How to Stop being Shy around Girls


You will never maximize your dating potential as a man if you can’t overcome your shyness around women.

In this article, you will learn the key mindsets you need to adopt to eradicate your nervousness around women once and for all.

Make sure you don’t miss the last section as it outlines the key principle to stop being awkward around women.

Realize girls are no different

The first step to stop being shy around girls is to realize that girls are no different than men.

A lot of your anxiety around girls come from you subconsciously believing they are somehow different than you.

When you start to understand that women are fundamentally no different than men, you will reduce a lot of your awkwardness and shyness around them.

Let’s talk about some of the wrong beliefs that a lot of men hold about women.

Girls don’t like sex

This is one of the most commonly held beliefs by inexperienced men.

They believe women are not as sexual as men.

A lot of men feel nervous to express themselves sexually in front of girls because they think girls will be repelled by sexual jokes.

What they fail to realize is that girls love sex as much as men when they are with a man who makes them feel comfortable enough to express their sexuality.

So, how can you become a man who makes girls feel free to express their desires, so you can get more sex in your life?

One way is to talk about sex as if it is not a big deal.

If you bring up sex nonchalantly, you are letting a girl know that you don’t view sex as something embarrassing to talk about.

This will communicate your non-judgment toward sex, and make it easier for a girl to be open with talking about sex.

You also want to be careful to not say anything that makes you sound like you judge girls who are sexually open.

If you have a judgmental view toward women who sleep with a lot of men, and a girl senses that from you, she is going to stay away from talking about sex in front of you.

You should be nice at all times

Shy men tend to be nice, and they are terrified of accidentally offending a girl they talk to.

They over-think their way out of saying anything that may potentially offend girls.

And they are just left with talking about safe and boring topics that don’t arouse girl’s emotions.

You need to realize that women want to be with a man who is real.

The last thing they want to do is spend their time with a lame man who showers them with compliments and agrees with them on everything.

This doesn’t mean you have to intentionally make negative remarks when you are talking to a girl.

That is not going to be effective either.

Instead, you want to speak what is on your mind.

Practice saying exactly what you are thinking (but in a way that is relatable to girls, of course).

If there is a certain thing you like about her, then let her know what you like about her (although, you want to avoid being too direct with a girl when you first meet her).

If there is something you dislike about her, communicate that to her as well. And tell her why it bothered you.

The better you can articulate yourself, the easier it will be for you to help her understand exactly where you are coming from without potentially offending her.

Girls only like confident men

One of the big mental blocks for an awkward man is that he thinks he doesn’t have enough confidence yet to attract girls.

You may wrongly believe that girls only want men who exude confidence and masculinity.

While confidence certainly is one of the most attractive traits that a man can possess, I’ve found it isn’t necessarily a requirement for attracting girls.

How many times have you seen a shy man with a cute girlfriend?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen it a lot.

A shy man (but not too awkward) is usually good at making a girl feel comfortable around him.

Many women may feel attraction toward a confident man, but his confidence can be a little overwhelming for a lot of women to handle.

So, if a girl happens to be on the shy side, she will often prefer a man who is also on the shy side.

Like attracts like.

What does this mean if you are shy?

It means you don’t necessarily have to wait until your confidence level is at 100% for you to approach a girl and ask her out.

All I want you to realize is that your game and confidence do not have to be on point for you to have success with women.

So, do yourself a favor, and do not use your lack of confidence as an excuse to not take action.

Don’t chase validation 

This is one of the core reasons why you feel shy and awkward around women.

You simply care way too much.

You care what she thinks about your appearance.

You care what she thinks about the way you talk or the way you look at her.

You just care way too much about her opinion about you in general.

And it is this extreme need for a girl’s validation that will drive her away from you.

Girls don’t want a man who is obsessed with her approval.

They want a man who is secure of himself.

So, how do you become a man who stops chasing a woman’s validation?

You want to do both internal and external work to accomplish this.

External work

One way to free yourself from a girl’s validation is to not make girls as your primary source of validation in your life.

A lot of men (especially the ones in the pick-up community) don’t have any real passion or hobbies.

All they do with their life is to chase women around like a little puppy.

The side effect of this is that their entire life revolves around chasing women.

If their life is filled with dates and beautiful women, then they experience a temporary high.

If they get rejected by women or go on a long dry-spell, their depression kicks in.

So, it is imperative you find things that bring joy to your life apart from sticking your private part in a woman’s private part.

This can be playing sports, lifting weights, hanging out with good friends, etc.

It is fine if you initially take up a hobby because you believe it will help attract girls, but you want to quickly transition out of that mindset, and learn how to find the joy from immersing yourself in the activity itself.

As you fill your life up with different activities that bring happiness and fulfillment, your emotional well-being will no longer be so reliant on women’s validation.

You will have multiple sources of validation instead of just one.

So, go out and try different things.

You will discover your passion by ‘doing’ rather than sitting in your room alone and ‘thinking’.

Internal work

While external work yields the quickest return on investment, it is not quite complete without the internal work.

I recommend meditation as a way to work on your inner self.

I suffered from severe anxiety growing up, and it wasn’t until I started meditating daily that I really started to notice a difference in how I feel as I went about my day.

Meditation brings your awareness to the present moment.

Think about how anxiety or shyness arises.

Your anxiety kicks in when you worry about the future or dwell over your past.

The more you practice bringing your awareness to the present moment, the better you will be able to fight off your anxiety.

And the less anxious you feel around others, the less shy and the more natural you will carry yourself.

If you haven’t meditated before, simply sit down with your back resting against your seat and close your eyes.

Stay there for 20 minutes.

You will feel the urge to get up just after a few minutes, but don’t cave in to that temptation.

Become the observer of your thoughts without judgment and let your thoughts pass.

About the Author Jon Go

I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.