The art of seducing a girl… how much better does it sound than say… the art of picking up a girl?
When you look up the synonyms for seduction, you will see words, such as attraction, pull, draw, charm, and magnet.
I don’t know about you but these words sound so much better than a trick, deceit, and lies.
So let’s talk about how you, too, can become the master of seduction.
Smile to seduce
A confident smile really is the greatest weapon for disarming people.
While some study shows a man who does not smile is perceived as more attractive (in still images), that rarely is the case when you are interacting with girls in real life.
Recall the times you talked to beautiful girls.
Which girls made you feel more comfortable?
The ones who gave a comforting smile as you were talking to her or the ones who stared at you with a resting bitch face?
It is much the same for girls.
I need to mention, however, that you do not want to give that big, bright, wide, ear-to-ear smile.
That type of smile does not belong in the art of seduction.
Go ahead and smile like that if you enjoy getting friend-zoned.
How you want to smile, instead, is to give her a playful smirk.
I had to emphasize the word “playful” because I’m dearly afraid you may start smirking like a serial killer thinking you look like Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries.
Here is why a nice smirk is superior to that wide-open, bright smile.
1. It gives a little bit of that mysteriousness to your overall aura (and we will talk about the power of being mysterious in the next section).
2. A big smile communicates you are completely sold on her. This makes you come off as uninteresting, needy, and boring. A nice smirk, on the other hand, has the opposite effect.
3. A big smile is just too much. Whatever behaviors you show, it can never be too much if you want to seduce another person. An exaggerated behavior leaves no room for another person to be drawn into you.
As with any behavior, it takes time to get used to a new habit.
Here is my suggestion if you are not used to smiling.
I would first recommend you to start out by smiling at people who make eye contact with you when you are outside.
It is going to feel painfully weird and awkward if you are not used to doing this.
But, as with any changes, it requires a certain degree of pain for you to really make a meaningful transformation.
Be mysterious to seduce
What makes someone interesting?
Well, it is definitely not when they blabber their mouth non-stop talking about themselves.
There is certainly time and place for being vulnerable and sharing your stories and thoughts t0 another person.
But the problem with most guys is they go on and on about their achievements and BS stories.
People love to talk about themselves.
And your role is to make her want to continue talking about herself to you.
You certainly do not want to be bombarding her with questions (especially when you meet someone for the first time) as if you are interviewing her.
But, once you express yourself to the point she knows you are a cool dude, and not a weirdo, you want to quickly transition into having her do most of the talking.
Your role at that point is to become a source of her validation. If she talks about something cool, then you let her know it’s cool. If she says something awful, you also let her know she can do better in a playful, teasing way.
The more she talks about herself, the closer she will feel toward you.
Ideally, you want her to say, “Wow… I never talk about this stuff to anyone and I don’t even know anything about you.”
You know you did well when you hear that from a girl.
Do not, however, hold yourself back from sharing your stories and thoughts if it feels right to do so. It will help you and the girl to bond faster.
But, as a general rule of thumb, keep your answer short and concise.
You can even play around with saying something like, “I am not sure if you would really want to know…”, when she asks what you do for work.
And when she begs for you to say it, you can perhaps tell her, “No worries. I will tell you once I feel there’s enough connection between the two of us.”
Now, she is the one who is fighting to build that connection with you instead of you being the one to chase.
I hope you have realized by now that this whole process of seduction involves leaving enough space for the girl to enter your world instead of the other way around.
Slow down to seduce
Just slow down everything by one notch… the way you talk, the way you move, and the way you respond to her.
It is hard to be “drawn” to someone when everything is operating at a full speed.
There is no room in her brain to think about playing with your tootsie roll… when she has to muster up all of her cognitive capacity to process what you say… because you are talking too damn fast.
Slow down the way you speak and speak with a nice flow so your words become music to her ears.
Slow down the speed at which you move and carry yourself with a nice, relaxed posture so she can fully soak in your masculine energy.
Slow down how fast you respond to what she says so she knows you are not a needy, beta male who is obsessed with her validation.
Just slow everything down by one notch. No more and no less.
And when you do this, you will be giving off an aura of someone who is at the cause instead of looking like someone who is always reacting to his environment.
Give space to seduce
And when I say give space, I mean both physically and verbally…
Leave enough space physically
Don’t stand extremely close to her when she doesn’t seem fully comfortable.
Don’t try to keep making out with her or touch her when she is not reciprocating.
I knew a guy who would always try to hug and kiss a girl within a few minutes of meeting her (at the bar or a club) when you could clearly see a girl freaking out due to his forwardness.
When I tried to advise him to back off a little until the girl feels more comfortable, he insisted that is his own “style” and that is just his way of showing his intent without fear.
But here is the problem. If whatever you do, makes the other person feel uncomfortable, then you are not being masculine nor alpha. You are simply being a creep who lacks social awareness.
Even worse, you have indirectly (or directly) communicated to the girl you are a lower value one in this relationship and you have to chase her to win her over.
As we’ve said earlier, when you are the one who is constantly pursuing, there is no room for seduction to take place.
For this reason, it is generally a bad idea to physically escalate if you are doing it from a place where you feel like you have to escalate in order for her to like you or be sexually interested in you.
Over time, she will sense from your behaviors that there is something “off” about you and it will be enough to convince her that she should run far away from you.
Don’t get me wrong. I do want you to physically touch her and take things further
But I also want you to develop enough awareness and empathic ability to stop when you sense even a little bit of discomfort in her body.
Leave enough space verbally
The same principle applies when it comes to how you communicate with a girl.
Many men make a mistake of instantly labeling themselves as the one chasing as soon as they open their mouth.
“Can I please get your number if I do X and Y for you?”
“You are gorgeous. Can I please take you out to a nice dinner?”
“Can I buy you a drink?”
What patterns do you notice in the lines above?
I see extreme permission seeking and neediness in them. If you say anything that is even remotely close to any of the lines above, I beg you to stop immediately. It is not going to impress any girl and will just repel her.
Eliminate all the chasing with what you speak AND how you speak to her.
Here are my top lists of bad habits you absolutely must eradicate when talking to her…
1. Don’t say anything that implies you have to win her over. The chances are, you barely even know her. What does it communicate about you if you are trying to win a girl’s heart who you barely know?
It communicates you are a desperate, needy man. Refer to the examples above for some of the things you should avoid saying.
2. Don’t feel like you always have to fill the “gap” whenever there is a silence in a conversation.
If you and the girl have been talking for a while, she most likely has enough interest in you to want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know her.
When you stop being so in rush to fill that gap, you will often notice she is the one to fill it.
3. Stop asking her to do things with you over and over again when she says no.
You ask her out for dinner and she says no? Stop saying things like, “Can I take you out for a coffee at least?”
You already clearly communicated your intention to her by asking her out. Leave it at that.
You can either politely leave or continue to talk about other things as if it is not a big deal. But do not persist in a way that annoys and disgusts her.
Eliminate neediness to seduce
Neediness is to seduction as oil is to water.
They just do not go together.
In fact, you would most likely end up being a quite seductive man if you work on squeezing all the neediness out of your system as opposed to obsessing over ways to be more seductive.
The very effort you put into becoming a less needy man will often turn you into a very seductive person because they really are the polar opposites.
It once again goes back to what we have been hammering over and over throughout this article. You are leaving enough space for her to enter your world by being less needy.
But it does not really help you for me to simply tell you to be less needy.
When you are not doing anything with your life and you are always on your phone waiting for a text message from that one girl, it will be impossible for you to not feel needy.
And paradoxically, this is why you can’t put women as your priority if you want to attract more of them.
You absolutely must find something you are passionate about (other than being inside a girl’s warm hole) if you want to unshackle yourself from the curse of being a needy man.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be your career. It can be your hobby such as going to the gym. Or it can even be your little Golden Retriever you have to take care of.
You need to fill your life with your passion so she does not end up becoming your entire life.
Without taking care of this part of your life, whatever little “tactics” you use to appear less needy will be very short-lived.
IF, however, you are working toward being less needy and you want more tips on how you can improve some of your bad habits, then here is the list of my suggestions…
1. Do not text her three or more times in a row when she is not replying
2. Do not give her full attention when she is on her phone all the time. Simply communicate to her you don’t like that in a straightforward manner.
3. Do not text her a long paragraph when she is barely replying to your text with one word.
4. Do not ask to hang out over and over when she declined your initial request.
5. Do not get mad at her if she does something that goes against your standard. Simply move on.
At this point, it is probably safe to say you now have more than enough knowledge to be seductive than 99% of the men out there.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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