You have probably heard of someone say that you should not poop where you eat.
While it is true that you generally want to avoid involving your romantic relationship into where you frequent, it is also true that the love of your life may very well be at your work.
So, I don’t blame you if you plan on approaching a girl at work.
However, you certainly do not want to risk tarnishing your reputation at work (or even worse, lose your job) due to not knowing how to properly ask a girl out from work.
I want to help you maximize your chance of successfully asking a girl out from work, and minimize the risk of potential embarrassment.
Once you finish reading the article, you should have no more questions left on how best to approach a girl at work.
Make sure you don’t miss the 4th point as that is the most commonly neglected principle from men who try to find their love at work.
1. Be attractive
The first step to (successfully) approaching a girl at work is… wait for it… to actually be an attractive man.
No, I’m not just messing with you.
I want you to really understand that being attractive works no matter what circumstance you are in.
Whether you are trying to approach girls on the street, at a bar, or at work, you will have a much higher success rate if you embody characteristics of an attractive man (notice I said “characteristics”).
So, why do I emphasize this point when it’s such a common sense?
It’s because common sense does not necessarily equate to common practice.
Many men get caught up with learning “tips and tricks” to approach and attract girls.
But, they lose sight of the most important principle when it comes to attracting a girl which is to actually be (or demonstrate the qualities of) an attractive man.
It is equivalent to a basketball player getting caught up with learning new flash moves instead of focusing on the fundamentals by shooting hundreds of shots every day.
You can’t suddenly come up with a new trick to attract a girl from your work when you have been carrying yourself like a dorky loser for the entire time you interacted with her.
This doesn’t necessarily mean it is impossible to change her perception of you over a longer period of time if you made a mistake of carrying yourself like a not-so-attractive man at work.
But, you need to realize it will take some time.
Unless you enjoy playing the game on a hard mode, your best bet is to start off your interaction with women the right way by presenting yourself as a potential mate, rather than a friendly man who is not a sexual threat to her.
Stand tall, speak and walk with confidence, be playful, tease her, and communicate (not verbally but from the way you carry yourself) that you are not ashamed of your desires.
2. Look for clues
You never want to rush things at work.
No girl is worth throwing your career away, so it is important that you are observant of the clues she gives you to maximize your chance.
When you have decided you want to ask out a girl from work, you are inevitably taking a risk.
These risks can involve feeling awkward at work when you see her, possibly damaging your reputation at work, or even losing your job if she turns out to be crazy (assuming you haven’t done anything obnoxious to deserve that).
In order to minimize these risks, you want to be as certain as possible that she is into you before you make a move.
I have discussed many of the clues you can look for in a girl to assess her interest level (and her availability) in my past articles, but I’ll briefly list some of those below.
- Look for how attentive she is when you are talking. If she is extra attentive to you compared to when she is talking to other co-workers, then there is a good chance she is into you.
- Find out what she is like as a person. Look for clues on whether she is the type who enjoys an occasional “fun”, or if she is more of a relationship type. This will help you get an idea of whether she is on the same page as you.
- This is a no-brainer but find out if she is in a relationship. This will naturally come up in a conversation if you talk to her long enough, but if not, you can also get an idea by checking her social media.
- Does she touch you occasionally? Does she ask you personal questions? These can all be potential signs of interest.
3. Do not be direct
You do not want to be (very) direct with a girl at your work.
As we have discussed in the previous section, you do not want to lose your job or a career because of a girl. It is just not worth it.
But, there are a few more reasons why you want to avoid being too direct with girls.
While you may get a few points for being bold and confident, the negatives usually outweigh the positives you gain from being direct with girls.
If you are a very attractive looking man or a man of high-status, then you can be very direct and the girl will still love you for it.
But, it is a different story when you are an average dude hitting on an attractive girl.
Not only are you losing your value even further by revealing all of your cards, but you will also completely kill any curiosity she has for you.
Curiosity plays a big role in the initial part of the attraction phase, and you are basically throwing away a big chunk of excitement for her.
So, I advise you to stay away from being too direct with your intention toward any specific girl at work.
A good way to think about it is to be direct and shameless when it comes to expressing your masculine energy (through your body language, the words you say, and your tonality).
That way, she will get a sense that you are the type of a man who would be impossible to friend-zone, and she will also realize you are not the type to hold yourself back from expressing your desire with a girl you like.
Let your actions (or sub-communications) speak louder than your words.
4. Set a clear expectation
One thing you want to do when you manage to take a girl out from work is to set a clear expectation from the get-go.
You want to be very clear on what it is that you want out of your relationship with her.
Are you just looking to have fun, or are you looking for something more serious?
The reason why this is so important is that you are going to see the girl over and over again.
So, you do not ever want her to feel deceived (although, there is a small chance you may come across a crazy girl who will still be mad at you, no matter how truthful you were from the start).
When do girls usually get hurt and mad at you?
It is when you imply one thing but act in a different way.
When you go against her expectations, there is a good chance she is going to feel like you used her.
Needless to say, it is going to be awkward for you to repeatedly see her at work.
Even worse, she might spread a false (or exaggerated) rumor that you tried to do something inappropriate to her on a date, and your co-workers will never look at you the same again.
This may not be such a devastating mistake if you are just working at a temporary job that you are not planning on staying for long, but it can be a life-changing event if it is your career job.
Trust me, you do not want to ruin your career just so you could get your private part wet.
I have a few acquaintances who have ruined their careers because of girls, and they were not the same people afterward.
So, don’t imply you are looking for a relationship, and ignore her once you sleep with her.
Or, don’t pretend you just wanted casual fun and start getting clingy when she is not as responsive after a night of fun.
Be very clear on where you are in your life right from the get-go.
When your action is consistent with what you had expressed to her initially, she is much less likely to get upset at you.
5. Avoid bold moves
Bold moves make you feel confident and masculine.
How awesome is it to tell your co-worker she is beautiful, or be completely unapologetic with your sexual desire by asking her to come back home with you on a first date?
The girl must surely fall for your masculine energy and confidence, right?
Unfortunately, that is not exactly what happens in real life no matter what Hollywood may want you to believe.
More often than not, the girl is going to feel too much pressure from your bold approach, or she may appreciate your compliment, but nothing will come out of it.
Bold moves often force a girl to make a decision on the spot, and that is exactly why it is often best reserved for men who bring a lot of values upfront to the table as we had discussed earlier.
So, if you are as average as I am, it is way too risky for you to be bold at work where you have a lot to lose if things were to go wrong.
These are some of the things you do NOT want to do with girls at work.
- You do not want to directly let her know that you find her attractive.
- You do not want to ask her number out of nowhere.
- You do not want to ask her to come back home with you unless you are sure she is into you as well.
- You do not want to express your hidden desire for a certain girl to your other co-workers even if it is disguised as a joke.
With that being said, you have now learned all of the necessary principles to approach a girl at work to the best of your ability.
I wish you the best of luck!