Most guys that start approaching women come from a place of being very socially awkward (including myself), and I noticed one interesting thing among many of them.
They put on this persona when they go out to approach women at night or during the daytime, and revert back to their old awkward self when they are in their normal social setting.
This is definitely NOT how you want to act.
You want to always be consistent with the way you present yourself to girls, although you may need to be a little more patient depending on different settings which we will soon discuss.
Disclaimer: This doesn’t apply to guys whose entire conversation is made up of dirty jokes and you aren’t yet the guy who can get away with saying that type of thing.
Once you are past the initial stage of getting to know her and she responds well to what you say, it’s time for you to dig in a little deeper by asking questions such as what her plan is for the weekend.
You can often find out whether she has a boyfriend or not with such questions (or by adding her on social media once you get to know her).
This way, you can prevent making a mistake of showing too much intention before you even find out about her relationship status.
When you feel there are enough positive signs coming from her and you confirm she’s single, it’s time for you to go ahead and ask to hang out.
Please note, you can still do more than fine by going very direct depending on the type of job you have, but I recommend you stick to this approach if you want to take the safest route.
Talking to girls at school
It’s basically a similar idea as to when you are talking to girls at work.
School is a social setting and you will see her over and over again, so there really is no need to rush.
On a side note, I can see some guys arguing you should ask her out as soon as possible because there is a chance another guy asks her out before you even have a chance.
This certainly is a possibility and it even sounds like the right thing to do on paper.
“Be the man and just ask her out like a true alpha male..!”
However, the last thing I want happening is for some of you to send me an email telling me you got fired from your job or everyone thinks you’re a creep at your school. If your basic social skill is still not at the point where it needs to be, then I recommend you take a slightly longer route.
If you do, however, think you have what it takes to go direct then go ahead.
How to talk to girls at parties
Now, I would consider this a semi-social setting where your course of action can differ depending on the type of girl you’re talking to.
If you are talking to a girl that is close friends with your friend, then you want to take a similar approach to what we had previously discussed.
You do, however, want to make sure you either add her on social media or get her phone number before she leaves so you can keep in touch with her. Because you don’t know when or if ever you will be able to see her again.
If you go too crazy with showing your intention, there is a possibility that not only will you hamper your own reputation, but you will also make everything awkward for your friends.
So, once again, I only recommend going very direct for guys who know for certain they can get away with it in this scenario.
Now, if the girl doesn’t know any of your friends and there is a good chance you will never see her again, then it’s time for you to go in with full intention without holding back.
If you are talking to her in a social setting then the process is a lot more straightforward.
Begin a conversation with typical stuff such as talking about school, work, and hobbies.
I do have one advice that you can apply so the conversation doesn’t go stale.
Say you are telling her about this English class you took in college.
Instead of just telling her, “I took this English class and it was so hard!”, elaborate on it.
Here’s one example.
“I’ve always been terrible at writing essays in highschool, so I was terrified when I found out I had to take English 101.
But, I decided I’m going to prove myself I can write a good essay this time. So I spent hours and hours in the library revising my essays, and even went to the writing center to get my essay revised 3 times.
The third and last time I went to get help with revision, the person told me it’s the best essays he’s ever seen.
That’s when I knew my essay was ready to be submitted.
I got my mark back and when I saw that 93% written on my paper..
It was the proudest moment of my life!”
Notice how much more you can show her what type of person you are simply by elaborating on the story and talking about emotions you felt at the time?
But, the chance of you seeing her again is very slim.
Even if you do manage to get her phone number and she really likes you at the time of talking to you, there’s a very good chance she won’t be willing to meet up with you.
You may be wondering why.
It is because how girls feel when they are out at night and when they wake up the next morning is very different.
Even think about your own self.
How many times have you been ultra motivated to start working out and crush it in the gym after watching fitness videos at night only to lose all your motivation the next day?
Human emotions are very fickle and unreliable.
So, what should you do then?
Don’t be afraid to approach her with a strong intensity and volume. Nightclubs and bars are chaotic and it’s important for you to leave a strong first impression on her.
Nothing can happen without you first grabbing ahold of her attention.
Once you have her attention, it’s time to make your intention clear by showing that you came to talk to her because you want her.
This isn’t only done via flirting and teasing. In fact, physical proximity (standing close to her) and your eye contact (Strong, unwavering eyecontact) all play a much bigger part in showing your intention.
When she doesn’t mind (doesn’t step back) you standing an inch away from her and she responds well to your physical escalation, then you can go ahead and ask her to come spend more time with you at a more private place.
I hope you know what to do by this point but feel free to shoot me an email if you really can’t figure out where to insert your tootsie roll.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to help you out in time..
How to talk to girls online
Same general principles apply whether you’re talking to girls online or over text.
Many dating coaches put a much heavier emphasis on attraction part of the interaction, but I’d say curiosity is a much stronger emotional trigger than attraction (especially for average guys like you and I).
The truth of the matter is, if you’ve already gotten her number, you most likely meet at least a minimum standard for her in terms of physical appearance and how you presented yourself (unless you made her feel like her safety would be at risk if she didn’t give out her number..).
Think about how many attractive guys she would be exposed to if she’s legitimately hot. Think of all the attractive guys in her social circle that want to get with her. And all the attractive guys feeling secure behind their little monitor hitting her up on Tinder.
The odds are not in your favor when you mostly and solely rely on attraction to get her to meet you again.
That is unless you play a massive number’s game, or you catch her at the right moment of her life such as when she just moved to your city, or when she’s traveling.
So, always ask yourself this before you press that send button.
Is this going to arouse any sort of emotion in her, or is it something she would’ve seen a million times from other guys?
Ideally, you want that emotion to be curiosity over any other emotional trigger.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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