Girls look into your eyes to figure out what type of person you are.
A girl is going to assume you are weird and lack confidence if you fail to maintain good eye contact with her.
If you want to attract a girl, it is vitally important for you to know how to look at her in a way that makes her realize you are a confident man who has nothing to hide.
But, how can you develop that laser eye contact to melt a girl’s heart?
This article will reveal step-by-step methods I used to go from someone who could not maintain eye contact for more than 2 seconds to being able to hold eye contact with confidence and ease for as long as I wanted when interacting with girls.
The 5th point is probably the best advice I can give for someone who suffers from anxiety, so make sure you don’t miss that!
Let’s get started if you are ready.
1. Decide you are going to look into her eyes
If you are as socially awkward as I once was, then it’s going to be extremely difficult for you to look into an attractive girl’s eyes no matter what you do.
A big part of maintaining good eye contact with a girl is to simply decide that you are going to look into her eyes no matter how you feel.
You may feel like your heart is going to explode. You can’t breathe properly, and you feel the tension running through your entire body.
But, you still have to hold that eye contact regardless.
I remember when I first started talking to girls, and I literally could not breathe while I was staring into the girl’s eyes.
My face looked like it was about to explode (if I had to guess…) from holding my breath and holding so much tension.
But, I knew I had to get used to holding eye contact if I wanted girls to take me seriously as a man.
So, I made a promise to myself to never look away first when I am talking to girls.
The more I forced myself to hold eye contact, the more comfortable I felt as I got used to maintaining eye contact with girls.
But, I would be lying if I told you it was easy to fix a life-long ingrained habit of not looking at a girl in the eyes.
So, make a commitment to never look away before the girl looks away first (at least for a while).
2. Be a try-hard for a while
When you are trying to get comfortable at holding eye contact, you are going to appear try-hard.
You need a “conscious” effort to replace your ingrained habit.
And your “try-hardedness” is inevitably going to show in the way you present yourself when you are consciously engaging in a certain behavior.
So, is this bad?
Think about when you played basketball for the first time (If you did. But this applies to any sports)
It likely felt unnatural and awkward for you to shoot and dribble the way you were supposed to, and you probably had to exert a lot of deliberate effort into using proper techniques.
But, you eventually got used to it, and if you managed to endure that painful period of getting better, people would’ve started to comment about how you’ve always been a natural.
It is exactly the same when it comes to holding eye contact or social interactions in general.
You will need to put in a lot of deliberate practice into getting better, and it is going to feel awkward for a long time.
But, if you are able to endure that painful period of feeling awkward and looking bad, you will eventually come out on top, and people will assume you’ve always been good with women.
So, hold that eye contact even if it feels unnatural.
Keep looking into her eyes even if you feel like you are creeping her out.
That is the only way you are going to transform yourself in any meaningful way.
3. Be more natural
At this point, you’ve somewhat overcome your fear of making eye contact with a girl.
You are able to hold eye contact with her until the moment she looks away.
It is now time for you to focus on being more natural with the way you look at girls.
So, how exactly do you look natural while you maintain good eye contact with girls?
I’ll list out some of the key pointers for looking more natural when making eye contact, and I’ll reveal the most important principle for making a good, natural eye contact afterward.
- While it is a good idea to look away every now and then, it is not okay to “abruptly” look away when you are talking to a girl. It will look like you are breaking eye contact because you are intimidated by her presence, and she is going to assume you are a weak male.
- At this stage, it is fine to occasionally look away. For example, when you are thinking, it is natural for you to break eye contact momentarily rather than staring into her eyes with a blank face (although, this can be good for increasing sexual tension IF used properly). Just make sure you maintain good eye contact for the bulk of your interaction.
- You do not want to stare at her with tense, bulging eyes. Do your best to relax muscles around your eyes. Otherwise, your eyes will scare girls away instead of serving as a tool for you to build a better connection with girls.
- Avoid looking down when you break your eye contact. Either look away to the side or look up (when you are thinking). You will appear weak and unconfident if you occasionally look down at the floor while you are talking to a girl.
But, a lot of what we have discussed so far will take care of themselves if you just master this one ability.
And that is your ability to…
Feel comfortable in your own skin.
When you are feeling good, and you don’t feel the need to chase validation from a girl, you will naturally have good eye contact without appearing try-hard.
Your eyes will often show how comfortable you feel in your body.
People you interact with are going to sense your confidence and relaxed energy when they look into your eyes.
So, what are the best ways to become more relaxed in social interactions?
Two of the most scientifically proven methods are exercise and meditation.
Set aside 30 minutes to an hour a day for physical exercise, and around 20 minutes a day for meditation.
You will begin to notice a lot less fluctuation in your emotions, and you will feel much more at ease as you go about your day.
Consistency really is the key if you want to reap the benefits.
4. Get rid of acne and improve your appearance
Now that we’ve covered the fundamentals, let’s talk about a few things that have helped me greatly in terms of maintaining good eye contact with women.
Clearing up my skin is one of the things that made a big difference.
I suffered from terrible cystic acne growing up until I was in my mid-20s.
I can tell you all day that it is all about confidence, and you shouldn’t worry about your acne.
But the truth is, it is going to mess with your head when you have big bulging acne on your nose, and you see the girl staring at it while you guys are talking.
If you are experiencing a lack of confidence because you are not happy with the way your skin looks, then I highly recommend you to go seek treatment from a dermatologist.
Most people believe they need to increase their confidence by focusing more on “inner-work” rather than relying on a superficial way to boost their confidence (which I agree is the correct thing to do, in the long run).
But, you would be naïve to believe that your physical appearance doesn’t play a role in how you feel about yourself.
If you can’t avoid it, learn how to use it to your advantage.
5. Put your focus on the girl
The reason why you feel anxious when interacting with others is because you are too focused on yourself.
Look into her eyes and try to really listen to what she is saying, and just completely forget about yourself.
Stop worrying about how you look weird, or how you have too much hair in your nose.
Just completely shift your focus from yourself to the girl that is standing in front of you.
Pay attention to her words, her facial expression, her vocal tonality, and her overall energy.
When you do this, you will have no mental capacity left to focus on yourself.
You now possess all of the information you need to master the art of eye contact.
But, will you use this information to transform your life or go back to your old self?
It is up to you.