“I just don’t like hanging out with people. This is just who I am. I enjoy being alone”
These are the BS stories I told myself growing up. And where did it lead me?
It led me to be a virgin at the age of 26 years old, then I got into a toxic relationship with my first girlfriend for two years until she finally broke up with me.
And, I was left with no choice but to turn myself into learning about the art of seduction.
I’ve got to tell you there is no glory in being shy as a man.
You will be missing out on so many opportunities, not just with girls, but with life in general.
I want you to realize this is not some BS lessons I compiled from a bunch of other trash information on the internet.
This is my heartfelt message to you if you are struggling with being shy around girls.
These are the lessons I learned going from a hopeless 28-year-old to attracting more girls than I ever imagined possible.
So, let’s get started.
There are different reasons why you may be shy around girls.
Maybe, you just didn’t have much opportunity to interact with girls growing up.
Maybe, you had a chain of bad experiences with girls as a kid that made you believe you are undesirable to girls.
I remember when I was around 8 years old, I would hang out with my best friend, John, all the time.
Whenever we would talk to girls who were in senior years, they would always comment about how he is so cute and adorable.
On the contrary, I would never once get any compliments from the girls we hung out with.
While I can’t say with certainty how much that affected me, it most likely had a substantial enough impact on my sense of entitlement with girls.
The very first experience you have with someone, usually have the biggest effect on forming your beliefs and personality.
The evidence is all around you.
How many times have you talked to a person who was incredibly stubborn with whatever ridiculous belief he held?
You may have tried to correct him politely, but it is unlikely you managed to change his initial belief.
Why do you think so many people still believe dietary fats are the cause of obesity when new studies clearly say otherwise?
It is because our brain is incredibly resistant to change once the belief has already been established.
These experiences that form your initial beliefs can be as simple as…
You saying hello to a girl and her giving you a disgusted look (because she was in a bad mood after being scolded by her mom).
You show interest to a girl, only to find out she is into Chaddy.
Most of your beliefs you currently hold about yourself stemmed from early childhood when your brain was actively trying to decide how it should “label” your identity.
After a series of awkward interaction with girls, your brain has successfully established your identity as a “shy guy around girls”.
So, you now understand how your beliefs and identities are formed.
But, let’s talk about what exactly is going on in your head when you talk to girls, and why you feel so crippled with shyness around them.
You are simply scared of her judging you.
You think she’s paying all of her attention to that little pimple on your forehead.
“She must be disgusted by me… she must think I’m such an ugly, hideous creature.”
That is the type of voice that is lingering in your head while you talk to girls.
And guess what? When you have strong enough belief – whether it is positive or negative – others will often come to accept whatever judgment you place on yourself.
All those inhibitions that stop you from expressing your true self are rooted in your fear of judgment by others.
You need to re-program those beliefs by replacing your current belief with a new set of beliefs.
But, it is not an easy process to re-wire your brain for the reasons we’ve discussed earlier.
So, how exactly can you accomplish this?
There are two schools of thought when it comes to this.
One is to change your belief system by working on your inner self.
The idea is to dig deep into your trauma and heal your wounds via introspection. You could say meditation and mindfulness fall into this category as well.
Another approach is to push yourself until you get the necessary experiences needed to re-wire your beliefs.
While I certainly see values in working on your inner self, I have noticed people who make the most rapid transformation – including myself – usually follow the latter approach.
I can tell you to practice positive self-talk, by repeating to yourself, that you deserve to date attractive girls.
But, the faster route would be for you to actually experience dating an attractive girl.
When you gain enough experience to the point it becomes the norm in your reality, you won’t need much “inner-game” for your beliefs to change.
But, here is a caveat: Your inner-game must be sufficiently developed to the point that you are ready to take massive action.
If your brain is operating in that apathetic state where you have no motivation to get off your arse, then everything else is pointless.
For me, all the inner game I needed to motivate myself was a genuine fear of the future.
I knew I was on the path to misery if I continued to live my life the way I had been living for the past 28 years of my life.
I was genuinely afraid I might get to the age of 40 or 50, and become one of those weird old men, who are lonely and miserable.
I was genuinely afraid I would never learn how to form any sort of meaningful connection with another person for the rest of my life.
That was enough motivation for me to push through my shyness and put myself out there over and over again despite countless rejections.
Many self-help gurus encourage you to stay away from using negative feelings as a source of your motivation.
I have a slightly different stance on that. I want you to use whatever you can – whether it is positive or negative – if it motivates you to better your life.
Your initial motivation does not necessarily have to be your permanent motivation.
As an example, many men start going to the gym because they want to develop a physique that would impress women.
But, most of them end up falling in love with the process and become hooked on the progress they see in themselves.
The same idea applies when it comes to going out and talking to attractive girls.
Your initial motivation may be to find that one beautiful girl who will be your girlfriend.
But, I can almost guarantee you will soon find more fulfillment from seeing yourself transform, as you immerse yourself into this journey of self-improvement.
So far, we have talked about how your beliefs have become established and some of the core reasons why you feel so shy around girls.
Knowing all these can be useful in a sense you become more aware of the trick your brain tries to play with you.
But, it’s time for us to move onto talking about more practical ways in which you can eradicate your shyness once and for all.
Even if you consider yourself to be a shy person, it is unlikely you are shy under all circumstances.
A good example for this is a typical video game nerd, who becomes extremely passionate around other nerds (and I don’t mean it in a derogatory way since I used to be a nerd myself).
He may act shy and reserved around people he is not familiar with, but becomes engaging and charismatic around his friends.
So, I want you to ask this question for yourself.
When does your personality really shine through?
Is it when you are talking to people at anime convention?
Or maybe, it is when you are talking to someone who is as passionate about basketball as you are.
For me, it was the gym.
I loved lifting heavy and talking about any and every lifting related stuff.
So, I naturally made a lot of friends at the gym.
And I developed what you would call situational confidence when I was at the gym.
I was a confident, outgoing person when I was socializing at the gym, although I was still shy and quiet in all other walks of my life.
You may think, what is the point of building your social skill in one area of your life if it does not transfer over to other areas of your life?
Here is my answer to that.
The social skill and confidence you build in one area of your life will, in fact, transfer over to other areas of your life extremely well, once you know how to eliminate some of your mental barriers (which we will talk about in the next section).
So, start out by talking more to people who you are already comfortable with.
Practice being more expressive with them first.
Practice making jokes you usually won’t make.
They already know you, so they will be a lot more lenient toward social errors that you make.
One of the major problems I see with shy guys, who get into learning about dating, is that they go out and start talking to tens of random girls a day, without having developed basic social skills.
And this is a VERY slow way to develop social skills if you are shy because you would likely get blown out by one girl after another.
What ends up happening is you have a chain of interactions that are all too short-lived, for you to really improve your social skills in a meaningful way.
This is precisely why you want to start with the people who already know you. Because they will actually endure your boring stories and cringey jokes since they already have established a relationship with you.
And with enough practice, you will be able to tell some amazing stories and funny jokes that crack people up eventually.
I have mentioned this before but I’ll mention it again.
Your basic social skills form the foundation of being good with girls.
If you can’t even hold a basic, normal conversation with girls and fail to relate to them on a human level, then all that effort you put into learning different pickup lines are fruitless endeavors.
Once you feel confident in your basic social skills, it is time for you to develop confidence and competence in talking to strangers.
I want you to realize you have more than enough “game” to attract girls at this point. If you are equipped with solid basic social skills, you are already miles ahead of other guys in this day and age.
So, it is just a matter of unleashing what is within you with zero inhibition.
It is likely way too much pressure for you to start talking to random girls at this point, and that is perfectly fine.
First, start out by talking to any strangers when the opportunity arises. It doesn’t have to be a young, attractive female.
Once you are used to initiating a conversation with strangers (whoever you are comfortable talking to), you can start talking to girls you come across as you go about your day.
It may be a girl sitting beside you in a class.
It may be a girl you see at the gym every day.
It may be a girl you see at the bar or a club.
It is not going to be easy. But, this is the part where you have to remind yourself why you must absolutely change your personality.
Talking to strangers (especially attractive girls) really is one of the best (and one of the scariest) things you can do to improve your confidence.
It requires a significant amount of vulnerability and courage for you to be able to walk up to a stranger and interact with them in an authentic manner.
I have one tip for you to make this process a little easier for yourself.
Find a friend who is in a similar position as you, and is as motivated as you are, to improve his personality.
Having a company will make this process a little more bearable.
But, it would be even better if you can go out with a friend who is positive and socially savvy.
That is, by far, the fastest route for you to change your personality.
As some wise man once said, “Show me your friend and I’ll show you your future”.
The people you hang out with will have some of the biggest influence on how your life turns out.
If you spend most of your time hanging out with a person who is charming and charismatic, then you are going to start developing those traits as well.
If you spend most of your time with shy and timid people, then you will stay shy and timid.
So, it is in your best interest to always be on the lookout for cool and positive people.
Give yourself pat on the back if you have made it this far.
I think it is fair to say you are not a little shy boy at this point.
I would even go as far as saying you are ahead of 99% of men out there, who solely rely on their friends or tinder to meet girls.
So, this section is only for those who are willing to take it one step further, and become a social savage (in a good way, of course…), who can effortlessly connect with others.
Now that you are used to talking to random girls, you want to turn up the difficulty a little.
What I am about to suggest is not for the purpose of attracting girls.
These are to prove to yourself that you can withstand social pressure.
Putting yourself into some of these situations will let your brain know that you no longer deserve the label of a shy guy.
In fact, your brain will re-wire to label you as a fearless and confident guy (If you manage to complete some of these challenges).
So, these are some of the challenges I propose for you…
1. Talk to a group of three girls (or more) and engage them for more than 5 minutes.
2. Start a conversation with a group of men and women. And show your intention (as in hit on her) to the girl in the group.
3. Approach a girl when there are a lot of people around her.
4. Approach that intimidatingly hot girl in the club.
And, I suggest you come up with your own list as well.
As I have already said, you do not want to start out by putting yourself into these high-pressure situations, if your social muscles are not sufficiently developed yet.
But, you can gradually work up to these as you build more confidence over time.
You do not feel comfortable around girls because you are not used to being around them.
Even worse, your brain perceives them as different species compared to men.
This is why it is beneficial for you to become friends with girls (as opposed to viewing a girl as someone who is there to fulfill your sexual desires).
Once you become friends with girls, you will realize they are not that much different than guys.
They have their own insecurities. They have their own flaws. Their breath smells in the morning.
You will realize, deep down, they are just little girls who want to be loved and cared just like you.
It is even better if you can become friends with really attractive girls.
You will get used to being around hot girls, and you will stop putting them on a pedestal.
A lot of shy guys actually do not have much problem carrying a conversation with girls they don’t find attractive.
But, their behaviors completely change in the presence of an attractive girl.
They can’t think of anything to say all of a sudden.
They start worrying about how they look which further stifles them.
Befriending an attractive girl and spending enough time with her will allow you to relax and train you to just be yourself around other attractive girls.
You may wrongly assume you are the only one who feels shy and awkward when talking to a stranger.
A lot of your fear comes from you thinking, these girls are just standing there and judging every one of your words and actions.
But, you need to realize many girls feel just as shy and awkward as you do.
Girls also get in their head and start worrying about if you like them or not.
You are not the only one who feels vulnerable and exposed.
When you realize this, you can shift your thoughts from worrying so much about how you look to thinking about ways you can help the girl feel more comfortable.
The less obsessed you are with yourself, the more capacity you have to look after others.
Next time you are out socializing, try shifting all of your attention to the person that is in front of you.
And, do your best to completely let go of any of your insecurities and fear of judgment by others.
You will be surprised at how less anxious you feel if you do it right.
Anyway, these are about the best advice I can possibly give to cure your shyness.
But, it is your responsibility to go out and take massive action to transform yourself.
I wish you the best of luck!
Ignore her and she will chase.
Is there any truth to this statement or is it all just a load of bollocks?
As with anything else in life, the truth lies somewhere in the middle and you are soon going to discover that truth in this article if you continue reading.
You may have tried ignoring a girl you like, hoping she would blast your phone with text messages soon after.
But, the days go by, and you still do not hear anything back from her, only to find out she started going out with your friend, Tyrone.
So where exactly did you mess up?
There can be a myriad of reasons for why “ignore her to attract” tactic may not work.
But “this” is by far one of the most common reasons why guys fail miserably with this approach.
And that is…
The girl simply is not that into you.
She is not emotionally invested in you, whatsoever. So, your little “ignore tactic” is not going to have much emotional impact on her, if at all.
Let’s say there is this not-so-attractive girl who was really into you. She texts you all day and is always around you when you see her.
You find her mildly annoying but you also treat her nicely enough because you don’t mind a little bit of validation you get from her.
You are essentially okay with her chasing you and showing affection privately, as long as she doesn’t pull off something crazy, like going around telling people you guys are dating.
One day, she reads a dating guide on the internet that instructs her to go “no contact” with a guy that does not reciprocate her feeling.
So, she decides to stop messaging you altogether for the next couple of days.
Now, how would you feel in such a scenario?
Do you think you would start developing an attraction that you never had toward her because her “ignore tactic” made you realize just how much she meant to you?
Most likely not.
You may feel a slight bit of void from losing validation you were getting from her.
You will probably think about her a little more (and this is why ignoring another person is so powerful IF that person has a sufficient enough interest in you which we will discuss later).
But that is about it.
So why is that?
It is because you never had much interest in her, to begin with. She was never emotionally relevant to you to the point you would be craving for her attention back if she were to start ignoring you.
And that is precisely the mistake a lot of guys make.
They start ignoring girls who were never really into them in the first place.
“Hey, I talked to this girl for 15 minutes and she is not showing too much interest. Should I start ignoring her to get her back?”
If you have enough common sense, you would realize how ridiculous that sounds. But that is exactly what a lot of guys are doing.
So, let’s now talk about when ignoring her actually CAN work to re-ignore her attraction.
You may have guessed it by now.
Ignoring a girl works extremely well when she has somewhat of an interest in you but she is “on the fence”.
Maybe you and the girl have been talking for a while and she knows you are a cool dude but she is not sure if she likes you “enough” to do anything with you.
The more she is emotionally invested in you, the more she is going to feel that void in the absence of your presence.
That is why ignoring your ex-girlfriend can be such a powerful tool since you and your ex most likely spent a lot of time together. And she feels strong emotional attachment toward you compared to random girls you meet (we will delve deeper into this in the next section).
So, the key really is to create enough interest in her before you even think about taking attention away from her.
Before we continue, I do want to emphasize this one point, however.
I know there are a lot of cynics out there when it comes to studying about seduction and persuasion.
They often say something along the lines of, “Just stay on your purpose and focus on yourself and women will come. There is no reason to play games with women!”
And here is the problem I have with it.
Almost all men, whose purpose is way grander (presidents, billionaires, and influencers) than the purpose of these dating coaches who spew out “be on your purpose”, are the masters of persuasion.
Most, who are successful in life, know exactly what they are doing (and what the other person is doing) when they are in situations where they are required to exert influence.
In fact, the reason why they were able to even climb up the ladder in the first place was that they were the master influencer and a persuader.
So, I want you to view studying of seduction (and persuasion and influence) as a way to become more aware of life and different social situations in general (Instead of viewing it as a way to just pick up girls).
And if you prefer not to use any of these psychological triggers because you think it’s manipulative, I can respect that. Everyone has their own values and it is no man’s right to impose their values onto others.
But if you are not at least aware of how the human mind operates, then you will always be at the effect of other’s influence.
You can trust me on that.
So, you would be doing yourself a service by learning about persuasion whether you decide to use them for yourself or not.
I begged her to stay.
After more than one hour of begging and pleading, what did I get in return?
“Sorry, I just don’t feel the same way about you. I don’t love you anymore.
That is when I said to myself, “Ok, I’m done with this BS”.
I already sacrificed my pride and dignity as a man to dearly hold onto her. I did NOT want to hit any more rock bottom.
I looked straight into her eyes and told her, “If that is how you really feel, then I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I’ll sleep on the couch and you can sleep on the bed tonight. You can move out whenever you want to when you wake up tomorrow. Good night.”
Once I finished my sentence, I left the room with no hesitation without waiting for her response.
Fast forward twenty minutes, I am laying on my couch getting ready to fall asleep.
I hear the door open and my ex comes out and says to me, “You can sleep with me on the bed if you want to.”
Needless to say, I made a very rough love to her that night with mixed emotion.
So, why did she suddenly have a change of heart only when I decided to ignore her and let her go?
She thought she already had all of me. She thought she had my soul.
There was absolutely nothing interesting or attractive about me at that point.
I was like the movie she’s watched hundreds of times with the ending she could picture with her eyes closed.
But, it was different when my actions and words changed all of a sudden.
It was something that she never would have expected me to do.
And with unexpected behavior comes unexpected emotion.
My sudden “takeaway” of attention created that gap in her mind that had to be filled.
And she couldn’t help but “beg” for my attention back once I stopped begging for her attention.
And this is why any form of “no contact” or “ignore her to get her back” can be extremely effective.
If you have been in a relationship with a girl for any prolonged time, you already occupy a significant portion of her mind.
When you suddenly ignore her and disappear from her life altogether, she is likely going to feel a surge of emotion that is almost unbearable for her to cope.
And the only way she can possibly feel normal is to reclaim your attention.
So, how long should you ignore your ex if you want to get her back?
The answer is…
It may not be the answer you want to hear but I’ve got to keep it real with you.
While ignoring her and deleting her from your life may certainly be one of the best ways to get her back, I do not recommend you use it as a tactic to win her back.
You guys may very well have reached a point in a relationship where she is more than happy to move on from you (and you should be as well if that is how she feels). And there may be nothing you can do to salvage your broken relationship at this point.
So, fully assume she is not going to contact you back once you ignore her.
Carry on with your life and forget about her by occupying your mind with new and exciting activities you’ve always wanted to do when you were single.
There is a VERY good chance she’s going to contact you but even if she doesn’t, it is not a big deal.
You already assumed that is a possibility. You have already moved on and you are just living your life. You went no contact with her to live your life as opposed to using it as a tactic to get her back.
So, whatever happens, it is still a win for you.
Do NOT try to call her multiple times. Do not try to tell her how much you really care for her by expressing your genuine feeling.
It is just going to cement in her mind that you are a desperate loser.
Realize that ignoring her is the best way to get her back. And if it still doesn’t work out after that, then it was never meant to work out in the first place.
Now, onto my favorite topic…
So, “what” should you do when a girl ignores you?
The psychological trigger I am about to reveal works extremely well both for girls who are somewhat into you or even for a girl you may be dating right now.
Anyway, you should know by now that you definitely do not want to blast her phone or confess your love when she is showing lack of interest.
The reason why she lacks interest in the first place is that she views you as someone that doesn’t really deserve her attention and time.
If you are already perceived as a low-value man in her eyes, then giving her even more attention will only further bring down your value.
My advice is to stop giving her attention.
Talk to other girls (it is even better if she sees you having a blast with other girls).
Post a picture of you having an awesome time (without looking like a try hard) with your friends and other girls.
What do these accomplish?
When you were desperately clinging onto her, she likely perceived you as a loser without many options.
She may have even viewed you as an involuntary celibate whose only option is to sit in his room alone and jerk off to her picture if she were to reject you.
Either way, your value was rock bottom in her eyes.
But, when she can see your life is just as awesome without her, your status will be elevated in her eyes.
All of a sudden, you are not this needy dude who fantasizes about being with her throughout the day. You are just a cool dude who enjoys living his life.
But, this alone is often not enough to get her to start chasing you.
As we have talked about earlier, she needs to have sufficient interest in you in the first place for her to feel that desire to chase.
But, it will open up a door for you to re-establish the dynamic of your relationship with her.
You will be able to interact with her coming from a much higher place than previously.
Once again, any and everything you do will be much more effective when you do them without expecting any reactions in return.
When you talk to those hot girls around her, don’t do it because you are seeking certain reaction out of her.
Do it because you value yourself enough to not chase a girl who is not interested in you.
If the girl is already into you and she’s showing a lot of affection, then you may want to go easy on ignoring her.
As with any emotional buttons you push, if you do too much of anything, it will become old and boring real quick.
And the same goes for ignoring a girl.
If the girl likes you, she may start chasing even harder when you start ignoring her.
And it will be that way up to a certain point.
But, there will come a point she will eventually lose interest in you when you fail to reciprocate her feeling.
As much as it is in our nature to desire things that we can’t fully have, we also desire to be loved and cared.
When the balance shifts too much toward one side, it is going to come with a side effect.
And that is usually her leaving you for another guy who can fulfill all of her emotional needs.
This is also the reason why the standard advice of “Just be yourself” falls short.
Being yourself is awesome once you become socially aware and understand different nuances of human interaction.
But, a lot of guys who start learning about seduction and dating come from a very low place (as I once was) to a point it is even difficult for them to maintain eye contact when talking to others.
So, if you are oblivious to how the game is played (and if it doesn’t come naturally to you either), then you will be on the losing end hundred percent of the time.
Stay open-minded and don’t be afraid to try different things when you are interacting with others.
Do not be so fixated with one way of doing things because of your pre-existing bias or because our society has successfully brainwashed you into believing there is just one correct way.
Go ahead and ignore her… or tell her you love her…
And confirm the truth for yourself.
The art of seducing a girl… how much better does it sound than say… the art of picking up a girl?
When you look up the synonyms for seduction, you will see words, such as attraction, pull, draw, charm, and magnet.
I don’t know about you but these words sound so much better than a trick, deceit, and lies.
So let’s talk about how you, too, can become the master of seduction.
A confident smile really is the greatest weapon for disarming people.
While some study shows a man who does not smile is perceived as more attractive (in still images), that rarely is the case when you are interacting with girls in real life.
Recall the times you talked to beautiful girls.
Which girls made you feel more comfortable?
The ones who gave a comforting smile as you were talking to her or the ones who stared at you with a resting bitch face?
It is much the same for girls.
I need to mention, however, that you do not want to give that big, bright, wide, ear-to-ear smile.
That type of smile does not belong in the art of seduction.
Go ahead and smile like that if you enjoy getting friend-zoned.
How you want to smile, instead, is to give her a playful smirk.
I had to emphasize the word “playful” because I’m dearly afraid you may start smirking like a serial killer thinking you look like Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries.
Here is why a nice smirk is superior to that wide-open, bright smile.
1. It gives a little bit of that mysteriousness to your overall aura (and we will talk about the power of being mysterious in the next section).
2. A big smile communicates you are completely sold on her. This makes you come off as uninteresting, needy, and boring. A nice smirk, on the other hand, has the opposite effect.
3. A big smile is just too much. Whatever behaviors you show, it can never be too much if you want to seduce another person. An exaggerated behavior leaves no room for another person to be drawn into you.
As with any behavior, it takes time to get used to a new habit.
Here is my suggestion if you are not used to smiling.
I would first recommend you to start out by smiling at people who make eye contact with you when you are outside.
It is going to feel painfully weird and awkward if you are not used to doing this.
But, as with any changes, it requires a certain degree of pain for you to really make a meaningful transformation.
What makes someone interesting?
Well, it is definitely not when they blabber their mouth non-stop talking about themselves.
There is certainly time and place for being vulnerable and sharing your stories and thoughts t0 another person.
But the problem with most guys is they go on and on about their achievements and BS stories.
People love to talk about themselves.
And your role is to make her want to continue talking about herself to you.
You certainly do not want to be bombarding her with questions (especially when you meet someone for the first time) as if you are interviewing her.
But, once you express yourself to the point she knows you are a cool dude, and not a weirdo, you want to quickly transition into having her do most of the talking.
Your role at that point is to become a source of her validation. If she talks about something cool, then you let her know it’s cool. If she says something awful, you also let her know she can do better in a playful, teasing way.
The more she talks about herself, the closer she will feel toward you.
Ideally, you want her to say, “Wow… I never talk about this stuff to anyone and I don’t even know anything about you.”
You know you did well when you hear that from a girl.
Do not, however, hold yourself back from sharing your stories and thoughts if it feels right to do so. It will help you and the girl to bond faster.
But, as a general rule of thumb, keep your answer short and concise.
You can even play around with saying something like, “I am not sure if you would really want to know…”, when she asks what you do for work.
And when she begs for you to say it, you can perhaps tell her, “No worries. I will tell you once I feel there’s enough connection between the two of us.”
Now, she is the one who is fighting to build that connection with you instead of you being the one to chase.
I hope you have realized by now that this whole process of seduction involves leaving enough space for the girl to enter your world instead of the other way around.
Just slow down everything by one notch… the way you talk, the way you move, and the way you respond to her.
It is hard to be “drawn” to someone when everything is operating at a full speed.
There is no room in her brain to think about playing with your tootsie roll… when she has to muster up all of her cognitive capacity to process what you say… because you are talking too damn fast.
Slow down the way you speak and speak with a nice flow so your words become music to her ears.
Slow down the speed at which you move and carry yourself with a nice, relaxed posture so she can fully soak in your masculine energy.
Slow down how fast you respond to what she says so she knows you are not a needy, beta male who is obsessed with her validation.
Just slow everything down by one notch. No more and no less.
And when you do this, you will be giving off an aura of someone who is at the cause instead of looking like someone who is always reacting to his environment.
And when I say give space, I mean both physically and verbally…
Don’t stand extremely close to her when she doesn’t seem fully comfortable.
Don’t try to keep making out with her or touch her when she is not reciprocating.
I knew a guy who would always try to hug and kiss a girl within a few minutes of meeting her (at the bar or a club) when you could clearly see a girl freaking out due to his forwardness.
When I tried to advise him to back off a little until the girl feels more comfortable, he insisted that is his own “style” and that is just his way of showing his intent without fear.
But here is the problem. If whatever you do, makes the other person feel uncomfortable, then you are not being masculine nor alpha. You are simply being a creep who lacks social awareness.
Even worse, you have indirectly (or directly) communicated to the girl you are a lower value one in this relationship and you have to chase her to win her over.
As we’ve said earlier, when you are the one who is constantly pursuing, there is no room for seduction to take place.
For this reason, it is generally a bad idea to physically escalate if you are doing it from a place where you feel like you have to escalate in order for her to like you or be sexually interested in you.
Over time, she will sense from your behaviors that there is something “off” about you and it will be enough to convince her that she should run far away from you.
Don’t get me wrong. I do want you to physically touch her and take things further
But I also want you to develop enough awareness and empathic ability to stop when you sense even a little bit of discomfort in her body.
The same principle applies when it comes to how you communicate with a girl.
Many men make a mistake of instantly labeling themselves as the one chasing as soon as they open their mouth.
“Can I please get your number if I do X and Y for you?”
“You are gorgeous. Can I please take you out to a nice dinner?”
“Can I buy you a drink?”
What patterns do you notice in the lines above?
I see extreme permission seeking and neediness in them. If you say anything that is even remotely close to any of the lines above, I beg you to stop immediately. It is not going to impress any girl and will just repel her.
Eliminate all the chasing with what you speak AND how you speak to her.
Here are my top lists of bad habits you absolutely must eradicate when talking to her…
1. Don’t say anything that implies you have to win her over. The chances are, you barely even know her. What does it communicate about you if you are trying to win a girl’s heart who you barely know?
It communicates you are a desperate, needy man. Refer to the examples above for some of the things you should avoid saying.
2. Don’t feel like you always have to fill the “gap” whenever there is a silence in a conversation.
If you and the girl have been talking for a while, she most likely has enough interest in you to want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know her.
When you stop being so in rush to fill that gap, you will often notice she is the one to fill it.
3. Stop asking her to do things with you over and over again when she says no.
You ask her out for dinner and she says no? Stop saying things like, “Can I take you out for a coffee at least?”
You already clearly communicated your intention to her by asking her out. Leave it at that.
You can either politely leave or continue to talk about other things as if it is not a big deal. But do not persist in a way that annoys and disgusts her.
Neediness is to seduction as oil is to water.
They just do not go together.
In fact, you would most likely end up being a quite seductive man if you work on squeezing all the neediness out of your system as opposed to obsessing over ways to be more seductive.
The very effort you put into becoming a less needy man will often turn you into a very seductive person because they really are the polar opposites.
It once again goes back to what we have been hammering over and over throughout this article. You are leaving enough space for her to enter your world by being less needy.
But it does not really help you for me to simply tell you to be less needy.
When you are not doing anything with your life and you are always on your phone waiting for a text message from that one girl, it will be impossible for you to not feel needy.
And paradoxically, this is why you can’t put women as your priority if you want to attract more of them.
You absolutely must find something you are passionate about (other than being inside a girl’s warm hole) if you want to unshackle yourself from the curse of being a needy man.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be your career. It can be your hobby such as going to the gym. Or it can even be your little Golden Retriever you have to take care of.
You need to fill your life with your passion so she does not end up becoming your entire life.
Without taking care of this part of your life, whatever little “tactics” you use to appear less needy will be very short-lived.
IF, however, you are working toward being less needy and you want more tips on how you can improve some of your bad habits, then here is the list of my suggestions…
1. Do not text her three or more times in a row when she is not replying
2. Do not give her full attention when she is on her phone all the time. Simply communicate to her you don’t like that in a straightforward manner.
3. Do not text her a long paragraph when she is barely replying to your text with one word.
4. Do not ask to hang out over and over when she declined your initial request.
5. Do not get mad at her if she does something that goes against your standard. Simply move on.
At this point, it is probably safe to say you now have more than enough knowledge to be seductive than 99% of the men out there.
So, go out there and seduce her!
Okay… I get it. It’s not all about sex and connection is just as important.
But let’s be real. If you fail to “release” as a man on a regular basis, it’s going to build up and explode in one form or another.
So let’s talk about how you can become a man that women deem as sex worthy instead of ending up as her little shopping buddy.
No. I don’t mean you should tell her, “I want to bend you over right now and penetrate you deep from behind.” (Although that can certainly work on some girls depending on where and when you say it…).
But she has to know you have a sexual urge in one way or another.
One way to accomplish this is to tell her a story about the time you had crazy, wild sex.
But you obviously do not want to start talking about sex out of nowhere when she does not even feel comfortable around you.
What I personally like to do is to slowly progress in the “intensity” (about the topics we talk about) during a conversation.
For example, I might start out by asking her, what is the most spontaneous thing she’s done in her life.
Then, I might ask her about the craziest thing she’s done in the most recent past.
More often than not, the girl will ask the same question back to you.
And that is a perfect opportunity for you to transition into talking about your crazy sexual adventure. This allows her to feel comfortable hearing and talking about sex in front of you which is always a good thing.
Let me give you one more tip on how you can seamlessly transition into this.
When she urges you to talk about your crazy adventure, tell her you are reluctant to say it because most girls are judgmental and you feel like she would judge you for it.
Every single time I say this, the girl tells me she would never judge me and encourages me to tell my story.
But the point is not whether she judges you or not. It is the fact she is the one who encouraged you to speak up.
Now, she subconsciously feels obligated to listen to whatever that comes out of your mouth without judgment since that is exactly what she had promised to do.
This means her brain will steer away from labeling you as a creep no matter how weird your story is.
This is also a great way to sexualize a conversation. And it works even better if you’ve already “sort of” been having a sexual conversation with her but you want to take it one step further.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate how I used this principle in practice.
I was hanging out with this cute blonde girl at her place for our first date (I convinced her to hang out at hers by calling her on the phone).
We were splitting a bottle of wine and I could see her feeling more and more comfortable with me.
As our conversation progressed, we started talking about one night stands and casual hookups.
But I wanted to take it one step further.
And this is the way I went about it.
I told her I randomly came across this one article on the internet the other day. And the article listed some of the most common female sexual fantasies.
And to my surprise (Well… I wasn’t really surprised, to be honest), the most common sexual fantasy among female was to have very rough sex with strangers.
When I told her this, she told me she does not find that appealing at all because she has been sexually abused before.
And although my initial intention was just to sexualize a conversation further, I also picked up valuable information about what she does not like (which obviously came in handy later on…).
What is great about this approach is that you are sexualizing a conversation by talking about what you “randomly” heard or read.
So even if you talk about something that may potentially seem weird, it is not really “you” who is responsible for it. You are simply relaying the information you have accidentally come across.
Now, we are getting into something that is a little more direct.
I have discussed this in my past articles so I won’t go into too much detail but this is one of my favorite ways to sexualize a conversation by far.
The idea behind it is you interpret whatever she does or says as her hitting on you. And you let her know by verbalizing it.
Sexual misinterpretation is great because it accomplishes several different things at once.
1. You sexualize your interaction which is always great unless you enjoy getting friend-zoned.
2. It is hilarious and your interaction becomes a lot more playful. Why? Because it is supposed to be men who are desperate for sex (at least that is what a lot of men are led to believe thanks to social conditioning). When you accuse her of desiring you physically, it almost seems ridiculous at first which makes it funny.
3. You are essentially communicating to her that you “get” it. You understand that girls are just as sexual as men. This also indirectly implies that you are probably good in bed (whether it is true or not…)
4. You flip the script. One of the most common problems I see among guys is that they are always playing the “chasing” game. Your interaction always feels like you are pushing to get a girl to like you, pushing to get her number, and pushing to meet up with her. This is incredibly draining and leaves a bad taste in your mouth even when you “succeed”. By accusing HER of hitting on you, you successfully frame the interaction as her being the one to pursue you instead of the other way around.
So far, we have talked about ways to sexualize a conversation so she knows you are a real man with a penis.
But how can you get her turned on so she specifically wants to have sex with YOU instead of calling one of her “love buddies” to fulfill her desire?
That is exactly what we are going to discuss in the next section.
Unless you were blessed with great genetics, you most likely have average looks just like the 90% of the population.
A lot of so-called involuntary celibates blame their lack of genetic giftedness as the reason why they can’t find a girl who is sexually interested in them.
While I am not refuting that some people have a condition that poses a real challenge to their dating lives, this doesn’t apply for most from what I have seen during my years of going out.
Most men who fail to attract girls are simply using their lack of desirable physical traits as an excuse to stay idle.
If you are one of the few badass men who refuse to let your genetic shortcomings stop you from going after what you want, then this section will guide you in the right direction.
Ask yourself this question and see if you can answer it honestly.
And it may be a tough question to answer for some who lacks awareness.
Do you think you would want to have sex with yourself if you were a girl?
If you couldn’t answer that question with a confident, “YES”!
Then, you’ve got a bigger problem than whatever genetic limitation you think that are holding you back.
If you deviate from anything other than a 6’3, 200lb, tall, muscular white dude, then your goal should be to become the guy who exudes sexual energy.
You basically want to become a guy version of a girl, that you can’t really put it into words why (because she’s not hot by societal standard), but you just want to do naughty things to her.
And here’s how…
Your eyes are a wonderful tool when it comes to arousing her.
But it can also completely kill attraction if you don’t know how to use them.
If you can’t maintain eye contact and your eyes move all over the place when talking to her, how can she possibly imagine being physically intimate with you?
Remember this because it will be a consistent point I emphasize throughout the remainder of this article.
How would you look at her if you are about to have sex with her?
You are probably going to give her a deep, relaxed gaze. Your eyes would be glued onto her eyes. Even when you break eye contact, you would look away in a slow, controlled manner as opposed to nervous and abrupt manner.
When you maintain a deep, relaxed, and intense eye contact with her, it will build sexual tension like nothing else.
While you do not want the tension to be so high that she wants to run from you, most guys break sexual tension way too frequently.
Just remember you will be looking into her eyes as you thrust all of your 2-inches into her body. So you might as well get used to looking into her eyes now.
I want to end this section by emphasizing one more point.
One of the fundamentals of persuasion is that YOU first need to feel whatever you want the other person to feel.
If you don’t feel aroused and sexual when talking to a girl, it is unlikely she is going to feel aroused by you.
And this is why you want to feel AND act as if you are about to have hot, steamy sex with her if you want her to indulge in dirty thoughts about you.
A word of caution: As with any and everything you do to seduce her, it is very easy for you to become a try hard if you don’t strike the right balance. Too much of anything is worse than nothing.
Standard dating advice would tell you to talk with an artificially deep voice because girls are attracted to a deep voice.
I don’t recommend this. It’s quite obvious when someone is “trying” to talk with a deep voice.
As we mentioned earlier, any form of tryhardedness will serve to repel girls as opposed to attracting them.
This is also why you don’t want to be unnecessarily talking loud as some dating coaches would advise you to do. When you do, the focus shifts to your loud voice as opposed to what you say and the girl will start to think you are an obnoxious clown. As long as she is able to clearly hear what you say, that is loud enough.
Your priority should be to focus on practicing speaking in a way that flows nicely and is easy on the ears.
You do not want your voice to have any unnecessary tension. You want your sentence to flow nicely from start to finish that is easy for the other person to understand.
As a general rule of thumb, it is a good idea to slow down the speed at which you talk because most guys tend to talk way too fast.
But it is not nearly as important as what many dating coaches make it out to be.
Good music that is pleasant to hear can either be fast or slow (or both). But it rarely lacks nice flow and rhythm.
It is much the same when you speak.
If all this sounds too complicated for you, just ask yourself this one question.
How would you talk to her if you were in bed with her and you were whispering naughty things into her ear?
Just imagine the above scenario and let your voice naturally flow.
Anyway, If you ever doubt the power of voice in attraction, let me give you something to think about.
Why do you think shows like American Idol tend to be a lot more popular than shows that focus on other talents such as dancing, modeling, and comedy?
Master your voice and the world will open up to you in a way you never imagined possible.
Your posture really says a lot about you.
If you don’t stand straight, walk with a poor posture, or walk around like you are lost with no purpose, you will be fighting an uphill battle.
No matter how open-minded we try to be, we all judge others based on how they carry themselves.
So it is important you don’t make things more difficult for yourself in the game of attraction by screwing up these before you even open your mouth.
Traditional dating advice puts a lot of emphasis on keeping a good straight posture.
But the problem I see often with the way most men walk is not their slouched posture.
These are the two major issues I observe in the way most men carry themselves:
1. They lack any sort of liveliness when they walk.
2. They fail to walk with “ease”. You can tell they are not feeling comfortable in their own skin.
The issue, however, is not as simple as me telling you to be more relaxed when walking or telling you to walk with more swagger.
Because let’s be honest for a second.
You are not lacking swagger or walking with a poor posture because you want to.
You are fully aware your slouched posture makes you appear less attractive.
Why then is it so difficult for you to fix this?
It’s that subconscious thought that is running your brain, the little voice in your head that tells you, “Who do you think you are to try to proudly show yourself to the world?”
Your primary focus should be on re-programming these thoughts to a more positive narrative that will help improve your sense of self-worth.
Once that is taken care of, you will be able to adopt new habits with much less internal resistance.
But this section would not be complete without giving you some specific How-tos on how you can exude that masculine, sexual energy as you walk.
So, here you go…
1. Look straight ahead. Not up or down. Just straight ahead.
2. Don’t think about pulling your shoulders back because you will just look like a chicken. Think about proudly showing your chest to the world while keeping arms and shoulders relaxed.
3. Make sure you feel light on your feet as you walk.
4. Let your arms and shoulders naturally move as a result of keeping them relaxed.
5. And SMILE when you make eye contact.
How you should NOT carry yourself…
1. Do not move abruptly or in a rushed manner (unless you need to run to save a baby). It communicates to the girl you are probably terrible in bed.
2. Do not walk with a forward head and slouched upper back. They are a deadly combination.
3. Do not walk around while tensing all your muscle. You know one of those bodybuilding bros who look like they are flexing every ounce of their muscles as they walk? Don’t be like that.
4. Do not walk with arms out on the side (aka imaginary lat syndrome). Everyone will think you are a joke and you are not impressing anyone.
But once again, it all goes back to asking yourself this question, “Do I think a girl can imagine having sex with me from the way I walk?”
If you can honestly say yes to that question, then there is no reason to complicate things any further.
I kept How-tos relatively short because you should be spending 90% of your focus on eliminating that trauma that is preventing you from adopting a new behavior.
Try different things such as meditation, yoga, and practicing mindfulness.
Whatever activity that gets you into a more relaxed state will have a much greater impact on your self-improvement than any of the habits you “force” yourself to adopt.
Sexual arousal happens in a relaxed state for a girl. If you are relaxed, she will feel relaxed. And when she’s relaxed, she is going to feel aroused by you.
Physical touch can be extremely powerful when it comes to turning a girl on.
What I’m about to tell you are some of the most proven ways to turn a girl on (based on a real-life experience of me and my friends who have a combined experience with thousands of women)
1. Make-out. People have a mixed opinion about making out with a girl. Some say it kills tension and is counter-productive which can be true. But if you do it right, it can also serve as a fuel for sexual arousal. Kiss her gently at first and don’t shove your tongue into her throat. Kiss her just enough to get her excited at the idea of having sex with you.
2. Massage. This is also a great way to turn her on. Not only does massaging turn her on by direct physical stimulation but it also relaxes her body. And we already talked about how a girl needs to feel relaxed to experience arousal.
3. Eat her out. Yes, you heard that right. This obviously applies when you are on the brink of having sex with her. If she seems to be on the fence, simply ask her if she likes it when a guy eats her out (Only if you are into that as well, of course). More than half the time, she will be down for it and she will crave for something more once she is turned on enough.
Finally, one of my most favorite ways to turn a girl on and that is…
I need to warn, however, this takes more practice than a lot of the other stuff we have talked about so far.
But it is by far one of the most effective ways to turn a girl on if done right at the right time.
As we have talked about earlier in the article, girls (and people in general) are extremely sensitive to an auditory stimulus.
If you are able to paint a vivid picture in her head of you making sweet love to her, you will be surprised at just how much she gets turned on by that.
The problem is you are probably not comfortable talking dirty if you are like most guys.
You feel awkward and you may even be scared you will say something weird and the girl will laugh at you.
The solution to this is to start small.
Start out by calling her naughty names (IF she is comfortable being called that… and most girls are from my own experience).
This works just as well with girls who you have or haven’t had sex with.
While you are having a conversation with her, you can call her out for being naughty (i.e. You naughty girl).
Then, you can take it one step further…
Say you are alone with her and you guys are making out. She is slowly getting turned on. This would be a good opportunity for you to say a few dirty lines (depending on the girl, of course) to really amplify her sexual desire.
I prefer not to provide examples of the lines mostly because how you say it is just as important as what you say but let me still provide you with one example.
Say you are making out with a girl, you can tell her, “You do not want to know what I’m thinking right now…”
99% of the time, she will DEFINITELY want to know what you are thinking.
When she begs for you to say it, you can tell her, “Well, you asked for it… I was just thinking about licking your wet little pussy.”
You may think it sounds cringey on paper but you would be surprised to know just how effective this can be in practice.
At this point, you have all the knowledge you need to arouse her and make her crave for your masculine energy. It is just a matter of going out and implementing it.
As much as our society puts pressure on us to be a stud who goes around sleeping with every girl in sight, we often just wish for that nice girl whom we can connect with at the end of the day.
I want you to understand there is no shame in admitting you value emotional connection with one girl over meaningless encounters with lots of girls.
It took me a long time to admit I’m not this badass player boy with an incredible sexual drive who just wants to impregnate any and everything without the Y chromosome.
But I convinced myself I am and went down into the rabbit hole of sleeping with as many women (and successfully) as I possibly can for a long period of time.
Only to realize it did not give me any sort of fulfillment that I was looking for.
So if you have already figured out what you want, then I have nothing but respect for you.
With that being said, it can be a tricky task to meet a nice woman who is the right fit for you especially if you are lacking in experience with women.
The last thing you want for yourself is to be tricked into throwing away all your time and resources for a girl who you “thought” was a good woman, only to find out it was all a façade she was putting on.
So I hope this guide can help you get one step closer to finding the right girl for yourself.
But before we go any further, you need to clearly define what is YOUR definition of a nice woman.
For some, it may be a girl who is going to be faithful, be a good mom, knows how to cook, and only does missionary position during sex.
For others, it may be a girl who is spontaneous, has a threesome with another girl, and gives a daily morning blowjob.
Without clearly knowing your version of a nice woman, you are unlikely to ever find one.
Once you have clearly defined this, half of your job is done.
Do you want a woman who fits into yoga pants perfectly?
Then, you will save yourself a lot of time looking for these girls at the gym.
Do you want a girl who is more family-oriented and will be a good mother?
Then, you will most likely have better luck finding them by volunteering at places for children as opposed to looking for them at the night club.
I hope you now understand why it is so important to define your target demographic.
If you skip this step, it would be equivalent to trying to catch a salmon at a local swimming pool.
You may get lucky every once in a while if some bored person decides to throw a few salmons into the pool but you will likely end up wasting most of your valuable time and energy.
Let me emphasize that clearly defining your demographic and going to places where they frequent already put you miles ahead of most guys without any sort of strategy.
But you can further maximize your odds and make it even easier for yourself by doing one more thing.
And that is to…
Elevate your status in whatever environment you are interacting with girls.
There are a lot of different ways you can accomplish this such as being in the position of a leader or a manager in such environments.
But that is not a feasible option for most men who are tight on time.
So let me give you the quickest and the easiest way to elevate your status in any social setting.
You want to befriend and get to know everyone in the group.
Become the most likable and the most connected guy in the environment.
That, by itself, will massively elevate your perceived status in other’s eyes.
When you have done everything I have mentioned in this article so far (which really isn’t too much work if you consider you will be spending most of your time with the girl you date or marry), you will soon realize you really don’t need much “game” to attract girls.
When you are at the right place, at the right time, and with the right people, everything just sort of naturally falls into its’ place.
This article would not be complete without this last section.
So you followed everything we have discussed in this article and you even managed to attract the girl of your dreams (or so you think…).
You are convinced she is everything you have ever wanted and you dream about spending the rest of your life together with her.
Congratulations… she may very well be the one for you… BUT!
There is also a very good chance it is just a temporary high you are experiencing.
Or even worse, she may be putting on a fake mask for the time being.
Knowing this, what exactly is the best way to determine if the girl you are with is indeed someone you can rely on?
I am sure you are familiar with the saying, “actions speak louder than words”.
Everyone can talk. It’s not very hard to say all the right things and give the impression you know what you are talking about or that you are trustworthy.
And for this reason, words don’t mean a whole lot when we are evaluating someone’s character.
What is the first thing banks do when they are trying to decide if they should loan you money?
They take a look at your credit history.
What she has done in her most recent past (I say most “recent” past because people can change although they rarely do) and how she is living her life currently are the most accurate representations of her character.
If she tells you relationship is about trust but stays out until three in the morning every night with her male friend, then does she really deserve to earn your trust?
The answer is a clear no.
The girl in a relationship will often guilt trip you into thinking it is you who has a trust issue when you get agitated about her going on a vacation with three of her male friends.
She will accuse you of being jealous and insecure and successfully convince you to believe that you are indeed an insecure, beta loser.
Guys who are inexperienced with girls are especially prone to such manipulation.
But you need to realize it is actually her who is at the core of the issue. She cannot get into a committed relationship and behave like she is still single while completely disregarding how you feel.
But please do not interpret this as me encouraging you to constantly question her behavior and accuse her of cheating on you.
Here is my simple suggestion. Take a moment to come up with a list of behaviors you are not willing to tolerate in a relationship – the type of behaviors that are not negotiable under any circumstance.
And communicate that to the girl clearly when you enter a relationship.
If she disagrees with you, there is no reason to get into an argument with her. Simply acknowledge the difference and move on.
If you communicate your standard to her and she acknowledges it but ends up breaking the promise, then you move on from her without making a fuss about it.
If you view yourself as a high-value male, you would not waste any of your time on trying to change another person’s view.
You would simply present your view to the world unapologetically and let people decide whether they want to be a part of your world.
To wrap it up, you want to pay most of your attention to observing her behaviors over the words that come out of her mouth.
Words are cheap. Words don’t mean anything unless they are accompanied by action.
Her behaviors, however, will always give you a clearer picture of the truth.
You just have got to make sure you don’t get so attached to her vagina to the point you are thinking with your penis instead of your brain.
There are a lot of fears you must overcome if you are born as a man.
And one of those is your approach anxiety.
Whether you like it or not, men are expected to initiate and approach women they find attractive.
No matter how good looking you are (unless you are a rock star or a celebrity), you are going to be missing out on so many opportunities if you never manage to overcome your anxiety of approaching girls.
But it is an incredibly scary experience for most guys to walk up to an attractive girl and confidently start a conversation.
And you and I both understand this is an extremely illogical fear.
Because if you take a moment to think about it, what is the worst that can happen when you approach her?
In most cases, she will say she has a boyfriend or she is not interested.
In VERY rare cases, she may tell you to fuck off or insult you but I can tell you that almost rarely ever happens from countless encounters I have had with women.
Why then do we fear rejection so much?
Well, we can go into discussing this whole evolutionary biology about the caveman times when there were repercussions for standing out, approaching and getting rejected.
But I find that stuff to be incredibly boring and, to be honest, it really doesn’t matter.
To put it simply, we fear rejection so much because we want to protect our ego.
What does it say about you when you approach her and she treats you like dirt and laughs you off?
What would other people think of you if they see you get rejected by her? How humiliating would that be?
Your brain naturally puts way more focus on the potential negatives over the potential upsides from talking to an attractive girl. At least, that is a default for most people.
And if you never take a moment to think through if having such fear is rational, you will always be at the mercy of your subconscious thoughts controlling your entire life.
But the good news is, once you rationally weigh both the pros and cons of talking to her, you can make a conscious decision to do what is right.
So let’s now talk about some ways you can drastically reduce your approach anxiety.
One reason why you are experiencing so much anxiety is that you believe you don’t truly deserve her at some level.
And don’t get me wrong. It is perfectly normal to feel some level of anxiety when you first talk to a stranger.
But experiencing a crippling level of anxiety to the point it makes it hard for you to even breathe is not exactly normal.
This signals a much more deeply rooted problem.
Maybe you weren’t the most popular kid growing up and your brain refuses to believe there is any chance these girls will be attracted to you.
Maybe you’ve never been with a girl who is as attractive as her and you simply don’t know how to act or what to expect.
Either way, you are putting her on a massive pedestal and it is time for you to adopt a more balanced view toward attractive girls.
You need to realize whatever image you are imposing on these girls is just a “fantasy” you created in your own head.
They still shit and fart. They have bad breath in the morning. They don’t look so fabulous when they are without their make-up.
Yes… I’m sorry to break this to you and I know it’s a tough pill to swallow for some but it is the truth.
One way to have a better understanding of a hot girl’s reality on a deeper level is to become a friend with her.
When you do, you will understand she is just like any other girl with her own insecurities and shortcoming instead of viewing her as a goddess to be worshipped.
So much of your mental effort is spent on how you can avoid rejection.
You spend a bulk of your time thinking of ways you can win a girl’s heart without experiencing rejection.
But it is a flawed thought.
Think about this for a moment.
You don’t even know the girl yet. She may not even be the type of girls you want to associate yourself with (Yes… even if you are just looking for one time fling. Ever heard the saying, “Don’t stick your dick in crazy”?).
It is very possible YOU may be the one who would happily reject her once you find out who she really is (If you have any standard for yourself that is…).
You must absolutely come to terms with the fact that one out of ten girls (or more like one out of twenty or thirty) you encounter will likely NOT be a great match for you.
Once you have a realistic expectation and realize what it actually takes to find the right person, you no longer feel terrible about not finding your soul mate after that one approach.
If you are willing (and consciously decide) to talk to hundreds of women to find your ideal girl, would you really let a couple of rejections let you down?
On the other hand, if you approach only two to three girls a month (or even worse, a year), how much pressure are you putting on yourself to not fuck up for each interaction you have with girls?
It is probably the biggest cliché but really… be yourself.
I’m always the one to advocate guys to be the best version of themselves which means you should always strive to improve yourself and be as attractive as you possibly can be.
But when you are out talking to girls, you want to eliminate any behavior that makes you feel like you are “performing”.
By all means, practice developing a habit of talking louder so girls can hear you when you are out. By all means, practice walking with a better posture on a daily basis.
But when you are out interacting with a girl, you should not be consciously thinking about any of that. There should not be any “trying” when the girl is in front of you.
If there is, she will sense that from miles away and will be repelled by you.
Neediness is about the least attractive quality you can have as a man and the fact you are trying so hard communicates to her you are being needy of her validation.
So remember, work on your weaknesses as much as you want during your spare time and throughout the day.
But completely let go of that desire to impress during your interaction with a girl.
As an added bonus, it will save you so much energy when you are at ease and freely expressing yourself to the world as opposed to putting on some mask or performance.
When girls can sense you are truly being yourself, it will give them permission to be themselves as well.
Feel like you are too old to be attracting younger women?
You are not alone.
It is not uncommon for men to settle for women around their age because they think it’s creepy to be hitting on younger women or they believe younger women just won’t find them attractive.
And you can thank your social conditioning for successfully instilling these limiting beliefs into your brain.
But life is too short for you to be living in fear of what others think and not go after what you want.
While I don’t consider myself to be old, my dating life has only gotten exponentially better as I transitioned from my 20s into my 30s.
I have also primarily gone out (aka competed against) with guys who are close to ten years younger than I am.
So I want to help you understand how age can play a factor not only in regards to having a relationship with women but also for short term flings.
The truth is, most women do not care about your age as much as you think they do.
Historically, it has been considered normal for women to be with a guy who is older (and usually a LOT older) than them.
Generally speaking, being older means you have more wisdom, financial and emotional stability, the ability to effectively communicate, and a clearer sense of your identity.
All of these easily overpower whatever negative traits that follow older age such as decreased physical health and a decreased sign of youthfulness (At least until you reach a point where you are too old to barely move).
You need to realize being an attractive man who takes care of himself is way more important than your actual age for attracting women.
Even for most guys, we would happily go for older women who are beautiful as opposed to younger girls who are average looking and don’t take care of themselves.
Now you can multiply that by a factor of ten for younger women who are interacting with older men.
On top of that, there is also an added psychological stimulation for a lot of younger women interacting with older men (due to older age being associated with more power and status for men).
All in all, not all hope is lost if you are an older dude. Far from it.
But there are a couple of key mistakes that older guys tend to make when interacting with younger women.
And without fixing these, you are not going to be able to really get a chance to let your positive attributes shine through.
Let’s now talk about those if you are ready to mold yourself into a cool, attractive older man as opposed to a weird, creepy old guy.
This is easily one of the most common mistakes that older men tend to make and also one of the most critical mistakes.
As you get older, life tends to take away from your playfulness and your brain tends to default into “problem-solving” mode rather than “fugg around” mode.
It is easy for you to fall into that trap of thinking being playful is childish and it is only reserved for young immature boys.
But you need to realize that is exactly what is turning off a lot of younger women you interact with.
Without that playfulness, you are likely to be instantly labeled as that “old and boring” guy who takes everything way too seriously.
Younger women are not looking for another dad who is going to lecture on how she should live her life (although she may very well call you daddy soon enough if you play your cards right…).
But, rather, she’s looking for an intelligent and dependable man who seems to have his life figured out and doesn’t take anything too seriously.
If you are an older dude who thinks being playful is immature and reserved only for losers, go look up Grant Cardone on the internet and watch some of his interviews.
He is an extremely successful businessman in his 60s and half of his conversation is filled with shooting the shit. Having been one of the top salesmen (which requires a high degree of interpersonal skill), he intuitively understands the best way to initially connect with people is not by being all uptight and serious but, rather, loose and fun.
And keeping such playful mindset is probably one reason why he looks like he’s in his 40s although he is in his 60s.
So stop being so serious. Stop being so logical.
Be able to tease the girl about how she talks like women of your age. Be able to joke about how she could’ve been your daughter if you met her mother before her dad did.
If you are so used to being serious, it will feel extremely awkward at first and you will probably feel you are being fake.
But stick with it and give it some time.
I promise you will start to get addicted to that feeling of talking with no filter and lightness.
We all want more fun. We all want to be more carefree. Life is too short to be living with a 100% serious mode.
And when you do, you will ascend yourself into being a sexy and cool-ass old man, who makes younger dudes around you wish they were more like you.
While having a few wrinkles on your face can work to your advantage, dressing like a 60-year-old grandpa certainly won’t.
You first want to make sure you are at least in okay shape (at least without a pot belly) before you think about your fashion.
If you have a belly of an 8-month pregnant woman with arms of a 12-year-old girl, that is not exactly a favorable combination for attracting younger women.
No amount of good fashion will triumph over a terrible body shape, so you simply have to make sure your body is at least “acceptable” (But even if you do fit that aforementioned type, there will still be women who will still accept you for who you are if you talk to enough women and are willing to play a little more number’s game).
Once that is taken care of, you need to make sure you wear clothes that actually fit.
What is the point of being in a good shape (apart from your health obviously) if you are not going to proudly showcase it to the world?
Getting into a decent shape and wearing clothes that fit will make you stand out above 90% of guys (especially compared to other men of your age). Once that is done, it is just a matter of experimenting with different clothes and finding your own style.
You may feel like there is nothing you have in common with guys who are a decade younger than you are.
You may think those young guys are too immature and you have nothing to gain by hanging out with those who are less experienced (in life) than you.
But there is a very good reason why you would want to spend more time with the younger crowd.
The reason being their playfulness and enthusiasm will rub off on you.
When you adopt that playfulness and enthusiasm on top of your groundedness, that usually comes with older age, you will effortlessly attract a lot of younger women.
Be open-minded and realize there is something you can learn from people of all ages and experiences.
Most of us are repelled by something that is different or unfamiliar to us.
If you want to learn how to connect with women quickly especially as someone who starts at an older age, it is imperative you keep an open mind.
Otherwise, you are most likely just going to end up being a bitter old man who is angry at women for not being the way you want them to be.
So go out and approach and take each rejection as a learning lesson to get better!
She looks into your eyes… she smiles… and she even touches your arms every now and then when you talk to her.
But does that mean she is into you?
Well… not necessarily.
It completely sucks thinking the girl is totally into you only to find out it was all in your imagination.
While there is definitely time and place for taking that bold action without over-thinking everything, it’s also good to be able to read signs to have an idea of where you stand with the girl you are interested in.
And that is exactly what you are going to learn in this article – to become the master at reading signs that a girl sends your way.
But before we get into the specifics, I do want to point out there is no “one” sign that will tell you with complete certainty that the girl is into you.
It is a combination of several of these signs that will give you confidence in knowing that the girl finds you attractive as well.
As a general rule of thumb, if you see two or more signs we will be discussing in this article, you should swing the bat instead of wasting any more time over-thinking.
With that being said, the first sign I want you to be aware of is…
Ask yourself this. Do you ever ask questions to someone you do not want to continue talking?
If you do not like the person, the last thing you want to do is to prolong the interaction by asking them questions.
When she reciprocates in the interaction by taking interest in getting to know you better, this is a good sign she at least does not find you repulsive (which still puts you miles ahead of most guys…).
The more personal the question, the more likely she is into you.
Here is my little tip.
If she asks what you do during your free time or where is your favorite place to eat, just assume she is into you (because she most likely is) and ask if she wants to join you the next time you plan to go there (whatever your answer was…).
You are going to have much more abundance in your dating life by using these opportunities in a conversation to naturally progress your interaction.
The tone of her voice changes if she likes you.
When you are talking to a girl, pay attention to the two types of voice changes.
The first change you should note is if she talks to you with a higher pitched voice (aka rapport building tone). But more specifically, if her tone goes up at the end.
Girls speak with this tone when they are interested in you and want you to essentially like them back.
If a girl speaks with a softer and quieter tone, there is also a very good chance she is attracted to you.
A lot of girls become softly spoken in front of guys they are attracted to.
The tone that you do NOT want to hear from a girl is what I call the “office tone”.
When she speaks to you as though she is in a business meeting, then it most likely means she is not yet interested in you romantically.
For whatever “random” reason, her eyes always seem to face toward your direction.
She may not necessarily maintain eye contact with you but her eyes constantly gaze toward where you are present.
This is especially true if she tends to be the shy type.
She is hoping you may “accidentally” notice her.
I want you to realize it is a lot harder to hide your true intentions with your body languages and eye contact.
We have been practicing lying with our words ever since we were a kid, but not so much with our body language and eye contact.
While too much comfort with minimal tension can take you straight to the friend-zone, the girl has to feel enough comfort around you for her to feel aroused.
The fact she is willing to stand a few inches away from you is a great sign she feels comfortable with you.
I mean… your lips have to touch to kiss her and your body has to touch her body to have sex, so you and the girl might as well get used to being close to each other’s body.
One thing you can try to test the water is to take one step forward (not in an abrupt way but in a smooth way that looks natural…) while you are talking to her.
If she looks uncomfortable and she backs off, it is a clear sign she does not feel comfortable with you yet.
If she is fine with you stepping closer, then it is a good sign she is one step closer to playing with your tootsie roll.
Do not confuse this with her just ignoring you when you try to banter and tease. That is most likely a sign she is just not interested.
But a lot of girls become shy and get in their head when a guy (who they are attracted to…) teases them.
This is not exactly hard to relate when you try to understand her experience through the lens of your own experience.
How much did you over-think, stutter, and stumble over words when you were talking to attractive girls from the past?
You may very well be able to maintain your Mr. Casanova character after you’ve accumulated enough experience with hot girls…
But I bet it wasn’t so easy maintaining your cool when you initially started interacting with attractive women.
The same exact principle applies to shy girls. She may just not have enough social skills to banter with you, in which case, it will manifest as her getting flustered and getting in her head in front of you.
This is also the reason why you need to be careful to not be “too much” when talking to shy girls who may be attracted to you.
When you bombard her with your teases (If she’s shy and is already attracted to you), you are essentially creating a further value gap between you and her.
She may start to believe you are out of her league and decide to move on from you.
It is as if a hot girl is acting completely stand-offish in front of you. She may like you and it may be just her way of playing hard to get. But you will probably feel like it is too much for you to handle and leave the interaction (especially if you are new to this).
Let me illustrate this point with a story.
I was talking to a girl at the gym one time and the topic of “smell” came up for whatever reason.
I told her that I cannot stand a girl with terrible breath and it’s the biggest turn off in a girl.
Half an hour later, we were talking again and she randomly talks about how she’s worried she smells bad because she’s sweating so much.
This was a sign what I said earlier had an emotional impact on her which means I was “emotionally relevant” in her mind.
If what you communicate to a girl leaves a lasting imprint on a girl’s mind, then you can bet there is a good chance she is intrigued by you.
This is one of those things you probably don’t pay attention frequently but is deeply embedded into your subconscious brain.
It truly is fascinating how we mimic the body language of a person who we like without even thinking about it.
Start noticing how your body language changes when you are talking to a girl you like.
You will often catch yourself mimicking her body language.
The same applies to girls if they like you.
When you have your arms crossed, she will often cross her arms as well if she is into you.
When you are leaning on one side with your left arm, she will often lean on her left arm as well if she likes you.
People are good at lying with words but are usually terrible at lying with their body.
So pay extra attention to her body language to see where she really stands.
This mostly applies to the club and a bar setting.
This sign really shows a high level of interest.
The chances are she’s known her friend for a much longer period than she’s known you.
And most girls usually care a LOT about what their friends think and how they are perceived by the people in their group.
So if she consciously decides to spend time with you over her friend, then that really is a big sign she is intrigued by you.
Despite searching for all these signs, the chances are you may still encounter a situation where you are not entirely sure if the girl is attracted to you or not.
In such a case, this is what I suggest you do.
Lead her and see if she follows your lead.
This is by far one of the best ways to gauge a girl’s interest.
In 99% of cases, the girl is not going to follow your lead unless she has some level of interest.
If she is willing to follow your lead and suggestion, that is often a tell-tale sign that she is into you.
And you don’t need to complicate this process. It can be as simple as you asking her to come to the bar area with you for a few seconds or asking if she wants to go out for a smoke.
So if you are not sure about her level of interest, simply lead her away!
What is the number one reason you get friend-zoned by a girl you like?
Is it because you are not attractive?
There can be a lot of different reasons but if I had to pick one reason above all else, it would have to be a failure to communicate your intention to the girl you like.
This is one area I struggled a lot and contributed a big part to being a sacred virgin for the first twenty-six years of my life.
I struggled with having a boring and mundane conversation every time I talked to girls.
I would ask questions and attentively listen to girls but never knew how to create that “spark” during a conversation.
I would see girls quickly lose their interest in front of my eyes and see their attention shift toward my friend who knew how to play with their emotional buttons.
Fast forward a few years, I have accumulated more experiences with women than I’m proud to admit and I have come to realize I really had no clue how to flirt the “right” way.
Knowing how to flirt the “right” way (And there definitely is the “wrong” way to flirt which you will soon find out in this article) may very well be one of the most effective ways for you to excite her emotion while showing your intention.
Most guys spin their wheels when talking to girls, often making a miserable attempt at keeping the conversation going.
And after about half an hour of talking about nonsense that neither you nor the girl cares about, it all eventually goes downhill.
At that point, she is more than happy to assign you as one of her many guy friends who orbit around her, and it is unlikely she will ever consider you as her potential mate.
But no worries…
Once you learn the lessons I will be sharing in this article, you will forever eliminate the word “friendzone” from your dictionary.
So let’s dive right in if you are ready to transform yourself…
Here is one of the biggest tips I can give you and that is…
Sprinkle in “You and I” conversation when talking to girls.
This is by far one of my most favorite ways to flirt with girls.
And once you master this, girls will never ever leave interaction wondering if you were hitting on her.
What I like even more about this style of flirting is that you do not have to be super direct with your words (E.g. You’re cute… You’re hot) but it still leaves no question that you are romantically interested in her.
So what do I exactly mean by “You and I” conversation?
Any and everything you say that assumes you and the girl is a couple (or in a relationship).
For example, you may say in the middle of a conversation, “So where should we grab a coffee next week?”.
By assuming you and the girl are going to hang out, it is indirectly implied that you guys are together.
You are not asking if she wants to hang out with you next week. That would be implying you guys are strangers and you are introducing an unnecessary distance between you and her.
This is another great way to flirt with girls.
Whatever she does or says, you interpret that as her hitting on you.
She accidentally touches your body? You call her out for trying to feel your body.
She randomly talks about not having any plans for the weekend? You assume she’s asking you out and let her know you “may” be able to hang out with her depending on your schedule.
This is also a great way to change the frame of the interaction.
When a guy talks to a girl, it is often assumed it is the guy who is “trying” to win a girl’s heart.
When the frame of the interaction is kept that way, you will always be the one to chase her every step of the way.
Not only is this mentally draining on your part but it will leave a bitter taste in your mouth even if you do end up getting with her.
The “victory” does not taste too great if you had to throw away your dignity and pride along the way.
But when you flip the script and accuse her of hitting on you, you are framing in a way that implies you are no longer the one who is chasing at all times.
You are implying she desires you as much as you desire her which is exactly what you want in a healthy romantic relationship.
There are different ways to flirt with a girl sexually.
The first one I want to touch on is sexual misinterpretation and this is similar to what you read in the previous section.
When a girl says something, you use it as an opportunity to turn it sexual in a “playful” manner.
The key word being “playful”…
Otherwise, you risk coming off as creepy and un-calibrated.
When you are “playfully” sexual with a girl, however, it allows bypassing of a girl’s logical brain and makes her feel more comfortable talking about sexual topics with you.
You might say, “But I’m all about being direct and sexually dominant and turn her on like a true alpha male…!”.
While I can respect you for being a real alpha male that every man should aspire to be, you can unleash your dominant side once the girl feels comfortable with you.
So let’s talk about some examples…
If a girl says, “I’m not sure if I want to get into a relationship anytime soon..”
One way you would sexually interpret that is to say, “Why do girls only care about sex these days? Why is it so hard to find a girl who values emotional connection over rough sex…?”
More often than not, she will just laugh because it almost sounds too ridiculous (since no guy talks like that).
On top of that, it will make her feel more comfortable talking about sex in front of you.
Another way you can sexually flirt with her is to talk about what you “randomly” came across and read.
For example, you can tell her how you were browsing on the internet the other day trying to look up some research articles for the paper you have to write.
You don’t know how it happened but you somehow you stumbled upon an article that talked about women’s biggest sexual fantasies.
And apparently, women’s biggest sexual fantasy involves being completely dominated by a man “according” to the article you read.
When you do this, it is not you who is the “source” of this sexual topic. You just randomly came across this article and you are simply sharing it because it was just so random and sort of intriguing.
Once again, you may think this is a “beta” way of going about being sexual.
But be direct all you want with your sexual intention “once” the girl actually feels comfortable with you.
There is no reason to be overly forward with your directness when the girl does not feel fully comfortable around you yet.
If you are new to interacting with girls and all this sounds way too overwhelming, then just remember this.
The entire point of flirting is to clearly communicate your intention to the girl that you are sexually attracted to her.
So do exactly that.
Let her know that you find her cute, sexy, hot, etc.
While this is my least favorite way of communicating my intention to a girl, it is still miles better than having a wishy-washy interaction that goes nowhere.
So go out there and swing the bat!
I don’t know what to say… she might think I’m stupid if I say that.
Yeah… I should just stick to talking about cats and dogs because that’s what every girl likes to talk about.
But I’m really curious if she likes anal or not…
Is your brain constantly filled with those little voices that tell you to keep your mouth shut?
Are you worried if she is going to judge you and you are going to throw away all your chance with her if you say something stupid?
Then congratulation… this article will eradicate your fear and help you to become a new confident man who never has to worry about what to say when talking to girls.
Without further ado, let’s get right into it…
A lot of pressure comes from the fact you want your conversation to go perfect.
You are looking for that one topic, that one sentence, that one word that is going to impress her.
But you need to realize it is just an illusion that is created in your head. Your conversation will never be perfectly smooth when talking to girls.
There will be awkward pauses and silences… there will be topics that you feel like you have nothing in common with.
Once you accept those are all a natural part of a conversation, you will lift a lot of burden off of your shoulder.
If you let go of your desire to have a perfect conversation with a girl and accept there will be ups and downs, you will no longer feel needy.
There is no more urge to keep talking for the sake of talking or trying to mpress her in any way.
And funnily enough, when you let go of that desire to impress her, you will start giving girls enough space for her to pursue and chase you instead of you always being the one to chase and initiate.
How awesome is that?
You may feel like you have to do all the work… that you are the one who has to carry a conversation.
But you need to understand she is just as much responsible as you for keeping a conversation going.
This is especially true when you are talking to a girl on a date.
The fact she’s made a conscious decision to be on a date with you shows that she’s attracted to you.
In such a case, there really is no reason for you to feel the pressure to “perform”.
She is into you as much as you are into her and it is a team effort at that point for both of you to share a great experience together.
If you genuinely put in an effort to get to know her and she is not reciprocating, then it may very well be on her and not you.
It is easy for you, as a man, to think you are the one who’s at fault if things don’t go as planned especially if you are really attracted to the girl.
But you need to grow a spine and be willing to walk away if she is not giving you anything to work with.
Most of your problem in a conversation comes from the fact you are over-thinking before you open your mouth.
Your obsession with saying the “right” thing is completely killing the flow of your interaction with her.
It is like telling professional athletes to think through each of their moves while they are competing in their sports.
A group of researches carried out an experiment testing exactly that, and most professional athletes who participated in the study saw a marked decrease in their performance.
The more you “think” about saying the right thing, the less your interaction will flow naturally.
And she will start to feel like there is no chemistry between you and her.
You know when girls talk about how they just didn’t “click” with the guy?
Half the time, it is because you were so in your head that you failed to stay present with the girl who is sitting in front of you.
So whatever it is on your mind, do not hold back and freely express yourself (This does not apply if you are a complete nutcase but I assume you are at least normal if you made it this far in the article…).
When you do that, you will often notice you and the girl start to bond quickly effortlessly.
I do need to warn you, however, that there will be times that you accidentally offend her.
When that happens, you simply communicate to her it was not your intention to make her feel that way.
If she is sensible, she will understand you did not mean to make her feel bad and won’t make a big deal out of it.
But it is possible you may come across a sensitive girl every now and then.
Ask yourself this in such a case.
If she is the type of girl who easily gets offended by your humor, do you really even want to talk to her in the first place?
Just because she may have a hot piece of ass does not mean you should put her on a pedestal.
This is one of the best ways to build rapport with someone at a lightning speed.
You don’t build rapport quickly by showering them with compliments nor explicitly telling them how much you like them.
You build a strong rapport with people by talking to them as if you have known them for a long time.
When you talk to her as if she is your girlfriend, she will often fall into your frame.
When two people are interacting, the person with a weaker frame always falls into the frame of a person with a stronger frame.
If you hold your frame with a girl, she will start to eventually act as if she’s known you for a long time as well (or she won’t accept your frame and leave which is fine as well since you will not have wasted your precious time).
What you do NOT want to do (which a lot of guys do) is to be all formal with the girl you just met (That is if you want to build a strong connection with her quickly…)
Eliminate this idea in your head that you need to go through certain stages before she feels comfortable with you.
Those are all BS idea that you created in your own head…
You know when girls say, “I’ve only known him for a few (…) but I feel such strong connection with him”?
THIS is how you create that tight bond in record time.
This does not apply to every girl… but if the conversation is flowing nicely between you and the girl, do not be afraid to talk about anything.
Yes… that means even anal sex as we talked about earlier in this article.
I want to emphasize once again that you are the one who is creating all these restrictions for yourself.
You have been conditioned to believe that you should not talk about this or that topic on a first date (Or when you are talking to a girl for the first time).
And THAT mental block is what is preventing you from forming that amazing connection with her.
I’ve talked about any and every topic that is supposed to be a big no-no on the first date at this point…
My past relationship… sexual fetish… the craziest (sexual) thing I’ve done… You name it.
And bringing up these topics rarely ever had a detrimental effect in “bonding” with a girl
In fact, it often allowed us to bond faster because the girl felt like she could talk about anything with me.
As long as it feels natural to bring these topics up in that moment, do not be afraid to do so.
So go ahead and eliminate all your mental blocks and unleash the voices within you when you talk to her!