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Don’t you just wish you could be a nice guy and still attract others? Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work like that in real life. So, how can you stop being that nice guy who gets walked all over by others?
As far as I know, these are the most effective ways to eradicate that nice guy syndrome. First, stand up for yourself. Second, speak your mind. Third, do not tolerate any form of disrespect from others. And these last three points are specifically for nice guys who struggle with women. Do not hide your sexual intention. DO lead the interaction. Do not become her friend.
I do want to clarify this point before we dive into the article.
There is nothing wrong with being a decent human being. In fact, women (and people in general) like men who are caring and know how to lift them up with his positive energy.
But, it becomes problematic when you lack some of the qualities we will be discussing in this article.
If you don’t possess some of these qualities, you will become a man who gets friend-zoned and lets a woman treat him like a doormat.
So, let’s get right into it if you are a nice guy who is sick and tired of being treated like crap by women.
This is by far one of the most common problems that plague nice guys.
They just can’t bring themselves to stand up for themselves.
When they don’t feel like doing something, or when they are annoyed by something, their primary method of dealing with it is to remain silent.
Have you ever heard people say, just be a bigger man and walk away?
Nice guys often mistake being a doormat as being a bigger man.
If you are a nice guy, you need to realize that you are not actually being a bigger man by walking away when someone blatantly takes advantage of you.
There are times when you have to stand up for yourself and assert yourself.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this point.
This was back when I was studying a decade ago.
I was staying at a university dormitory with two other people in the same apartment.
When the exam time rolled around, I tried going to bed early at night so I could get a good night of sleep for the exam the next morning.
But, here was the problem.
The guy next to my room stayed up all night until 3-4 in the morning, and he talked into his microphone non-stop with his friends.
At first, I knocked on his door and politely asked him if he can keep the volume down a little since I’m trying to get some sleep for the exam the next day (And this is probably still a step above what nice guys would do in the same situation).
He apologized and assured me he would stay quiet.
And guess what happened the next day?
The same exact thing happened.
He was yelling into his microphone, and my entire night of sleep was about to be ruined again.
I got up from my bed and walked toward his room and knocked on his door a little harder than I did the night before.
He came out and I told him with a more assertive tone, “Hey man, I think we talked about this before yesterday. Once again, I would appreciate it if you can keep it down a little. It’s important for me to get a good sleep before my exam. I’m sure you understand”.
He apologized with a genuine tone, and it seemed like he was going to keep his promise this time.
Fast forward a few days, the same exact thing happens.
And I wasn’t so patient this time.
I stormed out of my room, banged on his door as hard as I could with my fist.
When he opened his door, I threw him the F-bombs and looked at him as if I was about to cut his head off.
And you know what?
I did not hear any noise coming out of his room for the following three months until I moved out of that residence.
So, what is the point I want to make this story?
Am I telling you to flip out at people if you are a nice guy?
No, not really.
But, I do want you to carefully think about instances where you should stand up for yourself rather than remaining quiet.
For example, it only made sense for me to assert my rights in the scenario I discussed earlier since I was practically taken away my basic rights at my own place.
Could I have gone about it the better way?
Yes, without a doubt.
But the point I want to highlight is that you do need to clearly communicate to the other people that you are not happy with their behavior when they do something that crosses your boundaries.
If you fail to do that, you are just being a little doormat to others rather than being a nice guy.
As a side note, this “nice guy syndrome” is especially common among Asian men due to their cultural upbringings.
Growing up, most Asian men are taught to avoid confrontations (and conflicts) at all cost, and they are taught to be a bigger person by ignoring or walking away from the other person when conflicts arise.
While this may be an effective strategy in maintaining harmony in the group in Asian culture, you are often going to be perceived as a weak, beta male when you adopt the same behavior in the Western culture.
Western culture does not put a high value on men who can’t clearly voice his opinion and fail to put his real self out to the world unapologetically.
It would help most Asian men to realize that there are times they must absolutely stand up for themselves and others.
It is not time for you to be silent when someone disrespects you for no reason, mock your family or friends, or take advantage of you.
You need to show there is going to be a repercussion if they treat you like dirt.
You can be a nice guy all you want, but you shouldn’t be a pushover.
We briefly touched on this in the previous section, but let’s go into a little more detail on this.
You must speak your mind if you want to stop being a nice guy.
In fact, you could argue you are actually being a not-so-nice guy by not speaking your mind.
What happens when you feel frustrated with someone, but you don’t speak up?
You start to accumulate that anger and frustration inside of you.
When you have that pent-up anger, it is a matter of time before it explodes, or it is unleashed in an extremely unhealthy, negative way.
For example, you may successfully pretend to be a nice guy in front of your friends and strangers, but you may direct that pent-up anger toward your family or girlfriend.
And this is obviously worse than if you were to lash out on others since you should value your family first before anyone else.
So, practice speaking your mind.
When the waitress gets your orders wrong, politely let her know she messed up your orders.
When someone cuts a line in front of you, let him know he should probably go back in line.
When someone blatantly insults you, let him know you do not tolerate any of that BS.
When someone is late for a date, let her know you won’t be waiting any longer if she shows up late again.
Do you see how you are just being a reasonable human being in all of these examples I provided above?
But, nice guys struggle even with that.
They are reluctant to voice their opinion even when they are perfectly justified to do so.
And I understand. It is going to feel uncomfortable to speak your mind at first.
But, what do you expect when you have been suppressing your voice for your entire life?
I can assure you, however, that you will get better over time, as you continue to practice saying things that are exactly on your mind.
You will most likely come off as a little too direct when you start speaking your mind.
It will come off as rigid and cold since it is something you are not used to doing.
But as you practice more and more, you will be able to speak your mind in a way that does not hurt the relationship between you and the other person (under the condition that you are talking to another reasonable human being).
But, the first step is to just speak the darn thing that is on your mind!
There is nothing worse than others blatantly disrespecting you because they mistake you being nice for you not having a spine (aka can’t stand up for yourself).
This is actually one of the biggest reasons I decided to stop being a nice guy.
I was just so sick and tired of being a pushover.
And to be honest, I went to the opposite end of the spectrum at one point, and I became a terrible person for a short while.
Anyway, it really crushes your soul when you are unable to gain any sort of respect from others, especially as a man.
So, it is important for you to let others know you are not going to put up with their BS if they cross your line.
If the person you know (If it’s a stranger, just ignore him since it’s not worth your time) blatantly disrespects you with the intention of insulting your character and harming your reputation, you should let him know you are not going to tolerate any of his BS.
If a girl lies or cheats on you in a relationship, then you cut her out of your life instead of dragging out a pointless relationship.
You communicate your standards, and you act on your standards.
When you do that, people won’t be able to help but respect you whether they like you or not.
I want to dedicate the last half of this article to specifically talk about how you can stop being so nice to girls.
Let me point out that you do NOT have to be an asshole for a girl to like you.
Contrary to popular belief, bad boys and assholes are usually not the ones who get the most girls, unless the guy has status and fame to make up for his crappy behaviors.
But, those guys still do way better than a typical nice guy because nice guys just do not arouse any sort of emotion in a girl.
It is difficult for a girl to feel attracted to someone when she feels nothing while talking to that person.
So, let’s talk about how you can become the guy with the right amount of niceness and asshole-ness, so you can magnetize girls with your attractive personality.
One of the most common mistakes most nice guys make is that they are too afraid to show their sexual intention.
They are so scared of creeping girls out that they do everything in their power to stay away from saying things that can potentially come off as negative.
In that sense, you are not even being a nice guy because you are actually a nice guy, but only because you are scared of disapproval from others.
Anyway, it is imperative for you to start showing your sexual intention if you want to stop the curse of being friend-zoned by girls you like.
And to be honest, it is difficult for most men to embrace his masculine side in this day and age, thanks to all the pressure men experience to stay within the realm of political correctness.
But, you can’t live your life in fear.
And you should be able to make up your own mind on this matter.
I decided long ago that it is perfectly natural for men to feel that sexual desire when we are attracted to a girl.
I have decided it is actually more creepy to hide that sexual desire and pretend like I don’t have a penis rather than honestly expressing my true desires.
But I am not telling you to go out today, and let an attractive girl know that you want to hit her hard from behind just because that is how you actually feel.
There is such a thing as finesse when it comes to human-to-human communication.
And you want to cultivate that ability to express your intention in a genuine, authentic way while using a language that is relatable to the girl.
For example, telling a girl that you found her physically attractive would be a much better way to communicate your intent than the formerly stated way of going about it.
You can even be a lot more direct with her when you have been on a couple of dates, and you have already been physically intimate with her.
For example, you may text her about the hot, steamy sex you guys had the night before, and how you are getting hard just thinking about it.
Many girls absolutely love it when a man they like is sexual with them.
In fact, women love sex as much as men.
They just need to find the right guy who is not judgmental and make them feel comfortable enough to express their sexuality.
When they do find that man, however, they won’t hesitate to unleash that naughty side that they had been suppressing from the fear of judgment by men.
So, you are not being a nice guy by hiding away your sexual desire.
You are actually doing women a disservice by not allowing them to feel that sexual energy that they so desire.
This is also one area that most nice guys struggle with.
They just have no clue how to lead the interaction.
This is mostly because nice guys care too much about the girl they are with.
He wants to make sure they eat something that the girl wants to eat the most and do something that she wants to do the most.
Is it because he is such a saint who only cares about other’s needs before his own?
No, not necessarily.
As we have talked about earlier, this desire to cater to the girl usually stems from his selfish needs to avoid disapproval from her.
It is not that a nice guy struggles to make decisions because he is so in love with the girl, and he wants her to make the best decision for herself.
But, it is only because he does not want to experience feeling like crap if he were to be responsible for a decision, and it turns out to be a bad decision.
If you are a nice guy, I want you to realize this one thing.
It is better to make a bad decision with confidence than pressuring a girl to come up with a good decision.
In fact, most girls (and people) do not even know what they really want.
When you take charge and make decisions for her, it will make her feel way better than if you guys were to spend hours trying to figure out which pizza you guys should order.
Once again, remember this.
Most people have no idea what they want, and they want to be led by a strong, confident man.
When you ingrain this principle into your brain, you will no longer have to worry if you should take charge and lead the interaction.
You will know you are doing her a favor and making her life easier by being a strong leader for her (Even if you occasionally make bad decisions).
So, don’t hesitate to suggest where to eat, and where to go out for a date.
If you still want to maximize your chance of meeting her needs, you can simply present her with two to three options.
And let her pick the option that is most appealing to her.
If she says she is fine with whatever you want to do, then you simply go forth with what you most feel like doing.
Just do not become friends with a girl who is not interested in you.
If you are attracted to a girl, but she does not view you the same way, then leave it at that.
There is no reason for you to waste any more of your time and energy on her.
There are plenty of people who you can be friends with.
You don’t need to be a nice guy (aka doormat) who becomes friends with the girl who sees no value in you.
Most girls are more than happy to keep men around who they friend-zoned because these men still serve as a source of validation for them.
So, you need to ask yourself if you really want to volunteer as her little beta orbiter.
And I just hope your answer was a resounding no to that question.
It is about time for you to stand up for yourself and walk away from any form of relationship that is not mutually beneficial for you and the other person.
Anyway, I hope this article helped you gain a little more clarity on how you can stop being a nice guy, and become the man you’ve always aspired to become.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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