The question men have been asking since the dawn of time.
How do I seduce that girl to fall in love with me…?
I’m sure this is the question many of us repeatedly asked ourselves growing up.
For me, it took some time (Only about 28 years, after I broke up with my first girlfriend) before I finally decided I would figure out the answer for this once and for all.
But before we proceed, we first need to figure out,
“What triggers someone to become attracted to another person?”
Actually, why don’t we change the question slightly since what guy wants the girl to just like him anyway?
How do you get the girl to want you? How do you get her to desire you? These would perhaps be better questions to ask.
In order to answer this question, we first acknowledge a hidden bias within all of us.
We all have certain biases depending on environments we grew up in, or life experiences we had.
If you are a gym bro and you’re used to seeing jacked guys get with hot girls then you would, more often than not, believe the best way to get with hot girls is to get jacked.
If you are in an entertainment industry and you are used to seeing celebrities always surrounded by hot girls, you would probably believe you need to get really popular and rich to get with hot girls.
This is an important point to emphasize before we dive deeper into what attracts girls.
Because ALL of us have these blind spots, and it’s important for us to realize this to avoid a trap of adopting a one-dimensional view.
With that being said, let’s talk about some universal things (or we think..) that girls find attractive in guys.
The short answer is yes.
Your looks can have a VERY strong influence on your outcome with girls.
But what the heck is good looks anyway?
How do we define good looks?
It is whatever looks that is attractive to..
Is the girl into k-pop?
Then a skinny Asian may very well be her ideal look.
Is the girl into guys with big biceps?
Then your typical gym bro with big biceps may well be her ideal look.
Maybe the girl is into guys who can go hours talking about different intellectual topics?
Then your typical nerdy guy with glasses may very well be her ideal look.
I’m sure you get where I’m going with this.
We love to make assumptions and believe that there has to be some sort of universal look that every girl likes.
And guess what?
There is no such thing.
Our brain, however, is very efficient at forming these biases, and it doesn’t require much evidence at all for us to form these connections based on our limited experiences.
Below are just a few examples of how our brain can rapidly form these biases.
Girls like rich guys because she cheated on me with a rich dude, or my mummy always told me I should study and work hard because girls only date rich and successful guys.
Girls like jacked guys because she cheated on me with a bodybuilder, and I read a poll that showed girls like guys with abs.
Once again, I just want you to internalize this one simple truth.
There really is no universal type that appeals to every girl as much as our cognitive biases want to tell us otherwise.
So how do we use this knowledge in a practical way?
Let me suggest a simple solution.
Simply be the best freaking version of yourself.
Rather than trying to live up to every measure that is considered to be attractive by society, identify your own strength and magnify that.
If you’re a smart dude, strive to be the smartest mofo.
If you’re a jacked dude, strive to be the most jacked mofo (Please note this advice only applies to natural as it’s almost impossible to look ‘too much’ as natural no matter how much time you put into the gym)
If you’re a k-pop looking skinny jean wearer, then become the coolest k-pop looking skinny jean wearer.
This goes for your personality as well.
Do people always tell you, you are hilarious? Then, really hone in on that and become the funniest mofo.
Do people always talk about how charismatic you are? Then, become the most charismatic mofo.
Whatever you’re good at, become even better at that.
We as human, are naturally drawn toward people who are talented.
Why would you tell a skinny musician to start hitting the gym because ‘some’ girls find jacked guys attractive?
That would make zero sense when there are PLENTY of hot girls who are into a skinny talented musician.
It would only make sense, if the said musician, is hitting the gym for his OWN benefit, out of his OWN inspiration, and not for the girl.
At this point, some of you might be thinking, “Hey..screw that, why would I put all those efforts into getting good at something just to get girls..?!”
I wholeheartedly agree that a MUCH better source of drive comes from internal rather than external motivation.
If a petty motivation such as ‘impressing girls’ gets you to move your fat arse and do something to improve your life, then by all means, use it as your temporary drive for the time being.
At this point, I hope we reached some sort of consensus about the importance (or unimportance) of looks.
So, having discussed all that, what would be the correct mindset to adopt when you approach a girl to have her magnetically fall in love with you?
Cultivating that strong mindset didn’t come easy for me either.
Three of my friends that I consistently went out with were ALL taller and ‘objectively’ better looking than I am by a societal standard.
And they were all Caucasians while I was the only Asian guy in our group of friends.
So why do I say this?
Because according to various sources, being Asian is supposed to make it way harder to compete against Caucasian counterparts, EVEN when you have a comparatively equal attractiveness.
So, had I decided to believe what the media was feeding my brain, I would’ve assumed I had a zero shot at competing against any of my friends.
So what exactly was my secret to developing that rock-solid mindset when I experienced a period of rough rejections and I was tempted to blame it all on my looks and race?
I approached every single girl as if she had a fetish for an Asian dude (specifically an Asian like me..).
I didn’t care if I got rejected by 10 girls in a row or if even some of them told me they are not into Asian guys.
I started with a ‘fresh’ state with every new girl I approached and with a conviction that she’s going to love me.
And guess what?
As my mindset and skill with women improved over time, I began to get similar or even better results than some of my friends occasionally.
And I’m not talking about your typical run-of-the-mill good looking guys who are terrible with women either.
Most of them are working as a highly paid dating coach now, so that gives you an idea of the caliber of competition I was up against.
So how can you apply this mindset trick to yourself?
If you are a muscular dude, approach that girl as if she fantasizes about muscular dudes every night in her bed.
If you are a nerdy dude, approach her as if she is the type of girl that gets turned on by guys explaining a complex theory of quantum physics as you penetrate her.
Ok. Let’s move on now.
I really don’t want to because it’s such a common sense.
But I have to emphasize this point
You NEED to take care of your basic hygiene.
I do NOT care if you had managed to get with girls while being a dirty piece of shit.
In fact, I had witnessed my closest friend taking several girls back home within a week while not having showered for a few days straight.
My cognitive biases may be tempted to conclude, “I suppose girls don’t really care about hygiene.”
But let’s be real.. nobody likes stinky mofo.
Here’s the thing.
No girl will ever complain and reject you because you smell too nice, your breath is too fresh, or you take showers everyday.
But, there is a LARGE percentage of girls who will get completely turned off by you even if you fit their type because of your poor hygiene.
So..please just take a shower and brush your teeth.
“Oh.. it’s personality that matters. I like guys with a nice personality!”
I’m sure many of us are quite jaded by such statement.
Because we’ve all heard girls say they like guys with a nice personality but always end up with the wrong person who treats them like shit.
You know what..?
I really wish we lived in a world where nice guys always win when it comes to winning a girl’s heart.
I really do.
In fact, I was ‘that’ guy for 28 years of my life.
I dreamed of serenading to the girl of my dreams.
I dreamed of showing up to her place with flowers to surprise her.
I dreamed of growing old together and sharing memories with that one ‘special’ person.
I had to eventually come to accept that there is more to attraction than just being genuine and nice.
Men who are just ‘nice’ (at least on the surface..) to girls are abundant.
Does it mean you have to be an asshole?
You certainly don’t have to be an asshole, but you do need to differentiate yourself from every other 53 nice guys she encounters on a daily basis.
So how do you do that?
Let me talk about one situation that actually happened to me when I was at the gym.
So, I was at the gym one day doing my usual workout routine.
From the corner of my eyes, I see this cute blonde girl struggling to get a plate off her barbell.
So, what would most guys do in that scenario?
Most guys would either:
1. Just let her do it herself and nothing happens.
2. Help her out like a gentleman
What do you think would be the most ideal course of action to take?
The truth is there is no one right answer.
If the girl is going through a phase of her life where she is completely fed up with ‘bad boys’ mistreating her and taking advantage of her, then helping her out with a kind smile like a gentleman may well just do the trick.
I will say, however, that’s exactly what most guys would do, and there is a high probability you will be lumped as just ‘another’ nice guy.
So, what did I personally do in that situation?
I went up to her and started taking the plate off the barbell for her.
And at the same time, I told her,
“(With a sigh..) I usually don’t like helping girls but I’ll make it an exception for you today” (with a cheeky smile)”
You can only imagine the expression on her face when I said that.
But, I don’t want you to get fixated on specific lines.
I want you to understand the essence of what makes certain lines work.
That line aroused a strong response from her because it made her feel something in a way not many other guys were able to.
I was still being nice by helping her out, but I stood out in her mind compared to everyone else she’s interacted with before.
Due to a simple fact I was willing to make a slightly polarizing statement.
So, whenever you say something to a girl, ask yourself this question.
Does what I say induce any sort of emotions in her, or am I saying things she’s heard a million times before from other guys?
Disclaimer: Do NOT go overboard with this. ANYTHING that is said repeatedly loses its effectiveness.
Most of your conversation should ideally be just a normal conversation with a little bit of playful emotional spike here and there.
But don’t be afraid to make a polarizing statement to leave that strong first impression.
So far, we mostly talked about how to spark an initial attraction.
But, that is only one part of the equation.
The next question you may be asking is, how do you form that strong connection with a girl so she can’t wait to be in your presence again.
One that I certainly would NOT recommend is to spend all your waking hours with her as that will surely lead to a very unfulfilling relationship for both parties involved in the long run.
Then, we naturally must ask how we can rapidly develop that strong bond with the girl without you having to be beside her the whole time.
We may be able to find a clue from studying how people become so obsessed with celebrities they have never even met in real life.
So much so that some people are even willing to end their life when their favorite celebrities commit suicide.
While I certainly don’t claim to know each and every reason that causes such phenomenon, I will go ahead and offer my own take on this.
Here’s the thing.
These celebrities were part of their life when they were growing up.
They represent their childhood when they were listening to their music in their parent’s car
They represent their adolescence when they were listening to their music after a rough breakup.
When the celebrity they looked up to dies, it’s as if part of them dies at the same time.
So what is the psychological trigger that caused these people to feel such a strong bond toward these celebrities?
Here’s the thing.
These celebrities constantly had their attention throughout their lives and through their ups and downs.
And this is one of the most useful psychological hacks you can apply if you want to form a meaningful bond with a girl.
That is, to consume her attention and dominate her mind with your presence over every other guy she comes across.
So how do you do this?
Let me first tell you what you should NOT do.
The best way to lose her attention is to be predictable.
Live a predictable life, say a predictable thing, and have sex with her in a predictable way.
These are surest ways to lose her attention quick and, in turn, lose her interest in you.
So, don’t be afraid to be a little ambiguous and a little unpredictable especially when she’s just getting to know you.
This, in turn, will make her think about you more and more.
And you will grow stronger and clearer in her mind over time.
Before you realize, you’ll be occupying most of her mind throughout her day, and become irreplaceable in her life.
Just promise me one thing.
Please do NOT abuse this knowledge and use it to deceive and manipulate girls and hurt them.
I have been fed up with a so-called pick-up community that centers their lessons around boasting about the girls they had sex with by recording a hidden camera footage, and posting nude pictures of the girls they had slept with.
These are all completely against my beliefs.
If your primary goal of wanting to learn to get better with girls is to manipulate and get back at them, please do me a favor and stop reading my articles.
Anyway.. that is it for now.
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Till next time.
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