You feel like your heart is about to explode. You try your best to maintain good eye contact because you read a good eye contact is important for appearing confident.
Yet, your brain is scrambled with hundreds of illogical thoughts and all your focus is on every little thing she does…
She turns her head away slightly by a quarter of an inch and you think to yourself… “Did I say something stupid?”.
When she leaves you, you go into these spiral of thoughts over-analyzing every little thing you did or say… and how she must think you are such a little loser.
If any of this sounds familiar to you then no worries. You’ve found the right place.
That’s exactly the type of thoughts that lingered in my head when I first started interacting with female species.
All of my sensory systems were on hyper alert mode and I responded extremely sensitive to any and every little change the girl made.
But, I managed to turn my life around from “extremely shy and can barely talk for more than 10 seconds with a stranger” to having others think “You must have always been naturally confident and extroverted”.
And I’ll outline the exact shifts in mindset and behaviors that had to occur for me to reach that point in this article.
Let me first start out with the reasons why you get so much in your head when you are around girls and things you can do to fix them.
The first point I want to talk about is that..
You haven’t trained your brain enough to be indifferent to what others think of you.
Maybe, it’s a natural defense mechanism due to whatever hurtful event that happened in your past.
Maybe, someone mocked you for your appearance or your behavior in high school… and those events shaped your identity without you even realizing.
This may have led you to assume (subconsciously) others are always judging you and trying to pick flaws in you.
Whatever the reason may be – whether it’s your genetic or environmental influence – you ended up as someone who cares way too much about what others think of you… as I once was.
But, you are not the only one.
There are more and more people obsessed with other’s validation… especially as more people spend their time online.
So, there is no need for you to feel like you are the only outcast.
But, if you want to have a higher quality of life, it is something that needs to be handled without a doubt.
Anyway, let’s talk about the second point for the time being…
It’s in our nature to fear the unknown.
If you feel like you don’t really get women – believing they are completely different than you are – then it’s only natural for you to feel uncomfortable around women.
In such case, your brain may be filled with many biases that most inexperienced guys have.
Here is a list of some of the more common biases I’ve seen from guys with not much experience talking to girls.
1. Most girls are not as sexual as guys and they get disgusted by guys who talk about sexual stuff.
This type of belief will force you to be careful of each word you say and will lead to a boring conversation in many cases.
2. Girls want to be treated with utmost respect at all times and I should do my best to stay away from any risky topics that may offend her.
While I certainly believe everyone should treat each other with respect, it is just a fact of life that many girls like to feel that dominant masculine energy… especially in bed.
Would she really be able to picture you taking charge and lead her with your masculinity if all you do is cater to her needs?
3. Most girls have a very strict standard when it comes to dating or sleeping with another man.
This is one of the biases I held for the longest time.
I thought girls had these invisible checklists in their head… and if you don’t meet all of them then they simply won’t be interested.
I quickly came to realize, however, that this isn’t the case for most girls.
In fact, if you have at least a few qualities that she finds appealing and you know how to lead, there is a pretty good chance something can happen between you and her.
4. Most girls don’t like to be touched unless she knows you really well.
While girls certainly don’t like to be touched by some creepy guy who is giving off a serial killer vibe, this isn’t necessarily true in many cases.
If they think you are cool and they enjoy talking to you, they are usually completely fine with you touching them lightly. In fact, it can often speed up her attraction toward you.
With those points in mind, let’s move onto what you can do to eradicate your shyness.
The first and foremost step is to..
Most people live in denial. They don’t even want to face reality and rather believe that they are just fine the way they are.
No change can happen without first having this self-awareness to really observe what’s going on inside your head.
Just a mere acknowledgment of your problem and having the willingness to fix it already puts you miles ahead of most people.
Really observe how your thoughts and emotions respond to different situations you encounter.
Don’t try to suppress it if it’s a negative emotion. Just observe and accept it for what it is and let it pass.
Find a way to re-frame those negative thoughts.
If you feel anxious when people stare at you, it may very well be due to you subconsciously fearing them judging you.
Try re-framing it into something more positive such as, “They may be staring because they are intrigued by me and wanted to talk to me”.
The next step is to…
If you are certain about your own vision and goal of where you want to get in your life, other’s opinion quickly becomes insignificant.
It’s only when we are uncertain and confused that we turn toward others for guidance and approval.
You then let opinions of others (and girls) easily take control of your emotion and action… and it’s all downhill from there.
Clearly define what you want in your life and set your priority straight. When your mind gains clarity on what truly matters to you, then it becomes a lot easier to brush off other’s judgment about you.
Your newfound clarity and conviction will also show when you interact with other people. They will be able to feel your energy and certainty… and you will become a lot more magnetic in others eyes.
Another way to get over your shyness around girls is to simply..
I’ve already briefly mentioned this but we tend to panic a lot less when we know what to expect in the interaction.
A large part of the reason why you feel shy around girls may simply be due to the fact you just haven’t talked to enough of them.
You don’t exactly know how they would respond to certain things you say or do… because you just don’t have much experience.
When you talk to enough girls, you will start to see similar patterns emerge among girls you talk to.
Soon, you will have seen most possible reactions and responses. And girls won’t seem like such a mythical creature to you anymore.
But, you need to be willing to spend a lot of time talking to different girls to get to that point.
Some of you may be feeling a little depressed and feel like it’s just not worth putting this much effort into improving your dating life.
That is completely fine if that’s how you truly feel.
I felt the same way on many occasions…
But I just asked this one simple question every time I felt like throwing in the towel.
What are the alternatives?
If I never learn how to attract girls… then what are the alternatives?
If I don’t figure this shit out, am I ever going to reach a point where I’ll be at peace with the fact that I’m terrible with women?
The answer was a clear no each and every time I asked myself that question.
I knew it was something that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
It then became a simple matter of either figure it out or die trying to figure it out.
So, ask yourself this question next time you feel like giving up.
If you give up, are you ever going to be ok with the fact you will never be with the woman you truly desire?
Anyway, that’s it for now.
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Till next time..
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