So what exactly is the best way to start a conversation with a woman?
The simple truth is that there is no one best way.
As similar as we are to one another, we all have different interests, cultural background, personalities, and about hundreds of other things… that differentiate us from one another.
For this reason, every girl has a different preference when it comes to how they want guys to start a conversation with her.
Some girls may prefer the guy to approach her with confidence.
Girls who are a little more on the shy side may very well prefer the guy to be more subtle in the way he initiates a conversation with her.
If you look at the couples around you… you will notice that most of them have similar personality traits to one another.
Here’s the thing. You basically attract who you are.
I know some like to say we are attracted to the opposites… but people ultimately prefer those who are more like them (As proven over and over again by many psychological research papers).
Knowing this allows us to control our energy depending on who we are talking to.
This is one of the key clue on…
If you can sense that a girl you are about to approach is a bit on the shy side…
Then you probably don’t want to be talking your lungs out with piercing eye contact.
If you can sense she carries herself with a lot of pride and confidence… you probably want to make sure you are not slouching and mumbling when you go up to her to talk (But you don’t want to be doing these under any circumstances really…)
You want to approach her with a similar state that she’s in… this helps to build that initial rapport with her… without you looking like you are actively seeking rapport.
I know some of you are probably thinking at this point… “But I heard other dating coaches say I should never ever try to build rapport with girls… because you should view yourself as a muddafvcking high-value male who never seeks rapport from anyone!”
Yeah that sounds great on paper.
How awesome is it to think you can just present yourself as this cool mo-fo … who puts zero effort into the interaction and making the girls chase automatically?
Well… this type of approach certainly works if you are talking to girls from your social circle.
If, however, you are going up to a stranger who doesn’t know you… there is NO rapport to break.
And you need to remember YOU are the one who approached her.
Imagine if you go up to a random girl and say hi and tell her, “Now that I’ve come all the way here to say hi, it’s time for you to reciprocate by sucking my tootsie roll”
Sounds pretty fvcking ridiculous eh?
You are essentially doing the same thing when you go up to a random girl… and have this weird sense of entitlement that she should automatically be all over you… while you are putting zero effort into getting to know her properly.
But, I do disagree with an “overt” rapport seeking behavior – like giving her a fake compliment that you don’t even mean or acting super fake nice – and that is precisely why I recommend you to utilize these subtle ones.
When you become good at these.. she will start to subconsciously feel more comfortable opening up to you because she views you as someone who is made out of same cloth as her – without you appearing try-hard.
The second point I want to emphasize is…
I’ve covered this topic bazillion times in my other articles but it’s never enough.
I’ve seen my students make this same mistake over and over again… despite reminding them to fix this repeatedly.
Hell.. I even tell them to focus on good eye contact and body language right before they walk up to girls to talk.
And they still somehow magically fvck it up…
This recurring issue just boils down to the fact they need a lot more practice time – to really ingrain these behaviors into their brain.
Your eye contact and body language are the results of ingrained habits over the years.
And the only way for you to improve them is by putting a conscious and focused effort into improving them.
Trying to get these right while in a high-pressure situation (talking to random girls) is way more difficult.
So it’s vitally important that you practice these throughout the day… so you can develop that “unconscious competence” – That next level in which you can exhibit all the correct behaviors without you even having to think about it.
But you will never reach that point (or it will take years) if you only try to improve on them while talking to girls.
So try to be more conscious of how you are presenting yourself to the world throughout the day… until you can talk and walk like a boss without having to think about it.
You may still be asking…
Yup… I get this question every time no matter how many times I emphasize what you say does not matter.
I can give you a list of the best lines in the world… but they will become the worst lines in the world if “how” you say it is off.
My advice is to go “indirect” unless you have a big fear of expressing your intention (In that case.. going direct can serve as a good training wheel to get over your fear).
Your goal is to buy as much time as you can when you initiate walk up to her to initiate a conversation… and let her naturally find out that you are a cool mo-fo.
There really is no reason to go direct because it makes most girls feel very uncomfortable (especially if they don’t know you)… and make them just want to get out of the situation.
Here are some examples of going indirect so they can get your brain to start thinking…
1. Hey… do you know where xx is..? -> She starts talking -> Cut her off after a few seconds by saying something like, “Actually.. one sec.. I changed my mind because this is more important to know first. Where are you from..?
2. Hey… (looking confused) I really need someone to help because I’m new here (If you are.. don’t lie) but I don’t want to be rude and take your time if you’re busy. Are you in a rush (Getting compliance before starting interaction)?
Anyway, that’s it for today.
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Till next time.
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