How to talk to a Shy Girl

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Should you adopt a different approach when you are talking to a shy girl as opposed to a confident girl?

What is the most important principle you need to keep in mind when you are talking to a shy woman so she doesn’t want to run away from you within the first 30 seconds of you talking to her?

You will discover the answers to these questions in this article.

Let’s get started.

Shy woman behaviors

So, what are some of the behaviors shy women exhibit?

This is not too difficult to understand if you’ve suffered from social anxiety or shyness growing up.

Eye contact

A shy woman struggles to maintain good eye contact for the same reason a shy man struggles with eye contact.

When she is around a man she finds attractive, she feels nervous and struggles to keep her composure.

She is worried if he may be judging her appearance or behaviors, and she starts to feel insecure around him.

How do you act when you feel insecure around someone?

You struggle to look at that person in the eyes.

Your eyes are the window to your soul, and they are used to communicate your true feelings and thoughts.

She does not want you to look into her eyes and find out how nervous she is.

And that is the reason why she struggles to keep eye contact with you.

She doesn’t talk a lot

A shy woman is likely not going to talk a lot even if she is interested in you.

Girls who are shy tend to be shy because they are constantly over-thinking about the littlest stuff.

What do you think happens when there are hundreds of thoughts going on inside your brain all at once?

You become stifled, and you are unable to freely talk and express yourself.

That is precisely what happens to a girl who feels shy around you.

Now, you don’t want to confuse this with a woman who is genuinely not into you.

One way to figure out if a girl is shy or just not interested is to pay attention to her level of attentiveness.

If a girl is quiet but she pays attention to you, then it is a sign she is probably into you.

On the other hand, if she is completely disengaged and she is turned away from you, that is likely a sign of disinterest.

Her behaviors

Another good way to assess a girl’s level of confidence is to observe her behavior.

If she looks down frequently, and she has a tendency to slouch forward, then she is obviously more on the shy side.

If she fidgets and flinches a lot, those are also tell-tale signs of shyness and anxiety.

How to approach a shy girl who likes you

Take a moment and think about the typical attractive behaviors that men are expected to demonstrate when approaching a girl.

Men are taught to stand tall and straight, take up space to assert our dominance, talk with a loud and confident voice, and make piercing eye contact.

These are all attractive behaviors without a doubt.

But, you need to be careful to not be over the top when talking to girls who are shy.

If you exude too much confidence, it can easily backfire and make a girl feel nervous around you.

You may make her subconsciously believe that you are too good for her by carrying yourself with too much confidence around her.

So, what is the alternative? Should you fake it by pretending to be someone else?

Nope, you can still be yourself.

But, here is the way I want you to think.

Let’s say you exude your confidence with the level of 8 on a scale of 1 to 10.

When you are with a girl whose energy and confidence may be at the level of 6, I want you to bring your level down to about 7, so you are just slightly above her level of energy and confidence.

Why is this important?

It is because we have a tough time relating to someone who is on a completely different wavelength from us.

If someone’s level of energy is completely different than ours, we tend to feel repulsion rather than attraction toward the person.

So, it is important for you to avoid being too un-relatable in the way you carry yourself when you are talking to girls.

This is not you being fake to cater to her.

Here is the way I see it.

Let’s say you are having an awesome day, and you meet up with your friend.

She breaks down crying in front of you all of a sudden and tells you that her mom passed away a week ago.

Would you say you are being fake if you empathize with her by relating to her sadness, although you were having a great day just prior to meeting her?

No, you are simply being a considerate human being who looks out for others.

That is the exact type of mindset you want to adopt when you are talking to a shy girl.

You understand that she doesn’t feel so comfortable around someone she doesn’t know well.

So, you are just being a decent human being by interacting with her at the level she is able to relate.

Avoid being too direct 

You want to avoid being too direct with your intention.

When you are too straightforward with your feelings, you can easily scare her away by putting too much pressure on her.

Whatever you do, you want to make sure it minimizes the tension and pressure in your interaction with a shy woman.

While a little bit of tension is not a bad thing, there is no reason for you to do anything that will increase the tension when you talk to a shy woman since there will already be enough of it without you doing anything.

How to make a shy girl feel comfortable

So, what are some other ways you can make a shy woman feel more comfortable around you?

One of the best ways to make a girl feel more comfortable around you is to crack a joke.

Laughing reduces tension.

When she laughs at your jokes, she is inevitably going to feel more at ease around you.

So, how do you make a girl laugh?

Most men put way too much pressure on themselves when it comes to making a girl laugh.

They think they need to prepare what they are going to say in advance and time their jokes perfectly to make her laugh.

But, this is far from the truth.

You don’t need to be super witty, or be as funny as a stand-up comedian to make a girl laugh at what you say.

In fact, most girls will crack up at the stupidest things you say as long as you say them with confidence.

A shy girl will especially appreciate the effort you put into making her feel more comfortable.

When you make jokes, most girls understand you are doing your best to give them a good time even if your jokes may not be great.

Another effective way to make a girl feel comfortable is to make self-deprecating jokes.

In most of my other articles, I advise against making self-deprecating jokes.

The problem with it is that it makes a girl feel comfortable at the expense of losing your value in her eyes.

But, it is an exception when you are talking to a shy girl.

If a girl is shy, there is a good chance she may subconsciously believe you are too good for her.

When the girl perceives you to have a much higher value than her, she is going to distance herself from you.

Don’t get me wrong. You certainly want to have enough value in her eyes, so she doesn’t feel like she is getting a bad deal by going out with you.

But, you don’t want that gap to be too big to the point she feels she doesn’t deserve you.

So, when you make self-deprecating jokes, you are essentially catching two birds with one stone.

Just be careful not to over-do it.

How to talk to a shy girl over text 

Generally speaking, you want to send text messages that build comfort.

You want to avoid sarcasm and teasing when you are texting a shy girl.

As we had discussed earlier, a shy woman tends to over-think everything.

So, you don’t want to send her a text message that has even a slight chance of arousing a negative emotion.

When you are making a joke, I recommend you use emojis to clearly communicate your intention so there is no room for misinterpretation.

When she is left to her own devices to interpret your words, she will usually come up with the most negative interpretation.

Anyway, I hope this article gave a clearer idea of how to approach and talk to a shy girl.

I wish you the best of luck!

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