Life is not easy if you are shy as a man.
A woman who is shy will still at least have men approaching her.
A man who is shy is practically doomed when it comes to attracting girls.
Almost no girl is going to take the initiative to approach a man, so he is going to be in a terrible position to meet women if he doesn’t know how to initiate a conversation with girls.
I don’t consider myself to be the worst looking man out there (I’m quite average), but I was a virgin until I was in my late 20s due to crippling social anxiety.
For the longest time, I believed I was failing to attract girls simply because I’m unattractive.
It wasn’t until I decided to start putting myself out there more often at the age of 28 that things started to turn around.
When I finally mustered up the courage to talk to a girl, I began to notice that a lot of girls are actually interested in talking to me.
I came to realize it wasn’t my lack of attractiveness that prevented me from connecting with girls.
Rather, it was the fear of rejection that held me back from approaching and connecting with women.
The more I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, the more I started to experience crazy adventures I never imagined I would ever experience in my lifetime.
With that being said, let’s talk about why you tend to become shy around girls.
Why do I get shy around girls?
The most obvious answer is the lack of experience with girls.
The less experience you have, the more likely you are going to feel awkward around women.
We naturally fear the unknown, so it only makes sense for you to feel uncomfortable when you feel like you don’t really understand women on a deep level.
If you didn’t interact with a lot of women growing up, you will often wrongly believe that women are cut from a different cloth.
It is no wonder that you feel shy and awkward around girls if you feel like you have no clue what is going on inside their heads.
Shy men’s misconception about women
In this section, I want to list some of the most common misconceptions that a lot of inexperienced men have about girls.
1. Women don’t like sex as much as men
Women enjoy sex as much as men when they are with a man who knows how to turn them on.
Women like to be desired by a man who is strong and masculine.
If you happen to be a man who knows what you are doing, she is going to love getting physically intimate with you.
2. You need to have money to attract women
This is surprisingly a common belief.
You may believe you need to get your financial situation sorted out before you have the ‘right’ to attract a beautiful girl.
It is true that being financially independent and having a lot of money can help you keep girls.
Money provides more comfort in your life.
With enough money, you are able to give better experiences for a woman by taking her out to nicer places. Everything also becomes a lot more convenient when you have money (driving to a restaurant in Bentley is a lot better experience than having to take public transit for an hour to get to a restaurant).
That being said, money is by no means a pre-requisite to attract hot girls.
It is just one of the many qualities that make you attractive to girls.
I was a broke college student in my late 20s when I started meeting a lot of different women.
And I still had no problem attracting beautiful girls despite my lack of financial success.
Would things have been easier if I had money? Without a doubt.
Did it hold me back from dating the type of girl I wanted to date? Heck no.
A lot of men use their lack of financial success as an excuse to postpone working on their skills with women.
But you need to realize that the longer you wait to work on your personality, the harder it will be for you to change.
It is a lot easier to morph your personality when you are in your 20s than when you are in your 30s or 40s.
You may think it makes a logical sense for you to wait until you sort out your financial situation, and then work on improving your skill with women.
But, there is a good chance your personality flaws will have become deeply ingrained in your system by the time you get to a stage where you don’t have to worry about money.
So, my advice is to work on both.
Not only does your interpersonal skills play an important role in success with women, but they are also vitally important for your financial success as well as your overall happiness.
So, it only makes sense for you to start early.
The earlier you start, the easier (and the faster) you are going to grow.
3. Women want to be with a nice guy
This is not so straightforward.
On the one hand, it is true that women want to be with a man who cares for her.
But, only if your niceness is accompanied by values.
If you act nice to a girl because you subconsciously feel like you have no other values to offer, then she will quickly pick up on that and lose respect for you.
You also need to realize that your kind act will lose its meaning if you are nice to her all of the time.
It is in our nature to become de-sensitized to something we are constantly exposed to.
When you treat her nice all of the time, you are essentially training her to become dull to the favors you do for her.
What you want to do instead is to authentically express how you feel.
Be nice to a girl if she deserves it.
Don’t treat her nicely if she doesn’t deserve it.
By being real with girls, you will automatically command respect from girls without you needing to use any manipulative tactics.
How to not be nervous around a girl you like
Let’s now talk about some of the best ways to reduce your shyness around girls.
The more you expose yourself to a difficult situation, the more you will become used to it.
This is by no means a perfect solution. I know plenty of men who have been interacting with women for a long time, and they still struggle to present themselves in a confident manner.
But, it is still the best way to get over your fear of talking to girls.
You are not going to beat your shyness by sitting in your room and meditating without actually talking to girls (although meditation can be a VERY powerful supplement to beat your anxiety as we will discuss later).
For you to get better at talking to girls, you actually need to go out and talk to girls.
I’m not going to advise you to start roaming around the street for five hours a day approaching women like some of the pick-up artists would recommend you do (I’ve been there and done that, and it is not worth the effort).
But, it would be good for you to start striking a conversation with a woman whenever the opportunity presents itself.
For example, when you are at the gym and the girl asks how many sets you have left, you can initiate a conversation by asking her if she is training for anything specific.
Or when you are at a bar, and you are waiting in line, you can begin to talk to a girl standing in line.
As you go about your day, be on the lookout for an opportunity to strike a conversation with a woman (or anyone for that matter).
It is not going to be easy from the start.
You are going to feel overwhelmed with an uncomfortable amount of tension that runs through your body whenever you try to initiate a conversation with a stranger.
But, you will get used to it over time, and you will be surprised at how much progress you’ve made when you look back after even a few months of doing this.
Whenever you feel resistance kicking in, ask yourself how you would feel when you are eighty years old, and you look back on your life and realize how many opportunities you have missed due to your illogical fears.
Are you willing to constantly put yourself in uncomfortable situations for some period of time if it means you will attain lifelong social freedom?
The answer was a clear yes for me, and that was more than enough motivation for me to keep pushing through difficult times.
I contemplated about discussing the benefits of physical exercises for improving shyness, but I decided to just stick to talking about meditation.
This is primarily because I truly believe in the benefits of meditation.
From my personal experience, I’ve found that working on your mental health is far superior to working on your physical health when it comes to beating your anxiety around girls.
And meditation is about the best habit you can adopt to improve your mental health.
A consistent practice of meditation for around one year helped me reduce my overall anxiety much more than going to the gym for ten years.
Not only am I preaching meditation based on my personal experience alone, but a lot of studies are clearly starting to demonstrate the benefits of meditation as well.
So, I urge you to give meditation a try for at least a month (although I figure you will start to notice life-changing benefits within a few weeks or even a few days).
In the worst-case scenario, it would have served as a good practice for self-control (since you have to sit in one spot for more than 20 minutes without budging).
In the best-case scenario, your life will completely transform for the better.
If you don’t know where to start, I recommend you to start with meditating for just 20 minutes a day.
Sit on your chair, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and don’t move for 20 minutes.
When you first start meditating, your brain will start to come up with all kind of reasons as to why you should get up and do something.
It will tell you to get up and do the dishes, reply to that email you haven’t replied in the past few days, or go to the washroom and floss your teeth.
But, you simply need to let your thoughts pass.
Meditation essentially trains you to be in charge of your own mind instead of letting your mind control your behaviors.
And the more you are in charge of your mind and your behaviors, the more your inner confidence will grow.
When your confidence grows, you start to carry yourself differently, and you will become a lot less hesitant in the way you express yourself when you interact with other people.