A bar is a great place to meet a woman especially as you get older.
Your options are limited once you are out of college, and it is important you learn how to approach a woman at a bar if you want to maximize your dating life (unless you enjoy getting catfished on an online dating app).
In this article, you will learn the most important principles when approaching a woman at a bar, and things you must avoid saying at all cost if you don’t want to ruin your chances.
Without further ado, let’s get right into it.
1. Approach with confidence
The first step to picking up a woman at a bar is to actually approach her.
If you don’t have the courage to initiate a conversation with a woman, then nothing is going to work.
But, what exactly is the best way to approach?
Well, the answers can vary depending on your experience level.
Don’t overthink and walk up to her
If you are not so experienced with women, then there is no reason for you to over-complicate things.
You most likely don’t have enough experience to read the situation accurately, and you will just use it as an excuse to not take decisive action.
If this applies to you, you just need to go up to a woman at a bar (or wherever you meet her) and start talking.
It doesn’t matter if she is talking to her friend, or if she looks mad.
The chances are, you are never going to see her again anyway even if things go wrong.
So, who cares if you embarrass yourself?
And when you start approaching a lot of people without being overly analytical, you will discover that a lot of times, girls are more receptive than had initially thought.
In sum, avoid analysis by paralysis if you are a beginner.
Read the situation
As you gain more experience, you will start to notice patterns when you interact with a woman at a bar.
If a woman is enthusiastically talking to her friends, then you probably want to wait for a little before you approach her.
If a woman is about to pay for her drinks, you want to wait until she pays, so you can get her full attention when you talk to her.
If a woman is with her friend, but she is not talking to her friend, and she is facing the crowd, then it most likely means she is open to being approached.
I need to warn you, however, that just because you have accumulated some experience with women, does not mean you are excused from taking massive action.
Unless it is “crystal clear” to you that waiting a little longer before your approach is a superior option, I urge you to just take the plunge without over-thinking.
It is easy to fall into a trap of thinking you are too good to be approaching a lot of girls once you have gained some experience, and you need to acknowledge that it is just your little ego talking.
What not to say
Let’s first start out with what not to say rather than what to say.
The reason being, you can get away with saying whatever you want, for the most part, as long as you appear confident and you speak with conviction.
But, there are definitely things you want to avoid saying especially at a bar setting.
First, avoid complimenting a girl (especially if you are about to approach hot girls).
Think about how 99% of men approach hot girls at a bar.
Most men put on this “nice guy” persona by telling her how beautiful she is, and how honored they would be to go on a date with her.
So, chances are, you will automatically be clumped into one of those lame guys when you start off your interaction by complimenting a woman.
What I recommend you to say
Once again, you can say whatever you feel like saying, but I recommend you to stick to a “situational opener”.
A situational opener is when you initiate a conversation with a woman using whatever that is happening around you at the time.
If it is a particularly busy night, you can talk about how you can barely breathe because there are so many people around.
If you are standing in line to get drinks, and she is about to pass in front of you, you can playfully tease her for trying to cut in line.
I’m sure you get the drift.
If you can’t come up with any situational opener, then you want to consider using an “observational opener”
What do you reckon is the most favorite topic for people to talk about?
It is themselves.
You will often instantly grab a woman’s attention by initiating a conversation about something that sticks out about her.
Maybe, it is her distinct look that makes you wonder where she is from.
It can be the way her body is built that makes you wonder if she has played a certain sport (although, you want to be careful in commenting about a woman’s body).
2. Focus on having the most fun in a conversation
Now that you have initiated your approach, it is time for you to take it one step further.
So, what is the most important factor to consider when you are in the interaction with a girl at a bar?
If I had to pick one thing, it would be to put most of your focus on making the conversation as fun as you possibly can.
Women are out to have fun at a bar. They are not looking to have a boring or a serious discussion with a random man at a bar.
The more fun you can have while you are interacting with a woman, the more you are likely to have success in picking her up.
This doesn’t mean you should put all of your focus on giving her the best possible time while neglecting your own.
In fact, that is likely going to backfire and make you appear needy and desperate.
Instead, when you focus on having an awesome time, your energy will be contagious to those who interact with you, and they will become more attracted to you as a result.
What does a musician do when he’s up on stage?
He obviously wants his audience to have a great time, but when he is performing on the stage, he is ultimately focused on himself.
And that lack of neediness coupled with his ability to put on an amazing performance makes people feel a stronger attraction toward him.
It is good for you to try to ensure that the girl is having a great time when you are talking to her, but your fun should always be the priority.
Otherwise, you are going to repel the girl away with your needy energy.
I need to talk about this part because most men fail at this miserably.
You want to make sure you befriend her friends.
You are going to be fighting an uphill battle if a woman’s friends don’t like you even if the girl likes you.
The moment a girl’s friends feel like you are a creepy dude who is not safe to be around, your chance of taking a girl away from the group will become slim to none.
They will swiftly take a girl away from you and you will be left in the dust.
You need to proactively introduce yourself to her friends and make them feel you are a normal, cool dude who is safe to be around.
3. Ask her contact information
If you executed previous steps correctly, then women will often ask for your number first.
But, a man is still expected to make a move, so it is on you to ask a woman out if you want to maximize the potential of your dating life.
If you try to ask a woman’s number without first having that nice interaction, then you are going to be collecting a bunch of numbers that won’t respond.
So, it is a good idea to make sure a girl is at least intrigued by you before you get her number if you want to reduce headaches.
I recommend you add her to your social media account if your social media account is good.
She can get an idea of what type of person you are, and she is going to be more comfortable going on a date with you if she feels like you are a normal, cool dude.
By the way, I recommend you ask if she wants to hang out sometimes before you even ask her number.
It is even better if you can set up a specific day to hang out before you get her number (especially when you don’t have too much experience with women).
There can be a lot of BS you may have to deal with when you are trying to set up a date over text messages, and it is much better if you can get it out of the way in person.
If you didn’t do this, and you are trying to set up a date the next day, I recommend you pick up the phone and call her.
You can get everything done in less than five minutes of talking on the phone as opposed to taking hours to text back and forth with the girl.
If you want to bring her home that night…
If you feel that spark and you want to ask her to come back home with you, then there is nothing wrong with asking if she wants to come and hang out at your place for a little while.
There is no reason to over-complicate this process.
Some dating coaches advise you to avoid saying words, such as “my place” and “my home” because those words can make her feel apprehensive about coming home with you.
But, if you managed to do the previous steps correctly, then most girls will like and trust you enough to not mind you asking them to come home with you.
So, I suggest you to not overcomplicate things, and simply ask a woman if she wants to have one more drink at your place.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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