You see an attractive woman from a distance. You fantasize about walking up to her while beaming with confidence.
But the reality is, you become riddled with anxiety when there is an attractive girl standing in front of you.
You can’t breathe normally and you can’t think clearly. All of your confidence goes out the window.
It’s not a great feeling, eh?
Let’s talk about what you can do to unleash your inner confidence with women so you never have to suffer again.
One of the most common advice to improve your confidence with women (and in general) is to, “Fake it til you make it”.
Act as if you are confident and soon you will actually be confident.
So, how effective is this approach for gaining confidence with women?
To be honest, it is not the worst approach if you are seeking a temporary solution.
You can certainly pretend you have been on a lot of dates although you may have never had a girlfriend.
You can pretend you know what you are doing in bed although you may have never had sex.
And if you are a good enough actor, you may even be able to trick a few girls into believing your act.
But, it is not the way I would recommend anyone to go about building that lasting confidence.
Let me give you an example of when “fake it til you make it” CAN actually be effective for improving your ability to interact with women.
Say you have some bad habits you want to fix when talking to women such as weak vocal tonality, poor eye contact, and poor posture.
These are your ingrained habits which mean you are going to have to put a lot of conscious effort into fixing them.
This process is going to feel rather uncomfortable and unnatural when you are going through that initial period of adopting a new and better habit.
You will feel like you are not being yourself and you are being “fake”.
But you must persevere if you want to come out the other end as an improved version of yourself.
In short, faking it can be an incredibly effective tool when it comes to building a new habit.
Nothing ever beats real experiences when it comes to confidence with women.
How does a singer with severe stage fright have enough confidence to step on the stage and give a mind-blowing performance?
It is because she has practiced that song hundreds, if not thousands, of times.
The same principle applies when you are building confidence with women.
The best way to change your identity is to accumulate so much new experience that your brain can’t help but start seeing you in a new light.
Are you nervous initiating a conversation with girls?
Force yourself to talk to five random girls a day for a month and let me know if you still feel crippled with anxiety.
How about going for the kiss when on a date?
Try kissing twenty girls and let me know if you feel the same resistance to go for the kiss.
As you gain more experience with girls, your brain will start to understand that it is normal for you to talk to a lot of girls and it is normal for you to go for the kiss.
Your identity will then begin to shift into a new form.
So, the best way to build your confidence with women is through a tremendous amount of action.
It will take time and it will be a painful process at times.
But the good news is it is NOT something you are born with. It is something that any man can cultivate if he wants to change himself badly enough.
Here is my suggestion.
Push yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable every week.
It can be talking to five strangers a week or taking a cold shower every morning.
Your confidence with women is directly proportional to how many uncomfortable situations you are willing to face on a frequent basis.
The faster you become okay with being uncomfortable, the faster your confidence will grow.
There are two sides of a coin when it comes to growing confidence with women.
One is to build confidence by accumulating a ton of experience as we have previously talked about.
But here is a caveat: You can’t revolve your entire life around women.
When you embark on this journey of getting good with women, it is easy to fall into that trap of basing your entire life around pursuing them.
But that’s the trap you need to avoid.
You need to have passion. You need to have some interests that fill you up with joy and enthusiasm (apart from women).
Because only then are you able to become a man who is not needy.
And only then are you able to become your own source of validation rather than needing others validation for you to feel good.
In the past, I’ve had periods where I neglected every other aspect of my life and solely focused on pursuing one girl after another.
And I was quite successful at it too.
But here’s the sad part.
Even when I was making love with multiple new girls per week, I still felt empty inside.
In fact, I would argue I was happier being a virgin at 25 years old when I was pursuing my passion in school and lifting weights multiple times a week.
And most men are wired that way.
It’s near impossible for you as a man to find a sole meaning in shagging one girl after another.
I guarantee you will be emitting a different level of confidence when you can feel good on your own from living your life with passion.
Confidence isn’t about having no fear.
It is taking action despite the fear that runs through your entire body.
As a wise man once said, “courage is taking action in spite of fear”.
You may have a tendency to wait until you “feel” right for you to ask a girl out or go for the kiss.
And that’s what most men do.
They wait until they feel a certain way before they give themselves permission to do something.
And it will be too late by the time you are eighty years old and you are laying on your deathbed.
You will be thinking to yourself, “What the heck was I so afraid of?”
Being confident with women is not about pursuing the absence of fear.
It is about feeling that anxiety running through your body as you are about to approach her, but still mustering up enough courage to go talk to her anyway.
It is just a mere fantasy to think those fears will ever go away. I’m telling you It won’t.
Think about the example we talked about earlier in this article. Most singers still feel fear as they are about to go up on the stage despite having performed for decades.
But, they’ve also built enough “callus” in their brain during that period, to withstand pressure and perform anyway.
That should be your objective on your quest to build confidence with women.
Your goal is to build that “mental callus” by repeatedly putting yourself into a difficult situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
That little voice in your head that tells you to just take the easy route will never go away.
You are still going to feel resistance to approach that cute girl when you are on a night out.
But that voice is going to get smaller and smaller over time.
And it will eventually lose its power to exert control over you.
You do, however, need a certain degree of motivation to even want to take action in spite of fear.
So, where can you find that motivation?
And the answer really is different for everyone.
Some people’s primary motivation to build confidence with women may be to have an abundant sex life.
Some may be motivated to overcome shyness and become a more confident version of themselves.
Whatever it may be, you need to find your own motivation.
For me, it was the fear of getting older without having developed sufficient social skills to connect with others.
Not only did I suffer from a lack of confidence with women, but I struggled with having confidence in all areas of my life, when it came to engaging in any form of human interaction.
As I reached toward the age of 30, I realized things are only going to get worse if I don’t take matters into my own hand and do something to improve my situation.
You could say “fear” was the primary motivation that drove me to change my personality.
So, what is the primary motivation that will keep you strong through tough times?
You might have thought it’s a joke when you just looked at the title.
But I absolutely mean it.
Your sleep affects every area of your life.
Your confidence WILL plummet and you will appear uninteresting when you fail to get proper rest.
How do you feel when you are tired and fatigued?
I don’t know about you but I feel no motivation to talk to girls.
I can’t look at girls with confidence nor can I speak with confidence, when all I can think about is taking a nap.
It is also hard for you to pay attention to another person when you are feeling like crap in your own body.
Whatever you say or do will appear insincere.
Being well rested is a huge advantage when doing something that requires you to exert mental (or physical) effort.
You want to do your best to keep your sleep schedule consistent and get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
What you eat affects your mood and how you feel.
If your body feels light and energized, you will naturally walk around with more confidence.
Stuff your face with five burgers in a row and see how well you carry yourself when you talk to others.
Over-eating is especially bad. When you eat too much, your parasympathetic nervous system triggers your body to go into the rest-and-digest mode.
This makes you sluggish and less sharp mentally. And that is not the type of state you want to be in when talking to women.
I’ve heard some say eating helps you to become less anxious (when you eat a moderate amount of food before you do something that provokes your anxiety) for the same reasons we mentioned above.
I did not notice that benefit for myself, however. But, I urge you to go ahead and experiment with it yourself and find out how your body responds.
You also want to avoid any food that triggers an allergic response from your body.
For example, I’m sensitive to any type of dairy products. Whenever I drink milk, it bothers my stomach for a few hours and gives me pimples the next day.
What are the chances of me speaking to women with confidence when I’m on the brink of having explosive diarrhea?
Not very high.
There has also been some study that shows the benefit of fasting.
Out of all the potential benefits of fasting, the most relevant one for this article would be increased mental sharpness.
I have personally noticed that I tend to be much more quick-witted and mentally sharp during the period of fasting.
And this obviously gives you a big advantage when interacting with women.
I’ve also noticed I look more “alive” which makes me feel and appear more confident around women.
Anyway, this is about the best advice I can give for improving your confidence with women for the time being.
I hope you are able to transform your life for the better with your newfound knowledge!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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