Starting a conversation with a girl online can be a headache-inducing activity.
You are probably confused about what is the best first text to send her.
Should you tell her how it was so nice meeting her, or should you tease her to make it more interesting?
Or perhaps, it is better to just keep it simple by asking her what is up.
In this article, you will learn about the most important principles when starting a conversation with a girl over text message, so you will never be confused about what to message her ever again.
1. Understand the goal of your text messages
You need to know exactly why you are sending her a text message.
Is it to find out her schedule so you can set up a date?
Is it so you can get her to respond to your text message?
Many men make a mistake of not knowing exactly what they want out of texting a girl, and they end up wasting a lot of time exchanging meaningless messages with a girl.
What you do not want to do is to go into a long arduous conversation about both of your lives over text messages.
That will kill any curiosity she has toward you, and you will only be increasing your chance of getting friend-zoned.
You want to save that for when you meet her in person.
It is in our nature to engage in a long, meaningless conversation when we don’t know what exactly we want to get out of the interaction.
You may feel like it is too mechanical when you have a certain outcome during the interaction, but I want you to realize that is not necessarily the case.
Just because you have a certain goal for the interaction does not mean you can’t also have fun and connect with a girl during your conversation.
Think about the top sports athletes, for example.
Their primary goal is to win the game, but they also know how to have fun while they are playing the game.
The same principle applies when you are talking to a girl.
You want to have a very clear idea of where you want to take the conversation, but you also want to be completely present when she is in front of you and focus on having an awesome conversation.
When you are able to pull that off, you are going to be able to double or triple your results by maximizing the efficiency of your dating life.
2. Use the principle of micro-commitment
One crucial mistake you should avoid when starting a conversation with a girl online is to not make a big request off the bat.
Do not try to ask her out within the first two text messages (unless you guys had already talked about going on a date in person).
Do not try to escalate to a sexual conversation when she is barely replying to your message.
You want to start the conversation in a low-pressure manner to make it easier for her to respond.
Once she starts to respond, and she starts to invest back into a conversation over text, that is when you can consider making a suggestion to do something.
A girl who takes eight hours to reply to your message with a one-word text message is unlikely to want to meet up with you.
Remember to start slow and slowly build up.
Let me give you one example of what this would look like.
You: Hey, Julia…
Her: Hey, what is up?
You: I wanted to ask you something if you don’t mind.
Her: Of course. What is it? (commitment)
You: Hm… I am not sure if I should say this over text though. You promise you won’t get mad?
Her: Yes, I promise! What is it?! (further commitment)
You: You know that red dress you were wearing on the day we met…?
Her: Yes. What about it?
You: It looked sexy on ya (winky face).
Her: Haha, thanks. Is that all you wanted to say?!
You: Ah… almost forgot one thing. When are you free to hang out this week?
Her: I’m free on Tuesday and Thursday after 6 J
You: Awesome. How about we grab a coffee on Thursday at 7:30?
Her: Sounds good.
3. Keep it short and concise
As a general rule of thumb, you want to keep your text messages short and concise when you are messaging a girl.
The fact that you are looking for ways to “start” a conversation with a girl online means that you guys are not that close yet.
If you show too much emotional investment over text messages from the get-go, it will just give off a creepy vibe.
One of my ex-girlfriends told me about a story of how this one time, she started seeing a guy from school, and he sent her a good morning text message from the first day they met.
And that instantly turned her off because it was just too much too soon.
What do you think it communicates when you send a girl a long text message when you don’t even know her that well?
You are indirectly letting her know that you are a man without too many options.
Because it only makes sense for a man who is scarce in his dating life to be clinging onto a girl he just met.
Generally speaking, if she is replying with one-word text, you want to keep your text to one to two words maximum.
If she is replying with one sentence, then keep your reply to about one sentence in length.
Until she starts reciprocating, you do not want to be showing too much interest.
As with any rules, there can be exceptions to this.
I have written text messages that are two to three paragraphs in length and made a girl crack up because I wrote my message like one of those “copy-paste” style writings with exaggerated stories.
If you are a talented writer, then you can experiment with a longer text.
But, that only applies if it is sent as a “joke”.
You should never ever write a serious text message that is long in length.
4. Be interested rather than interesting
This really applies to any form of human interaction, whether you are having a conversation with a girl in person or online.
Too many men make a mistake of making a conversation about them rather than focusing on the girl.
Have you ever had times when you are talking to another person, and the person just wouldn’t stop talking about him or herself, and you just ended up completely zoning out?
And it really doesn’t matter if you are super interesting, or if you know how to tell a great story.
People simply do not want to listen to other people’s BS for a long time.
Instead, you want to put your focus on her.
This does not mean you should “fake” being interested in her.
But, you want to try to get to know her on a deeper level about the things that you actually care about.
Maybe, you care about a girl who is health-conscious. You then ask her about how she takes care of her health.
Maybe, you love reading books. You then ask her about what her favorite book is.
Once again, you want to avoid talking about something that you do not care about.
If you just pretend as if you are interested in what she has to say, she is easily going to sense you are not being genuine.
So, you want to direct a conversation toward topics that you enjoy talking about.
When you are able to find things that you guys are both passionate about, you are golden.
You need to, however, know how to get a girl to respond to your message for you to even get to this stage, and that is precisely what we will discuss in the next section.
5. Apply the power of ambiguity in your text
This is quite possibly the most important principle I can tell you when it comes to starting a conversation with a girl online.
You are trying to “start” a conversation with a girl and to make it even tougher, she is not even there in front of you in real life.
So, what is the most important variable when it comes to making her feel inspired to start a conversation with you?
Think about what catches your attention the most when you are scrolling through websites on the internet.
One of the obvious answers is a hot girl if you are a dude
But, there is even a stronger trigger than that.
And that is…
A picture or words that spike your curiosity.
Whenever we are uncertain about something, we feel that strong desire to fill in the gap that is missing.
Do you remember coming across weird looking (and sometimes disgusting) pictures on news websites that look like something you know, but you are not exactly sure what it is?
Those articles are using the pictures to exploit your inherent “need” to find out that missing informational gap in your brain.
So, now we know curiosity can serve as the most potent trigger to get a girl to respond, but how do we put it into practice?
I want you to get a crystal clear understanding of the principle, rather than giving you a specific example of what you should text a girl to arouse her curiosity.
Once you understand the principle, you will easily be able to come up with your own.
The most important principle in arousing a girl’s curiosity is to send a message that is relevant to her, without revealing all of the information.
An example of this would be saying something along the line of, “Hey, do you remember what you told me about Sara…”
Do you see how that would make her want to find out about what you are trying to say?
Once she replies to your text, you can essentially say whatever you want at that point.
But, if you want to increase your odds, I recommend you pick up the phone and call her.
6. Call her to continue a conversation
Text messaging is a great way to start a conversation, but you want to pick up your phone and call her if you are serious about making things happen with a girl.
Most men complain about two things when they are given this advice.
First, they are too afraid to pick up the phone to call.
Most people are not used to talking on the phone since the rise of the internet and social media.
People have gotten so used to communicating over text messages, and it sadly requires a lot of courage for most men to take that initial step of picking up the phone.
I don’t have any good advice on how to overcome this fear apart from you just doing it repeatedly until you become de-sensitized to it.
If you are reading this article, I will have to assume that your desire to improve your dating life overpowers your fear of picking up the phone, so you just have got to do it!
Second, girls are not willing to pick up their phones.
This is also a common problem you are going to face.
It is a real concern since you having the courage to pick up the phone does not mean anything if a girl refuses to answer your call.
That is precisely why you want to induce her curiosity before you dial her number.
Once she is curious about what you have to say, she has a bigger incentive to answer your call.
These are a few things you want to keep in mind when you call her number:
Generally speaking, you want to call her in the evening when you know she is back home from school or work, so you can have her full attention.
A good time to call her is as soon as she replies back to your text. It is awkward for her to not answer since she knows that you know she has her phone on her hand.
If she doesn’t answer the phone, and you are so afraid that she might think you are a weirdo for calling her (although you shouldn’t care), then simply tell her it was a pocket dial.
When she picks up the phone, you don’t need a long explanation as to why you called her.
You just want to keep things light and playful as if you are talking to your close friend, and simply focus on sharing your positive energy.
She is not going to remember specific words you said over the phone, but she will most certainly remember how you made her feel.
7. Ask her to meet you when she starts replying
Once she starts to reply promptly, do not waste any of your time making small talk over texts.
Not only does it serve no purpose, but it is also going to kill a lot of curiosity she has for you.
As soon as a girl starts to match your level of investment over text (replying quickly and showing enough interest to keep the conversation going by asking you questions), you should be setting up a date with her.
Do not ever forget that the purpose of starting a conversation with a girl online is to ultimately meet up with her!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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