Approaching a girl can be one of the scariest things you can possibly do as a man.
Over the past years, I’ve gone out with a lot of successful people from all walks of life: Doctors, lawyers, dentists, engineers, and successful businessmen.
You may think these successful men would have no fear of walking up to a beautiful girl and initiating a conversation since they are perceived as a confident, alpha male in their respective fields.
Well, that is not quite the case.
Throughout years of going out, it was not an unusual sight for me to witness these men tremble in absolute fear as they barely mustered up the courage to walk up to a girl.
So, let’s talk about how you can confidently walk up to a girl of your dreams and approach her in a way you actually have a real shot at attracting her.
“Hey bro. You should be looking into her eyes when you go up to her to talk.”
It was my eighth time reminding him about the importance of eye contact when approaching a girl.
He would walk up to girls and compliment their shoes as his opener. Then, he would stare at their shoes for the first three seconds after his approach.
Needless to say, girls were incredibly creeped out by his approach and would run far away after a polite, “Thank you”.
This is the story of my friend that I tried to help for some time.
So, why is eye contact so important when you first approach her?
Have you ever heard the saying, “Your eyes are the window to your soul?”
Girls look into your eyes to figure out who you are as a person especially when they don’t know you that well.
If you fail to maintain eye contact (especially in that first three seconds when you approach her), her brain will conclude you are a weird creep with a hidden agenda.
You can say goodbye to making a good first impression if you fail to show yourself as a confident man with solid eye contact in those first few seconds.
It is easy to forget to maintain good eye contact in that nerve-wracking moment.
But, you absolutely need to master your eye contact if you do not want to ruin your chance from the get-go.
So, hold that eye contact and smile and the world will open up to you.
I often see one of the two things happen when I see a guy approaching a girl.
He either walks way too fast or walks way too slow (with stifled muscles).
And both of these behaviors arise from nervousness.
You either walk fast to avoid what is in front of you or you walk slowly due to being stifled by what is in front of you.
How you should walk instead, is to walk at a medium pace while keeping your body relaxed.
Apart from keeping your core engaged, you want to reduce overall tension in your body.
The goal is to be as relaxed as you can so she feels relaxed around you.
But for that to happen, you need to relax first before you can transfer that feeling onto her.
When she can sense you are comfortable in your own skin, it is going to help her relax as well.
I don’t care if you are going for that bad boy image to show off your masculinity.
You should absolutely smile when you first approach her.
It is a lot of pressure for the girl to be approached by an attractive guy (assuming you are…).
And if you approach her with stone-cold killer facial expression…?
She will most likely sprint out of your sight before she even has a chance to process whether she finds you attractive or not.
Giving her a nice smile immediately alleviates tension.
And most of your focus (when you first approach her) should be on helping her feel the least amount of pressure so she wants to stay and get to know more about you.
Just try to avoid giving her that friendly, wide smile. Otherwise, she might wrongly assume you are into men.
Give her a nice, playful smirk that gives an aura of friendliness mixed with a little bit of mysteriousness.
Do you think girls can’t see you agonizing and hesitating over whether you should approach her or not?
Then, you are wrong.
Most girls are quite aware of what is going on around them.
And when they see you hesitating and fumbling, they will instantly label you as a weird creep who should be avoided.
Now, imagine you approaching her after she’s reached this conclusion in her mind.
You would be lucky to have a chance to open your mouth before she runs off.
Unfortunately, I see so many guys making this mistake before they approach a girl.
They start walking slower as a result of feeling stifled. They start moving their arms awkwardly. Their eyes start going back and forth between the girl and some empty space (which is the worst thing you can do by far).
Your chances are ruined well before you open your mouth.
Here is what I want you to do.
If you decide you are going to approach, then commit to your approaches.
Approach her like you absolutely mean it with zero hesitation.
You are going to feel nervous. You are going to feel like you are “faking” it for a while.
But, you will eventually get used to committing to your approaches and it will become second nature.
Do you initiate your approach as the girl walks by you?
If you do, it is something you need to fix immediately.
This is problematic because…
1. It freaks the girl out when you approach her from a few centimeters away.
2. Her natural reaction is to avoid you since she is freaked out.
3. It doesn’t give any time for her to assess who you are before she decides whether she is going to give you the time of her day.
You want to let yourself known to the girl when she is sufficiently far away from you.
If you approach her from the front, start speaking to her when she is at least a few meters away.
If you approach her from the side, make sure you are walking slightly in front of her while there is enough space between you and the girl. You do NOT want to be behind her when you talk to her because that will feel extremely creepy for her.
This is especially important when you are out at night at the bar or a club.
It is not unusual to see a guy walk up to a girl and do a half-assed approach from the side and the girl just walks away.
He then complains how girls are so cruel to reject him like that.
Little does he realize she did not even hear him when he opened his mouth to talk to her.
This is actually one of the most critical mistakes I observe when I see guys approaching on their night out.
While you don’t want her to think you are loud and obnoxious, you absolutely do want to make sure she can hear you when you approach her.
You may be thinking, “What the heck do you mean to observe? You should just approach her without over-thinking like a real man!”
And you know what?
I actually agree with that for the most part IF there is a good chance the girl is going to leave in a few seconds and you are most likely never going to see her again.
But, there is definitely time and place for leaning back a little and assessing the situation.
If the girl is on her phone and she is just standing in one spot, then why wouldn’t you wait a little to see if she gets off her phone instead of telling her to get off the phone (which some dating coaches advise you to do)?
If she appears to have a heated discussion with her friend, then why wouldn’t you wait a little for her to chill the heck out before you walk up to her?
This rule (if you want to call it that) is especially important when you are approaching girls in a closed environment.
Say you are at a small bar and you only see five girls within your vicinity.
It would be extremely stupid for you to approach one after another (unless you are creating a sort of a party vibe where you are inviting all of them to join).
The girls will think you must be extremely desperate for their attention.
So, it would be a good idea for you to wait for the right opportunity where you can seamlessly transition into initiating your approach in such a scenario.
Stay away from blabbering when you approach her.
More often than not, a nice little smirk will suffice to show your intention.
Too many guys go on and on about why they approached her and what about her that caught their attention.
She is not dumb. She knows why you approached her. You don’t have to give her an entire speech on everything you find appealing about her.
As a general rule of thumb, the less you can do to communicate your intention, the better it is.
Whatever you do or say, make them short and impactful.
This accomplishes several different things…
1. It communicates to her you are not needy. It is usually a needy, desperate man who goes into an explanation (and justification) mode. Needy men feel like they need to put more effort into the interaction to win a girl’s heart.
2. It gets her curious about you. Most men are terrible at showing their intention in a short, concise way. When you are able to master this, you will stand out from the crowd and she will wonder what you are all about.
3. You are putting a minimal effort into the interaction. You are still putting enough effort to get her intrigued. But, that is about it. This gives room for her to chase you instead of the other way around.
This is more of a mindset I want you to adopt when approaching girls.
You are probably familiar with the term, “trolling” if you have been using the internet for any period of time.
It refers to people who post random or controversial topics to arouse a reaction from others.
Their goal is often to make people go, “What the heck is this?” as opposed to being loved and accepted by others.
So, how does this relate to approaching a girl?
One of the reasons why most men are terrified of approaching girls is because they put so much pressure on themselves.
They are thinking five steps ahead before even walking up to a girl and saying hello.
And by the time they decide to go talk to her, she is already gone nowhere to be found.
When you adopt the mindset of trolling her, you immediately alleviate the pressure off of your shoulder.
You are no longer approaching her with the mindset of getting her number or going on a date with her.
You are approaching her to amuse yourself. And funnily enough, she will often find you more interesting as a result.
We all love being around people who do not take things too seriously and know how to have fun.
She will sense your carefree energy and will become drawn to you as a result.
There are your ten commandments for approaching girls.
It is time for you to go out and apply!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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