a little change in micro-expression of your face (or just a subtle change in your voice).

Let me just point out that it is, without a doubt, important for you to take the initiative and lead the interaction, whether it be asking for her number, or going in for the kiss.

But at the same time, you also need to cultivate that ability to be fully present when you are talking to girls.

Because it is unlikely she is going to want to follow your lead if you are not fully present during a conversation.

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