Are you scared to talk to girls? You are certainly not alone.
Talking to an attractive girl can be a nerve-wracking experience for most men.
But, it is important for you to overcome that fear if you want to improve your dating life.
And the first step to change is gaining an understanding of what is at the root of that fear, so you can efficiently tackle the problem.
Without further ado, let’s talk about why you are so afraid of talking to girls.
1. You lack the experience
We naturally fear the unknown.
If you are not experienced with girls, then you are going to be scared to talk to them.
A lot of fears come from you over-analyzing about what could possibly happen if you say this or that to a girl.
Once you accumulate enough experiences with girls, and you feel like you have a pretty good idea of what to expect when you talk to girls, you won’t be so afraid of talking to girls.
Having been a virgin for the first 26 years of my life, I can still recall how even the thought of hugging a girl induced massive anxiety in me.
My fear slowly subsided as I began to talk to more and more girls.
If this is the core reason why you are scared to talk to girls, you simply need to talk to more girls.
There is one important principle I want you to keep in mind during this process.
I want you to view each and every one of your interactions with girls as a “practice”.
I want you to accept that you are going to suck and say something stupid.
But, I also want you to realize that you can and will get better as you gain more experience.
When you adopt this mindset, you instantly alleviate pressure off your shoulders because so much of that pressure comes from you wanting to have that perfect conversation with a girl you talk to.
Once you start viewing each interaction as an “experiment” rather than a “performance”, you feel more free to mess up because it is not a big deal if one girl gives you a bad reaction since it is all just a part of your experiment.
2. You view them differently
You are likely putting girls on a pedestal if you are scared to talk to them.
One of the most common problems that a lot of shy men have is that they don’t view women as “human”.
Yes, you logically understand that she is another human.
But, do you “really” understand that she is just like you?
If you truly realized deep down that she has insecurities and worries just like you, would you really be so obsessed over what she thinks about you?
Think about any of your female friends who you have known for some time.
If you are a shy guy, you have probably felt somewhat awkward until you started to get to know her better.
Why is that? One reason is that you understood she really is no different than you.
So, the trick is to understand that 99% of girls you will encounter in the future really are no different than you on a deeper level.
Apart from talking to a lot of women, here is what I suggest you do to expedite the process.
I want you to read and study about writings that are written from a woman’s perspective.
Read about articles or books where the female author authentically expresses herself without holding anything back.
By doing this, you are able to gain a deeper understanding of what goes on in a woman’s mind.
As you learn more about fears and concerns that women experience, you will be able to see women for who they actually are rather than what you “think” they are.
And you will be able to more effortlessly connect with them on a deep level.
3. You are attached to their validation
Why do you think social media has become so popular in recent years?
Our need for validation from others can quickly become the most addictive drug to our lives if we don’t learn to manage it.
So, if you give so much crap about what faceless random strangers think about you, how do you think you would act when you are talking to a hot girl?
When you are having a conversation with an attractive girl, your brain (through thousands of years of evolution) will tell you that there is a lot at stake if you mess it up and that you absolutely must make it work.
That is a LOT of pressure.
So, what is the best way to let go of that extreme validation seeking?
There is no one right answer, but here is the best way I have found from my personal experience.
You need options in your dating life.
And when I say you need options, I mean that you need more than a few girls that you can date if you wanted to.
I am not saying you should cheat if you are in a relationship.
You should most certainly be faithful if you are in a monogamous relationship with a girl, but that does not mean you should completely isolate yourself from other girls.
In my experience, it is usually a lack of option that makes you cling onto the person you are dating.
If you have ever been in a relationship, have you noticed that you become more needy toward your girlfriend as you spend less time with your friends and family, and more time with your girlfriend?
When you make a girl your only source of validation, you are inevitably going to become a needy man, and you will never be able to set yourself free from her validation.
So, find your passion (apart from women), fill your life up with interesting hobbies, talk to other women, and hang out with cool friends.
It will be a lot easier for you to stop putting girls on a pedestal.
4. You have social anxiety
The last point I want to talk about is social anxiety.
If you are suffering from social anxiety, it is going to be very difficult for you to have a normal interaction with girls (and people in general).
Many people live their life not even knowing that they have social anxiety.
They have been living most of their life with anxiety, and they have sort of forgotten how it feels to live without anxiety.
So, let me give you some examples of what it means to have bad social anxiety.
- You are walking down the street and you see another person walking toward you. Your muscles start to feel stiff, you feel like you are walking “mechanically”, and you feel the knot in your stomach.
- The thought of picking up your phone to even order food absolutely terrifies you.
- You have trouble really listening to what the other person says during social interaction because you are so focused on yourself.
- The thought of walking into a room full of people and sitting in the front row makes your palm sweaty.
If you have social anxiety, then reducing your social anxiety may very well be the best cure to eliminate your fear of talking to girls.
If it is extreme, then I suggest you seek professional help.
But, there are a couple of practices that have helped me greatly to alleviate my severe social anxiety.
The first practice is meditation.
Meditation helps you to calm your nerves and allows you to become more centered in your own reality rather than being reactive to other’s presence.
I won’t go into a further explanation about the benefits of meditation since a simple Google search will yield thousands of results about its benefits.
The second practice is any form of aerobic exercise.
I believe lifting weight has a lot of benefits.
It is great for improving your confidence and sculpting your body, but I’ve come to realize that it did not give the same type of benefit as cardiovascular exercises did for my anxiety.
I neglected any form of cardiovascular exercise for most of my life and put most of my focus on lifting weights in the past decade or so.
But, when I started incorporating running into my daily routine, I immediately noticed an improvement in how relaxed I feel as I went about my day.
But at the end of the day, nothing beats experience when it comes to conquering your fear of talking to girls.
So, keep pushing your comfort zone and keep talking to girls to beat your fear!