Approach Anxiety

There are a lot of fears you must overcome if you are born as a man.

And one of those is your approach anxiety.

Whether you like it or not, men are expected to initiate and approach women they find attractive.

No matter how good looking you are (unless you are a rock star or a celebrity), you are going to be missing out on so many opportunities if you never manage to overcome your anxiety of approaching girls.

But it is an incredibly scary experience for most guys to walk up to an attractive girl and confidently start a conversation.

And you and I both understand this is an extremely illogical fear.

Because if you take a moment to think about it, what is the worst that can happen when you approach her?

In most cases, she will say she has a boyfriend or she is not interested.

In VERY rare cases, she may tell you to fuck off or insult you but I can tell you that almost rarely ever happens from countless encounters I have had with women.

Why then do we fear rejection so much?

Well, we can go into discussing this whole evolutionary biology about the caveman times when there were repercussions for standing out, approaching and getting rejected.

But I find that stuff to be incredibly boring and, to be honest, it really doesn’t matter.

To put it simply, we fear rejection so much because we want to protect our ego.

What does it say about you when you approach her and she treats you like dirt and laughs you off?

What would other people think of you if they see you get rejected by her? How humiliating would that be?

Your brain naturally puts way more focus on the potential negatives over the potential upsides from talking to an attractive girl. At least, that is a default for most people.

And if you never take a moment to think through if having such fear is rational, you will always be at the mercy of your subconscious thoughts controlling your entire life.

But the good news is, once you rationally weigh both the pros and cons of talking to her, you can make a conscious decision to do what is right.

So let’s now talk about some ways you can drastically reduce your approach anxiety.

Do not put her on a pedestal

One reason why you are experiencing so much anxiety is that you believe you don’t truly deserve her at some level.

And don’t get me wrong. It is perfectly normal to feel some level of anxiety when you first talk to a stranger.

But experiencing a crippling level of anxiety to the point it makes it hard for you to even breathe is not exactly normal.

This signals a much more deeply rooted problem.

Maybe you weren’t the most popular kid growing up and your brain refuses to believe there is any chance these girls will be attracted to you.

Maybe you’ve never been with a girl who is as attractive as her and you simply don’t know how to act or what to expect.

Either way, you are putting her on a massive pedestal and it is time for you to adopt a more balanced view toward attractive girls.

You need to realize whatever image you are imposing on these girls is just a “fantasy” you created in your own head.

They still shit and fart. They have bad breath in the morning. They don’t look so fabulous when they are without their make-up.

Yes… I’m sorry to break this to you and I know it’s a tough pill to swallow for some but it is the truth.

One way to have a better understanding of a hot girl’s reality on a deeper level is to become a friend with her.

When you do, you will understand she is just like any other girl with her own insecurities and shortcoming instead of viewing her as a goddess to be worshipped.

Approach to get rejected

So much of your mental effort is spent on how you can avoid rejection.

You spend a bulk of your time thinking of ways you can win a girl’s heart without experiencing rejection.

But it is a flawed thought.

Think about this for a moment.

You don’t even know the girl yet. She may not even be the type of girls you want to associate yourself with (Yes… even if you are just looking for one time fling. Ever heard the saying, “Don’t stick your dick in crazy”?).

It is very possible YOU may be the one who would happily reject her once you find out who she really is (If you have any standard for yourself that is…).

You must absolutely come to terms with the fact that one out of ten girls (or more like one out of twenty or thirty) you encounter will likely NOT be a great match for you.

Once you have a realistic expectation and realize what it actually takes to find the right person, you no longer feel terrible about not finding your soul mate after that one approach.

If you are willing (and consciously decide) to talk to hundreds of women to find your ideal girl, would you really let a couple of rejections let you down?

On the other hand, if you approach only two to three girls a month (or even worse, a year), how much pressure are you putting on yourself to not fuck up for each interaction you have with girls?

Be yourself when you approach her

It is probably the biggest cliché but really… be yourself.

I’m always the one to advocate guys to be the best version of themselves which means you should always strive to improve yourself and be as attractive as you possibly can be.

But when you are out talking to girls, you want to eliminate any behavior that makes you feel like you are “performing”.

By all means, practice developing a habit of talking louder so girls can hear you when you are out. By all means, practice walking with a better posture on a daily basis.

But when you are out interacting with a girl, you should not be consciously thinking about any of that. There should not be any “trying” when the girl is in front of you.

If there is, she will sense that from miles away and will be repelled by you.

Neediness is about the least attractive quality you can have as a man and the fact you are trying so hard communicates to her you are being needy of her validation.

So remember, work on your weaknesses as much as you want during your spare time and throughout the day.

But completely let go of that desire to impress during your interaction with a girl.

As an added bonus, it will save you so much energy when you are at ease and freely expressing yourself to the world as opposed to putting on some mask or performance.

When girls can sense you are truly being yourself, it will give them permission to be themselves as well.

About the Author Jon Go

I was Introduced to the world of seduction after being a virgin for the first 26 years of life and being dumped by my first girlfriend at the age of 28. The dating world wasn't so kind to a 28-year-old Asian man who barely had any experience with girls. But, I eventually cracked the "code" and began "attracting" two to three new girls a week on average when I was actively going out. I'm not mentioning that to impress you but to impress upon you that you can take your dating life to the next level... IF you are equipped with the right knowledge and a desire to take massive action.