Approaching an attractive girl you barely know can be one of the most frightening experiences you can experience in your lifetime as a man.
I had a friend who experienced all sorts of traumatic experiences throughout his life, such as seeing a person die in front of his eyes, or having a gun pointed at his face.
And even for someone like him, he struggled massively with overcoming anxiety when he was about to approach a girl he found attractive.
While it seems illogical on paper to feel such a strong fear for just initiating a conversation with a random attractive girl, this fear is something that is so deeply ingrained in our primal brain that most men can’t help but feel extreme discomfort at the thought of approaching an attractive girl.
I’ll be honest with you and tell you that you will most likely never be able to fully eliminate your anxiety when it comes to approaching a girl. It is something that you just have to do despite your fear.
But, I will also tell you that you will experience a lot less anxiety when you have a game plan, and you know exactly what to do when you approach a girl.
And that is precisely what you are going to learn in this article.
So, let’s get started with the five most important principles when it comes to approaching a girl you do not know!
1. Empathy is the key
A standard dating or pick-up advice would tell you to just run up to the girl and approach her.
That is what a confident man should be able to do after all, right?
And to be frank, that is not exactly the worst place to start.
If you don’t have a lot of experiences with girls, and you have a tendency to become paralyzed by over-analysis, then it may be wise for you to approach a girl even if the circumstance doesn’t appear to be most ideal.
But once you are past that initial stage of being riddled with approach anxiety, it is time for you to move past that.
And that is why it is so critical to have that ability to empathize with girls and develop the ability to understand the situation from her point of view
Let’s say there is a cute girl you want to approach, but she is drawing her money from an ATM machine, it would be wise for you to wait until she is done before you approach her.
If you approach her while she’s drawing her money, you are going to make her feel uncomfortable, and she may even think you are there to steal her money, and you won ‘t even get a chance to open your mouth.
This sounds like common sense, but I’ve noticed common sense doesn’t always mean it’s a common practice from what I’ve observed men do from years of going out.
As a practical tip, this is what I want you to do.
The next time you go out and have the opportunity to approach girls, I want you to do it without over-thinking.
But, here is what I want you to do once you are back home.
Reflect back on the interaction you had with girls, and really think about what the girl was feeling when you approached her.
Do you think she was flattered by your approach, or do you think she felt awkward because you approached her in the middle of a crowd, and everyone was staring at her as you were asking her number?
2. Social awareness
This is similar to what we had discussed in the previous section, but I really want to emphasize the importance of having enough social awareness when you talk to a girl.
For example, you can’t approach girls at school or work the same way you would approach girls at a bar or the club.
In the latter scenario (a bar or the club), you probably want to be more direct and straightforward with your intention since you will likely never see a girl again.
But, when you adopt the same attitude toward approaching girls at school or work, it is only going to be a matter of time before you completely destroy your reputation.
Or let’s say you have this belief that you have to physically touch her as much as you possibly can when you are interacting with girls in order for you to avoid being friend-zoned.
This may help you to progress the interaction further when you are alone with a girl in your bedroom, but it is likely going to backfire if you are trying to get extremely physical with a girl that you’ve just met out in public.
I hope these all sound very obvious to you, but it is easy to fall into a trap of doing something stupid when you fill your brain with certain ideas of what you must to do when you approach a girl.
3. Try to avoid using lines and do this
Imagine a singer that hits every note perfectly, but you still do not “feel” anything when she sings.
That is pretty much equivalent to the best version you will become when you base your entire interaction with girls around memorized lines.
You may say the “right” things that you are supposed to say under different circumstances, but something about you will just feel “off” to most girls, and they will end up losing interest.
There is a time and a place for “lines” for someone who is inexperienced and has anxiety so severe to the point that his brain goes completely white when interacting with girls.
For someone like that, having a few lines in the back of his mind may help him feel more at ease and allow him to get the conversation rolling.
But, it’s best to transition out of that stage as fast as you possibly can.
So, what is the best way to approach a girl if you don’t want to rely on lines to initiate a conversation?
The best advice I can give you is to start paying attention to the girl and the surroundings.
Practice your mind to become more aware and present to what is happening right now rather than letting it mindlessly wander in the past or the future.
When you pay attention to the person that is standing in front of you, your brain will start to notice all sorts of things that you can talk about.
What does her facial expression look like?
How is she carrying herself?
What is she wearing? Does she look like she is about to go to a business meeting?
The more observant you become, the easier it will be for you to use whatever information that is present in front of you to initiate your approach with a girl.
This is far superior to using a rehearsed line since it comes off as a lot more authentic when you talk about something that is unique to a girl to initiate a conversation with her.
Nothing quite grabs people’s attention like something that is relevant to them.
So, the more relevant you can make your conversation starter for a girl you approach, the more likely you are going to inspire her to stop and talk to you.
4. Never forget to ask for her contact information
This is a big sticking point for a lot of men even if they manage to muster up the courage to approach a girl.
You may forget to ask for a girl’s contact information simply because you are not used to it.
But, you are most likely reluctant to ask for a girl’s number because you are scared.
So, what is it that you are scared of?
You are scared of rejection.
And more often than not, you are scared of losing validation from a girl you approached.
Maybe, you were caught off guard because she was a lot more receptive to you than you had initially expected her to be when you approached her.
Weirdly enough, there is a good chance it will mess with your head (especially if you are inexperienced) when a girl reciprocates with a great reaction to your approach because you are not used to a girl being nice to you.
So, you need to go against this.
You need to let go of your desire to hold onto that little validation you get from girls, and you need to start playing to win.
You approached a girl because you wanted to get to know her better and possibly take her out on a date. You didn’t approach her just so you could get a few pity smiles from her.
You need to be honest with yourself and realize that you are not playing to win if you shy away from asking her contact information.
Not only are you depriving yourself of an opportunity to get to know a girl better, but you are also doing her a disservice by not giving her a chance to get to know you better.
Girls want to meet cool guys as much as men want to meet cool girls who are fun and attractive.
But, it is on you as a man to take that initiative and ask for her number.
So, I want you to stop being selfish and pull the trigger every single time you approach a girl.
You will be happy that you did even if you get rejected.
5. Focus on the quality rather than the duration of the interaction
When I first started going out to talk to girls, I had routinely heard the advice that you should spend as much time as you possibly can with girls because time is what builds comfort and attraction.
This is not entirely wrong, but I’ve also found there is a huge flaw in this statement.
If we are comparing spending one day with a girl to spending twenty days with a girl, there is going to be a big difference in how close a girl feels to you between the two scenarios.
But, between spending 10 minutes or 1 hour with a girl, the difference is going to be minimal.
I still remember this one time when I was out with a friend (Let’s call him Sam), and he started talking to a girl at the club.
Sam made out with the girl, and he followed his typical “routine” where he started asking her questions to get her more emotionally invested, and he really made her open up during the two hours he spent with her, or so he thought.
After spending nearly two hours with the girl, Sam was about to her to come back home with him, but then our other mutual friend (let’s call him Jon) entered the club.
And just to mess with Sam, Jon started talking to the same girl, and you could see her attention immediately shift toward him.
Jon half-jokingly asked the girl to come back home with him instead of going with Sam (by that point, the girl had probably spent about 2 minutes with Jon as opposed to 2 hours that she had spent with Sam).
To Jon’s (and everyone’s) surprise, she was down to leave the club with him instead of going with Sam.
Jon obviously did not end up taking her back home because he didn’t want to break the “bro-code”.
But, we all learned an important lesson that day.
We all realized that day that it is laughable to think that a girl will develop a strong enough attachment toward you just because you had spent an extra hour with her on the same day you met her (especially when a better alternative appears in her presence).
It is true that a girl will often choose someone that she’s spent a couple of weeks or months with, as opposed to someone she’s met just for one day (even if she feels a stronger attraction toward the latter guy).
But, spending an extra 30 minutes with a girl on the same day you meet her is going to have a minimal effect on altering how she feels toward you.
In fact, it will often have a detrimental effect if you unnecessarily draw out the interaction just for the sake of spending more time with her.
So, what point do I want you to take away from this?
Focus on the quality over the duration when you approach a girl and talk to her for the first time.
The entire point of the first interaction (when you approach her) should be to make her feel positive around you so she’s actually excited to meet you again.
Any sort of awkwardness or uncomfortable tension is going to make her not want to see you again.
Why would a girl come out to see a stranger she barely knows when he fails to even make her feel positive and comfortable around him.
There is a certain group of people who believe it’s a great idea to de-validate a girl the first time they meet a girl to bring her value down and make her start chasing.
The problem with this (apart from its manipulative nature) is that you are not even emotionally relevant to a girl when you approach her for the first time.
While a good ole’ tease can certainly work wonders if you know how to do it in a “playful” way, it’s generally better to stay away from heavy negative remarks (e.g. too much sarcasm and teasing) when a girl doesn’t know you well.
Instead, your focus should be on conveying your natural cool and fun personality, so the girl looks forward to meeting you again to experience more of your personality.
Anyway, it’s now time for you to go out and approach the girl of your dreams!
I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.
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