Breaking up with your ex-girlfriend can quite possibly be one of the most painful experiences you can endure in your lifetime.
It certainly was for me.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and I did not particularly have a strong emotional bond with any of my family members.
When I met my first girlfriend, I felt like I had finally found someone who understood me, and someone that will love me unconditionally.
I was so certain she is “the one”, and I was ready to do whatever it takes to make our relationship last.
But my enthusiasm quickly morphed into neediness and desperation, and it drove her further and further away until she finally reached a point that she decided she doesn’t want to deal with my BS any longer.
I did everything I possibly could do to get her back, but all of my attempts failed miserably, and I was left in the dust.
In this article, I want to talk about some of the most effective strategies that I had found to completely forget about my ex-girlfriend during those tough times.
Here are the 6 steps to eradicate your ex-girlfriend out of your mind.
1. No contact
Let me ask you this.
How did you ever move on from traumatic experiences in your life, whether it is a rough breakup, failing important exams, or embarrassing yourself in front of your friends?
The most obvious answer is time.
The more time elapses from whatever painful memory you had to endure, the less it is going to bother you.
But, there is nothing much you can do to manipulate time.
Time will pass, regardless.
What is in your control, however, is how you are going to use the time on your hand to speed up the recovery process, so you can forget about your ex-girlfriend.
Right now, your head is filled with all of the memories of your ex-girlfriend.
If you are as needy as I once was in some of my earlier relationships, you had probably spent most of your free time with your ex-girlfriend.
Your brain likely automatically defaults to her thoughts since that is precisely what you had trained your brain to do in the past months (or years) when you guys were together.
So, your goal should be to put a stop to those thoughts and replace them with new thoughts.
But, before you do that, the first step is to remove triggers that are going to direct your thoughts back to your ex-girlfriend.
Cutting off ties with your ex-girlfriend is analogous to quitting drugs or any sort of addiction for that matter.
It is better if you go cold turkey instead of trying to slowly reduce your exposure.
It is going to be brutally difficult for the first few days or even a couple of weeks, but you are going to be able to move on so much faster than if you were to try to “slowly” cut things off with your ex-girlfriend.
Block her from everything and remove everything that reminds you of her for the time being.
You will be able to move on a lot faster if you put this into practice.
2. List negative qualities
Right now, you are probably looking back at your relationship with rose-colored glasses.
You are thinking about all of the fun you had with your ex-girlfriend, and all of the good times you guys had shared together.
On some level, you probably think you will never ever find someone like her.
And guess what?
It is probably true you will never find another person like her.
But, you can (and will) actually find someone better if you don’t let your past relationship traumatize you, and you are willing to put enough time into finding the right person.
In fact, that fear of never finding a better girl than my ex-girlfriend was the biggest fear in my first relationship.
Imagine being a virgin for the first 26 years of your life, and luckily getting into a relationship with a very attractive girl.
I did not have any confidence, whatsoever, to find someone better than her.
But looking back, she had so many negative qualities that signaled it would be a mistake to be in a committed relationship with her, but I ignored all of those because my brain conveniently decided to only focus on the positives.
That is precisely why I suggest you to actually write out some of the negative qualities she possesses.
That will help you to look at her in a more balanced way.
You want to write it out, rather than simply thinking about it in your head because writing it out with your hand will help you to crystallize your thoughts much better.
And whenever you feel the urge to contact her, you can look back on what you wrote down to remind yourself that it was a good decision to move on from her.
I want you to ask yourself some of these questions.
Did she exhibit all of the behaviors you would expect from a faithful girlfriend?
How did she treat your family and friends?
Did she continuously make you feel miserable, or did she make you feel happy?
Ponder on some of these questions when you are making a list.
3. Change the environment
The power of the environment is often greatly underappreciated by most people.
But, how do you think a perfectly socially well-adjusted person turns into a monster simply by being exposed to an environment that facilitates lunatic behaviors, such as wars or a cult?
Your environment exerts a great deal of influence on shaping your thoughts and how you feel, so it is a good idea to control your environment in a way that makes it easier for you to move on from your ex-girlfriend.
With that being said, let’s first start with your own place.
I recommend you throw away everything that reminds you of your ex-girlfriend.
This can be her gifts (if it’s expensive, keep it somewhere hidden for the time being…) or her clothing
Whenever you look at something that reminds you of her, your head is automatically going to default into a cascade of thoughts about her, which is not what you want if you want to forget about her.
The second step is to stop frequenting to places where you guys had spent a lot of time together.
It can be a nearby park or your favorite restaurant.
You want to avoid all of the unnecessary triggers as much as you possibly can.
Lastly, you want to let your friends know that you would appreciate it if they would not bring her up while you are trying to move on from her.
If they don’t respect that, I recommend you to seek out a new group of friends who do not know of your ex-girlfriend.
It can also be a great idea to go on a vacation since you will effectively eliminate any and everything that reminds you of her, and you will fill your brain up with new experiences.
4. Go talk to other girls
I am the first person to preach detaching yourself from external validation as much as you can.
You never want to live your life obsessing over whether another person likes you or not.
And you ultimately want to get to the point in your life where you are content with being on your own.
With that being said, it would be foolish to believe that you can ever “completely” detach yourself from seeking validation from others.
It may be possible if you live in a mountain alone, but otherwise, it is impossible for your brain to fully become free of other’s validation.
So, how can you use this to your advantage instead of letting it destroy you?
During tough times such as a breakup, you want to rely on whatever you can to get through that initial pain period.
And as petty as the pursuit of external validation may be, it is often the best temporary fix to remedy your wound.
So, go out and talk to other girls and fully enjoy that feeling of being desired by other girls.
Be careful, however, I am not telling you to jump into a relationship with another girl after a break-up.
In fact, you should avoid doing that.
You are currently in an emotionally vulnerable state after a break-up, and you are more prone to making a not-so-bright decision when it comes to choosing the right girl to get into a relationship with.
I simply encourage you to go out and talk (and flirt) with a lot of girls.
Not only will it give you that little bit of validation to help you through tough times, but it will also help you hone your skills with women, which is an important skill to re-learn unless you are planning on staying celibate for the rest of your life.
5. Engage in physical activity
When you are feeling down, move your body.
There is nothing quite like a vigorous physical exercise that helps you forget all of your problems.
On top of that, the more you exercise, the better you will look and the stronger you will become, which will most certainly boost your confidence.
Any form of physical exercise is good for getting your mind off your ex-girlfriend, but I strongly recommend exercises that are more intense in nature.
So, instead of walking for an hour, you would benefit more from taking up boxing.
Not only is it going to tire your body out more and help you sleep better, but it will also force you to stay more focused since you will be moving your body in a way that you have never moved before (assuming it is your first time learning).
This means it is going to force you to stay in the present moment which is exactly what you want when you are trying to get over some traumatic events in your life.
I am biased when I say this, but I highly recommend you to start going to the gym (I mainly trained Olympic style weightlifting in the past in case you are curious).
After my first break-up, I spent two to three hours at the gym nearly every day.
It helped me to get my mind off my ex-girlfriend, and I got into the best shape of my life.
But more importantly, it helped me to interact and hang out with like-minded people who shared similar goals and values in life.
Weight room naturally attracts people who are more serious about their health, diet, and appearance, so it is a great place to make friends and meet girls if you share those values as well.
But at the end of the day, you should stick to physical activity that you actually enjoy doing since it won’t be sustainable if you don’t enjoy the process.
6. Do not resist her thoughts
I debated whether I should include this section because you may get the impression that it goes against the initial advice I had given.
But, let me explain.
So far, I have recommended you to do everything possible to forget about your ex-girlfriend, and I still stand by that advice.
But, no matter how much you occupy your mind with different activities and thought, there will be periods that you will inevitably think about her.
So, what is the best way to deal with it when the thought of your ex-girlfriend creeps up on you?
One way is to continue to try to distract your mind, but here is one problem with that.
Whatever you resist often persists.
Sometimes, your effort to resist her thoughts will only amplify your desire even further to drown in thoughts of her.
When this happens, this is what I recommend.
I want you to just embrace those thoughts.
Do not try so hard to stop thinking about her, and do not try to amplify your thoughts more than necessary.
Simply “notice” that your brain is thinking about her, and let it run its course and pass.
Learning how to be more mindful of my thoughts was one of the best things I have done to guide me through rough times.
Think about how many times you were able to stop agonizing over a certain thing because you successfully managed to “think” your way out of it.
Probably not many.
Looking at your past in a more objective manner (such as writing down her negative qualities as mentioned earlier) can most certainly help you to stay on the right track.
But, that alone often won’t suffice when you are overwhelmed with that excruciating pain that usually follows immediately after a breakup.
So, learn how to go with the flow instead of trying so hard to resist it.
As Bruce Lee once said, “Be like water”.
Once again, the most important variable for forgetting your ex-girlfriend is time.
You may feel like this pain you are experiencing will never ever go away, but time really does heal everything eventually, so don’t lose your hope and hang in there.
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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