Letting go of a woman that you dearly loved can be one of the toughest things you can do in your life.
But, statistically speaking, you will also inevitably have to learn to move on from a person that you believed to be the love of your life at one point or another.
Nothing lasts forever, so it is in your best interest to learn the most effective way of moving on from the past.
These are the 9 most effective ways to let go of your past lover and move on, and the number 8 will probably surprise you.
1. Look at her ugly picture and think about all of the nasty things she did
This probably sounds like a weird way to move on from your ex-girlfriend, but I’ve found it to be surprisingly useful whenever I’d notice myself dwelling over my past lover.
As a side note, this may not be so effective if you are dating one of the Victoria Secret models or a hot celebrity.
But, aside from that, I’ve found it to work for any and every type of girl.
No matter how beautiful you think she was, the chances are, she probably wasn’t attractive in all circumstances.
Maybe, it was when she came to greet you in the morning without any makeup, or when she was snoring like a pig in the middle of her sleep.
Right now, you are looking back at your memory through rose-colored glasses, and it is important for you to adopt a more balanced view of the whole thing.
And as petty as it may sound, it actually helps to think about her flaws and imperfections.
So, go ahead and visualize all of the nasty images you can think of her when you guys were together.
You will thank me later.
2. Practice mindfulness
When you feel extreme pain, it is the best time for you to engage in the practice of mindfulness.
You may ask why would you want to practice mindfulness, to begin with?
It is because practicing mindfulness is one of the best ways to let go of any suffering and pain, including the pain you are experiencing right now from a break-up.
Don’t try to force anything.
Simply pay attention to what your body is experiencing, and become the “observer” of the sensation that runs through your body.
If you aren’t meditating yet, I highly recommend you give it a try.
As you meditate more, you are going to develop the ability to observe your emotions and let them pass, as opposed to letting your emotions govern your actions.
When you can do this, it is equivalent to having a little superpower because so few people are able to do this.
3. Hit up your old girlfriends
Yes, why wouldn’t you?
Hit them up and see how they are doing.
These girls don’t necessarily have to be your ex-girlfriends.
It can be the girl you had a one night stand with a few months ago or just your female friends from back in high school.
Your life is most likely devoid of a female presence at this moment after you broke up with your ex-girlfriend.
While I do not recommend getting into a relentless pursuit of female validation to fill your empty void, as a long term solution, it can certainly serve as a great temporary fix to ease your pain.
During tough times like this (since break-up is one of the most painful experiences that you can experience in your lifetime), it is important to be practical rather than be idealistic.
An idealist would say you should learn to be content on your own and never rely on other’s validation for you to feel better.
But, it would be naïve to believe it is ever possible to fully detach yourself from other’s validation unless you decided to live in a mountain all alone by yourself.
As long as you are constantly interacting with other people, it is impossible for you to completely let go of your want to be liked and desired by others.
So, you can either use that to your advantage or decide to live your life in ignorance.
By the way, I’m all for learning to detach yourself from external validation as much as you possibly can, but I also want you to learn to use it to your advantage if it’s something you can’t avoid.
4. Watch comedy shows and learn to find everything funny
Learning how to make light of the situation, and having that ability to laugh under some of the most tragic circumstances is possibly one of the greatest assets you can possess to help you get through tough times in your life.
You may say, “But, you don’t know how much pain I’m feeling! How can I possibly find humor in my situation when I’m suffering this much?
Well, here’s my answer to that.
If the Jews in a concentration camp were able to find some humor in their situation, then you really have no excuse to not be able to find some humor for your situation after a mere break-up (although, I fully acknowledge breakup can indeed be a very painful experience for most).
I don’t want you to overcomplicate this process.
Watch comedy shows and get used to laughing at the most trivial jokes.
If you are as repressed as I once was, you probably barely know how to fully let go of yourself and laugh.
As with anything else in life, you will get better as you practice doing it more often.
5. Be excited at new opportunities
As of right now, your brain is focusing more on the downsides of a breakup, rather than being excited at the new opportunities that will arise as a result of your breakup.
And it is only natural for you to feel that way.
Our brain naturally fears losing something that we already possess, rather than being excited at the possibility of gaining something new.
So, it is not an easy task for you to shift your thoughts when your brain constantly tries to default to “dwell” mode.
But, the way you can start this change is by taking the initiative to push yourself to go out (no matter how much you may not feel like doing so) and interact with girls.
The more you align your actions with your thoughts, the more your brain is going to start to believe the change is about to happen.
6. Avoid her at all cost
I want you to avoid her for the time being.
When she is out of your sight, she will be out of your mind as well.
Any and every encounter you have with her, whether it be in real life or online, will serve as a reminder for you to dwell over her.
You don’t want your mind to consistently slip back to thinking about her.
That would be equivalent to having a cheat meal every second day when you are trying to lose weight on a diet.
You may be able to lose weight eventually, but it will be a lot slower process than if you were to never eat cheat meals, to begin with.
The fastest way for you to let her go and move on is to completely erase her out of your life.
This means erasing her from your social media accounts, blocking her number from your phone, and even blocking her from your email if it needs to be done.
For the next few months, you want to live your life as if she’s never existed in your life in the first place.
Maybe, you guys can become friends after a few months (or a few years) after there’s no feeling left, but now is not the right time to transition into a friendship.
7. Don’t be afraid to let yourself wallow in sorrow
This may sound a little paradoxical to what we had discussed in the previous sections.
But, sometimes the best way to get over a traumatic event is to embrace it instead of resisting it.
As much as you should try to avoid triggers that will make you think about your past lover, you sometimes can’t help but think about her.
But, here is the problem when you “try” to resist her thoughts.
Whatever you resist persists.
In such a case, it is actually not the worst idea to let your mind think about your past memories with her.
Let your mind dwell over her as much as it needs to, and when you do that, you will notice you actually have an easier time letting go of her thoughts than otherwise.
I need to note, however, that this is not something I recommend you to do habitually.
This is what I recommend you to do as a last resort when you absolutely can’t get rid of her thoughts.
Just make sure this does not become an excuse for you to constantly dwell over her throughout the day.
8. Play video games
Yep, I’m totally serious about this recommendation.
So, why play video games?
Because this is a great way to engage your mind and keep it distracted from unproductive thoughts.
In fact, playing a video game is so effective that it helped me beat my obesity when I had to lose weight.
Whenever I was playing video games, my mind would become completely immersed into the character I was playing, and it had no space to think about anything else, including indulging in two large pepperoni pizzas with a 2 Liters of pop (which would normally be one of the five meals I would eat throughout the day).
But, I want you to be careful not to develop an addiction to video gaming during this process.
You do not want to add another problem to your life in the process of fixing one of your existing problems.
The key principle I want you to take away is this.
It is a good idea to partake in any activity that occupies your mind to a great degree.
Any activity that forces you to be present to the moment is good, such as playing sports and practicing meditation.
9. Give a time limit
Set a strict time limit of how much you are going to dwell over her.
For example, decide that you are going to be as sad as you need to be for the next 30 minutes, and you are no longer going to be sad afterward.
When there is no urgency, your mind tends to waste a lot of time dwelling over unproductive thoughts.
As soon as your brain realizes that something has to be completed in a timely manner (even if it’s arbitrary as in the example above), it tends to become more productive and efficient.
So, you can use this psychological trick to facilitate the process of letting go of your past lover.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck in moving on from your ex-girlfriend and finding a woman who will appreciate you for who you are.
I want you to realize that woman is out there, somewhere!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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