You are about to discover the best ways to make a shy girl feel more comfortable around you.
Are you ready?
Let’s get started!
If you are naturally outgoing and extroverted, it is in your best interest to tone down your energy a little.
This doesn’t mean you should try to be a different person than who you actually are.
But, I’m sure you can agree you possess both chill and energetic sides
I simply want you to bring out more chill side of you.
So, why is this important?
It is because we are naturally attracted to people who are similar to us.
If a woman feels your personality is completely different than hers, it is likely going to repel her away from you.
I want you to take a moment to reflect back on your past interactions with other people.
Think about what type of people made you feel most comfortable?
It is likely those who had a similar personality to yours.
However, this is not an excuse for you to be boring.
It is important you keep your interaction playful and have a good, calm energy.
Just because you tone down your energy does not mean you have to make your conversation boring.
You can still crack jokes and tease her as long as you don’t appear too hyper-energetic.
You do not want to be over-the-top when you are talking to a reserved girl.
Shy and awkward girls often struggle to tolerate outlandish behaviors because they are more easily overwhelmed by a man with too much personality.
Let me give you a couple of concrete examples of outlandish behaviors that are sure to repel shy girls away from you.
These are all great ways to make a shy girl (or any girl for that matter) feel disgusted.
You need to accept that it will take more time for a shy woman to open up compared to other girls.
You can do things to speed up that time, but the best way to make her feel comfortable around you is to simply spend more time with her.
It is much like when you are going through a break-up.
There are certain things you can do to speed up the healing process, but it is ultimately time that provides the best solution for your pain.
It is important for you to realize that things are going to feel awkward at times, and you may even feel she doesn’t like you all that much.
It is hard to avoid those awkward moments with shy girls.
But as long as you spend enough time with her, she will slowly start to open up.
The nice thing about shy girls is that it may take a long time for them to open up to you, but they won’t easily turn their back against you once they open up.
One of the best ways to break the tension is to make a girl laugh.
The good news is it usually does not take much to make a shy woman laugh.
More often than not, she will appreciate the fact you are trying to help her feel more comfortable around you.
So, you are better off not obsessing over whether she is going to find your joke funny or not.
As cliché as it may be, it is the effort that matters.
The entire point of making jokes is to lighten up the mood (not necessarily to deliver the funniest jokes although that wouldn’t hurt either), so I want you to practice blurting out whatever crappy jokes you have in your head with confidence.
It is not always going to work, but it will get better over time.
I used to suffer a lot from social anxiety and general awkwardness.
Although I have become a quite confident man as a result of continually pushing my comfort zone, I have plenty of stories I can share about my anti-social moments.
And I’ve noticed it is good to share these stories with shy girls since it helps them feel a stronger connection.
When I’m with a girl, I talk about how I used to be terrified of picking up my phone to order food.
I also share stories of how my social anxiety prevented me from forming a meaningful friendship or getting into a relationship with a woman.
But, I also talk about what I did to overcome those challenges.
So, not only does a girl feel she can relate to my struggles (if she’s been shy growing up), but she also develops a certain level of respect for me due to the fact I managed to turn my weakness into a strength.
It is going to feel awkward to share your stories at first.
You may be scared of a girl judging you.
But, you need to be willing to take these ‘micro-risks’ in your interaction with girls if you want to take your relationship with a girl to the next level.
Think about what is the best outcome if you just settle for safe topics and not open up?
You may end up becoming her friend, but it is unlikely she is going to develop any special feelings for you.
On the other hand, what is the possible outcome if you open up to the girl?
There is a small chance she may judge you, but there is also a very good chance she is going to see you differently than every other guy she meets.
It is rare for a woman to come across a man who is able to express himself in an honest way, so you are going to stick out in her mind.
So, when an irrational fear creeps up before you are about to do something, I want you to always think about the potential risk versus the potential benefits.
Does the potential benefit outweigh potential risks?
Would you rather win big or save faces with nothing to show?
Answering these questions in an honest way will propel you to take the right actions.
While it can certainly be an effective strategy to show you are desired by a lot of women when interacting with a confident woman, such tactic often backfires when it comes to shy girls.
It is true that a woman likes a man that is desired by other women.
But, the problem is most shy women already do not have much confidence, to begin with.
So, if she feels you are ‘too much’ for her to handle, she may very well push you away first before she’s hurt.
For this reason, it is important you demonstrate the qualities of a man who is suited for a relationship than the qualities of a womanizer.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t demonstrate traits of a confident, attractive man.
It does, however, mean your attractive traits should be balanced out by ‘nice guy qualities’ that would give her confidence that you won’t turn your back against her as soon as you are bored of her.
It is tricky to draw the line between persistence and desperation.
And if you don’t know when to stop chasing a girl, you will quickly become a creep in a girl’s eyes.
So, when should you stop chasing a girl?
Everyone has a different idea of when is the right time to stop pursuing a girl.
Some men may argue that you should chase a woman as many times as you desire since you have nothing to lose anyway.
And I can partially agree with that if you are the type of man who does not mind spending all of your time and effort on chasing a girl who barely reciprocates your level of interest.
But unfortunately (or fortunately), I’m not wired that way. And you probably aren’t either if you are reading this article.
The truth is it starts to eat away at your soul when you incessantly chase a girl who does not like you back.
With such a tactic, you won’t feel much fulfillment even if you manage to score a girl.
Even worse, you are going to become a man without boundaries which is one of the most unattractive traits you can exhibit as a man.
So, I advise you to decide in advance how much BS you are willing to deal with when you interact with a woman.
And your threshold for tolerating a girl’s BS will become lower and lower as you start to experience more abundance in your dating life.
There simply is no reason for you to hold onto a girl who doesn’t value you when there are tens and hundreds of other girls to choose from.
As I said earlier, you ultimately need to come up with your ‘own’ standard.
But, I’ll tell you the rules I follow, so I can give you some ideas if you are feeling lost.
When you are texting…
Follow the rule of two.
You can text a girl up to two times without receiving her reply.
If a girl still does not text you back after two text messages, it is time to move on.
When you send her that third text message, you are positioning yourself as a desperate loser instead of a persistent pursuer.
Your second text message can simply be asking a girl if she’s okay, or you can give her a closure if you’ve been going out with her for some time.
If you do decide to go with the latter, I advise you to express your genuine feeling so you are not left with any regret.
If you enjoyed spending time with her, then express that to her.
But, you should never make a mistake of begging for her to stay.
If you chase a girl when she is pushing you away, it will only make her want to push you away even further.
You need to step back, so you can give her some space to chase you instead.
In sum, it is perfectly okay to genuinely express how you feel, but it has to be accompanied by your willingness to walk away.
As an example, you can let her know that you enjoy spending time with her, but you wish her the best of luck if she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
When you do this, you are not pushing her away in a malicious way, but rather you are being genuine while setting your boundaries at the same time.
This will make it easier for her to chase if she is on the fence in regards to whether she wants to see you again.
As a side note, there is a lot of misconception about how it is better to be a ‘bad boy’ than a nice guy, to attract girls.
But, I don’t quite agree with that idea.
Based on my experience, nice guys with strong boundaries (and unapologetic with his desires) often consistently get the hottest girls.
So, don’t be afraid to be nice and genuine to women.
You will do just fine as long as you do not show any neediness.
When in person…
Let’s talk about when is the right time to stop chasing a girl in person.
The first thing you want to look out for is her body language.
If her feet are pointed away from you, that is usually an accurate sign that she has no interest in continuing a conversation with you.
Most of us are quite proficient at lying with our words, but we are not very good at lying with our body.
If she says she enjoys talking to you, but her body says otherwise, you know which sign is revealing the truth.
You also want to pay attention to her vocal tonality.
If she maintains an ‘office tonality’ (the type of tonality you would use in a business meeting) when she speaks to you, there is a good chance she is not romantically interested in you.
It is a bad sign if she frequently looks away from you in a conversation.
That being said, there is a small chance she may feel shy, and she is having a difficult time maintaining eye contact if she finds you attractive.
But more often than not, it is an indication that the girl is not interested.
So, is it at all possible to trigger a girl to feel attraction to you when she is not into you, or should you just walk away from her?
My first advice is to find another girl.
But if you so desire, there is one powerful trigger you can utilize to make a girl chase.
One of the best ways to make a girl chase is to utilize social proof.
And when I say social proof, I mean surrounding yourself with attractive girls.
Studies clearly show women generally feel a stronger attraction to a man when they see the man surrounded by attractive women.
Women often look at other women to decide if the man is high value or not.
If you are desired by other attractive women, she is going to believe you must have attractive traits, and your value will become elevated in her eyes.
So, how can you put this into practice?
It is not as complicated as you may think.
If the girl (that you are interested in) is not showing much interest, simply talk to another girl in the surroundings.
This will likely make her crave for your attention.
You obviously need to know how to actually carry a basic conversation with girls to make this work, but it is not as difficult as you may believe.
You just need to keep it playful and friendly (without being too serious), and most girls would be more than happy to chat with you.
Is it possible to make a girl chase in a relationship?
The short answer is yes.
But, I don’t want to talk about any tactics to make your girlfriend chase.
Tactics are not sustainable.
The best way to make a girl chase in a relationship is to become a man of high-value.
If you live a fantastic life with great friends and cool hobbies, then the girl is naturally going to want to be a part of your life.
And if you are a high-value male, your life is not going to revolve around your girl because you do other things with your life besides spending time with her.
The less you become dependent on a girl for your own happiness, the more she will be compelled to chase.
This does not mean you should intentionally push the girl away.
That, in fact, is a sign of emotional weakness because such an act implies you likely believe you are not worthy of a girl’s love.
But rather, you want to express your love as much as you want with the willingness to walk away any time she doesn’t live up to your standard.
Because that is precisely what a high value man with a lot of options would do.
What are the best ways to ask a girl out over text, and is it even a good idea to ask a girl out over text messages?
You will soon discover the unfiltered answers to these questions in this article.
Is it a good idea to ask a girl out over text?
I would normally say it is NOT a good idea to ask a girl out over text.
There are certainly better ways to ask her out (which we will soon discuss in the next section).
But, it is definitely possible to successfully ask a girl out over text.
Here are some of the drawbacks of asking a girl out over text.
First, you are limited by how effectively you can communicate with written words alone.
You are also likely to waste unnecessary time asking a girl out over text.
More importantly, it is hard to arouse a girl’s emotion over text messages.
You may ask why it is important to arouse a girl’s emotion when you ask her out over text.
This is because our actions are governed by our emotions.
Our emotions need to be aroused for us to be inspired to take any action.
And as you may already be aware, it is a lot easier to influence someone’s emotion when we can use our facial expression, vocal tonality, and body language.
That being said, there are certain times when it may be impossible for you to get ahold of a girl apart from texting her.
So, let’s go into detail about how best to ask a girl out over text.
Avoid a drawn out conversation over text
Don’t try to have a long conversation over text messages.
I want you to maintain a little bit of mystery.
Many men make a mistake of having way too much chit chat over texts.
This makes a girl feel like she’s got you all figured out, and there is a good chance she will lose some level of interest in you as a result.
While it is impossible to keep mysteriousness forever in a relationship, it is an important part of the initial attraction.
You should primarily use text messaging as a way to set up and confirm a date.
Ideally, you want to set up a date when you are talking to a girl in person, so all you need to do is to confirm a date over text.
There is a chance you will end up playing a lot of unnecessary games (such as intentionally delaying texts and faking disinterest) when you try to make everything happen over texts.
It is a lot harder for either you or the girl to play such games in person.
So, keep your text conversations short and get to the point.
Do not be needy over text
Do not show any signs of neediness over text.
The moment a girl feels you are too needy is when she will lose any attraction for you.
Here are some things you definitely want to avoid if you want to successfully ask a girl out over text.
1. Do not text her more than two times in a row.
This will come off as desperate, and she will perceive you as a low-value male.
It is not exactly the worst thing to send a girl a second text message if she ignores you.
I do believe in men going after what they want, and persistence is a good trait to have in a lot of situations.
But, two times is enough.
Once you persist any further than that, your persistence will be interpreted as neediness.
Not only is this ineffective for winning a girl over, but it will also kill your confidence.
When you consistently go after someone who does not value you, it will only diminish your sense of self-worth.
So, avoid making a mistake of texting a girl over and over again when she does not reciprocate.
2. Do not write an essay when texting a girl
Avoid writing a long essay when you message a girl.
Think about what it communicates to a girl.
It communicates you are really into her.
The very fact you spent that much time and effort into writing a long message indirectly signals to a girl that you don’t have a lot of other options in your life.
And girls do not want to be with a man who is not desired by other women.
So, keep your texts brief.
A good rule of thumb is to match the level of investment that a girl shows over text.
If she is only sending you a short text message, then you generally want to keep your text messages short as well.
If she sends a long text message, then you may reciprocate by sending her a long text message every now and then.
3. Send texts that are appropriate to your current relationship with a girl
Here is what I mean by that.
If you’ve only known her for a few days, you do not want to be sending a text message that you would only be sending to a girl you are in a relationship with.
For example, you do not want to bombard a girl with good morning and good night texts every day when you’ve only known the girl for a few days.
It is only going to put an unnecessary pressure on her, and she is likely not going to want to see you as a result.
The level of effort you put into your text message has to somewhat match the depth of a relationship you have with the girl.
Otherwise, she is going to become repelled by your enthusiasm.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to asking a girl out over text.
But, anything that is relevant to a girl is a good bet.
For example, if a girl is into working out, you can ask her if she wants to have a romantic squat session with a glass of protein shake afterward.
If she is into animals, you can suggest going to a nearby animal shelter together as long as she promises to not ignore you the entire time because she’s so busy playing with animals.
So, make it relevant to a girl and keep things light by making a playful remark.
Are there better ways to ask a girl out rather than doing it over text messages?
You bet there are.
The first alternative I recommend is to pick up your phone and call her.
As we have talked about earlier, it is a lot easier to influence someone when you can use your voice as opposed to using written words alone.
You are able to convey your energy and emotion a lot more effectively when you can use your voice to influence a girl.
But, the most effective way to ask a girl out is to do it in person.
You simply have a lot more tools at your disposal to influence a girl’s decision when you ask her out in person.
You are able to use your facial expression, body language, vocal tonality and words.
This means if you know how to use those tools to your advantage, your chance of successfully asking a girl out will significantly increase.
That being said, if you are really awkward in person, asking a girl out in person may actually hamper your chance of getting her out.
If that applies to you, you need to put your time and effort into becoming an attractive man.
I hope this article gave you a bit more clarity on the best way to ask a girl out!
Let’s debunk myths about what traits women find attractive in men.
Let me elaborate.
If you talk with no filter (without worrying about what she thinks of you), it means you are not attached to her approval.
This communicates you do not care whether she likes you or not.
A lot of women can’t help but feel attracted to a man who does not care what opinions they have of him.
The less you care, the more room you leave for a woman to chase.
This is why you see a lot of ‘assholes’ (who do not care about what they say) effortlessly attract women.
These men often say things that may be politically incorrect, but girls somehow love them for it.
I need to warn you, however, that you need to be careful not to cross the line.
There is a fine line between a ‘charming asshole’ and an ‘inconsiderate douchebag’.
You need to learn how to express yourself unapologetically, but in a way, that other people can relate.
And that usually means communicating in a manner that girls fully understand where you are coming from, so there is no room for misinterpretation.
If you just spit out things with a lot of room for misinterpretation, others will often interpret them however they want, and that can potentially cause a lot of conflicts in any form of relationship.
It is also important to keep a hint of ‘playfulness’ when you express yourself to a woman.
For example, let’s say you tell a girl she looks nerdy.
There is a world of difference between you telling a girl she looks nerdy with a monotone voice and a straight face versus you telling her she looks nerdy because of her cute little glasses as you give her a playful smirk.
The latter will elicit a great reaction from most girls whereas the former will usually only elicit a good response from a girl who is already into you.
Let me clarify that I’m not encouraging you to act like an irresponsible kid.
That is not being playful. That’s simply being immature.
That being said, playfulness is one of the most attractive traits you can demonstrate when interacting with women.
Everyone is bored and stressed.
When you become a beacon of light to her mundane life, it is going to be impossible for her to not feel attraction to you.
Don’t be afraid to tease her and make jokes, and keep things positive, so she feels uplifted when she sees you.
You also want to have a sense of humor and relaxedness even under the most stressful circumstance.
This trait alone will make you more magnetic than 99% of men out there.
A lot of women stress over the littlest things, so if you can become her pillar, she is going to rely on you for emotional support.
I’m sure you’ve heard millions of times that confidence attracts women.
But, what exactly is confidence anyway?
I want to talk about two types of confidence that you must absolutely master if you want to attract women.
The confidence to approach women despite fear, and the belief in yourself that you are enough for any girl you meet.
I really want to emphasize the confidence to approach women ‘despite’ fear.
I want you to realize it is not about having no fear.
Your fear will always be there.
Rather, it is about taking the needed action to transform your life no matter how much fear you have.
Most men wait until they ‘feel’ right to do something.
But, the truth is you will never reach a point where you feel right enough to approach a girl.
You will always have a little bit of anxiety before you go up to that beautiful girl and initiate a conversation.
Here is my little tip to make this process easier.
I want you to realize that the anxiety you feel in your body when you are about to approach a woman is no different than the physiological sensation you experience when you feel excitement.
So, every time your body fills up with anxiety, I want you to re-frame it as excitement.
Every time your heart beats a little faster, think of it as a cue to go talk to her rather than a sign to abort.
While you can’t change your face or height, you can greatly change the shape of your body by putting on muscles and reducing the amount of body fat you have.
Most girls prefer a man with a larger muscle over a man who is skinny.
Don’t be fooled by a woman saying she prefers skinny men.
Look at the studies that examine a woman’s actual preference for different body types.
Studies consistently show women prefer a man with a V-shaped torso with a well-developed upper body musculature.
When a girl says she is not into a muscular man, she often means she is not into a man who looks like a steroid freak.
The good news is you will likely never look too freakish for a girl even if you spend hours every day at the gym.
99% of men simply do not possess genetics to look freakish even if they did their best to put on muscles.
So, get off your lazy ass and sign up for the gym!
When you are at the gym, I want you to really focus on developing your shoulder and back muscles while keeping your bodyfat at a reasonable range. They play the most important role in adding width to your body (thus, giving that v-shape).
I would love to say your legs are just as important (since I have really big legs from years of squatting), but most girls do not care about legs unless they are really out of proportion.
I want to clarify I’m not saying you should go to the gym with the sole goal of building a physique to impress girls (in fact, you will not last long if that is your only motivation), but I wanted to focus on a girl’s preference here because that is what this article is all about.
A lot of girls care about how you dress.
If you dress like a bum, you can bet you will be treated like a bum.
Improving style is also a great equalizer for men who are not blessed with the best genetics.
There is not much you can do to improve your facial aesthetics apart from surgery, but you can almost immediately improve your style when you get help from someone who knows about a good fashion sense.
That being said, the most important foundation of a good fashion (especially in the summer) is your body.
If you have a body that is completely out of shape, you do not have much to work with.
But, a good body is only a pre-requisite.
It is important you wear something that fits your body to show off your positive attributes (assuming you have a good body).
This means you need to avoid wearing an outfit that looks baggy (or with a lot of slack).
Generally speaking, keep it simple and avoid wearing clothes that are too bright, or with a lot of graphics.
I can never emphasize enough about the importance of a smile.
No, I’m not talking about how straight your teeth are when you smile.
It is the way you smile that will drastically influence whether a girl can picture a romantic relationship with you or not.
If a girl says something, and you give her a wide ear-to-ear smile every single time, it communicates you are completely sold on her.
You are essentially indirectly letting her know you are really into her.
And this is not exactly the type of message you want to communicate when you are just getting to know a girl.
If a girl feels like she’s got you completely figured out, she is going to lose interest in most cases.
It is important you maintain a certain level of ambiguity at the beginning of a relationship.
So, how do you effectively communicate that with your smile?
You want a playful smirk to be your default smile.
This is different from a ‘try-hard smirk’ that makes you look like you are trying really hard to look like George Clooney.
It is the type of smirk that a boy would make after he’s done something naughty that he shouldn’t have done.
It is great to have a little bit of child-like innocence as it can serve as the best weapon for disarming a woman’s heart.
If you are not used to smiling, start out by practicing in front of the mirror.
Developing an attractive smile really is no different than if you were to practice to become a better dancer or a boxer.
You need to make sure you are ingraining a proper motor pattern by practicing your technique in front of the mirror.
You need to do the same thing for developing an attractive smile.
Pick someone with a nice smirk and try to copy his smirk in front of the mirror.
Do this daily just for a few minutes.
As you practice more, you will start to find your own unique smirk that makes you look most attractive.
Anyway, I hope this article shed some light on what traits women actually find attractive in men.
I wish you the best of luck!
1. She constantly talks about another man
There can be two reasons for this.
One possible reason is that she is actually into you, and she wants to make you jealous.
Girls like to get a reaction out of a man they like.
If she is into you, there is a chance she wants to see how you respond when she brings up another man in a conversation.
She may be hoping you would react to her by getting jealous.
But, another possibility is that she just doesn’t see you as nothing more than a friend.
As much as some girls love to play games by talking about another man, most girls do not want you to think they are into another man if they like you.
So, a lot of women will avoid mentioning another man in front of you.
If a girl has no shame comfortably talking about another man she’s hooked up with, you are probably friend-zoned.
If a girl really likes you, she is going to worry about you judging her.
No girl wants a man (that she likes) to think she is easy and sleeps around.
2. She frequently talks about how you are an awesome friend
If a girl continues to remind you of what a great friend you are, then she is likely not into you.
There is no reason for her to constantly emphasize what a great friend you are if she likes you as a man.
The only logical explanation is that she does not want you to get the wrong idea.
In such a case, you should actually be grateful she is willing to let her intention known clearly.
Instead of giving you false hopes, she is expressing her intent clearly by setting boundaries with her words.
Be thankful she did not waste your time and move on from her.
3. She expects you to do things for her without doing anything for you in return
This is probably one of the worst forms of ‘friendship’ between men and women.
If a woman constantly uses you for free food and a ride, you have successfully become her doormat.
Many men put themselves in such a situation when they really like a girl, and they somehow believe the girl will like him if he does her enough favors.
But, this is completely false.
Most girls will not feel a stronger attraction to you as a result of you doing favors.
Funnily enough, the best way to get a girl to feel a stronger attachment (and attraction) to you is to get them to do favors for you.
When a girl does something for you, her brain goes into a backward rationalization mode, and it starts to wonder why she went out of her way to do something for you.
And she will usually subconsciously conclude that she must at least somewhat like you.
So, do not be afraid to ask her to do you a favor.
Unless the girl is a gold digger, she is going to feel way too overwhelmed by everything you do for her (especially if you’ve only known her for a short while).
By asking her to do something for you, you are giving her a chance to invest back into you.
I want you to realize that a truly ‘nice guy’ knows how to receive as much as he knows how to give.
You can start out by asking for a small favor, such as asking her to meet at your favorite bar or asking her to bring a bottle of wine on a night you cook for her.
When you progress to the stage where she feels like she’s done something for you that she’s never done for any other man, her brain is going to start to believe she must ‘really’ like you.
4. She is too comfortable around you
If she treats you like one of her bros, and she seems at complete ease when she’s around you, that is a good sign she does not see you as her potential mate.
It is true that a girl needs to feel safe and comfortable around you to want to spend time with you.
But, as with anything else in life, there needs to be balance.
If she feels too comfortable around you, that is going to break all of the tension.
And a little bit of tension is important when it comes to the initial stage of the attraction.
These are some things you can do to make a girl feel too comfortable with you (this means you want to avoid doing these if you want her to feel attracted to you romantically).
5. She is not responsive to your text messages
If a girl doesn’t reply back promptly, it is a sign you don’t take up a lot of space in her mind.
You simply are not her priority.
She may text you every now and then when she is bored, but she will happily ignore you if she has other things going on in her life.
But, there is an exception to this rule.
It can certainly be a different story if you become really good friends with a girl.
If she sees you as one of her best friends, she may very well text you all of the time without being attracted to you all that much.
Under such a circumstance, it would actually be a good idea to reduce the amount of time you contact her.
When a girl is so used to talking to you, it is not a bad idea to cut off contact with her for a short duration (a couple of days).
It will make her realize how much she enjoys talking to you, and she will value you more as a result.
Most people are motivated to not lose something that they already have.
When she feels she is about to lose you, there is a chance she is going to feel a strong desire for you.
6. She always wants to hang out with a group of people
If a girl is reluctant to hang out with you alone, that is a sign she does not want to get involved with you in a romantic way.
Needless to say, a girl will happily spend time with you alone if she likes you as a man.
If her investment does not match yours in terms of time and money, it is a sign she does not value you (as a friend or a partner).
In such a case, it would be in your best interest to cut off your friendship with her.
You should not keep people in your life who do not value you as much as you value them.
Anyway, I hope this article gave you a better idea of how to know if a girl just wants to be friends!
Do girls like Asian men, or should you give up on dating if you are Asian?
You will discover the truth in this article.
Let’s dive right in.
It would be a lie if I told you it isn’t harder for an Asian man to have a kick-ass dating life in the Western-influenced culture (US, Canada, Australia, etc).
Some dating coaches may tell you to man up and stop using something that is out of your control as an excuse (race, in this case).
While I don’t particularly disagree with that statement, there is one flaw to that.
It is impossible to come up with the best solution if you don’t have an accurate idea of how things are in reality.
And the reality is that Asian men are at a significant disadvantage when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.
I want to point out I’m not making this statement from the perspective of an angry virgin who never managed to get success with girls.
Despite being a virgin for the first 26 years of my life, I turned my life around by learning how to become confident with women.
At one point, I was sleeping with two to three new White women (I’m only pointing that out because a lot of people believe Asian guys can’t pick up attractive White girls) every single week when I was actively going out.
So, it would be easy for me to say that Asian men don’t have it any harder than other races based on the type of success I’ve experienced with women.
But, here is the truth.
I’ve also frequently had girls taken by another man when my charisma and charm were still underdeveloped (and the guy who had stolen a girl from me didn’t particularly have a better ‘game’ than me apart from the fact he was NOT Asian).
I’ve also witnessed firsthand how things were like for my Asian friends, and I can tell you with confidence that things weren’t too great for most of them.
Some of them would get ‘lucky’ every once in a while because they found a cute girl who was into Asian culture (mostly at work or school).
But, almost none of them managed to attract beautiful girls on a consistent basis.
Most of them felt they were never in full control of their dating lives.
So, why is dating so difficult for most Asian men?
Asian men are generally smaller
No, I’m not talking about the size of your private part (although, that stereoptype certainly doesn’t help either).
Most Asian men are physically smaller and weaker compared to men of other races.
Needless to say, this makes Asian men appear rather effeminate.
Girls want a man who is physically bigger than them.
This can be due to different reasons, such as a woman’s desire to be protected by her man or because she feels insecure to be with a man who is skinnier than her.
Either way, you will have a better luck with women when you put on some weight on your body.
If your goal is to put on more size, there is no easy solution apart from eating A LOT of food on a consistent basis.
This doesn’t mean you can eat a lot of food for one day, and barely eat anything for the following 3 days.
You have to consistently eat a lot of food for weeks and months if you want to put on some real mass on your body.
I advise you to focus on big compound exercises, first and foremost.
When you improve your strength on compound movements, such as bench press, squat, and deadlift, you will observe the most rapid growth in your body.
But, don’t forget your diet is the most important key to putting on mass.
Asian men tend to be shy and awkward
Don’t get mad and refute this point because you happen to be the cool Asian.
Objectively speaking, I have noticed Asian men tend to be on the shy and awkward side compared to men of other races.
This may be because Asian culture does not put heavy emphasis on developing social skills.
Asian men are encouraged by their parents to strictly focus on academics from a very early age, and many of them have poor social skills as a result.
This is problematic considering your social skill (and communication skill) plays such a pivotal role in your overall happiness.
We are designed to be social creatures, so we are bound to feel unhappy if we don’t know how to connect with other people.
This is what I recommend you do if you happen to be an Asian man with not-so-amazing social skills (as I once was).
I want you to make an effort to make a small talk with any and every person whenever you see an opportunity.
You can strike up a conversation with someone while you are standing at a bus stop, or you can simply talk to people you know at school or work.
This is not an easy task if you have been shy and awkward your entire life, and you are inevitably going to experience a lot of internal resistance to push yourself out of comfort zone.
But, it is a necessary evil if you want to level up your social skill. You are not going to change yourself by reading books about social skills. You need to get out of your room and interact with people.
By the way, I hope you noticed that I advised you to talk to “any and every person”, and not just girls.
If you are awkward, your primary focus should be on improving your basic social skill.
You really have no business trying to improve your skill with women when you can’t even hold a basic, friendly conversation with others.
Asian men do not know how to lead
Most Asian cultures put a lot of value on conformity.
You are not exactly encouraged to stand out (or stand up for that matter) in Asian culture.
In fact, such an act is heavily discouraged.
So, what kind of effect does this have on Asian men?
They end up as a man who does not know how to properly express what they want, and they fail to learn how to lead others.
They become followers instead of leaders.
It is perfectly okay to be a follower if your goal is to become a corporate slave for the rest of your life, but it is not exactly the most desirable quality for being an attractive man to women (or an effective leader for that matter).
A woman wants a decisive man who is not afraid to tell her what he wants to do.
No woman wants a man who tries to cater to her needs at all times.
The solution to fixing this problem is not so different than what we had discussed in the previous section.
You don’t develop the ability to lead by reading books about leadership (although, it most definitely can help at times).
Rather, you develop it by assuming the role of a leader, and learning through trial and error.
Let’s talk about some ways you can improve your ability to lead when you are interacting with a girl.
Half of the battle is expressing your desires unapologetically.
If you scheduled a date, and you would rather have a glass wine at your place rather than going to a restaurant, you need to be able to tell her what you want to do.
You most likely have a big mental hurdle when it comes to expressing your true desires with girls if you are an Asian man.
So, I want you to practice saying exactly what you want when you interact with a girl, whether it be making out with her, or asking her to come hang out at your place.
Once you get used to that, then you can start to worry about finding that ‘middle point’ where both you and the girl will be happy.
But, your balance is shifted too much to one side right now.
You need to push yourself to the other end of the scale (by doing the exercise like the one I suggested above to eradicate the nice guy syndrome), so you end up somewhere in the middle.
There is no ‘special’ way of attracting girls as an Asian guy.
If you are an attractive man, then you are an attractive man, whether you are Asian, White, or Black.
No matter what race you are, your confidence, humor, physical attractiveness will all be appealing to every girl out there.
One thing I need to note, however, is that you need to be one level above men of other races if you want to experience the same level of success as them.
As an Asian man, you need to be a little more confident, a little more funny, and take a little better care of yourself.
Is it unfair? Sure.
But, on a brighter note, it means you will end up as a man of high-value in the process becoming successful with women as an Asian man.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck!
What are some signs a girl doesn’t want to be exclusive with you?
Why does she refuse to commit to you, and what exactly should you do under such a circumstance?
Let’s talk about that.
Don’t miss the last section since it highlights the most important point in this article.
Let’s talk about some signs a girl won’t commit.
She refuses to spend enough time
If a girl refuses to spend enough time with you, it is a good sign she is not emotionally committed to a relationship.
The more a girl likes you, the more she is going to want to spend her time with you.
When a girl is ‘really’ into a man, it is hard for her to control her desire to want to hang out with him all of the time.
If she is able to exercise great ‘self-control’ with how much time she spends with you, then it is a sign her logical brain still overpowers her emotional brain.
And this is not a good sign since a strong attraction only takes place when a woman’s emotion is amplified.
She doesn’t feel jealous
There can be two different explanations for the lack of her jealousy.
It is possible a girl does not feel jealous because she is emotionally mature, and she doesn’t like drama.
If that is the case, then I congratulate you. You’ve found yourself a keeper.
But more often than not, a woman’s lack of jealousy is accompanied by her emotional detachment.
It is hard for a girl to not feel a little jealous if she is really attracted to you, and she is committed to you.
However, it is easy for a girl to not feel jealous when she is seeing a bunch of other people, and she is not invested in a relationship.
If she shows a complete lack of jealousy along with some of the other signs we will soon discuss in this section, then it may very well be a sign she is not ready to commit.
She doesn’t text frequently
If she texts you once every few days, you are likely not a top priority in her mind.
Are you always the first one to initiate contact with her?
Do you always send her two to three text messages in a row before she finally replies back to your text?
If a girl is not responsive to you as much as you are responsive to her, that is a sign she is not that committed to you.
If this applies to you, it is time to give her some space, so there is some room for her to chase.
She shows interest in other men
Contrary to popular belief, you are not just being a pathetic loser if you get mad when a girl shows interest in other men.
Studies show that a man or a woman who constantly checks out the opposite sex is much more likely to engage in infidelity.
This is common sense, but men are often led to believe they are being overly insecure when they get upset over their women talking about other men.
The study shows there is actually a good reason why you feel jealous under such a circumstance.
It is because your primal brain instinctively realizes that the girl is likely to cheat on you in the future.
Let’s now talk about different reasons why a girl won’t commit.
She is just not that into you
This is a no-brainer, and it is the most common reason why a girl won’t commit.
If she was truly into you, her feelings would be too strong for her to resist the temptation to be exclusive with you.
Her excuses to not commit will all go out the window if she truly sees you as someone she sees her future with.
The truth of the matter is she doesn’t see enough value in you for her to want to commit.
You presented yourself as a player
If you initially presented yourself as someone who beds a lot of women, she is going to have a difficult time trusting you to be loyal in a relationship.
So, it is possible she is pushing you away before you hurt her.
I just want to note that it is not exactly a bad thing if a girl sees you as someone who is attractive to a lot of women.
But, you also need to make sure she sees at least some qualities in you that make her believe you are ready to commit.
You can show your commitment by taking her out on a nice date or letting her know she is different than any of the girls you’ve been with.
She’s been emotionally hurt
If she’s been hurt by another man in the past, it is going to be difficult for her to open up to another man.
This type of girl requires a lot more time and effort before she will be ready to commit to a relationship.
Under such a circumstance, it is a good idea to have an open discussion about what you guys are looking for in a relationship.
This will help you guys get on the same page in terms of what to expect in a relationship.
You also want to demonstrate through your behaviors that you care for her.
This may be asking her over text message if she’s arrived home safely, or you simply being there for her when she needs your help.
Remember that actions speak louder than words.
So, what do you do if a girl doesn’t want to commit?
There is no point in trying to ‘verbally’ convince her to commit if she’s already expressed her unwillingness to commit.
The reason why she doesn’t want to commit is that she does not see enough value in you.
If you want a girl to commit, your best bet is to become a high-value man who inspires girls to chase him.
There are hundreds of different ways you can increase your value as a man, but these three things I’m about to tell you will give the most bang for your buck.
And those are your physical appearance, your career (and status), and your personality.
When you become at least above average in these three areas, you will notice girls start to seek for your approval instead of the other way around.
What should you do if a girl doesn’t want a relationship, but she still wants to see you?
This entirely depends on what you are looking for.
If you are okay with keeping things casual with a girl, then there is no reason for you to continue to push for a serious relationship.
That will only drive her away, and she is not going to want to stick around.
If, however, you are dead set on finding a girl for a relationship, you need to speak your mind.
You should never shy away from standing up for yourself because you are afraid of losing a girl.
That, in fact, is a guaranteed way to lose a girl’s respect.
But more importantly, you will lose respect for yourself, and your confidence will dip as a result.
And your confidence obviously plays the most important role in attracting women.
So, you absolutely need to be okay with walking away from a girl if her value doesn’t align with yours.
Anyway, I hope this article gave you a clearer sense of why a girl may not want to become exclusive with you!
What is the best way to become more interesting to a girl?
Do you have to become as funny as a stand-up comedian, or do you have to impress her with your baller lifestyle?
Here’s the truth.
The bar is not set very high.
If you look at most men, most go about their days looking dead.
Most are miserable with no passion or ambition, and they suppress their stress with drugs and alcohol.
This means you don’t even have to be this amazing man with thousands of different things going for yourself to become interesting in a woman’s eyes.
For example, if you just have an interesting hobby, it is often all you need to stand out from the 90% of the men.
Let’s talk about some of the different ways you can become more interesting to a woman.
1. Have an interesting hobby
This is by far the easiest way to become more interesting to others.
When you have an actual hobby, you are miles ahead of another man whose hobby revolves around drinking a six pack on a Sunday night while watching a Football game.
It is best if your hobby is something that enhances you, whether it be your mental or a physical health.
Some examples include: going to the gym, yoga, meditation, reading books, and martial arts.
I highly recommend you to take up lifting because it improves your health and physique, and turn you into a more attractive male.
2. Become passionate with your career
Most people spend half of their waking hours at work.
If you spend those hours working on your passion, you will naturally emit positive contagious energy to others.
It is extremely rare to see someone who is passionate about his or her career, so you will instantly stand out in a girl’s eyes.
But, I understand this is easier said than done.
It is not easy to turn your passion into a career, so if you managed to make that happen, then you can count your blessings.
3. Become curious about things
You lose your spark when you stop becoming curious about things in life.
This is especially common as men get older.
They believe they’ve got life all figured out, and they block themselves from learning new ideas, and trying out new things.
Think about little kids for a second.
What do you think gives him or her that aliveness?
It is the fact that everything is new and exciting to them.
They are always learning about the new things every single day.
You want to adopt the same attitude toward life if you want to become more interesting to a girl.
If things in your life have become routine, then it is a good idea to change things up.
Your brain is not going to light up anymore if you are not constantly learning or doing something new.
And it is going to reflect in the way you carry yourself around others.
So, get curious about things and become the student of life.
4. And of course we can’t forget about making a girl laugh.
The more you make her laugh, the more she will find you interesting.
To be honest, you really don’t need to do much to make a girl laugh.
You do not need to be this witty person who always has perfect things to say.
The key is to spit out your jokes with confidence.
When you say your words like you mean them, people will respond to your words.
The opposite is true as well.
Even if you have the most perfect joke, girls will not find you funny if your delivery is whack.
Luckily, it is a lot easier to fix your delivery than to become witty with your words.
These are the most important points I want you to keep in mind when you deliver your words.
There is only one way to be more interesting to a girl over text.
It is not sending her bunch of cat and dog videos, nor is it sending her cheesy memes.
You do, however, want to spike her curiosity with texts that are relevant to her.
This is a surefire way to get her to chase you over texts.
You also want to avoid getting into a long conversation over text messages.
This will kill any curiosity she has for you.
Try not to reveal all of your cards at once.
When you are in a conversation with a girl, you want her to be talking for the most part.
So, it is important that you ask her good questions to get her open up, and take genuine interest in getting to know her.
But, here is what I want you to keep in mind if you are trying to come up with topics to talk about.
You want to find topics where both of your interests overlap.
It is, however, going to be difficult for you to actually care about what she says if her interest completely differs from your interest.
For example, it would be fake for you to pretend like you enjoy listening to her about her favorite make-up when you could care less about it.
This is why it is important to quickly find common interests.
If she is into going to the gym, and you also like going to the gym, then the conversation is going to flow naturally.
You won’t have to force your questions, and you will be able to relate to her experience on a deep level.
So, when you are having a conversation with a girl, focus your attention on finding topics that both of you enjoy talking about.
Not only are you going to find her more interesting, but she will also find you more intriguing.
If you guys don’t share any common interests, then it is probably time to move on from her.
I just want to emphasize this one point.
It is 90% about ‘how’ you say your words that make you appear interesting to another person.
Even the funniest joke is not going to make her laugh if your delivery is off.
You need to say your words with confidence. There should be zero hesitation.
You want to spit your words out in a way that clearly show you really don’t care about whether she finds you interesting or not.
This will actually make her become more interested in you.
You also want to focus on developing a nice ‘flow’ when you speak.
If your words don’t flow nicely, then it is easy for a girl to lose her attention as you speak.
Think of making your words sound like a nice, soothing music to her ears.
Anyway, I hope this article gave you a better idea of how to become more interesting to a girl!
So, what should you do when she’s lost interest?
It is important to identify why she’s lost interest.
Not only is an accurate identification going to allow you to maximize your chance of getting her back, but it will also serve as a lesson for you to not make the same mistakes again in the near future.
Without knowing what’s caused her to lose interest, it is going to be difficult for you to identify the best course of action to take.
So, why do girls lose interest?
Let’s talk about some of the most common mistakes that men make.
You’ve shown too much interest
It is a mistake if you’ve shown too much interest.
I truly wish things weren’t that way, but it is in our very nature to not value things that are constantly given to us without us having to work for them.
These are some of the common things that men do that communicate too much interest.
1. Texting a girl way too frequently.
She is going to feel like you are always available for her.
When she feels you are always going to be there for her at all times, she is not going to value you no more.
A girl doesn’t want a man whose entire life revolves around her.
When you constantly shower her with your attention (especially when she doesn’t deserve it), she is not going to value your validation any longer.
2. You compliment her all of the time
Your words will lose their meaning when they are repeated over and over again.
Giving her a nice compliment every now and then can certainly be effective.
But, not when they are handed out to her like candy.
It is important to find a balance between compliments and teasing (you can also think of it as push and pull) when you talk to a girl.
Anything that is done too much will lose its effectiveness.
3. You are always available
Do you show up whenever she wants you to show up?
Do you pick her up every time she needs you?
How can you expect a girl to value you when she can access you any time she wants?
You’ve shown too little interest
On the other hand, it is also possible for a girl to lose interest because you’ve shown too little interest.
If you are too detached from her, then she is simply not going to be getting enough attention from you for her to want to stick around.
You need to help her realize that you see her differently than any other girl you know.
The key is to let her know that you love her more than anyone you know, but you are also not afraid to walk away.
And that really is the key.
Your willingness to walk away.
If she can sense you are not going to look back when she does something that goes against your standard, she is going to appreciate your presence that much more.
So, it is okay to be affectionate and let her know how much you love her.
But, it is just as important for you to let her know when she does something that you are not willing to tolerate.
So, is it all over when a girl loses interest or is there any chance for you to get her back?
This entirely depends on the circumstance.
If she started seeing another guy…
Then, the chances are low she will come back to you.
Most girls do not want to date multiple men at the same time (although, there are some that are definitely into that).
If she is just experiencing a mood swing…
In this case, it is possible she may come back to you.
Many girls experience extreme mood swings, and she may not have been contacting you because she’s been feeling down.
So, once she feels better, she may want to see you again.
It is important you don’t act too needy during this period.
Otherwise, you will forever ruin your chances for the future.
If you broke her trust…
For example, if you cheated on her, then it is highly unlikely she will ever come back to you.
Once you lose a girl’s trust, it is extremely hard to regain it.
If you’ve made a fatal mistake in a relationship, such as cheating, it is better to move on and start afresh with another girl, rather than trying to hold on.
Even if you get back with her, she is constantly going to doubt you, and your relationship will be filled with fights and dramas.
The short answer is it is possible.
But, there are certain conditions that have to be met for this to happen.
1. You must have not burned the bridge by being needy and desperate during the period she didn’t contact you.
If you showed any signs of neediness, you would’ve effectively killed your chances with her in the future.
2. She should still somewhat like you.
If she’s lost every ounce of attraction for you, it is going to be difficult for you to turn things around.
So, it is important for you to not get to the point where she has no feelings left for you.
Once again, a great way to lose attraction is to give all of yourself to girls.
When a girl feels like she has you completely figured out, she will no longer find you interesting.
That being said, what exactly are you supposed to do to get a girl back when she loses interest?
The least effective way is to try to convince a girl over text messages.
You are limited with what you can express with words alone, so it is the most inferior way to change someone’s perception about you.
You will significantly increase your chance if you pick up your phone and call her. The important part is to keep things playful while demonstrating a complete lack of attachment for a certain outcome (i.e. your desire to see her).
The easiest way to re-gain her interest is to do it in person.
There are simply a lot more tools at your disposal when you are interacting with a girl in person.
You can use your words, vocal tonality, body language as well as facial expressions.
You can even play around with the feeling of jealousy by talking to an attractive girl near her.
But as always, I recommend you to go meet other girls when a girl doesn’t show interest.
You deserve better.
So, when should you stop pursuing a girl?
This is a rather straightforward answer.
You should stop pursuing a girl when she does not reciprocate your level of interest.
If you ask her out on a date over text, and she doesn’t reply back for a few days, then you should move on.
If you ask to hang out, and she continues to say she is too busy, then you should move on.
Let me tell you why you shouldn’t pursue a girl who does not show interest.
Even if you manage to go on a date with her by using your ‘persuasion’ skill, it is not going to make you feel great.
Whenever you feel like you have to ‘force’ it to make something happen, it is going to make you feel less of a man.
So, if you feel like you have to throw away your dignity to get her interested in you, it is time for you to look elsewhere.
The first step to making a girl chase you is to give her space.
If you are always the one to message her first and suggest a date, you are not giving her any room to invest back.
You certainly want to initiate a lot of things first when you are getting to know a girl.
Most girls expect men to make the first move, so you would be missing out on a lot of opportunities if you are unwilling to do so.
But, you do not want things to continue to be that way as your relationship progresses with a girl.
This is not good for your own well-being since you will quickly get tired of always having to be the only one to pursue.
You are also doing a disservice for her since most girls do not want to be pursued at all times.
Most women actually love having to work for a man’s love and attention, and you are blessing her with that gift when you leave some room for her to chase.
So, what do I mean by show options?
The one who has fewer options is the one who will be more desperate.
If you only have one girl in your life, you are naturally going to feel desperate.
So, you want to show her that she is not your only option (especially when she is just getting to know you).
Girls do not want to be with a desperate loser who is not attractive to other women.
A girl wants to be with a man who has a lot of options but chose her because she was the best out of all of the options he had.
This doesn’t mean you have to be sleeping around with multiple women at once.
But, this does mean you should frequently surround yourself with other girls.
When a girl sees that you know a lot of other attractive girls, she will realize you don’t ‘need’ her.
This will let her know she can’t take you for granted.
So, don’t hesitate to talk to girls and hang out with them even while you are in a relationship.
You, however, need to be careful to not make her feel like she is no different to you than every other girl you know, especially if you are looking for something more serious with her.
If you end up too far on one end of the spectrum, she will start to look for other options.
It is infinitely easier to be less needy when you are passionate about something.
This can be your career, your business, or simply your hobbies.
When you have a passion, it will have a strong impact on how you feel around women and others in general.
You will be seeking a lot less validation from people around you because you have better things to worry about than seeking other’s approval.
We are all passionate about something when we are little kids, but things start to change as we grow older and we are faced with the struggles of our daily lives.
Needless to say, girls want a man who is passionate and alive.
They don’t want a man that is bitter and jaded.
So, how do you find your passion?
It is best if your passion is also your career or the job you have.
You spend most of your time at work, so if you are passionate about your career, you will naturally carry a passionate energy around you.
If this is not possible, then the second-best option is to find a hobby that you are passionate about.
For me, it was going to the gym and immersing myself in Olympic style weightlifting.
But, it can really be anything that you enjoy doing, such as martial arts, hiking, reading, etc.
Whatever that brings you to an extremely focused state would be perfect.
This is not the usual advice you’ll hear, but it is brutally effective if you manage to execute it properly.
I want you to frequently post pictures and videos on your social media accounts. These can be you having fun with your buddies, you having a blast at cool parties, or you just doing whatever activities you enjoy.
So, why is this effective?
1. You are showing her you actually have a cool life
She can see you live your life from the pictures and videos you post.
When you consistently post about cool things you do, your value will increase in her eyes.
And when you invite her out to do something, she will actually get excited to be a part of your life.
2. You are staying on top of her mind
Out of sight, out of mind. And the opposite applies as well.
When she constantly sees you on social media, it is going to build rapport and familiarity without you even seeing her in person.
When she feels like she knows you well, she is much more likely to feel comfortable seeing you than if she doesn’t.
But, you want to be careful not to bombard her feed with goofy, low-quality posts.
When you do that, your social media posts will actually backfire and make her lose attraction.
3. You give her an excuse to initiate a conversation with you.
When you consistently post a lot of interesting things, you are giving her an excuse to initiate a conversation with you.
Most girls find it difficult to randomly start a conversation with a man when there is no good reason for them to do so.
So, when you post pictures and videos on your social media account, you are making it easier for her to start a conversation with you.
Once again, do not post things that have no substance.
That will only inspire girls to block you from their feed.
Post frequently but make sure you post quality stuff that shows who you are in a favorable light.
So, what if a girl still does not chase despite you following all of the advice above?
I hope you know the answer to that question by now.
Let go of her.
There are attractive girls out there that are literally begging for a man like you to appear in their lives.
Why would you waste all of your mental and physical effort on one girl (who does not even want you) when you have so many options?
You need to have a little more faith in yourself to be able to find someone that is a lot better than her.
This applies if you’ve already built enough rapport with a girl, and she ‘sort of’ likes you, but she doesn’t seem to be ‘that’ into you.
People normally don’t appreciate something until they lose it.
It is possible she feels complacent with you, and she does not feel the pressure to invest in a relationship any further.
This may be fine for the time being, but it is destined to fail in the long run.
If both parties don’t equally (at least somewhat) invest in the relationship, then one person (you, in this case) is eventually going to start to despise another.
So, the best way to help her realize how much she actually likes you is to walk away from her life for a while.
When she feels that emptiness from you no longer being by her side, she will start to chase you.