So, what exactly is the best way to stop being a pushover and get the respect you deserve from others?
This is something I personally struggled for a while and being of a racial minority didn’t exactly help with that (Asian).
It’s just a simple fact that us shy and awkward guys (and certain minorities such as Asians and Indians) are usually known for our quiet demeanor.
And we tend to avoid conflict at all cost.
This makes a lot of us a very easy target to “talk over” and not be taken seriously.
We can sit here and bitch and complain about how that is not fair and we all should treat each other with respect.
But that is just a simple fact.
So, the point I want to make is that I really had to cultivate this ability to stand up for myself.
Because it gets old pretty quick to have other people constantly walk all over you.
With that being said, let’s dive right into talking about some ways you can completely wash away that “weak” presence out of your system.
There are a lot of things we can talk about but I’m going to be specifically focusing on the first impression in this article.
My first advice is to…
Speak with conviction
Here’s the sad truth.
Even if you have a lot of knowledge about certain things…
No one will take you seriously if you don’t speak with conviction and certainty.
It is not a rare occurrence to see two guys talking about something and the lesser knowledgeable one – but more certain – convinces the other one only because he simply believes in what he says.
I’m by no means advocating you should learn to speak with conviction while being a dumb mo-fo.
But I think we can both agree it would be nice to not have your work (or knowledge) discredited simply because of the way you present yourself.
And THAT really is all I want.
For guys who never learned to stand up for themselves to get the respect that they ACTUALLY deserve.
So, when you speak to that person you see next time. Make sure you say whatever you say like you mean it.
I think this quote from one of the big influencers I follow sums it up.
“People don’t need to believe what you’re talking about. They only need to believe YOU believe what you’re talking about”
The second point I want to emphasize is the importance of…
Looking at the person directly in the eyes with unwavering eye contact
How can you ever expect someone to take you seriously if you can’t even look at them in the eyes?
You don’t have to act like a try-hard and go into this stare-down competition.
BUT, it will go a long way if you can show that you’re secure in yourself by holding good eye contact with the people you interact with.
I want to point out that the “unwavering” part is just as important as maintaining eye contact.
If your eyes constantly flinch or you blink too much then it signals weakness.
You may not be able to pinpoint exactly what is going on in your head… but it’s a sign that you’re feeling not so comfortable.
Or it’s also possible that it is a bad habit you’ve acquired from the past and you simply need to be more conscious of it to get rid of it.
Either way, It’s the habit you want to permanently get rid of.
The third and last point I want to talk about is to…
Eliminate every passifying movements from your system
So, what do I mean by passifying movements?
It is basically any movement that you do to make yourself feel comfortable.
Let me list some of the more common passifying movements that I observe in others.
1. Constantly moving your hands nervously while talking (I’m not talking about using hands to express but rather that awkward nervous movement in your hands).
2. Tapping your foot constantly as you talk because you feel nervous.
3. Constantly touching your face as you talk to make yourself feel comfortable.
And a lot more…
But I’m sure you get the idea.
These are all movements you make to relieve the tension you are feeling in the body.
And why are you feeling tense?
Because whatever environment you are in… or whoever you are talking to… is making you feel uncomfortable.
Let me talk about one more point before I finish this article.
I can already see some people arguing that…
You should then first try to fix the root cause by doing some inner work
And the truth is… it goes BOTH ways.
Doing some soul-searching and trying to assess the root cause of your behavior can certainly be beneficial.
But, making a conscious effort to eliminate these negative behaviors can also expedite the process of strengthening your inner self.
Let’s use meditation as an example of one of the “inner works” you can do.
While meditation can be a GREAT tool for finding more peace and calmness within yourself, it rarely is effective on its own.
Say for example you are trying to feel more comfortable during public speaking which is one of the biggest fears for most people.
You will NEVER get to the point where you feel at ease during public speaking just by meditating alone.
It can be a great “supplement” BUT it will never ever replace the process of doing the work and developing that competency while you are doing the actual activity.
I’m not sure if you are familiar with Brazilian Jiu-jitsu but here’s the quote that is said by Jiu-jitsu master that is relevant.
“Punch a Black Belt in the face once, he becomes a Brown Belt. Punch him again, purple…”
The point is…
It’s one thing to perform when there’s no external pressure
It’s totally another thing to perform to the same degree in a high-pressure situation.
Anyway, that’s it for today.
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Till next time.