“I should’ve brought you flowers… and held your hands. Should’ve given you all my hours when I had the chance…” (Cred to Bruno Mars)
How many times have you been brainwashed by the movies and the music that – being a “hopeless romantic” somehow appeals to women?
But is that really how it works in real life?
Well.. if you believed that. You would certainly not be looking for ways to stop being a nice guy.
Maybe at one point in your life, you believed women respect nice guys.
But soon you quickly came to realize you are nothing but a doormat..
Or maybe she cheated on you – despite you treating her with utmost respect and love – with some random douchebag she met at the club.
Either way, you’ve reached a conclusion that something has to change – for you to stop being walked all over.
And I will tell you exactly what worked for me.
The tactic I will be discussing in this article… for you to stop being a doormat once and for all.. may, in fact, be quite controversial.
But fuck it.. I’d rather give practical advice that actually worked for me in the real world… rather than bullshit advice that’s taken from the book written by some academic nerds who have zero real-life experience.
Before we do that, however, we first need to briefly take the time to answer this question…
If you answered yes then you are not completely wrong.
But you are not exactly right either.
The reason why women don’t like nice guys is not because they are nice… but a lot of other extra things that come as a package deal.
Let’s talk about some of the common characteristics of a typical nice guy..
1. Accommodating at all times. Always trying to make sure the girl is feeling great. And puts all his needs on a back burner to please his girl.
2. Only able to arouse “positive emotions” in her and fail to give her a wide range of emotions.
Think of it this way
Don’t you have days when you feel like listening to more chill songs and days when you are feeling more of upbeat songs?
Imagine if you only had to listen to one type of music for the rest of your life.
How quickly would you get bored of it?
It works exactly the same with women.
They will lose attraction toward you fairly quickly if all you do is try to “display” your positive side.
I’m not saying you should purposely say or do something negative to your girl so she can feel like shit.
But rather I’m saying you should express how you feel in an authentic way.
If you are feeling angry, express your anger (in a controlled way..)
If you are feeling sad, express that too.
Don’t try to put on this “act” because you think she will be turned off by expressing your negative emotion.
Because you being fake will make her lose interest faster than anything else.
3. The third point I want to make is that most guys are in fact very nice to girls – especially hot ones. So you being nice automatically clumps you into a category of just another nice guy.
You won’t stand out whatsoever in her mind and fade from her memory quickly.
You may be thinking, “But it’s not fair that she can’t appreciate my genuine kindness..”
Well.. think about it.
If every other guy is as nice as you are.. why the hell should she pay any extra attention to you than those guys?
You either learn how to play the game by learning the rules or you can sit there and complain.
And this is just the truth.
You have no excuse If you fail to stand out and demonstrate through your behavior – that you are the most badass mo-fo she will ever come across… and that she’ll regret for the rest of her life if she doesn’t grab that opportunity.
4. My last point is that nice guys are often doing it as a form of manipulation (although ineffective most times…).
They “expect” a certain type of response from another person as a way of doing or saying a nice thing.
If you do nice acts because that’s how you actually feel in that moment, then you are genuinely being nice.
But, if you are putting on the nice guy “act” because you want her to give you her phone number… or you want her to come home with you.
Then you are just being a pathetic manipulative loser as harsh as it may sound.
So ask yourself this question next time you are about to shower her with compliments.
Are you doing it because you genuinely feel that way? Or are you doing it because you think it will bring a certain outcome?
Anyway, let’s now dive into talking about some of the action steps you can implement.
So, what do I think is the best way to…
So, how exactly do you stop being a nice guy?
Well.. brace in and hold your breath because I’m about to drop the truth bomb.. which some of you may not like at all.
Here’s the thing with changing your habit that’s been ingrained into your system for so long.
You have to be willing to go to the opposite end of the spectrum.
Just trying to say a few things that aren’t nice here and there won’t do the trick.
The problem with most nice guys – as I once was – is that their brain is filled with a lot of pre-existing biases of what can or can’t be said.
You don’t even know the limits of what you can get away with.
That’s why you need to be willing to push boundaries to limits… to really find out what you can or can’t get away with.
This shift in mindset is one reason that took me from a hopeless 28-year-old male to getting with numerous girls I had never imagined I’d ever be able to get with.
So what exactly do I mean by “pushing your boundaries to the limit”?
Here’s the thing.
You basically need to be willing to say anything and everything you haven’t said in your life before.
Say you are terrified of sexualizing conversation.
Then, make it your mission to ask a girl when’s the last time she had sex with a guy within 5 minutes of meeting her.
Disclaimer: This approach is best done when you are out at night and people are less uptight after a few drinks.
You do that ten times and you will probably offend a few but you will also find a girl who find it intriguing.
Through these trials and errors, your brain will start to realize it is, in fact, okay to say A LOT of things you have on your mind and still get away with it.
Once you internalize this, you will no longer have issue whatsoever on expressing what you TRULY feel.
Now… let me just say this again.
Yes, you are going to offend some girls.
Yes, you are going to creep out some girls.
But are you willing to take a risk of potentially offending some girls for three seconds – if it means there is a chance you will find the love of your life who truly cares for you and share all your incredible memories with?
If other people think you are not a little “obnoxious” for some of the things you say, then you are not pushing it far enough.
Just remember this one thing.
It’s much easier to “tone it down” from “too much” than the other way around.
Anyway, that’s it for today.
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Till next time.
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