What is that “one” thing that is preventing you from becoming good with girls?
There can be a lot of different reasons, but if I had to guess, I would say it is having the wrong mindset.
I am quite passionate about this topic because I realize it may very well be the single most important factor on whether you’re going to find that dream girl for yourself or die a virgin (Ok… just kidding. I promise you will be fine if you follow my advice!)
A lot of guys who get into learning about getting good with girls fall into this trap of being fixated with how many numbers they get, how many make-outs they get, or how many girls they sleep with.
You start defining your sense of self-worth with how many girls you are able to attract. If you get a lot of interest from girls at school, work, or when you are on a night out, you feel like you are on top of the world.
In contrast, if you are going through a period where vaginas are drought, you go into that negative spiral of thoughts where you feel like you are a complete piece of trash.
This part I’m about to talk about applies specifically to those who are involved in the PUA (Pick-up artist) community.
You may have heard guys talk about taking a girl back home every night or approaching that first girl and taking her back home.
I’ll be straight up honest. That is not going to happen to you no matter how good you get at talking to girls. If you live in a mediocre city and you are actually going for somewhat attractive girls each night, you are not going to be taking a girl back home every night.
To be fair, if you live in a party city with a lot of travelers and you are willing to settle for average to below average chicks occasionally, then you have a good chance at bringing a girl back home every night.
But that doesn’t really apply for most people.
A guy with an average personality and average game will get far better results with girls in a city where there are lots of travelers and DTF (Down to f…) girls than a guy with a great game living in a mediocre city.
I felt it was important to mention this because I know a lot of guys (PUAs) who hear about others taking a girl back home every night while living in these party cities and they start beating themselves up over it.
They start to wonder why they are not getting the same results. They start thinking there has to be some big secret that they haven’t figured out yet. This simply is not true in most cases. You simply cannot compare your results to guys who are picking up women while living in a party city.
Now, what I just mentioned is simply a reality. But you also want to adopt that paradox in your mind. When you are out and talking to girls, you don’t want to be thinking about how much more difficult you have it because you live in a crappy city.
Because your brain is quite efficient at finding reasons to screw up if you fill it with negative thoughts.
You want to fully believe that you can attract girls despite whatever disadvantage you may have to overcome.
Remember this. The purpose of acknowledging this difference is so you don’t compare yourself with others in a much more favorable environment.
It isn’t so you can bitch and complain about how there’s nothing you can do to improve your dating life.
I know a lot of guys who are very cynical about this whole proper mindset thing and they are all about learning tactics and lines.
If you are one of those people, let me give you something to think about.
Why do you check your phone every morning without consciously thinking about it?
Why do you mindlessly scroll through Facebook every half an hour?
Why do you take the same route to your school or work every day?
It’s because you programmed your brain to do so.
Now, your brain is carrying out these actions without you even having to think about it.
If you can use this knowledge to your advantage, then you will improve your life for the better.
If not, it may very well destroy your life.
You really need to take control back on what kind of thoughts you are going to allow in your brain.
You need to stop letting your brain mindlessly engage in these destructive thoughts.
So if you shouldn’t get so fixated on the results you get with girls, what should you focus on instead?
We, humans, thrive on setting goals and working toward them.
My suggestion is to focus on how you are improving as a person.
Maybe you want to focus on improving your sense of humor.
Maybe you want to focus on becoming a better storyteller.
Maybe you want to work on becoming more charismatic.
When you focus on improving your own personal qualities during interaction with girls, it is going to be a lot easier for you to find joy in talking to girls.
What can possibly motivate you more than seeing yourself improve as a person?
When you focus on your own self-improvement, the result you get with girls will just be a natural byproduct.
Yes, you still have to lead.
Yes, you still have to escalate to have sex with her.
But you can learn all that in a matter of a day.
What takes time to develop is becoming that persuasive and an attractive dude.
You can literally spend the rest of your life and there will always be something you can improve.
So how do you know if you are on the right track?
It really is simple.
You look at the feedback that the girl gives you.
No… you are not seeking validation nor trying to get an amazing reaction from her. You are simply looking at how she responds to see if what you said had its intended effect.
For example, when you say something that’s supposed to be a joke but most girls respond with a serious answer, then you know there was something off in the way you were communicating.
In such a case, you may perhaps play around with changing your tonality or the timing to see if people get your joke.
You are like a researcher collecting data and feedback to assess the areas that you can improve.
Your ego is completely detached during this entire process. Once again, you are not observing her response to seek validation. You are only doing it to find out your weakness.
When you adopt this view, there really is no reason to fear rejection. Whenever I feel intense anxiety to approach girls, it’s because I’m secretly hoping for a specific outcome.
My brain then starts to go into this over-thinking mode on what I should do from start to finish to put my penis into her vagina which further stifles me.
If you go in with the mindset of, “I’m going to collect feedback from these girls so I can find out what area of my personality I need to improve”, there really is no reason for you to be so scared to talk to that girl.
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